I love Asian people.

我喜歡亞洲人。

What kind of Asian are you?

你是哪種亞洲人？

Vietnamese.

越南人。

Vietnamese. That's my favorite kind of Asian.

越南人。那是我最喜歡的亞洲人。

Hell, yeah, Vietnamese.

是啊，越南人。

You know why I like Vietnamese? 'Cause the food is delicious.

你知道我為什麼喜歡越南嗎，因為越南的食物非常美味。

Yes.

是的。

If you never had Vietnamese food, you're missing out.

如果你從未吃過越南菜，那你就錯過了。

Most people do Chinese, Japanese, Thai.

大多數人都會吃中式、日式、泰式。

But Vietnamese, you gotta try it.

但是越南菜，你一定要嚐嚐。

They have a soup and it's delicious.

他們有一種湯，非常美味。

It's spelled pho. You ever heard of that soup?

它的拼寫是 pho （河粉），你聽說過那種湯嗎？

Yep.

是的。

Yep.

是的。

And when I went there, the first time I go, "Can I try your pho?"

當我第一次去那裡時，我說：「我可以試看看你們的河粉嗎？」

The lady's like, "It's not pho, it's pho."

那個女士說：「不是這樣念，是念 pho。」

I'm like, "All right. I got it."

我心想：「好拉，我懂了。」

Then I realized the name of her restaurant was hilarious.

後來我才意識到，她餐館的名字太搞笑了。

It was Good Pho You.

叫做餵你好。

I'm like, damn, that's funny, man.

我就想，天阿，真好笑。

I was like, this is good for me. That was good.

我邊吃邊想，這真的餵我好耶。好好吃。

So then I started looking for Vietnamese food all around the world.

於是，我開始在世界各地尋找越南美食。

I went to Las Vegas.

我去了拉斯維加斯。

I kid you not, there's a lady there named Kim Long.

我沒騙你，那裡有個女士叫做 Kim Long。

And she wanted you to try her Vietnamese food so she opened her own restaurant and named it after herself.

她想讓你嚐嚐她的越南菜，於是，她開了一家自己的餐廳，並以自己的名字命名。

It's called Pho Kim Long.

叫做 Pho Kim Long。(Pho Kim 與 Fxxk Kim 諧音）

Accident? I don't know.

巧合嗎？我不知道。

It's open 24 hours.

24 小時都開門。

That's pretty interesting.

真有意思。

You can Pho Kim for breakfast.

你可以去他的早餐。

Pho Kim for lunch.

去他的午餐。

Pho Kim for dinner.

去他的晚餐。

Pho Kim long time.

去他永遠。

Always open.

永遠開門。

It's delicious.

非常好吃。

During the pandemic, they shut down a lot of these restaurants.

在疫情期間，他們關閉了很多這樣的餐廳。

I was like, I have an idea for a Vietnamese restaurant.

我就有個開越南餐廳的想法。

If there's any Vietnamese people here, I wanna go into business with you.

如果這裡有越南人，我想跟你們做生意。

I came up with a plan.

我想出了一個計劃。

We would make it a drive-through only Vietnamese restaurant.

我們會讓它成為一家只供外帶的越南餐廳。

How cool would that be?

那該有多酷？

drive-through only.

只有外帶。

You take the ingredients, you eat them at home.

你外帶食材，在家裡吃。

I already got the name picked out.

我已經想好名字了。

Go Pho Yourself.

叫做回家吃自己。（Go Pho 與 Go Fxxk 諧音）

Politicians are like, "You're not essential."

政治家會說：「你們開這沒有必要。」

Go pho yourself. We open.

回家吃自己，我們就要開。

If you don't like it, go to Panda Express. We don't care.

如果你不喜歡，可以去 Panda Express。我們不在乎。

Before the pandemic, I went to Thailand to do comedy.

在疫情之前，我去泰國表演喜劇。

I can't believe it.

我簡直不敢相信。

Thailand was, has anyone been to Thailand by round of applause?

有誰去過泰國嗎，去過的拍個手來聽聽？

You've been to Thailand?

