Some are happy, some are tragic, but every single person has their encounter with love.

有些是幸福的，有些是悲慘的，但每一個人都有他們與愛的相遇。

For some, despite all their efforts, love is elusive.

對一些人來說，儘管他們做出了種種努力，但愛是難以捉摸的。

Sometimes the problem is being unable to find the right person to a certain degree.

有時，問題是在一定程度上無法找到合適的人。

It is pure chance that we come across the person whom we may refer to as our soul mate.

我們遇到我們可能稱為靈魂伴侶的人，純屬偶然。

That should not discourage you because there are secrets backed up by psychology to find the right person for you.

這不應該使你氣餒，因為有心理學支持的祕訣可以找到適合你的人。

Number one manage your expectations.

第一，管理你的期望。

We've all heard the saying the heart wants what it wants, and this may be true, but when it comes to finding the person for you, it's important to be realistic.

我們都聽說過 "心想事成 "這句話，這可能是真的，但在尋找適合你的人時，重要的是要現實一點。

If you've been infatuated with one person for a long time and faced repeated rejections from them, you have to accept that it isn't going to happen.

如果你迷戀一個人很久，面對他們的一再拒絕，你必須接受這種情況是不會發生的。

The best thing to do when looking for Love is always to work on yourself.

在尋找愛情時，最好的事情總是在自己身上下功夫。

First, Princess Braxton Davis explains in the McNair Scholars Journal 2010.

首先，布拉克斯頓-戴維斯公主在《2010年麥克奈爾學者雜誌》中解釋說。

In order to form a relationship, there must be some type of attraction, either physically or on a personality level.

為了形成一種關係，必須有某種類型的吸引力，無論是身體上的還是人格層面的。

Initial attraction to a potential mate is highly associated with physical attractiveness.

對潛在配偶的最初吸引力與身體的吸引力高度相關。

Understand that everyone has different preferences and expectations.

理解每個人都有不同的偏好和期望。

You can't expect to receive things that you would be incapable of offering to the relationship while having differences is certainly important and keeps things interesting.

你不能期望收到你沒有能力提供給這段關係的東西，而有差異當然是很重要的，可以使事情保持有趣。

You can't expect someone who, for example, has honed in their sense of style to be immediately attracted to someone with no interest in looking presentable.

你不能指望一個已經磨練了他們的風格感的人立即被一個對看起來很體面沒有興趣的人所吸引。

The same applies to people who pay keen attention to physical health.

這同樣適用於熱衷於身體健康的人。

Falling in love with someone who pays no attention to their physical health or someone who works a high paying job.

愛上一個不注意身體健康的人或從事高薪工作的人。

Falling in love with someone who has no job.

與沒有工作的人相愛。

That being said.

話雖如此。

This mostly applies to the initial attraction mentioned by Princess Braxton Davis, which is largely dependent on physical attractiveness.

這主要適用於布拉克斯頓-戴維斯公主提到的最初吸引力，這主要取決於身體的吸引力。

However, when finding the right person for you, there's more to it than physical attractiveness.

然而，在尋找適合你的人時，有比身體吸引力更重要的東西。

# two, you should share more than surface level interests with them.

# 第二，你應該與他們分享更多表面的興趣。

While the idea of being in a relationship with someone who loves the same music and movies as you sounds, ideal, research shows that it's far more important for you and your partner to share the same core values.

雖然與一個和你一樣喜歡音樂和電影的人建立關係的想法聽起來很理想，但研究表明，你和你的伴侶擁有相同的核心價值觀要重要得多。

This can mean that you share a religion, have the same or similar political alignment and share similar views on most of your core beliefs, as found by Travis G Perry, where he writes in his 2016 thesis, research on shared beliefs, particularly shared religious beliefs, has shown them to be a positive predictor of marital satisfaction, disagreements are to be expected, but all of these things should inform you as to whether or not someone is actually the right one for you.

