Now, we're here today to find out how to argue.

好了，我們今天來的目的是要了解如何爭論。

But conflict is useful.

但衝突是有用的。

The question is: How do you deal with conflict the most effectively?

問題是，你該如何最有效地處理衝突？

Here we go.

開始吧。

I am author of "Negotiating the Nonnegotiable - How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally-Charged Conflicts".

我是《不妥協的談判：哈佛大學經典談判心理課》的作者。

Have you found yourself in an argument that felt so frustrating, so at-a-core aggravating?

你是否曾發現自己身處令人沮喪、十分惱人的爭論中？

That's the silliest opinion I've ever heard.

那是我聽過最愚蠢的意見。

It felt just nonnegotiable.

感覺根本無法商量。

Well, congratulations, you're a human being.

那麼，恭喜你，你是正常人類。

We all experience conflict in our lives.

我們在生活中都會經歷衝突。

And seeing what's going on in our world today, my hunch is, you were probably having at least one of these conflicts about politics.

有鑒於今日世界正在發生的事，我的預感是，你這些衝突當中，可能至少有一個跟政治有關。

Our country has fallen into what I believe is a tribal trap.

我們國家已經陷入了我認為的「部落陷阱」。

Anything that that other side says, I shall not believe, I shall not give any credibility to.

對立方所說的任何話，我都不會相信，也不會給予任何可信性。

And I'm gonna do everything I can to prove I'm right, you're wrong, and to stifle you down to raise me up.

我也將盡我所能來證明我是對的、你是錯的，然後壓抑你以提升我自己的位置。

The problem is not with the "what"⏤what are we arguing about⏤the problem is with the "how".

問題不在於「什麼」（我們在爭論什麼），而是「如何」。

How should we argue?

我們該如何爭論？

How can we be more effective?

我們如何才能更有效率？

And what I've found is that there are three big barriers that we can actually overcome to have more effective conversations.

而我發現的是，要有更有效的對話，有我們實際上可以克服的三大障礙。

The big things⏤one, identity; two, appreciation; and three, affiliation.

大要素：一是身份、二是理解、三是關聯。

Let's start with identity.

讓我們從身份開始。

Now, first of all, this is a hot issue.

首先，這是一個熱門議題。

Why do we get so emotional in these conflict situations?

我們在這些衝突情況下，為什麼會如此情緒化？

It often goes back to something deeper: identity.

這通常要回歸到更深層的東西：身份。

What are the core values, the core beliefs that are feeling threatened inside of you as you're having that conversation with the other side?

當你在和對立方進行對話時，你心中感到威脅的核心價值和信念是什麼？

The moment your identity gets hooked in these conflicts, all of a sudden, your emotions become 100 times more powerful.

當你的身份與這些衝突掛鉤的那一刻，你的情感會突然地變得百倍有力。

Boy, this is a wholly different conflict now.

呵，這現在變成完全不同的衝突了。

It's now your pride.

它現在攸關你的自尊。

Your sense of self is on the line.

你的自我感知岌岌可危。

You need to know who you are and what you stand for.

你需要知道自己是誰、支持什麼立場。

What are the values and beliefs that are driving me to fight for this stance on this issue?

驅使我為此議題的這個立場鬥爭的價值和信念是什麼？

The more you understand who you are, the more you can try to get your purpose met and stay balanced,

你越了解自己是誰，就越可以嘗試達成目的並保持平衡，

even when the other threatens those core values and beliefs.

即便對方威脅了這些核心價值與信念。

Each side wants to feel appreciated, and, yet, the last thing they wanna do is to appreciate the other side.

雙方都希望感到被理解，然而他們最不想做的事就是理解對方。

That's a problem.

那是個問題。

Listen and understand.

傾聽並理解。

When you're in the midst of the conflict, don't talk.

當你處於衝突之中時，不要說話。

Take the first 10 minutes.

善加利用前 10 分鐘。

Consciously listen to the other side.

有意識地傾聽對方。

What's the value behind their perspective?

他們觀點背後的價值是什麼？

What's the logic, the rationale?

邏輯、基本原理是什麼？

Why do they hold this perspective on immigration or healthcare?

它們對移民或醫療保健為什麼會有這種看法？

Once you truly understand and see the value in their perspective, let them know,

一但你真正理解並看到他們見解的價值，讓對方知道，

"I hear where you're coming from, and you know what? That makes sense."

「我了解你的出發點，你知道嗎？那有道理。」

There is nothing more in the world that we like than to feel appreciated.

在這個世界上，我們喜歡的東西，沒有比感到被理解更甚的了。

Recognize your power to appreciate them.

要意識到自己有能力理解對方。

Third, affiliation.

第三、關聯。

What's the emotional connection like between you and the other side?

你跟對方在情緒上的聯繫是怎麼樣的？

We typically approach these conflict situations as me versus you.

我們一般會以「我對你」的方式應付這些衝突。

My opinion on healthcare versus yours, my party's perspectives on immigration versus yours.

我對醫療保健的意見對上你的、我黨對移民的見解對上你的。

That's just gonna leave the two of you like rams butting heads.

最後只會讓你們雙方落得嚴重分歧狀態。

Find common ground.

找到共同點。

Turn that other person from an adversary into a partner.

把對方從對手轉變為夥伴。

So, it's no longer me versus you, but the two of us facing the same shared problem.

所以這不再是「我對你」，而是「我們兩人」面對共同的問題。

Ask the other person, "Look, what's your advice on how we can get as many of our interests met at the same time?"

問對方：「聽著，針對我們怎麼能夠同時讓雙方得到最大利益，你的建議是什麼？」

Change the nature of your conversation.

改變對話的性質。

Now, you put these three things into practice, it can transform your relationships.

那你只要把這三件事付諸實踐，它就可以改變你的關係。

Imagine what would happen if we started a revolution.

想象一下，如果我們發動一場革命會發生什麼事。

But a positive revolution of greater understanding, greater appreciation, greater affiliation.

不過是一場有著更多了解、更多同理心、更多關聯性的正面革命。

How we could transform politics, how we could transform our country and, ultimately, our world.

我們可以如何改變政治、改變我們的過家，並最終改變我們的世界。

I believe it's possible, but it starts with each one of us.

我相信這是可能的，但要從我們每一個人開始。