- I definitely always was a performer.

- 我肯定一直是個表演者。

My family has like a running joke

我的家庭有一個類似的笑話

of calling me Havana the musical

叫我哈瓦那的音樂劇

because I sort of was dancing and singing

因為我有點像在跳舞和唱歌

and putting on little one woman productions

和穿上小的一個女人的產品

by myself ever since I was born.

自從我出生以來，我就一直是一個人。

Hi, I'm Havana Rose Liu and this is On The Rise.

大家好，我是哈瓦那玫瑰劉，這裡是On The Rise。

(upbeat music)

(歡快的音樂)

I still have a hard time calling myself an actress

我仍然很難說自己是個演員

I think partially because I'm so new to the craft

我想部分原因是我對這門手藝太陌生了

and I had never sort of aspired to have this be my career.

我從來沒有想過要把這個作為我的職業。

I don't know,

我不知道。

I think I have too much imposter syndrome

我想我有太多的冒名頂替綜合症

about sort of feeling like I can't like claim to the title

關於感覺我不能像對標題的要求一樣

of what it is to be an actress

擔任女演員是什麼？

and sort of I don't know all what that means,

和排序我不知道所有這意味著什麼。

what the label means.

標籤的含義。

So I sort of don't call myself that, but I act (laughing).

所以我有點不叫自己，但我演戲（笑）。

I have a very supportive family

我有一個非常支持的家庭

in terms of following creative endeavors.

在遵循創造性的努力方面。

I feel really lucky to be able to say that.

能夠這樣說，我感到非常幸運。

And I think especially

而且我認為特別是

during this past sort of like seven months

在過去的七個月裡

I've been in and out of limbo of not really having

我一直都在徘徊，沒有真正擁有過。

any of the projects I worked on out in the world.

我在外面所做的任何項目。

I have a Sunday family dinner

我有一個星期天的家庭晚餐

with my extended family that lives in New York.

與我住在紐約的大家庭一起。

They have been very patient with me

他們一直對我非常有耐心

and kind with all of my sort of like insecurities

和我所有的不安全感的親切感

and in the waiting period.

並在等待期間。

So I have nothing, but sort of thanks for them.

所以我什麼都沒有，只是對他們有點感謝。

I don't think I ever really like aspired to be an actor

我不認為我曾真正渴望成為一個演員

in any capacity, but I do feel as though

在任何情況下，但我確實覺得，好像

sort of everything I have studied up until this point

迄今為止，我所研究的所有內容都是如此

has sort of perfectly folded into the dough

已經有點完美地摺疊成麵糰了

of being an actor.

作為一個演員。

I started doing visual arts primarily

我開始主要做視覺藝術

and that taught me a lot about the visual medium

這讓我對視覺媒體有了很多瞭解

and I think composition and symbolism

而我認為構圖和象徵意義

and then dance also taught me performing in a different way

然後舞蹈也教我用不同的方式表演

also stage presence and sort of like also honestly emotion.

也有舞臺表現，有點像也有誠實的情感。

So I think in some way I never knew I wanted to act

所以我想在某種程度上，我從來不知道我想演戲。

but all of those different things

但所有這些不同的事情

and having some level

並有一定程度的

of deep interest and training in those things

對這些事情有深刻的興趣和訓練

has sort of been a perfect through line

某種程度上是一條完美的貫穿線

into now realizing that acting is what I wanna do

現在意識到表演是我想做的事

if I wanna do all those things in one.

如果我想把所有這些事情都放在一起做。

My relationship to acting is sort of,

我與表演的關係是有點。

kind of like if you would imagine

有點像你會想象

like a romantic relationship

如同浪漫的關係

is the metaphor I could give for it, which is the...

是我可以給它的比喻，這是......

Like we went on a few dates over the past

就像我們在過去的幾次約會中一樣

like three years and I felt like,

像三年，我覺得。

I don't know maybe I was like playing kind of hard to get.

我不知道，也許我就像在玩一種難得的遊戲。

And now I'm like at that phase where

而現在我就像在那個階段，在那裡

you like kind of can't ignore the elephant in the room

你喜歡那種不能忽視房間裡的大象的感覺

that like maybe you're in love with somebody.

這就像也許你愛上了某人。

And that's kind of how I feel with acting at this point.

這就是我在這一點上對錶演的感覺。

(dramatic music)

(戲劇性的音樂)

(baby screaming)

(嬰兒尖叫聲)

"No Exit" is a fun,

"沒有出口 "是一種樂趣。

fast,

快速。

flashy,

華而不實。

oh, I'm getting like stressed thinking about it,

哦，我一想到這個就覺得很緊張。

but it's I got a young woman named Darby who I play

但我有一個叫Darby的年輕女子，我扮演她。

and she is on route to a family emergency

她正在趕往一個家庭緊急情況的途中

when she gets caught in a blizzard

當她被捲入一場暴風雪中

and has to stop in a sort of rest stop.