這可能意味著你們有共同的宗教信仰，有相同或相似的政治取向，對大多數核心信仰有相似的看法，正如特拉維斯-G-佩裡發現的那樣，他在2016年的論文中寫道，關於共同信仰的研究，特別是共同的宗教信仰，表明它們是婚姻滿意度的積極預測因素，分歧是可以預期的，但所有這些東西都應該告知你，某人是否真的是適合你的人。

As perry elaborate further couples that agree with each other on their most important values, argue less and find their marriage to be more enjoyable.

正如佩裡進一步闡述的那樣，在最重要的價值觀上與對方達成一致的夫婦，爭吵較少，並發現他們的婚姻更令人愉快。

If these shared beliefs aren't built into the foundation of your relationship or in other words are not present in the person you are interested in, it is unlikely that it will work out long term Number three, there is a strong social connection when we were young, we were taught not to talk to strangers.

如果這些共同的信念沒有建立在你們關係的基礎上，或者換句話說，沒有出現在你感興趣的人身上，那就不太可能有長期的結果 第三，有強烈的社會聯繫 在我們年輕的時候，我們被教導不要和陌生人說話。

So why should we think that approaching someone with whom we have little to no social connection and proposing a romantic relationship is a good idea.

那麼，為什麼我們應該認為接近一個與我們幾乎沒有任何社會聯繫的人並提議建立浪漫關係是一個好主意。

Sure, there's always the possibility of getting someone's number or instagram handle, but the chances are not in your favor, even if you approach perfectly and respectfully, there's still a very good chance that they'll say no furthermore, if you've gotten past the point of initial attraction, the question still remains, is this the right person for me?

當然，總是有可能得到某人的電話號碼或Instagram賬號，但機會對你不利，即使你完美地、恭敬地接近，他們仍然有很大的機會說不，此外，如果你已經過了最初的吸引點，問題仍然存在，這是適合我的人嗎？

And so begins the laborious and often heartbreaking task of finding out more about this person only to decide that you're nothing alike.

於是就開始了費力的、往往是令人心碎的工作，即找出更多關於這個人的資訊，卻發現你們一點也不像。

The cycle of going from strangers to being romantically involved is quickened with modern tools such as dating apps.

從陌生到浪漫的循環在約會軟件等現代工具的幫助下加快了速度。

Often times these apps depend largely on an initial physical attraction and therefore do not allow the process of getting to understand someone's sense of humor, likes, dislikes and beliefs to unfold in an organic way.

很多時候，這些應用程序在很大程度上取決於最初的身體吸引，是以不允許以有機方式展開了解某人的幽默感、喜歡、不喜歡和信仰的過程。

The truth is that the right person for you is far more likely to exist in your social circles.

事實是，適合你的人更可能存在於你的社交圈中。

A 2019 study by mu liang Zhao published in cyber psychology behavior and social networking found that having a large number of choices for potential romantic as one would find on dating apps had a negative impact on decision making.

2019年mu liang Zhao發表在網絡心理學行為和社交網絡上的一項研究發現，像人們在約會應用程序上發現的那樣，有大量的潛在浪漫選擇對決策產生了負面影響。

If there isn't anyone in your social network, who you feel is right for you.

如果你的社交網絡中沒有任何人，你覺得他適合你。

Try to expand your social circles, do it with the intention of simply making friends and getting to know new people first and foremost.

嘗試擴大你的社交圈，這樣做的目的只是為了交朋友，首先要認識新朋友。

But the relationship struggles aside and truly get to know the people around you and your new friends before making romantic advances and this is the best way to know whether or not someone is right for you before making any grand commitments.

但是，把關係鬥爭放在一邊，在做出浪漫的舉動之前，真正瞭解你周圍的人和你的新朋友，這是在做出任何宏偉承諾之前知道某人是否適合你的最好方法。

# four don't change who you are, just to suit someone you like.

# 第四，不要為了迎合你喜歡的人而改變自己的身份。

It's been understood that being authentic to yourself greatly benefits your romantic relationships.

據瞭解，對自己真實的態度對你的浪漫關係大有裨益。

Not only does it affect the relationship itself by improving satisfaction and commitment, but it also helps you find the right person for you.

