Name: 有小孩才算「完整」嗎？為什麼年輕人選擇不生呢？來聽聽這五位女性講述她們不生育的原因 (Being childfree by choice: five women on why they decided not to have kids)
Uploaded: 2023-04-23T21:01:30.000Z
Duration: 6 min 58 s

to 不定詞

I love to play with children. I think they're, I think children are brilliant.

我喜歡和孩子們一起玩耍。我覺得他們很聰明。

I think they have so much to teach adults, so I appreciate them for that.

我認為他們可以教導成人很多事情，所以我很感激他們。

The world perceives child-free women in the most negative light possible.

這個世界上對於沒有孩子的女性有著極其負面的看法。

I think it's not a need for women anymore.

我認為這對於女性來說已經不再是必要的了。

We find that our own happiness is more important; our own mental health is more important.

我們發現自己的幸福、心理健康更重要。

We've been called narcissists, which is kind of strange.

I do have a coworker who recently had a baby.

All of my other coworkers were like ogling over him and making silly faces and I'm just like typing away on my computer.

我的其他同事都在對著他傻笑做鬼臉，而我卻只是坐在電腦前打字。

When it comes to when I knew that I didn't wanna have children, it's hard to say only because I don't remember ever feeling like I did.

當談到我知道自己不想要孩子的時候，這很難說，因為我不記得曾有過這樣的感覺。

I don't know what the feeling is like to want to have children.

我不知道想要孩子的感覺是怎樣的。

When I am in groups and there are persons talking about wanting children and I don't know how to respond.

當我身處於一群人中，聽到他們談論想要孩子的時候，我不知道該如何回應。

In middle school, one of my friends, she said she never had the desire to have kids.

在中學時期，我有一個朋友，她說她從來沒有想過要孩子的慾望。

And she said that and I was like, "Oh, I didn't realize that that was an option."

她這麼說的時候，我心想：「哦，我沒有發現這原來也是一個選擇。」

And when she said that I was like, "I don't know if I wanna have kids either."

當她說出這番話時，我說：「我也不知道想不想要小孩。」

What really sealed the deal for me was my time as a teacher and my time as a nanny.

真正讓我下定決心的是我當老師和保姆的經驗。

I remember feeling two different ways about my students.

我記得我對我的學生有兩種不同的感覺。

One was that I wanted to adopt them all and keep them and take care of them and love them and nurture them.

一種是讓我想要養他們並照顧、愛護和培育他們。

And then the other part of me was like, "Oh my gosh, this is all day, every day."

然后我另外一種是：「哦，天哪，這是每天、整天都會發生的事情。」

And that's when the first seeds of maybe this isn't for me started to spring up.

那時，「也許這不適合我」的想法開始萌芽了。

I knew for sure that having kids was not what I wanted to do because of my gut instinctive reaction, which was kind of like illness, kind of like a tunnel that just shot out in front of me and looked very, very dark.

因為我的直覺反應，我很確定知道我不想要孩子，這種感覺就像是疾病，就像是一個通道突然在我面前打開，但看起來非常非常黑暗。

I find it very interesting that a lot of the people who do give me push back on not wanting to have kids are women.

我發現很有趣的是，對於我不想要孩子這件事，很多反對我的人都是女性。

If you are a woman and you don't understand why somebody else doesn't wanna have kids, learn about it, ask about it.

如果你是一個女性，且不理解為什麼其他人不想要孩子，那就去了解一下，問一問別人的想法吧。

Don't immediately like shut them down or think that they're heartless.

不要立刻否定他們或認為他們沒有沒血沒淚。

I don't think that I'm a heartless person.

Hands down responses from women are way worse.

毫無疑問，女性的反應更糟糕。

With men, it's more like a curiosity like, "Oh, how did you come to this decision?"

對於男性而言，他們比較像是出於好奇地問說：「那你是怎麼做出這個決定的？」

Women see it as an invitation to convince me otherwise it's, "Oh, not right now. But you'll want some in the future."

女性通常會將這種情況看作是說服我改變想法的邀請，例如説：「現在不想，但將來你一定會想要孩子的。」

"What are you gonna do when you're old and you're alone?"

「當你年老獨居時該怎麼辦？」

做我想做的事啊。我想要的就是這樣。

"Also, you'll regret it when you get older."

「而且，當你變老時，你會後悔不要孩子。」

The thing about regret is you don't regret not doing what you don't want to do.

關於後悔這件事，你不會因為沒有做你不想做的事情而後悔。

I've kind of prepped them already, like, "Don't ask because you know, the answer."

我已經幫他們打好預防針了，告訴過他們不要問我，因為他們明知道答案了。

In terms of pressure from my family, I don't get it quite so much from my parents, but I do get it from my grandmother.

關於來自親人的壓力，我父母沒有給我太多，但我的祖母會對我施加壓力。

(The) pressure to marry somebody Jewish so that I could raise Jewish kids.

