We might believe we were not ridiculous.

我們可能相信自己不荒謬。

We wouldn't know rejection and humiliation so intimately.

我們也就不會如此深刻地體會到拒絕和羞辱感。

This is what Alain de Botton, author of "How to Think More About Sex", has to say about the lack of this universal love language.

這就是《如何更常思考性愛》一書作者作者 Alain de Botton 對缺乏這種普遍愛的語言所做的評論。

Sex is⏤or, at least, should be⏤the sign of an unconditional acceptance that we feel towards our partner and that our partner feels towards us.

性是（或至少應該是）象徵我們對伴侶的無條件接受，而伴侶對我們也是如此。

It is through sex that two people send each other those comforting hidden messages.

正是通過性生活，兩個人才能互相發送那些撫慰性的隱藏訊息。

I think you're beautiful; I desire you; I love you.

我認為你很美、我渴望你、我愛你。

But, even still, many times, our deepest desires go ignored.

但即便如此，我們最深層的慾望很多時候還是被忽略了。

It may feel shameful and humiliating to admit that we sometimes feel dirty for wanting more sex, but making love is the fundamental drive that makes us human

承認我們有時因為想要更多性生活而感到骯髒可能會感到可恥和羞辱，但做愛是使我們成為人類的基本驅動力。

Without sex, for most of us, our relationship starts to suffer and we start suffering from the inside as well.

對我們大多數人來說，沒有性的人們，彼此關係會開始受到影響，也開始由衷感到痛苦。

What does it feel like to be in a sexless relationship?

處於無性關係中是什麼感覺？

Here are four signs you might be sex starved.

這裡有四個跡象表明你可能是性飢渴。

Number one: Have you been feeling uncomfortable in your own skin lately?

第一，你最近是否對自己感到很沒有自信？

You're waiting and waiting for your partner to send a passionate look your way, but the moment never comes.

你不停等待著你的伴侶向你投射熱情的眼神，但那一刻從未到來。

As a result, you may start noticing little imperfections on your body and feel undesirable or unattractive.

於是，你可能開始注意到自己身體上的小缺陷，並感到不被渴望或沒有吸引力。

A 2019 study published in the "Journal of Women's Health" found that body image can actually impact sexual satisfaction.

2019 年發表在《女性健康》雜誌上的一項研究發現，身體形象實際上會影響性滿意度。

Feeling uncomfortable in your body could make you feel uncomfortable while having sex, too.

對自己的身體沒有信心可能會讓你在做愛時也感到不舒服。

The study shows that feeling attractive is an important aspect of sexual activity.

該研究顯示，感覺自己有吸引力是性活動的一個重要面向。

Sex should make you feel like your partner loves and enjoys your body.

性生活應該讓你感覺到你的伴侶喜歡並享受你的身體。

It's comforting to be able to be yourself in front of someone exactly as you are.

能夠在別人面前完全做自己很讓人感到安慰。

So, when you haven't been touched for a long time, it's natural you start questioning your attractiveness

所以說，當你很長時間沒有被觸摸時，開始質疑自己的吸引力是很自然的。

Number two: Seeing red.

第二，易怒。

According to a study published in "The Journal of Sex Research", people who want to have more sex but can't for some reason often report feelings of anger and frustration.

根據《性研究期刊》發佈的一個研究，想擁有更多性生活但由於某種原因而不能的人，常常回報有憤怒和沮喪感。

Do you feel like the lack of sex is making you a bit angry?

你是否覺得缺乏性生活讓你有點生氣？

Maybe you get irrationally frustrated over the tiniest things⏤a messy kitchen or the trash waiting to be taken out may become horrible and unforgivable mistakes.

也許你會因為最微小的事情而不理智地感到沮喪：一間混亂的廚房或等待被倒掉的垃圾都可能成為可怕、不可原諒的錯誤。

Your partner might look at you bewildered and wonder what's going on, but your anger didn't come overnight.

你的伴侶可能會困惑地看著你、想知道發生了什麼事，但你的憤怒並不是一夜之間產生的。

It's possible that negative feelings that come with rejection have been building up inside you.

有可能是伴隨著一直在心中堆積的拒絕感而來的負面情緒。

When that happens, you may not know how to get rid of all those intense emotions, but if you start to lose your temper more often, it could turn your partner off even more.

當這種情況發生時，你可能不知道如何擺脫這所有強烈情緒，但如果你開始更經常地發脾氣，它可能會使你的伴侶更加厭惡。

Number three: Running away.

第三，逃跑。

A research study published in 2011 in "Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy" showed that men and women who were dissatisfied with their frequency of sex were also more likely to express overall lower relationship satisfaction.

2011 年發表在《性與婚姻治療雜誌》上的一項研究指出，對性生活頻率不滿意的男、女也更可能表達出整體較低的關係滿意度。

And when they became dissatisfied with their relationship, they might start withdrawing from their partner completely.

