A lot of Asian people coming up to me, very proud, very nice.

很多亞洲人很自豪又友善地來找我，

They're like, "Jimmy, thank you for representing the Asians, man."

他們會說：「Jimmy，謝謝你代表亞洲人。」

Yeah, I'm like, "Hey, hey, you're welcome."

我心想：「嘿，不客氣。」

But you do understand it's not really a choice, right?

但你知道這是不得已的吧？

Like when you wake up Asian, you can only represent Asians.

當你醒來時是亞洲人，你就只能代表亞洲人啊。

I couldn't just wake up one day like, "Fuck it. I'm gonna Nigerians today."

我總不可能能一覺醒來，就說 「管他的，我今天要當奈及利亞人」吧。

I'm very proud to represent the Asians, but at the same time, there's so much pressure.

能代表亞洲人，我感到非常自豪，但同時，壓力也很大。

Like nobody ever went up to Matt Damon and be like, "Hey, Matt, thanks for representing the whites."

才不會有人對麥特戴蒙說：「嘿，麥特，謝謝你代表白人。」

Sounds weird. That's like a different conversation for some reason, you know.

聽起來怪怪的。出於某種原因，這項是不太政治正確的對話。

If somebody came up to me and be like, "Hey, Jimmy, I'm representing for the whites,"

如果有人對我說：「嘿，Jimmy，我代表白人，」

I would leave that town immediately and never come back.

我會立刻離開那個小鎮，然後永遠不再回去。

So much pressure to represent. I gotta be a good Asian everywhere now.

當亞洲人的代表壓力太大了。我現在去哪都得當個優秀的亞洲人。

I gotta tip everywhere I go.

我到哪都得給小費。

That was one of the major advantages of being Asian is (that) I can just pretend I don't know how to tip.

這本來是作為亞洲人的一大優勢。我可以假裝不知道怎麼給小費。

Y'all know what a Chinese tip is.

你們都知道什麼是中國人小費。

Chinese tip, it doesn't matter how big your bill is, you tip $2.

中國人小費就是，不管帳單金額是多少，都只給 2 美元的小費。

That's Chinese tip, man.

那是中國人的小費。

Now I gotta tip 20% everywhere; I gotta give every Uber driver a five star rating just so I can be a good representative.

現在我到哪兒都得給 20% 的小費，我得給每個 Uber 司機打五星好評，這樣我才能成為一個優秀的亞洲人代表。

Everywhere I go, I gotta represent, even day-to-day shit.

無論我走到哪裡，我都得代表著亞洲人，甚至是日常瑣事。

Even the bedroom, I gotta represent.

甚至在臥室裡，我都得代表亞洲人。

After I hooked up with this one girl, this is what she said to me.

在我跟一個女生約完之後，她對我說，

She was like, "Jimmy, I don't know how to tell you this, but you're the first Asian guy I've ever been with."

她說：「Jimmy，我不知道怎麼告訴你這個，但你是我第一個交的亞洲男生。」

I'm like, "Okay."

我說：「好吧。」

What do you want, a fortune cookie? Like wha-

你想要什麼，幸運餅乾？

Like, what do you want?

你到底想要什麼？

She acted like she just unlocked a new character on Street Fighter or some shit.

她就好像她剛在《快打旋風》裡解鎖了一個新角色一樣。

Why do you feel the need to say that?

為什麼你覺得需要講這個？

This one girl said this shit that was so disrespectful.

這個女孩講了一些有的沒的話，那真的很不尊重人。

This is what she said to me after we hooked up.

那是在我們約完後她說的話。

She was like, "Jimmy, I'm just glad the stereotype is not true. You don't have a small penis."

她說：「Jimmy，我很高興刻板印象不是真的。你不是小OO。」

And I'm like, "Bitch, you understand, you just insulted my entire race of people.

我就想說：「這個OO，你知道嗎？你剛剛羞辱了我們整個種族。

But thank you."

但還是謝謝你。」

First of all, thank you for thinking that I did have a small penis and we still had sex.

首先，謝謝你認為我的OO小，但我們還是上床了。

You're the real MVP.

你值得拿下最佳貢獻獎。

You get two fortune cookies tonight, miss.

今晚你可以拿兩個幸運餅乾，小姐。

But that's a fucked up stereotype, right?

但這是個糟糕的刻板印象，對嗎？

That's not even true.

這根本不是真的。

That's a fucked up stereotype.

這是個糟糕的刻板印象。

Everybody should have average dick until proven guilty.

在被證明有罪之前，每個人都應該有平均的小OO。

I don't care how tall you are.

我不在乎你有多高。

What ethnicity you are.

你是什麼人種？

How big your hands are?

你的手有多大？

Everybody should start an average dick: eight inches.

每個人的小 OO 起碼都要有平均長度：八英吋。（約 20.32 公分）

And we go from there.

最短都有八英吋。

There's so much pressure, man.

壓力真的太大了。

I feel like every time I have sex, there's a billion Chinese people on my back.

我感覺每次做愛時，都有十億中國人在我背上。

Just judging me.

批判我。

I gotta make sure I perform and represent, you know.

我必須確保我表現得很好，也對得起亞洲人。

I gotta get him an extra pump for my uncle in Shanghai, an extra pump for my nephew in Hong Kong and shit.

為了我在上海的叔叔，我要多努力一下，還有我在香港的侄子再多努力一下。

It's like, oh my God, that's why you see all Asian people, they'd be walking like this just like...

所以這就是為什麼你看到那些亞洲老人，他們走路都是這樣...

It's so much pressure.

因為代表亞洲人的壓力太大了。