它不僅通過提高滿意度和承諾來影響關係本身，而且還幫助你找到適合你的人。

According to robert wittman in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, authenticity appears to signal trustworthiness and stability, which are great character traits to display when seeking a partner, being open about who you are and what you believe in will attract someone who has similar values, it's impossible to find the right person for you when you aren't being yourself.

根據《實驗社會心理學雜誌》（Journal of Experimental Social Psychology）中的羅伯特-維特曼（robert wittman），真實性似乎是值得信賴和穩定的信號，這是在尋找伴侶時需要展示的偉大性格特徵，公開你是誰以及你相信什麼會吸引有類似價值觀的人，當你不做自己時，不可能找到適合你的人。

Not only does it affect the process of finding the right person for you, but if you're successful in finding a relationship by changing who you are to suit someone, it's unlikely that the relationship will last.

這不僅影響到尋找適合你的人的過程，而且如果你通過改變自己的身份來適應某人而成功地找到一段關係，這段關係不太可能持久。

The pressure of not being able to share true thoughts and passions with your partner will lead to resentments and will poison the relationship over time and number five Take it easy.

不能與你的伴侶分享真正的想法和激情的壓力將導致怨恨，並將隨著時間的推移毒害關係，第五條 放輕鬆。

You might be at a stage in your life where love has eluded you to the point that the concept of love sounds like a myth.

你可能正處於人生的一個階段，在這個階段裡，愛情已經遠離你，以至於愛情的概念聽起來像是一個神話。

Do not let this discourage you.

不要讓這一點使你灰心。

Love can be magical, but it can also bring a lot of pain.

愛可以是神奇的，但它也可以帶來很多痛苦。

As anyone who has ever had an encounter with love.

正如任何一個與愛有過交集的人。

You included will know when it comes to finding the right person for you.

當涉及到尋找適合你的人時，你包括會知道。

A desperate search might limit you to a selection of partners that may not be ideal.

孤注一擲的搜索可能會將你限制在一個可能並不理想的合作伙伴的選擇範圍內。

Take your time and be patient at a certain point you have to wonder if a perfect person like we see in rom coms and tv shows like how I met your mother is realistic, is there someone who will fulfill all of your criteria for what a perfect partner should be and if that person does exist, what they reciprocate those feelings as you get older, these questions become scarier, but I say again, take it easy.

在某一時刻，你不得不懷疑像我們在愛情喜劇和電視節目中看到的完美的人是否是現實的，是否有一個人能夠滿足你對完美伴侶的所有標準，如果這個人確實存在，隨著你年齡的增長，他們是否會迴應這些感覺，這些問題變得更加可怕，但我再次說，別緊張。

You may be surprised by what you think of as perfect when you find it.

當你發現你所認為的完美時，你可能會感到驚訝。

The only predictable thing about love.

關於愛情唯一可預測的事情。

Real love is that it's unpredictable.

真正的愛是，它是不可預知的。

It can come to you slowly over years and years of knowing someone or it can come to you suddenly and unexpectedly love is terrifying.

它可以在認識某人的年月裡慢慢來到你身邊，也可以突然來到你身邊，出乎意料地，愛是可怕的。

That is true.

這倒是真的。

But the journey of finding the right person for you is exciting.

但尋找適合自己的人的旅程是令人興奮的。

The only thing more exciting is the journey that begins once you found them.

唯一更令人興奮的是，一旦你找到它們，旅程就開始了。

There is no formula to love.

愛是沒有公式的。

There's no single magical way to draw in the one person who will be right for you.

沒有單一的神奇方法來吸引適合你的那個人。

But these five secrets will help you find some direction in your search for the right person.

但這五個祕訣將幫助你在尋找合適的人時找到一些方向。

Remember to keep your expectations in check.

記住要控制好你的期望。

Look for people who share similar values and interests.

尋找有類似價值觀和興趣的人。

Try to find someone within your social network rather than a stranger, always be authentic to yourself and take it easy because things can't be forced.

儘量在你的社交網絡內找人，而不是找陌生人，始終對自己真實，並放輕鬆，因為事情是不能勉強的。

Good luck.

好運。