If you don't do loads of gigs, you just sit in cafes going, The Guardian haven't been in yet.

如果你不做大量的演出，你就坐在咖啡館裡，《衛報》還沒來過呢。

Got three stars from the list if you had anyone from telly.

從名單上得到了三顆星，如果你有來自電視的人。

So I think rather than sitting there, you know, winding doing one show a day, do nine shows a day, you go out there do lots of different things.

所以我認為，與其坐在那裡，你知道，每天繞著做一個節目，一天做九個節目，你出去做很多不同的事情。

So I find it a fascinating experiment every august and on this particular day, the final show that I was doing was one called cheaper than therapy, which was different comics every night, and they were generally the, the idea was that it was to make money for the charity mind and each night, three or four comics would go on and they would do a routine that really vented their spleen or they would actually maybe do a routine that actually was about therapy itself, but how comedy might be used as therapy, but it was generally a stand up show and I said to promote a christian, I said, why don't we as well as doing the stand up bits, why don't we have a conversation afterwards, so that we can broaden out, we don't just have to nail everything to jokes.

所以我覺得每年8月都是一個迷人的實驗，在這個特殊的日子裡，我做的最後一個節目是一個叫做 "比治療更便宜 "的節目，每天晚上都有不同的喜劇演員，他們一般都是，想法是為慈善機構賺錢，每天晚上。三四個喜劇演員會上臺表演，他們會做一個真正發洩他們的脾性的節目，或者他們實際上可能會做一個關於治療本身的節目，但喜劇可能被用作治療，但它通常是一個站立節目，我說為了促進一個基督徒，我說，為什麼我們不在做站立節目的同時，我們為什麼不在之後有一個對話，這樣我們就可以擴大範圍，我們不只是要把所有事情都釘在笑話裡。

So we all did our routines and then there was an interval and it was a place called Gray friars Kirk house, everyone went off to have a drink and it was the normal kind of energetic boozy hubbub of midnight at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and I didn't have a phone.

所以我們都做了我們的常規動作，然後有一箇中場休息，在一個叫Gray friars Kirk house的地方，每個人都去喝酒了，這是愛丁堡藝穗節午夜的那種正常的精力充沛的喧鬧，我沒有電話。

Everyone else when they walk out, of course, they immediately turned on their phone, what's happened in the hour?

其他人當他們走出來的時候，當然會立即打開手機，這一個小時內發生了什麼？

And there was this moment where across the room, it was like a kind of domino effect of silence until until it was quite kind of palpable silence and I didn't know what was going on, but I knew something had happened and I went over to someone that I knew from other gigs, I said, susie, you got what's going on?

有這麼一個時刻，整個房間就像一種多米諾骨牌效應的沉默，直到它是相當一種令人心悸的沉默，我不知道發生了什麼，但我知道發生了一些事情，我走到一個我在其他演出中認識的人身邊，我說，蘇西，你知道發生了什麼？

Why is everyone so quiet?

為什麼每個人都這麼安靜？

And she went, don't you know, I said, no, it's Robin Williams.

她說，你不知道嗎，我說，不，是羅賓-威廉斯。

Robin Williams has died, he's killed himself.

羅賓-威廉姆斯已經死了，他自殺了。

And it was a genuinely shocking moment.

而這是一個真正令人震驚的時刻。

I think the, it takes a lot to kind of knock out the, the, you know, cheap facetious nous of a bunch of half drunk comics, but that did it, that was everyone was very choir and there was a level of confusion about what happened.

我認為，要想打倒一群半醉的漫畫家的廉價面子，需要很多東西，但那是做到了，那是每個人都非常合唱，對發生的事情有一定程度的困惑。

So, you know, there was that level of just shocked because it was someone who was an icon and only two months before rick mail had died, who again was someone that I absolutely adored and was one of the reasons that I I propelled myself into into comedy and I was also interested in Robin Williams because I knew he there was a compassion about him as well.

