It’s one of the strangest and most regrettable flaws in our condition.

這是人類身體條件中最奇怪且遺憾的缺陷。

This tendency to self-hatred is not only destructive of our spirit, it constantly undermines our efforts to establish workable relationships.

這種自厭的傾向不僅有損我們的精神，它也會持續削弱我們發展可行關係的努力。

For it is logically impossible to allow anyone else to love us insofar as we remain obsessed by the thought of our own loathsome natures.

因為從邏輯上來說，只要我們仍然被自己可憎的本性所擾，就不可能允許任何人愛我們。

Why let another think better of us than we think of ourselves?

為什麼要讓他人對我們的看法比我們對自己的想法還好呢？

If anyone did step forward and tried to be kind to us, we would have to despise them with the intensity owed to all false flatterers.

如果真的有人踏出一步並試著對我們友善，我們就得以對所有虛偽奉承者應有的強烈鄙視來厭惡他們。

It, therefore, turns out that one of the central requirements of a good relationship is, surprisingly, a degree of affection for our own natures, built up over the years, largely in childhood.

因此，事實證明，良好關係的核心條件之一令人驚訝的是對我們對天性的一定程度喜愛，而這種喜愛事多年來（主要在童年）建立的。

We need a legacy of feeling very deserving of love in order not to respond obtusely and erratically to the affections granted to us by adult partners.

我們需要一種感覺非常值得愛的傳統，以免自己對成年伴侶給予我們的感情做出遲鈍和不穩定的反應。

Without a decent amount of self-love, the love of another person will always be prone to feel sickening and misguided.

如果沒有恰當程度的自愛，對於另一個人愛會永遠令人作嘔並具誤導性。

And we will self-destructively, though unconsciously, set out to repel or disappoint it.

而我們會潛意識且自毀性地決定令它反感或失望。

It is simply more normal and bearable to be rejected.

被拒絕很單純使較正常且較能接受的。

If we are at the self-hating end of the spectrum, we should not continue to imagine that love could be easy,

如果我們是在自厭的那一端，我們就不應該繼續想像愛情是簡單的，

even if the most accomplished person were to enter our lives.

即便最了不起的人進入到我們的生命當中。

Indeed, especially if they were to make the error of doing so.

事實上，尤其如果他們犯了進入我們生命的這個錯誤。

Our underlying disgust at our own being would only create a harrowing conflict.

我們對自己存在的潛在厭惡只會造成痛苦的衝突。

We would recognize that another was offering us their deep affection,

我們會意識到另一個人給我們他深切的喜愛，

but, in the secret folds of our souls, we could only be certain of a mistake or delusion.

但是在我們靈魂的秘密褶皺中，只能確定那是個錯誤或錯覺。

We would have to reject, recoil, not follow up, push away, and, in a thousand small and large moves, ensure that a lover would eventually have to align their view of us with our view of ourselves.

我們將不得不拒絕、退縮、不跟進、推開，並用無數不同的手段確保愛人對我們的想法最終會跟我們對自己的看法對齊。

To begin to counterbalance the hatred, we have to learn to extend compassion to ourselves for our self-lacerating impulses,

為了開始抵消仇恨，我們必須學會對自己的自我傷害衝動產生同情心，

and remember that how we feel about ourselves is⏤we can be certain⏤a bitter legacy of how other people, at a formative age, viewed and treated us.

並記住我們可以肯定對自己的感受是其他人在成長時期如何看待並對待我們的痛苦遺產。

The adult process of recovery involves grasping that we have, indeed, absorbed unduly harsh ideas about who we are,

成人的恢復過程包括理解我們已經吸收了關於我們是誰的過分苛刻想法，

but that it is entirely in our power to begin to counteract them by imagining how a better caregiver might have supported us in the past and how a kind lover might help us in the future.

但是我們完全有能力透過想像一個更好的照顧者在過去如何支持我們，以及一個善良的愛人在未來可以如何幫助我們來開始抵消。

An ideal, compassionate figure, at the start, would've known never to equate lovability with perfection.

一個理想、有同情心的人物在一開始就會知道不在可愛性和完美之前劃上等號。

They could've cared for us, despite our coming last in the race, our missteps, and our confusions.

他們會照顧我們，儘管我們比賽可能最後一名、會犯錯、會困惑。

The phrase "self-love" misleads us when we imagine that searching for it would mean striving to acquire a conceited, pompous view of ourselves.

「自愛」這個詞會誤導我們，因為我們認為尋找自愛意味著努力獲得一種自負、自傲的觀點。

True release from self-loathing tends to be a great deal more modest.

真正從自我厭惡中解脫出來往往要謙虛得多。

We are only after a sane, fair, and more accurate perspective on our ordinary, earthly nature.

我們只是在追尋對自身普通、塵世的本性應有的理智、公平和準確看法。

We can, with kindness and good humor, accept that being silly is entirely normal, wasting opportunities is universal, average sexuality is to be expected.

我們可以帶著善意和幽默感接受愚蠢完全正常、浪費機會很普遍的，而平均性慾可以預料。

Self-love shouldn’t be predicated on the competitive idea that we must pull off extraordinary feats of courage or intelligence.

自愛不應建立在我們必須取得非凡的勇氣或智慧等競爭觀之上。

True love is only ever the compassion of the fallen for the fallen.

真愛永遠只是墮落者對墮落者的同情。

It’s the search by one radically imperfect being to express their tenderness at the sight of the struggles and pains of another.

這是一個不完美的人在看到另一個人掙扎和痛苦時，表達他們的柔情。

We should, henceforth, allow ourselves enough self-love to be able to endure a little kindness.

從現在開始，我們應該讓自己有足夠的自愛，才能忍受一點善意。