你去過泰國嗎？

Have you been?

你去過嗎？

Never, you never been to Thailand over here?

你從沒去過泰國嗎？

Have you ever been?

你去過嗎？

No, never been.

看來都沒去過。

Thailand was amazing.

泰國太神奇了。

And I was like, I can't wait to be here.

我當時就想，我等不及要來這裡了。

Try the food, make people laugh.

品嚐美食，逗人發笑。

And the best part.

最棒的是，

I think Asian women are gorgeous.

我覺得亞洲女人很漂亮。

I'm gonna see what's up.

我想去看看怎麼回事。

But my friend has been to Thailand many times before.

但我的朋友去過泰國很多次。

He said, "Be careful, K-von, some of those women are not women."

他說：「K-von，小心。有些女人不是女的。」

I was like, "Yeah, but you can tell."

我當時想：「但你看得出來吧。」

He's like, "You can't tell, dude."

他說：「你看不出來，老兄。」

He looked at me like he had been tricked.

他看著我像是他被騙過一樣。

You can't tell.

你看不出來。

I was like, "All right, so I'll be extra careful."

我說：「好拉，我會特別小心。」

So I got there and I was at this hotel, I'm like, I'm going to the club tonight and the lady was like, "Oh, you're gonna have fun."

我到了那裡，在一家旅館裡，我想，我今晚要去夜店，那位女士說：「你會玩得很開心的。」

Nice Thai lady.

漂亮的泰國女生。

I go, "Hey, how do I know if it's a, if it's a woman or not really a woman at the club?"

我就問：「嘿，我怎麼知道夜店裡的是不是女人？」

She's like, "Oh, very simple."

她就說：「哦，很簡單。」

I go "Really?"

我說「真的嗎？」

She goes, "Yeah. If she's very pretty, it's ladyboy."

他說：「是的。如果她很漂亮，他就是人妖。」

I said, "Excuse me."

我說：「你說什麼？」

She goes, "If she's very, very beautiful, that's ladyboy."

他說：「如果他非常非常漂亮，那就是人妖。」

I'm like, "Damn, that changes everything."

我說：「天阿，這跟原本的認知完全不一樣的。」

I went to the club that night.

那天晚上我去了夜店。

Like "Where's all the ugly chicks at? Make some noise!"

對著大家說：「醜女都去哪兒了？發出一點噪音！」

Ok, I'm looking for fives and below.

我要找五分以下的女生。（滿分十分）

Get out of here, beautiful women.

漂亮的妹子都走開。

No, no, swipe left.

走開走開。

Yeah.

沒錯。

Get out of here.

請走開。

You're too beautiful. All of you.

你太美了，你們都是。

I don't trust any of these ladies in the front row.

我不相信前排的這些女士。

They're beautiful, beautiful.

他們太漂亮了。

'Cause I was going to Thailand, I wasn't trying to Bangkok, you know.

因為我是去泰國玩，才不是去跟男生上床。(Bangkok 與 bang kock 諧音）

And that'll be the worst joke you hear tonight.

這是你今晚聽到最爛的笑話。

But needed to be said.

但還是要說。

Some people complain after the show.

有些人在演出結束後會抱怨。

They go, "I don't like that joke because that means you're anti-trans."

他們會說：「我不喜歡這個笑話，因為這代表是反對變性人。」

I am not anti-anything.

我不反對任何東西。

I'm trying to tell you, I have my preferences.

我只想告訴你，我有我的喜好。

Is that okay anymore?

有喜歡應該可以吧？

To have a preference in 2020 something. You can have a preference.

2020 這個年代，有個喜好可以吧。大家都可以有喜好吧。

I prefer my women the way a LA girl prefers her salad.

我喜歡女生，就像 LA 女孩對沙拉的偏好一樣。

Hormone free, non genetically modified and I'm allergic to nuts.

不含賀爾蒙，非基改，我對堅果過敏。（nut 暗指男生的精液也可指睪丸）

I don't want them in my throat.

我不想讓他們進到我的喉嚨裡。