So it's divided into three sections of what is love, why we fail at it and what we can do differently to succeed for happily ever after In the Western world, you are working against the odds.

是以，它分為三個部分，即什麼是愛，為什麼我們會在愛中失敗，以及我們可以採取什麼不同的方式來成功實現幸福的生活。 在西方世界，你是在與困難作鬥爭。

50% of marriages end in divorce, 10 to 15% are sep aerated without divorce.

50%的婚姻以離婚告終，10-15%的婚姻是不離婚而分居。

7% go along with an unhappy marriage leaving us with only 30% who get happily ever after.

7%的人選擇了不幸福的婚姻，只剩下30%的人得到了幸福的生活。

Tashiro says that traits in a person very rarely change and that the traits that people carry during the initial period of dating are indicative of how people will behave in the future.

塔什羅說，一個人的特質很少會改變，人們在約會初期所攜帶的特質是對人們未來行為方式的訓示。

And that's something that screws is over is that we wish for a really unreasonable amount of traits in the people that we date and the traits we aspire for our partners to have are often not good predictors of relationship success, things like physical attractiveness or how rich they are.

螺絲釘的問題是，我們希望在我們約會的人身上有非常多不合理的特徵，而我們渴望我們的伴侶擁有的特徵往往不能很好地預測關係的成功，比如身體的吸引力或他們有多富有。

Tashiro actually believes that the most we can realistically wish for in a partner are three traits and that we should not waste these wishes on things like beauty, wealth or height.

塔什羅實際上認為，我們在伴侶身上最現實的願望是三個特徵，我們不應該把這些願望浪費在美貌、財富或身高等方面。

So, okay, fine Tachira, what traits should I wish for?

那麼，好吧，好的塔奇拉，我應該希望有什麼特徵呢？

Okay, he says that there are what's known as the Big 55 traits that compromise all personalities and everyone just varies on the scale of low to high on all of these traits and they are one openness to experience spontaneous impulsive seeks, novelty, experiences, to conscientiousness, organized, motivated achievement oriented discipline.

好吧，他說有所謂的55個大特徵，這些特徵損害了所有的人格，每個人在這些特徵上都有從低到高的變化，它們是對經驗的開放性、自發的衝動尋求、新奇、經驗，到自覺性、有組織、有動機的成就導向的紀律性。

Three extrovert talkative, energetic gregarious, assertive for agreeableness.

三是外向健談，精力充沛的好客，自信的合群性。

Warm, kind, empathetic, altruistic, modest and five neuroticism, moody, irritability, anxious, depressed.

熱情、善良、有同情心、利他主義、謙虛和五個神經質，喜怒無常、易怒、焦慮、抑鬱。

Now, what Tachira warns is that neuroticism is actually the number one predictor of relationship dissatisfaction and conflict.

現在，塔奇拉警告的是，神經質實際上是關係不滿意和衝突的頭號預測因素。

And that people who are high in openness to experience and novelty seeking are usually people who are unfaithful in romantic relationships and provide less stability long term.

而且，對經驗的開放性和尋求新奇的人通常是在浪漫關係中不忠的人，並且提供較少的長期穩定性。

So he suggests when you're looking for an ideal long term partner that you find someone who would be low to moderate on the scale of neuroticism and novelty seeking.

是以，他建議當你尋找一個理想的長期伴侶時，你要找一個在神經質和尋求新奇方面處於低到中等水平的人。

So as you may have guessed partners who are high in agreeableness tend to have Long term stability, higher rates of satisfaction and happier relationships.

是以，正如你可能已經猜到的，合意度高的伴侶往往有長期的穩定性，更高的滿意度和更快樂的關係。

So an exercise he recommends that we do is write out the initials of all of your major relationships and score them one for low 10 for high on each of these traits.

是以，他建議我們做的一個練習是寫出你所有主要關係的首字母，並在這些特徵的每一個方面給它們打1分，表示低，表示高。

He also says that you should look at the attachment style of each individual and make note of that as well.

他還說，你應該看看每個人的依戀風格，並把這一點也記下來。

Finally, score yourself on all these traits, try to be as honest and objective as possible.

