many parents, who end up - while sometimes only  half realising it - bullying their own children. 

許多父母，他們最終--雖然有時只意識到一半--欺負自己的孩子。

The bullying may take many forms. Why do parents  bully their children? In short, in order to try to  

欺凌行為可能有多種形式。為什麼父母會欺負他們的孩子？簡而言之，為了試圖

feel better about themselves. Because they suffer  intensely in the very same area that they are  

對自己感覺更好。因為他們在自己所處的領域中遭受了強烈的痛苦。

bullying their child in. If we, as children, want  to know what our parents were afraid of or haunted  

欺負他們的孩子在。如果我們，作為孩子，想知道我們的父母害怕什麼或困擾著什麼

by, we only need to ask: in what areas did they  bully me? What did they make me feel scared or  

我們只需要問：他們在哪些方面欺負了我？他們在哪些方面讓我感到害怕或

inadequate about? Someone made them feel awful and  they surmise - by twisted logic - that they will  

不夠嗎？有人讓他們感覺很糟糕，他們推測--通過扭曲的邏輯--他們會

feel better through the process of making their  own child feel very bad indeed; they aren’t doing  

通過讓他們自己的孩子感覺非常糟糕的過程，讓他們感覺更好；他們並沒有做到

it personally, the child is collateral damage to  a misguided project of healing and attenuation of  

在這種情況下，孩子就成了被誤導的療傷項目的附帶損害，並被削弱了。

symptoms. It doesn’t make any sense of course, but  it may actually work for the parent, for a time. 

症狀。這當然沒有任何意義，但對父母來說，這可能在一段時間內確實有效。

Let’s imagine a parent who harbours a terrible  fear of being stupid; somewhere in their own past,  

讓我們想象一下，在他們自己的過去的某個地方，有一個懷有對愚蠢的可怕恐懼的父母。

they were belittled and made to feel  hugely inadequate. Now a child comes  

他們被輕視，並感到嚴重的不足。現在，一個孩子來到

along, their own child, full of the normal  hesitations and weaknesses of early infancy.  

伴隨著，他們自己的孩子，充滿了嬰兒早期的正常猶豫和弱點。

Without really realising what they are up to,  the parent grows inflamed and incensed by this  

在沒有真正意識到他們在做什麼的情況下，父母就會被這種情況激怒和激怒。

child’s apparent stupidity - and starts to mock  and attack in another what they fear and hate in  

孩子明顯的愚蠢 - 並開始嘲笑和攻擊另一個他們害怕和討厭的東西

themselves. It makes them feel a bit better.  The child becomes a repository of all that  

他們自己。這讓他們感覺好一點。 孩子成為所有這些的儲存器

they fail to tolerate in themselves. They, the  child, are the dumb one, so they, the parent,  

他們不能容忍自己的存在。他們，孩子，是啞巴，所以他們，父母。

don’t have to be; they, the child, are the stupid  and ugly one, so they, the parent, don’t have to  

不需要；他們，孩子，是愚蠢和醜陋的，所以他們，父母，不需要

be. The child is a cry baby, a weakling and  a pathetic twig. And therefore the parent is  

是。孩子是個愛哭的孩子，是個弱者，是個可憐的樹枝。是以，父母是

liberated to live more easily within itself. The  bad is contained and localised; it can’t be in  

解放了，可以更容易地生活在自己內部。壞的東西是被遏制的和局部的；它不可能在

them, if it is all in little him or her. ‘Don’t  be such a moron or a ninny. Stop being such a  

他們，如果這一切都在小他或她。'不要做這樣的白痴或傻子。不要再做這樣的

wimp,’ the parent screams at the child, in the  hope that no idiocy or weakness remains in them. 

窩囊廢"，父母對孩子大喊大叫，希望他們身上沒有白痴或弱點。

It can take bullied children a very long time  to realise they have been bullied. They don’t,  

被欺負的兒童可能需要很長時間才能意識到他們被欺負了。他們不知道。

after all, grow up thinking that someone else has  actually made them feel stupid or made them feel  

畢竟，在成長過程中，他們會認為別人確實讓他們感到愚蠢，或者讓他們感到

ugly or made them feel soiled  - let alone their own parent,  

醜陋或使他們感到汙穢--更不用說他們自己的父母。

whom they depend on and admire and long to be  loved by. They simply think they are stupid,  

他們依賴和欽佩的人，並渴望得到他們的愛。他們只是認為自己很愚蠢。

ugly and soiled. There is no call  for an explanation or a cause. 

