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  • There's a famous quote from the 1995 romantic film before Sunrise that goes, everything we do is just a way for us to be left.

    1995年的浪漫電影《日出之前》中有一句名言:我們所做的一切只是為了讓我們離開。

  • Would you agree, Well, a lot of people in the world certainly seem to as nowadays everyone seems to be obsessed with finding love and being in the perfect relationship.

    你同意嗎?嗯,世界上很多人似乎都同意,因為現在每個人似乎都對尋找愛情和完美的關係著迷。

  • And while there's nothing wrong with staying single, especially if it's by choice, it's no doubt frustrating to constantly be let down in the pursuit of true love and have nothing but a broken heart to show for it.

    雖然保持單身沒有錯,特別是如果它是出於自願,但在追求真愛的過程中不斷被辜負,除了一顆破碎的心之外什麼也沒有,這無疑是令人沮喪的。

  • After a few failed or maybe the lack of relationships, we can't help but ask ourselves, what are we doing wrong?

    在經歷了幾次失敗或可能缺乏的關係後,我們不禁問自己,我們做錯了什麼?

  • Will we ever find true love?

    我們是否能找到真愛?

  • Well, don't fret, luckily psychology has a few good answers for why true love seems to elude a lot of us and what we can do about it.

    好了,不要擔心,幸運的是心理學有一些很好的答案,為什麼真愛似乎躲避了我們很多人,以及我們可以做些什麼。

  • So with that said, here are six of the most common beliefs that keep people single.

    是以,說到這,這裡有六個最常見的信念,使人們保持單身。

  • I'm incomplete without a relationship.

    沒有關係,我就不完整。

  • Have you ever noticed that, ironically, it's always the people who want to be in a relationship the most that just can't seem to make it work sure they may date lots of people and never stay single for long, but their relationships seem to fizzle out just as quickly as they came to be.

    你有沒有注意到,具有諷刺意味的是,總是那些最想談戀愛的人似乎無法使其成功,當然,他們可能與很多人約會,從不長時間保持單身,但他們的關係似乎很快就消失了。

  • Why while it's probably because they've mistakenly come to believe that they need a relationship in their life to be happy.

    為什麼,而這可能是因為他們錯誤地認為他們的生活中需要一段關係才會幸福。

  • This belief echoes and measurement, which is a concept in psychology and psychotherapy introduced by Salvador mission to describe families where personal boundaries are diffused and over concern for others leads to a loss of autonomous development, but unbeknownst to them, it's actually that kind of desperation that's holding them back from finding true love, because a lot of the time they probably just settle for whoever comes along who's interested in them without truly reflecting on what they want in a partner, what they want out of a relationship and their worth as a person, even without one, It didn't work out for my parents, so it won't work out for me.

    這種信念與測量相呼應,這是薩爾瓦多任務在心理學和心理治療中提出的一個概念,用來描述個人界限被分散的家庭,對他人的過度關注導致了自主發展的喪失,但他們不知道,實際上正是這種絕望阻礙了他們找到真愛。因為很多時候,他們可能只是滿足於那些對他們感興趣的人,而沒有真正反思他們在伴侶中想要什麼,他們想從一段關係中得到什麼,以及他們作為一個人的價值,即使沒有一個人,我的父母沒有成功,所以對我也不會成功。

  • There is an interesting well known study by Glenn and Kramer back in 1987 that found that Children of divorce were actually the most likely to end up divorced themselves and have the least amount of commitment to their own marriages.

    格倫和克雷默在1987年進行了一項有趣的知名研究,發現離婚的孩子實際上最有可能最終自己離婚,對自己的婚姻承諾最少。

  • In spite of a great self proclaimed desire for otherwise.

    儘管自稱對其他方面有很大的渴望。

  • And many psychologists and researchers since then have speculated that it's because parental divorce can have a powerful and lasting effect on our attitudes towards relationships even when we grow older.

    此後,許多心理學家和研究人員推測,這是因為父母離婚會對我們對人際關係的態度產生強大而持久的影響,即使我們長大了。

  • So if it didn't work out between your parents, you might think all of your relationships are doomed to fail too, beliefs about abandonment, experiencing parental abandonment in your earlier life can also negatively impact our chances at success in forming meaningful and lasting relationships.

    是以,如果你的父母之間沒有成功,你可能會認為你所有的關係也註定要失敗,關於拋棄的信念,在你早期的生活中經歷父母的拋棄也會對我們成功形成有意義和持久的關係的機會產生負面影響。

  • In attachment theory, we'd call having this kind of belief a characteristic of those who are anxious avoidant people who have this kind of insecure attachment style tend to have a negative view of others, but a positive view of themselves.