所以，你知道，有那種震驚的程度，因為這是一個偶像的人，在裡克-郵件去世前兩個月，他又是我絕對崇拜的人，是我把自己推向喜劇的原因之一，我也對羅賓-威廉姆斯感興趣，因為我知道他也有一種同情心。

So the next day I open the newspapers and all of the newspapers go with the same, you know, tears of a clown, another tragic, funny man.

所以第二天我打開報紙，所有的報紙都是一樣的，你知道，一個小丑的眼淚，另一個悲慘的、有趣的人。

And it turns it into a very, just a singular story and it turned it into a banality.

而且它把它變成了一個非常，只是一個單一的故事，它把它變成了一個平庸。

It turned something which may have been done for many different reasons into, oh well that's just the narrative arc of comedians, isn't it?

它把一些可能出於許多不同原因的事情變成了，哦，這就是喜劇演員的敘事弧線，不是嗎？

And you know, there may be many different reasons that Robin Williams decided to kill himself amongst other things.

而且你知道，羅賓-威廉姆斯決定自殺可能有許多不同的原因，其中包括其他事情。

Some of you might know he was suffering from a particularly insidious form of dementia called Lewy bodies, dementia.

你們中的一些人可能知道他患有一種特別隱蔽的痴呆症，叫做路易體痴呆症。

There's lots of different reasons and I thought with all of these myths about comedians, All of those, I mean BBC four and the channels and they all love that once a year documentary, which will be about Frankie Howard or Tommy Cooper or Peter Sellers or Kenneth Williams, whether Kenneth Williams made the whole of Britain laugh, but he himself was as miserable as sin, right?

有很多不同的原因，我想所有這些關於喜劇演員的神話，所有這些，我的意思是BBC四臺和各頻道，他們都喜歡每年一次的紀錄片，這將是關於弗蘭基-霍華德或湯米-庫珀或彼得-塞勒斯或肯尼斯-威廉姆斯，肯尼斯-威廉姆斯是否讓整個英國人笑，但他本人卻像罪孽一樣悲慘，對嗎？

And it's this nice, easy kind of a friend of mine, Peter who knew Kenneth Williams in the last few years of his life and he loves reading those stories and in the documentary and then I ring him up and find out what was wrong.

這是我的一個朋友，彼得，他在肯尼斯-威廉姆斯生命的最後幾年裡認識他，他喜歡讀那些故事和紀錄片裡的故事，然後我給他打電話，找出問題所在。

One of his favorites is they go Kenneth Williams always go Kenneth Williams wouldn't allow anyone to use his toilet and peter said that's rubbish.

他最喜歡的一件事是他們說肯尼斯-威廉姆斯總是說肯尼斯-威廉姆斯不允許任何人使用他的廁所，彼得說那是垃圾。

I used his toilet on loads of occasions.

我曾多次使用他的廁所。

The only people who didn't allow to use his toilet were people who were beginning to bore him.

唯一不允許使用他的廁所的人是那些開始讓他厭煩的人。

So if they were in his flat and Kenneth, can I just go to your louis go, no, you can't get in my toilet, no, he left to go outside and then once they went outside he'd lock the door and when they came back he'd pretend to be asleep.

是以，如果他們在他的公寓和肯尼斯，我可以去你的路易斯去，不，你不能進入我的廁所，不，他離開去外面，然後一旦他們出去，他會鎖門，當他們回來時，他會假裝睡著。

So this is what I find.

是以，這就是我發現的情況。

First of all, I find the fact that all human beings are a multitude fascinating and beautiful.

首先，我發現所有的人都是一個眾生相，這一點很吸引人，很美好。

And I also then thought, how interesting is that because of this, the legends of, of comedians, because the myths are so often retold, how much can we learn from the fact that what is true of comedians is probably actually true of an enormous number of human beings we are only represent.