必須和一個猶太人結婚，這樣我就能養育出猶太孩子的壓力。

I understand and that she's like, come where she's coming from and like, I know she just wants the best for me.

我理解她的想法，我知道她是出於關心我才這樣做的。

But at the end of the day, I always end the conversation saying, "It's my decision. It's my life."

但最後，我總是以「這是我的決定，這是我的人生」為結束這個話題。

My father is from the Dominican Republic who has African roots.

我的爸爸來自多明尼加共和國，他有非洲的血統。

So when I think about if I were raising a child in this world, I think black child in this world, you can't control how other people perceive that.

當我想到如果我在這個世界上養育一個孩子，一個黑人孩子，你無法控制其他人如何看待他。

My mother was bent on me having kids, "Oh, they would be so perfect."

我母親非常希望我生孩子，說著：「他們會非常完美的。」

But I've spoken to them and I've started saying I'm pushing 40 and my time is up.

但我已經和他們聊過，並說我快要 40 歲了，適合生小孩的時間已經過了。

And I've been saying that since I was 35. I'm now 36.

我從 35 歲開始就一直這樣說了，現在我 36 歲了。

My stepmother was, we were fighting and she said, "You'll see what this is like when you have kids."

我的繼母和我吵架時說：「等你有了孩子，你就會知道這是什麼感覺了。」

而我說：「我永遠都不會有小孩。」

And she said, "Yes, you will. You don't know what you want, you'll change your mind. You'll see."

她則說：「會，你會的。你不知道到你想要什麼，你會改變想法的，你等著瞧。」

What doesn't occur to people is that a five-year-old could walk up to a grown-up and say, "I can't wait to be a mommy when I grow up,"

令人無法理解的是，一個五歲的孩子可能跟成年人說「我長大後迫不及待地想當媽媽」，

and they will never say you'll change your mind.

絕對不會有人告訴她她會改變主意。

But if a little five-year-old girl comes up and says, "I don't want kids," she's loony or she's too young, she can't possibly know her mind.

但如果一個五歲的小女孩說「我不想要孩子」，她就會被說是很蠢或是太年輕，不可能了解自己的想法。

Guys in my past have been like, "Oh, she'll make a great mom."

我過去的男友總是說：「她會成為一個很好的媽媽。」

It's been important to find someone who is interested in and cares about me for me and not what I can produce for him.

重要的是找到一個對我感興趣和關心我的人，而不是我能為他生小孩。

Like I have Tinder and like, I'll see guys on there that are like maybe ten years older than me and they're like looking to start a family.

我在 Tinder 之類的上面會看到比我大十歲的人說他們想要組建一個家庭。

I'm like, that's probably the worst thing you could put in your bio 'cause that's making every woman run away.

我想，這可能是你能在你的自我介上中放上最糟糕的東西了，因為它會嚇跑所有女性。

Nowadays, dating in New York City is really tough and I don't go on more than like, three or four dates with somebody.

如今，在紐約市約會真的很難，我最多只和一個對象約會三四次。

Not on purpose just because, you know, dating sucks.

不是故意的，是因為約會很爛。

But it hasn't come up, it hasn't become a deal breaker up to this point.

但到目前為止，這個問題還沒有出現，也還沒有成為決定性的因素。

My partner and I were very serious in our relationship once we moved and bought a home.

我和我的伴侶在我們搬家和買房後對於我們的關係非常認真。

He and I had a discussion about whether we wanted children and both of us agreed that we don't.

他和我討論了我們是否想要孩子，我們都同意我們不想要。

I think he just agreed with my decision not to more so than anything.

我認為他就是認同我的決定，而不是更多其他原因。

'Cause he respects whatever I decide to do with my body.

因為他尊重我決定如何使用我的身體。

There are lots of other things that make a woman a woman. Caring and nurturing.

還有很多其他的東西可以讓一個女人成為一個女人。關懷和養育。

I love teaching and the passing on of traditions and culture and knowledge, all that stuff that goes with being a woman, but I don't have to have a child to do that.

我熱愛教學，熱愛傳統、文化和知識的傳承，這些都是作為一個女人所需要的，但我不用孩子也能做到。

Why can't women have all these careers or have these passions that are unhindered by any sort of extra responsibility placed on them?

為什麼女性不能擁有這些職業或擁有不受任何額外責任阻礙的激情？

There's something about women who don't want kids that is in a way threatening, in the same way, a happily single woman is threatening.

我的意思是，至少我是這樣看的。

I need you to respect my life choice not to have kids. It's a two-way street.

我需要你尊重我的選擇不要生孩子的決定，這是雙向的。

Women aren't allowed to necessarily make decisions in a very confident way.

女性不能夠很有信心地做出決定。

And I think because women who have chosen to be childless aren't following that script. It makes people really uncomfortable.

而那些選擇不生育的女性沒有遵循這種劇本，這讓人們感到非常不舒服。

當一名女性並不只有一種方法。

我們都只是希望為自己爭取最好的。