當他們對關係不滿意時，他們可能開始完全不與伴侶交流。

Have you noticed you're spending less and less time with your partner?

你是否注意到你和伴侶在一起的時間越來越少？

Do you feel lonely even when you're right next to them?

即使你就在他們身邊，你是否也感到孤獨？

It's possible to lose interest in what your loved one has to say or spending time with them.

你也很可能對所愛之人所說的話失去興趣，也不想花時間跟他們相處。

Unfortunately for some people, this withdrawal can create even more problems.

不幸的是，對於某些人來說，這種退卻會造成更多問題。

They might become so disinterested in their partner that they don't even wish to have sex with them anymore

他們可能會變得對伴侶不感興趣，甚至不希望再和他們發生性關係。

And number four: Forbidden fantasies.

第四，禁忌的幻想。

As the end result, sometimes the lack of sex can bring us into the embrace of another person, whether it's physically or in our minds, we may long for someone else's touch.

最終結果是，有時缺乏性生活會使我們投入另一個人的懷抱，無論是身體上還是思想上，我們都可能渴望別人的觸摸。

It's not because we don't love our partner but because we can't keep up with the unfulfilled desires.

這不是因為我們不愛伴侶，而是因為我們無法跟上未被滿足的慾望。

The reason for this could have something to do with our brain chemistry.

其原因可能與我們的腦化學有關。

Professor Dr. René Hurlemann from the Bond University Medical Center says that an important role in partner bonding is played by the hormone, oxytocin.

邦德大學醫學中心的教授 René Hurlemann 博士表示，伴侶關係形成的一個重要作用是由荷爾蒙催產素發揮的。

Oxytocin is commonly known as the love hormone.

催產素通常被稱為愛情荷爾蒙。

Then, a study published in journal "Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences" showed that higher levels of oxytocin can actually increase the need for monogamy.

接著，發表在《美國國家科學院院刊》上的一項研究表明，較高的催產素水準實際上可以增加對一夫一妻制的需求。

So, when we lack the love hormone that comes from sex and bonding, we might fantasize about other people, wondering how it might be if we were single and available.

所以說，當我們缺乏來自性和結合的愛情荷爾蒙時，我們可能會幻想其他人，想知道如果我們是單身、不受束縛的狀況會是怎麼樣。

Do you sometimes imagine being with someone else?

你是否有時會想象和別人在一起？

For those who do, this can be hard to admit, even to ourselves.

對會的人而言，即使要對自己承認也很難。

It only increases the guilt and shame that we feel already and makes us feel like we're terrible.

這只會增加我們的內疚和羞恥感，讓我們覺得自己很糟糕。

But no matter how bad you might feel, it's important to remember to be gentle with yourself⏤what you feel is a part of being human.

但無論你的感覺有多糟，重要的是要記住對自己溫柔點，你的感覺是身無人的一部分。

Why sex is good.

為什麼性是好的。

As we said before, sex is a love language, and apart from building a connection with your loved one, it also plays a role in your physical and emotional health.

正如我們之前所說，性是一種愛的語言，除了與你所愛的人建立聯繫之外，它還對你的身體和情感健康起作用。

Studies have supported this theory, showing that sex improves heart health, soothes headaches, acts as a form of exercise, and boost immune function.

諸多研究也支持這一理論，表明性可以改善心臟健康、舒緩頭痛、充當一種運動，並促進免疫功能。

But no matter how deprived you may feel, it's important to note that your partner's perspective is important, too.

但無論你可能感到多麼匱乏，重要的是要記得，伴侶的觀點也很重要。

Just as you shouldn't be ashamed for wanting more sex, they shouldn't be ashamed for wanting less.

就如同你不該為想要更多的性生活而感到羞恥一樣，他們也不應該為想要更少的性生活而感到羞恥。

Even if a couple is dating or married, partners shouldn't feel like they have an obligation to have sex if they don't want to.

即使是情侶或已婚伴侶，兩人之間也不該覺得他們有義務在不想要的時候發生性行為。

The best thing you could do is ask them openly, "Is there something wrong?"

你能做的最好事情就是公開問他們：「是不是有什麼問題？」

And if the problem is a bit deeper, visiting a sex therapist or a couples' therapist might be what improves your relationship and connects your bodies again.

如果問題較為深層，看看性治療師或夫妻治療師可能會改善你們的關係，並再次連接你們的身體。

Do you relate to any of these signs?

你對任何以上跡象感到共鳴嗎？

This video explains the perspectives of people with a higher sex drive.

這部影片解釋了性慾較高者的觀點。

But if you're actually the one who doesn't feel like having sex, check out this video to see if you're sexually repressed.

但如果你其實是不想要性生活的那群人之一，那就看看這部影片了解自己是否經歷性壓抑。