然後我還想，多麼有趣啊，因為這個，喜劇演員的傳說，因為這些神話經常被重述，我們可以從以下事實中學到多少東西：喜劇演員的真實情況可能實際上是我們只代表的大量人類的真實情況。

So we are that sometimes the megaphone of the taboos that other people don't want to say, but we go up on stage for two hours and go look at me, here's a weird thing.

是以，我們有時是其他人不想說的禁忌的傳聲筒，但我們上臺兩個小時，看看我，這裡有一個奇怪的東西。

I mean I knew that I started to get it right about 10 years ago, I was doing a gig in Nottingham and afterwards a man came up to me and I'm quite annoyed with you.

我的意思是，我知道我在10年前就開始弄清楚了，我在諾丁漢做了一場演出，之後有一個人走到我面前，我對你相當惱火。

I said sorry what I've done, He went, well I've just sat in with your audience right and I've spent my whole life believing that I am quite weird.

我說抱歉我做了什麼，他說，好吧，我剛剛坐在你的聽眾席上，我一生都認為我很奇怪。

But sitting with your audience and watching your show, I've realized we're all bloody weird, which means I'm quite normal, which is disappointing.

但是和你的觀眾坐在一起，看你的節目，我已經意識到我們都是血淋淋的怪人，這意味著我很正常，這讓人失望。

And that that to me is you know, that that's I mean, I love those moments of of of connection that can occur.

對我來說，這就是你知道的，這就是我的意思，我喜歡那些可能發生的聯繫的時刻。

I did a whole show which was about those thoughts that you have, where maybe the example I would often give was you're holding a baby just by a balcony and suddenly out of nowhere you go, oh my goodness, I just imagine throwing the baby over the balcony.

我做了一個節目，是關於你的那些想法，也許我經常舉的例子是你抱著一個嬰兒在陽臺上，突然不知從哪裡冒出來，哦，我的天啊，我只是想象把嬰兒扔到陽臺上。

I must be somebody wants to throw babies over balconies.

我一定是有人想把嬰兒扔到陽臺上。

I shouldn't have a baby in my hands.

我的手中不應該有一個孩子。

You want her back.

你想讓她回來。

Okay.

好的。

Right, So, and I would talk to her, I would often say to an audience who's had those kind of thoughts and and very often the hands were quite slow in going up.

對，所以，我跟她說，我經常會對有這種想法的聽眾說，而且很多時候手都舉得很慢。

And but I I would talk about those things.

而且，但我我會談論這些事情。

Lots of sometimes you have those those thoughts when you're standing on a train station platform, when you're in a car and you imagine grabbing the steering wheel, all of those things.

很多時候，當你站在火車站的站臺上，當你在汽車裡，你想象著抓住方向盤，所有這些事情，你會有那些那些想法。

And I would go off on lots of different tangents.

我還會在很多不同的切入點上走來走去。

And but I would then at the end explain that when you have those, it's not because you have an urge, it's quite the opposite at moments of jeopardy like holding a baby near a balcony, your brain plays a public information film it basically, you're holding a baby.

但我隨後會在最後解釋，當你有這些時，並不是因為你有衝動，而是恰恰相反，在危險的時刻，比如在陽臺附近抱著嬰兒，你的大腦會播放一部公共信息片，基本上，你在抱著一個嬰兒。

So remember when holding a baby, don't throw it over a balcony, but it delivers it in a slightly cack handed way, so you go, is that a desire?

是以，請記住，當抱著孩子時，不要把它扔到陽臺上，但它是以一種略微蹩腳的方式交付的，所以你去，這是一個願望嗎？

And this is?

而這是？

And I would get people coming up to me afterwards.

事後會有人來找我。

And there was a lovely one with a lad who was probably in his late teens.

還有一個可愛的人，和一個大概十幾歲的小夥子在一起。

He said, I'm so relieved to find that out.

他說，發現這一點，我就放心了。

He said, I've my sister had a baby four months ago and I had this little thought one day and I've been too scared to hold a baby.

他說，我的姐姐四個月前生了一個孩子，有一天我有這個小想法，我一直不敢抱孩子。