醜陋和汙穢。沒有人要求解釋或說明原因。

Yet if we are those now grown up bullied  children, we don’t need to wonder too much  

然而，如果我們是那些現在已經長大的受欺負的孩子，我們不需要太多懷疑

more about what might have happened to us.  We simply need to take stock of how we feel  

更多關於可能發生在我們身上的事情。 我們只需要評估一下我們的感受

about ourselves and guess that the terrible  judgements and sensations that we have about  

我們對自己的看法，並猜測，我們對自己的可怕判斷和感覺

ourselves did not arise spontaneously. They are  the outcome of events - physical behaviours as  

我們自己並不是自發產生的。它們是事件的結果--物理行為作為

well as words and atmospheres that we were  subjected to. The feelings we harbour of  

以及我們所受到的語言和氣氛的影響。我們所懷有的感情

ourselves are legacies of real occurrences  in the world. Someone, who isn’t necessarily  

我們自己是世界上真實發生的事件的遺留物。有人，不一定是

owning up to it, made us feel a certain way  - and that is why we are now in such pain. 

擁有它，使我們有了某種感覺--這就是為什麼我們現在如此痛苦。

Typically, those who have been bullied don’t  look backwards. Their illnesses point them  

通常情況下，那些被欺負的人不會向後看。他們的疾病指向他們

relentlessly to the present and the future. The  bullied anticipate terrible things happening to  

無情地對現在和未來。被欺負的人預計會有可怕的事情發生在

them that echo events that once happened to them  but they don’t remember these in any way. They are  

他們呼應著曾經發生在他們身上的事件，但他們卻絲毫不記得這些。他們是

cause-less paranoiacs, self-haters and worriers.  Catastrophe is never far away. A person feels they  

無因的偏執狂、自我厭惡者和擔憂者。 災難從未遠離。一個人覺得自己

are ugly because two decades ago, a mother made  them feel as much. A person feels they have done  

因為二十年前，一位母親讓他們覺得自己很醜陋。一個人覺得自己已經做了

something very wrong because, even further back,  someone did something very wrong to them. The fear  

因為在更久之前，有人對他們做了非常錯誤的事情。恐懼

contains the imprint of unconscious history. We overcome our bullying when we learn  

含有無意識的歷史印記。當我們學習時，我們克服了我們的欺凌行為

to discriminate: between what actually  belongs to us and what was placed in us,  

辨別：實際屬於我們的東西和放在我們身上的東西之間。

between who we are and what we’ve been told  we are, between how our caregivers like to  

在我們是誰和我們被告知是誰之間，在我們的照顧者喜歡怎樣的人和事之間。

present themselves and what they have actually  done. Our triggers and apprehensions lie along  

呈現自己和他們實際所做的事情。我們的誘因和憂慮在於沿著

the faultlines of our early traumas; they  can guide us back to what we were suffered  

我們的早期創傷的斷層；他們可以引導我們回到我們所遭受的東西。

through when we are ready to explore. It’s sad enough that children are bullied by their  

當我們準備好探索的時候，通過。孩子們被他們的家人欺負已經夠悲哀了。

parents; it’s even sadder that a legacy of this is  that children can’t realise what happened to them.  

父母；更可悲的是，這種情況的遺留問題是，孩子們無法意識到發生在他們身上的事情。

And instead typically fall victim to the same  tricks played out by substitute figures in their  

相反，他們通常會成為替代人物在他們身上玩弄的同樣伎倆的受害者。

later lives: partners, colleagues, even the media. We’re on our way to overcoming bullying when we  

以後的生活：夥伴、同事，甚至媒體。我們在克服欺凌的道路上，當我們

can say, at last, I am not ugly, I was made to  feel unacceptable. I haven’t done anything wrong,  

可以說，最後，我不醜了，我被弄得無法接受。我沒有做錯什麼。

something wrong was done to me. And in general:  I am not awful - something awful happened to me.

對我做了什麼錯事。而在一般情況下。 我並不可怕--我身上發生了可怕的事情。