最後，在所有這些特徵上給自己打分，儘量做到誠實和客觀。

And if you don't think you can ask your friends, then you take a step back and look at your patterns.

如果你認為你不能問你的朋友，那麼你就退一步，看看你的模式。

Are you dating people who are really low on agreeableness or most of them avoidant or anxious.

你是否在和那些認同感真的很低的人約會，或者大多數人都是迴避或焦慮的。

Do you date people with high neuroticism or are you someone with high neuroticism.

你是否與高神經質的人約會，或者你是高神經質的人。

Yes, I am, I'm working on it.

是的，我在做，我正在努力。

But if your ultimate goal is to live happily ever after?

但如果你的最終目標是從此過上幸福的生活？

Tashiro says, make a list 10 wishes you want in a partner then rank them and stick to your top three.

塔什羅說，列出你在伴侶中想要的10個願望，然後對它們進行排名，並堅持你的前三名。

He also advises to create small steps to attain your goal using the information that you got from these patterns.

他還建議，利用你從這些模式中得到的資訊，創建小步驟來實現你的目標。

And one of the examples in the book is that one of his friends realized that she should not date guys and bands who play bass anymore because they were high on novelty seeking and she had a pattern of being cheated on.

而書中的一個例子是，他的一個朋友意識到她不應該再和彈貝斯的人和樂隊約會，因為他們對新奇的追求很高，而她有被欺騙的模式。

I found the exercise to be really helpful, like high levels of neuroticism across the board.

我發現這個練習真的很有幫助，比如全面的高水平的神經質。

In my past partners and in myself, I've mostly dated avoidance and then I did notice, like most of my past partners were relatively low on novelty seeking, which made sense because I haven't been cheated on in a long time, but very little agreeableness in my past relationships, which makes sense.

在我過去的伴侶和我自己身上，我主要是和迴避型的人約會，然後我確實注意到，像我過去的大多數伴侶在尋求新奇感方面相對較低，這很有意義，因為我已經很久沒有被欺騙了，但在我過去的關係中很少有合群性，這也很有意義。

So on my little goal list and action plan, that is what I am leaning towards.

是以，在我的小目標清單和行動計劃中，這是我所傾向的。

And I hope all this information helped you as much as it helped me If you want to check the book.

我希望所有這些資訊對你的幫助和對我的幫助一樣大，如果你想查看這本書。

Here it is again, I'm anaconda.

又來了，我是巨蟒。

Thank you to the patrons who supported today's video and thank you to Daddy squarespace for sponsoring today's episode Daddy squarespace makes it easy for creators to monetize their content and expertise in a way that fits their brand.

感謝支持今天視頻的贊助人，感謝Daddy squarespace贊助今天的節目。 Daddy squarespace讓創作者以適合自己品牌的方式輕鬆實現其內容和專業知識的貨幣化。

They have member areas which unlocks a new revenue stream for your business and frees up time in your schedule by selling access to gated content like astrology courses, astrology courses and astrology courses plus online booking and scheduling is available, making it easier than ever for your clients to schedule classes or sessions.

他們有會員區，這為你的業務打開了新的收入來源，並通過出售門檻內容（如占星課程、占星課程和占星課程）來釋放你的時間，再加上在線預訂和安排，使你的客戶比以往更容易安排課程或會議。

And they have easy access to your availability and can reschedule online, taking all the hassle of coordinating calendars off of you.

他們可以很容易地獲得你的空閒時間，並可以在線重新安排時間，為你分擔協調日曆的所有麻煩。

If you're a content creator like myself, they have video studio where you can create pro level videos effortlessly and use their app to make and share engaging videos so that you can tell your story for your audience and drive sales.

如果你像我一樣是個內容創作者，他們有視頻工作室，你可以毫不費力地創建專業水準的視頻，並使用他們的應用程序來製作和分享有吸引力的視頻，這樣你就可以為你的觀眾講述你的故事並推動銷售。

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去squarespace dot com獲得免費試用，無論何時你準備好啟動，去squarespace dot com slash ana，使用代碼anna獲得首次購買網站或域名的10%折扣 adios。