Name: 約會初期時最怕被問到的問題 (The one question you fear in early dating stages)
Uploaded: 2022-12-16T21:01:20.000Z
Duration: 3 min 36 s

So I was seeing someone for like a month, made this great connection, deep chemistry, playful energy. Things were going great.

我最近跟一個人約會了一個月了，建立了很良好的關係，深厚的化學反應、很開心有趣的能量。 事情進展得挺順利的。

然後他突然問到：「所以我們之間是什麼關係？」

Freeze frame on my big dumb stupid flipped amygdala face.

請把畫面定格在我又大又呆又蠢且不知所措的臉上。

It was terrifying, scary, spooky emotional Halloween time.

那瞬間就像是萬聖節的時候一樣可怕又令人毛骨悚然。

And look, I say this as the person who usually says,

聽著，我會這樣說是因為通常我才是說這句話的人：

But I didn't realize how scary it would be to be on the receiving end 'cause up until then, I felt like I was in Everything Everywhere All at Once, right? Where all the options were possible.

但我沒有意識到成為被問的那一方會有多可怕，因為在那之前，我覺得自己像在電影《媽的多重宇宙》裡一樣，所有的選擇都是可能的。

In that early phase, the uncertainty that not exactly knowing where we stand, it can be a magical multiverse.

在約會的初期，兩人關係的不確定性，讓我們可以像是身處在神奇的多元宇宙一樣。

Because like Michelle Yeoh, you can just jump into wherever you want, where this person could be your future, a fun fleeing or someone with whom to have a grand adventure.

因為像楊紫瓊，你可以隨心所欲地跳到不同的宇宙，像是對方是你的未來的宇宙、對方只是你逃避現實的玩伴的宇宙、或者是可以跟對方一起冒險的宇宙。

But this question brings a shift. It offers a narrowing down, just a culling of those endless possibilities.

但「我們之間是什麼關係」這個問題帶來了轉變。 它把範圍縮小了，刪除掉那些無限的可能性。

This question is terrifying because it brings clarity about motivations, intentions and compatibility,

這個問題很可怕，因為它讓動機、意圖和兼容性變得很明確，

which sometimes means, you know, rejection, not being aligned or having just a very different idea of where this is going, and all of that is incredibly vulnerable.

這有時意味著拒絕，因為彼此可能對事情的發展方向有非常不同的想法，這些都非常脆弱。

Esther Pearl says, we all want freedom and we all want security. The paradox of humanity.

Esther Pearl 說：「我們都要自由也都想要安全感。」這就是人性的矛盾。

Don't you hate being a walking contradiction?

你不覺得成為一個行走的矛盾很討厭嗎？

But as my therapist says, "Relationships are a mirror, we learn about who we are, what we want, what we don't want, what we need all through our relationships with other people."

但正如我的治療師所說：「人際關係是一面鏡子，我們通過與他人的關係了解我們是誰，我們想要什麼，不想要什麼，以及我們需要什麼。」

And often, doing the work means having a relational perspective on life where we deal with disappointment, hurt vulnerability, betrayal and being really activated in order to find out who we really are.

通常，進行這個對話讓我們對人生有更明確的看法，而人生就是我們應對失望、傷害脆弱、背叛和被刺激後發覺我們到底是什麼樣的人的過程。

So though this question can be spooky scary time, just remember Pearl's wonderful words.

所以雖然這個問題可能很可怕，但請記住 Pearl 說過的這段很棒的話：

What does it mean to find the right person?

And there I will say, the simplest way of looking at it is this: there are many people you will love and they are not necessarily the same people that you will make a life with.

我會說，最簡單的方法是這樣：有許多人你會愛上他們，而他們不一定是與你一起創造生活的人。

Are you looking for a love story or are you looking for a life story?

你是在尋找愛情，還是在尋找人生？

When the answer to "what are we?" is mutually satisfying, will be so glad we had the conversation

當雙方對於「我們之間的關係是什麼？」的答案是滿意的時候，就會很慶幸有過這個對話。

And even if it's not mutually satisfying, down the line, we'll have grown just a little bit from it because relationships are meant to change us, so embrace being afraid, stand in your truth and find your life story.

即使答案不能讓雙方都滿意，但從長遠來看，我們也會從中成長一點點，因為戀愛關係會改變我們，所以擁抱恐懼，堅持你的真理，找到你的人生故事吧

I'm Anna Akana, thank you to the patrons who supported today's video and thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring today's episode.

我是 Anna Akana，感謝支持今天影片的贊助人，也感謝 BetterHelp 贊助今天的節目。