It's not just organic food.

不只有機食品。

You got like organic bed sheets, organic hand soap.

還有有機床單、有機洗手皂。

I don't know about you guys, but growing up in my very Chinese family hand soap wasn't even a thing.

我不知道你們怎麼想，但在我成長的中國家庭裡，根本沒有洗手皂這個東西。

Hand soap used to be that piece of crap leftover soap that my dad's been washing his balls with for two months.

洗手皂就是那個我爸用了兩個月用來洗蛋蛋用剩下的一塊破肥皂。

And he just puts it on a soap counter, you walk by, you rub your two fingers on it for good luck.

他就放在肥皂臺上，你路過的時候，就用兩根手指在上面搓一搓，以求好運。

That was, that was hand soap.

那就是我們的洗手皂。

Nobody got sick. It was fine.

沒人生病。一切正常。

Once in a while, you got a piece of pube, so what? You deal with it.

偶爾一次上面會有陰毛，那又怎樣？面對現實吧。

Now hand soap is so fancy, it's got its own aisle at the grocery stores,

現在的洗手皂有夠花俏，在超市裡甚至有自己的貨架，

because it's not about washing your hands anymore, it's a status symbol.

因為它不再是洗手的工具，而是一種身份的象徵。

We go to our friend's house and judge how well they're doing by what kind of hand soap they got.

我們去朋友家，想要判斷他們過得好不好，看他們用什麼洗手就知道了。

We've all done this.

我們都幹過這種事吧。

You go to your friend's house.

你去朋友家，

He's got that green bar soap that says "Zest" on it,

他有一塊綠色的香皂，上面寫著 "Zest"，

that guy is a fxxking peasant.

那傢伙真他*窮。

Don't associate yourself with that kind of animal.

不要跟那種動物有關聯。

He's gonna ask you for money, you know what I mean?

他會跟你要錢，你懂我的意思嗎？

And then next level up, you got like a $2 bottle of soft soap with the fish or the watermelon on it, you know?

高一等的是用一瓶 2 美元的洗手乳，上面印著魚或西瓜。

I like that family.

我喜歡那種家庭。

That's the backbone of America.

他們是支撐美國的骨幹。

It's the middle class Honda Civics of soaps.

是肥皂屆的中產階級 Honda Civics。

Hardworking American family, man.

勤勞的美國家庭，各位。

I appreciate that.

我很欣賞這種。

And then next level up, you got a soap that's so fancy it doesn't even dispense soap,

再往上高一等的非常花俏， 它不釋出洗手乳，

it dispenses foam.

而是釋出泡沫。

Which is just soap filled with air for an extra $6 a fucking bottle.

基本上就是裝滿空氣一罐就要多六美金的洗手乳。

Because as an American society, we decided we're way too good to rub our own two hands together to create our own foam,

因為作為一個美國社會，我們認為自己太優秀了，不能自己動手搓泡泡，

and rather outsource that foaming action to some poor Chinese kids in Guangzhou, China to pre-foam it for us.

而是要把搓泡泡的工作外包給中國廣州的某個的中國孩子，讓他們先幫我們搓好泡泡。

Make America foam again, people.

讓美國再次團結吧，各位 。（form 跟 foam 音相似）

Thank you.

謝謝。

My mom eventually caved in and she bought the $2 bottle of soft soap with the fish on it.

我媽媽最終妥協了，她買了一瓶 2 美金，上面有魚圖案的洗手乳。

But she's so Chinese, she's been watering it down for six years now.

但她太中國了，六年來一直往裡面加水。

And now it's just a bottle of water with a fish on it.

現在它就是一罐上面因有餘魚的圖案的水。

(It) doesn't do shit.

一點屁用都沒有。