並不得不停在一個類似於休息站的地方。

I think I had the most interesting February

我認為我在2月份過得最有趣

because "The Sky Is Everywhere" came out

因為《天涯何處無芳草》出來了

and "No Exit" came out all within the same month.

和 "No Exit "都在同一個月內問世。

And they're two such polar opposite roles.

而他們是兩個如此截然相反的角色。

"The Sky Is Everywhere",

"天空無處不在"。

I play a young woman named Bailey who,

我扮演一個名叫貝利的年輕女子，她。

it's not a spoiler, dies pretty early on in the film.

這不是一個破壞者，在影片中很早就死了。

And she is essentially

而她本質上是

like the embodiment of, I think, light and bravery.

就像我認為的光明和勇敢的化身。

Whereas I think Darby is colored

而我認為達比是彩色的

by maybe more blues, grays greens and purples.

也許更多的藍色、灰色、綠色和紫色。

You know, the contrast between those two films

你知道，這兩部電影之間的對比

has been like just created a very polar month with such

已經像剛剛創建了一個非常極地的月，有這樣的

vast highs and fast lows.

巨大的高點和快速的低點。

(gentle music)

(溫柔的音樂)

I definitely don't think of myself as having made it.

我絕對不認為自己已經成功了。

I literally just don't even know what that even means.

我真的不知道這意味著什麼。

I think like make what, you know, what is it?

我認為像使什麼，你知道，它是什麼？

Also I've made things, I've made some movies

我也做過東西，我拍過一些電影

I've made some pieces of art, but like,

我做過一些藝術作品，但是喜歡。

I don't know making it, I hope to make more things.

我不知道做它，我希望能做更多的東西。

I think for me I've had so many beautiful highs

我想對我來說，我已經有了許多美麗的高潮

in my career this far,

在我迄今為止的職業生涯中。

I feel really lucky to be able to say that.

能夠這樣說，我感到非常幸運。

One particular moment that was really powerful

有一個特別的時刻，真的很有力量

was when I had the premier for "No Exit"

是在我為 "沒有出口 "做首演的時候

and it was the first time I had been able to do anything

這是我第一次能夠做任何事情。

in person for any of this job.

親自參加這項工作的任何。

And it felt like sort of this odd shift

感覺就像這種奇怪的轉變

of having this world I had been living in

讓我一直生活在的這個世界

or this sort of experience I'd been having

或者說我的這種經歷

had been sort of this internal dialogue with myself

一直在與自己進行這種內部對話

and this well kept secret.

和這個保存良好的祕密。

And then it felt like the first time

然後感覺就像第一次

where I was looking in other people's eyes

在那裡我看著別人的眼睛

and they were looking at me

他們都在看著我

and we had the same narrative over what my life had been

我們對我的生活有同樣的敘述。

in the past three years.

在過去三年中。

And I think that that was a very odd shift

我認為那是一個非常奇怪的轉變

of feeling reality come and meet

感受現實的到來和滿足

this sort of magical ever tumultuous world of filmmaking

這種神奇而又動盪不安的電影製作世界

that I had been a part of.

我曾是其中的一員。

I think honestly, one of my biggest role models is like,

我想說實話，我最大的榜樣之一就是喜歡。

I have a number of them,

我有許多這樣的人。

but really one of them is my grandma on my Chinese side.

但實際上，其中一個是我中國一側的祖母。

I am consistently very touched

我始終非常感動

and taken aback by how open and supportive

並對他們的開放和支持感到驚訝。

and really just like open-minded I think she is.

而且真的就像我認為的那樣思想開放。

And I think she had such an extreme sense of bravery

而且我認為她有這樣一種極端的勇敢感

and immigrating to this country,

並移民到這個國家。

and I think that that level of bravery

我認為，這種程度的勇敢

is something that I try to pull from.

是我試圖從中汲取的東西。

She's also kind of an opera singer.

她也算得上是一個歌劇演唱者。

And I think like her embracing of the arts

而且我認為像她對藝術的擁抱

and of just sort of every aspect of my life,

以及我生活的各個方面。

my queerness, my choices,

我的同志，我的選擇。

I mean, she sat through this bloody film

我的意思是，她坐著看了這部血腥的電影

and didn't cover her eyes the whole time.

並沒有一直遮住她的眼睛。

It's just moments like that

就是這樣的時刻

that I think she really stands out to me

我認為她真的讓我眼前一亮

as somebody to aspire to be like in some way.

作為在某種程度上渴望成為的人。

So I'd say that she's a role model for me.

所以我想說，她是我的一個榜樣。

My nana, yeah.

我的娜娜，是的。

(upbeat music)

(歡快的音樂)

I think my first celebrity crushes were like animated

我認為我的第一個名人暗戀是像動畫一樣的。

because I was young

因為我還年輕

but I think probably I think Spinelli from "Recess".