    在依戀理論中,我們把擁有這種信念稱為焦慮迴避者的特徵,擁有這種不安全依戀風格的人往往對他人有消極的看法,但對自己卻有積極的看法。

  • So they become overly self reliant emotionally distant and afraid of intimacy and commitment, they feel uncomfortable with physical and emotional closeness, have trouble sharing their true feelings and tend to pull away when they feel others getting too attached to them, Belief about being damaged.

    是以,他們變得過於自我依賴,情感疏遠,害怕親密關係和承諾,他們對身體和情感的親近感到不舒服,難以分享自己的真實感受,當他們感到別人對他們過於依戀時,往往會抽身離開,相信自己受到損害。

  • Studies such as the one by Hansen in 2010 showed that people who have experienced a traumatic event, especially a toxic or abusive relationship, tend to wrestle with a lot of feelings of guilt, self blame and worthlessness.

    諸如漢森在2010年的研究表明,經歷過創傷性事件的人,尤其是經歷過有毒或虐待關係的人,往往會與很多內疚、自責和無價值的感覺搏鬥。

  • They've internalized that trauma to mean that they're broken or that there must be something wrong with them, making them too damaged to love.

    他們已經將這種創傷內化為意味著他們已經破碎,或者他們一定有什麼問題,使他們太過受損而無法去愛。

  • But if this is true for you, it's important that you understand that you are not what happened to you and that the harm other people brought upon you was never your fault.

    但如果這對你來說是真的,重要的是你要明白,你不是發生在你身上的事情,其他人給你帶來的傷害從來不是你的錯。

  • Someday when you've begun to heal from the past and resolve this trauma, you will find someone who will help you see that I'm still waiting for the one.

    有一天,當你已經開始從過去的生活中治癒,解決這個創傷,你會找到一個人,幫助你看到我仍然在等待那個人。

  • Lastly but certainly not least, another belief that might be keeping you single is the idea that there's someone out there will be able to perfectly meet all of your unrealistically high standards and expectations don't get us wrong.

    最後,但肯定不是最不重要的,另一個可能使你保持單身的信念是認為有一個人將能夠完美地滿足你所有不切實際的高標準和期望,不要誤會我們的意思。

  • There is nothing bad about believing in soulmates, it's just that so much of the logic behind it is inherently flawed.

    相信靈魂伴侶並沒有什麼不好,只是它背後的很多邏輯都有內在的缺陷。

  • And if the psychology of successful relationships has taught us anything, it's that it's more about being the right person than finding the right person.

    如果說成功的人際關係的心理學教會了我們什麼,那就是做對人比找對人更重要。

  • To illustrate one of the most famous relationship experts in the world, psychologist john Gottman has found that all happy, long term relationships exhibit mutual understanding, awareness, acceptance, respect, and reciprocity of appreciation and relationship maintenance.

    舉例來說,世界上最有名的關係專家之一,心理學家約翰-戈特曼發現,所有幸福的長期關係都表現出相互理解、認識、接受、尊重和互惠的欣賞和關係維護。

  • Notice how what we do seems to matter more than the qualities we bring to a relationship.

    注意到我們所做的事情似乎比我們帶給一段關係的品質更重要。

  • So can you relate to any of the things we've mentioned on our list?

    那麼,你是否能體會到我們清單上提到的任何事情?

  • Are you guilty of believing some of the things here that keep you single against your choice?

    你是否因為相信這裡的一些事情而違背自己的選擇保持單身?

  • Although we might not realize it, Our thoughts have so much more power over us in our lives than we think.

    雖然我們可能沒有意識到,但在我們的生活中,我們的思想對我們的影響比我們想象的大得多。

  • So, it's important that we're mindful of the beliefs and attitudes that we have towards our relationships in the words of plato reality is created by the mind.

    是以,重要的是,我們要注意我們對我們的關係的信念和態度,用柏拉圖的話說,現實是由心靈創造的。

  • We can change our reality by changing your mind no matter what it is that's been holding you back from finding a happy and healthy relationship, know that you can always reclaim your power by adopting a more positive mindset, Look for love all around you and become more loving towards yourself before jumping head first into your next relationship.

    我們可以通過改變你的想法來改變我們的現實,不管是什麼阻礙了你找到幸福和健康的關係,要知道你總是可以通過採取更積極的心態來重新獲得你的力量,在一頭扎進你的下一段關係之前,尋找你周圍的愛,變得更加愛自己。

  • So, do you plan to overcome your limited beliefs about love?

    那麼,你打算克服你對愛的有限信念嗎?

There's a famous quote from the 1995 romantic film before Sunrise that goes, everything we do is just a way for us to be left.

1995年的浪漫電影《日出之前》中有一句名言:我們所做的一切只是為了讓我們離開。

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5種使你保持單身的心態 (5 Mindsets That Keep You Single)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2023 年 01 月 17 日
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