I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, "No divorces in '99!'

我要獨排眾議地說：「99 年不離婚！」

But your divorce isn't even final yet.

但你的離婚手續根本還沒完成。

- Just the one divorce in '99! - Yeah, baby!

- 99 年只離那一次婚！ - 是的，寶貝！

You know what? I am gonna be happy this year; I am gonna make myself happy.

你們知道嗎？我今年要快樂，我要讓自己快樂。

Do you want us to leave the room or...?

你需要我們離開房間之類的嗎？

Every day, I am gonna do one thing I have never done before.

我每一天都會做一件我從沒做過的事。

That, my friends, is my New Year's resolution.

我的朋友們，那就是我的新年新希望。

Ooh! That's a good one.

喔，那是個好主意。

- Yeah? - Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.

- 是嗎？ - 我的目標是駕駛一架商業飛機。

That's a good one, too, Pheebs, now all you have to do is find a plane load of people whose resolution is to plummet to their deaths.

Phebes，那也是個好主意，現在你只需要找到一架飛機，載滿希望因墜落而死的人。

Maybe your resolution should be not to make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.

或許你的目標應該是不要取笑朋友，尤其當那個朋友很可能很快會讓你搭他的飛機免費去歐洲。

She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us.

要你不取笑我們，比她成功駕駛飛機的機率還低。

In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks you can't go the whole year without making fun of us.

事實上，我跟你賭 50 塊錢，你不可能整年都不取笑我們。

Oh, you know what? Better yet, a week.

哦，你知道嗎？更好的是賭一週。

I'll take that bet, my friend.

我的朋友，我接受這場賭注。

And you know what? Paying me the 50 bucks can be the "new thing you do that day".

然後你知道嗎？付我 50 元可以是你「從沒做過的事」。

And it starts right now.

賭注現在開始。

All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play guitar.

好，我的新年新希望是學習如何彈吉他。

- Oh! - Really? How come?

- 哦！ - 真的嗎？為什麼？

Well, you know those special skills I have listed on my resume?

嗯，你們知道我履歷上寫的那些特殊技能嗎？

Well, I would love it if one of those was true.

嗯，如果其中一件事是真的，我會很高興的。

Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.

你要我教你嗎？我是很棒的老師。

Oh, really? Who have you taught?

喔，真的嗎？你教過誰？

Well, I taught me and I loved me.

嗯，我教過自己，而我愛極了自己。

Oh, that'd be great.

喔，那就太好了。

Yeah, thanks, Pheebs.

好啊，謝啦，Pheebs。

Oh, look! Blair forgot her glasses.

喔，你們看！Blair 忘記帶走眼鏡了。

And she's gonna really be needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend who, from what I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.

而她真的需要這些眼鏡盯著她男友，我聽說他需要把自己的「釘書機」好好收在「抽屜裡」，懂我的意思吧！（譯註：指男友喜歡捻花惹草）

Hey, Rach, maybe your resolution should be to gossip less.

嘿，Rach，你的新希望或許應該是少八卦點。

Wha⏤I don't gossip.

什麼？我不八卦。

Wha⏤maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on, you know?

什麼？或許有時候我會發現或聽說一些事情，然後分享那個訊息，懂嗎？

Kind of like a public service.

有點像是公共服務。

It doesn't mean I'm a gossip⏤I mean, would you call Ted Koppel a gossip?

這不表示我愛八卦，我的意思是，你會說 Ted Koppel 愛八卦嗎？（譯註：Ted Koppel 為新聞工作者）

Well, if Ted Koppel talked about his co-worker's botched boob jobs, yeah, I would.

嗯，如果 Ted Koppel 在講他同事搞砸了的隆胸手術，那我就會。

They were like this!

它們變成這樣了！

- Hey. - Hey!

- 嘿。 - 嘿！

I just asked that girl out.

我剛問了那個女人是否要跟我約會。

- Nice. - Nice, yeah.

- 很好。 - 不錯，是的。

Is that part of your resolution, your "new thing" for today?

那是你新希望的一部分、今天的「新事」嗎？

Yes, it is.

是，它是。

See?

看到了嗎？

Elizabeth...

Elizabeth⋯⋯

... Hornswoggle?

⋯⋯ Hornswoggle？

That's right, E⏤

沒錯，E——

Elizabeth Hornswoggle.

Elizabeth Hornswoggle。

Horn...

Horn⋯⋯

... swoggle.

⋯⋯ swoggle。

You okay, Chandler?

Chandler，你還好嗎？

Is there something... something funny about that name?

這個名字有什麼好笑的地方嗎？

No, no; I just think that maybe I've heard it somewhere before.

不、不，我只是覺得也許我以前在哪裡聽過。

Oh, really?

哦，真的嗎？

Where?

哪裡？

Somewhere funny, I'll bet.

我敢打賭是在某個有趣的地方。

- Hi, Pheebs! - Hey!

- 嗨，Pheebs！ - 嘿！

Oh, guess what? I have a date with Elizabeth Hornswoggle.

喔，你猜怎麼著？我和 Elizabeth Hornswoggle 有個約會。

Hornswoggle?

Hornswoggle？

Ooh, this must be killing you.

哦，這一定讓你很痛苦。

- All right, see you later. - See ya.

- 好了，回頭見。 - 再見。

All right, Pheebs.

好了，Pheebs。

I am ready for my first lesson.

我準備好上第一節課了。

Okay.

好。

Oh, no, no, you don't touch the guitar.

哦，不，你不能碰吉他。

No, no; first, you learn here, then you learn here.

不、不，你得先在這裡學習，然後才在這裡學習。

Oh.

哦。

- Okay. - Okay.

- 好的。 - 好。

Okay.

好。

Lesson one, chords.

第一課，和弦。

Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords, but I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them.

我不知道和弦的實際名字，但我會用我手在彈奏時的長相來命名。

So, then, this is bear claw, okay, turkey leg, and old lady.

好，那這是熊掌、火雞腿，還有老太太。

What an interesting approach to guitar instruction.

多麼有趣的吉他教學法。

You know, some might find it amusing.

你知道的，有些人可能會覺得這很有趣。

I, myself, find it regular.

我自己覺得這很正常。