但我想可能是我認為《憩息》中的Spinelli。

I think I thought she was like,

我想我以為她是喜歡。

just really cool at the time

只是在當時真的很酷

I was like, "That's like a cool person.

我當時想，"這就像一個很酷的人。

I wanna be like that person."

我想成為像那個人一樣的人。"

And then realized later, like I was probably queer

後來意識到，好像我可能是個同性戀者

and then probably Danny Phantom as well

然後可能還有Danny Phantom

'cause he was so cool, but they're animated people

因為他太酷了，但他們是動畫人

so I don't know if that counts.

所以我不知道這是否算數。

(upbeat music)

(歡快的音樂)

I'm currently in a phase of watching a lot of documentaries.

我目前正處在一個看大量紀錄片的階段。

I love films that do so to sort of work reality in some way.

我喜歡這樣做的電影，以某種方式對現實進行加工。

And so I think for me, sometimes I can get a little

是以，我認為對我來說，有時我可以得到一點

ungrounded in being in filmmaking sometimes.

有時在電影製作中不踏實。

And so for me, documentaries also like are

所以對我來說，紀錄片也喜歡是

the real human kernels that we're really building off

真正的人類內核，我們真正建立的是

of like true human story.

的像真實的人類故事。

At least that's how I perceive the work.

至少我是這樣看待這項工作的。

And so for me, it's been really nice to ground down

是以，對我來說，把自己放在地上真的很好。

into some of those.

進入其中一些。

But I have been rewatching "Schitt's Creek"

但我一直在重看 "施特溪"。

with my little brother.

與我的小兄弟。

It's been so fun.

這真是太有趣了。

That show, I know it's a comedy and I laugh a lot

那個節目，我知道它是一個喜劇，我經常笑。

but I also like really leap watching "Schitt's Creek".

但我也很喜歡看 "Schitt's Creek"。

There's something so touching

有一些東西是如此感人

about the way that they all grow.

關於他們所有的成長方式。

And I don't know, I just find myself like laughing

我不知道，我只是發現自己像在笑

and like pouring tears.

並喜歡傾瀉淚水。

And so it's been fun to watch with my little brother

是以，與我的小兄弟一起觀看，很有樂趣

cuz he thinks I'm a little bit kooky.

因為他認為我有點怪異。

(gentle music)

(溫柔的音樂)

I think anytime anybody has any kind of platform,

我認為任何時候任何人都有任何形式的平臺。

I think that there is like a conscious responsibility

我認為，有一種自覺的責任感

that one needs to have about how to use it

一個人需要擁有的關於如何使用它的資訊

and how to sort of consider what that means.

以及如何分類考慮這意味著什麼。

I think for me right now, that specifically has to do

我想現在對我來說，這特別需要做的是

with the last three years we've had

在過去的三年裡，我們有

and my community of Asian Americans really suffering.

和我的美國亞裔社區真的很痛苦。

Some of the power of media really is that we have found

媒體的一些力量確實是，我們發現

that representation in media does change

媒體中的代表性確實發生了變化

people's perceptions of a whole group of people.

人們對整個群體的看法。

I think it's sort of like,

我認為這有點像。

should be a part of like being a human

應該是像做人一樣的一部分

to have consciousness over other human beings

對其他人類擁有意識的權利

and the impact that you have.

和你所產生的影響。

And for me, like that responsibility extends outwards.

而對我來說，像這種責任是向外延伸的。

So every time I do a role

是以，每次我做一個角色時

I donate a portion of the proceeds

我捐出部分收益

from that role to an organization that directly relates

從這一角色到一個直接涉及的組織。

to let's say an issue in the film

比方說，電影中的一個問題

or an issue that my character faces.

或我的角色所面臨的問題。

Filmmaking is such a communal act

電影製作是一種共同的行為

and in many ways like that community

並在許多方面像那個社區一樣

and collaboration doesn't just exist on set

協作不只是存在於拍攝現場

or sort of within the confines

或者說是在一定範圍內

of who's involved directly with the script

誰直接參與了劇本的創作

but also the communities that are actually living out

但也包括那些實際生活中的社區

those stories that you're telling.

你所講的那些故事。

(gentle music)

(溫柔的音樂)

If you had told me three years ago that I would be here

如果你在三年前告訴我，我將在這裡

I would've like probably,

我可能會喜歡。

cowered and like giggled and like run away.

畏畏縮縮，像傻笑，像跑開。

I don't think I would've been able

我不認為我已經能夠

to conceptualize this for myself at all.

為我自己概念化這一點。

I don't know, I just don't think

我不知道，我只是不認為

that it makes sense for me personally

這對我個人來說是有意義的

to ever put a secure image of who I think I wanna be

把我想成為的人的安全形象放進去

or sort of what I want my life to look like

或者說是我希望我的生活是什麼樣子的

and hope that the universe takes me to good places.

並希望宇宙把我帶到好地方。

(upbeat music)

(歡快的音樂)