It's hard to gain objectivity and clarity when you're immersed in the sunken cost of a relationship and your love for another person.

沉浸在一段關係和你對對方愛意的沉沒成本 (已發生且不可收回之成本) 中時，是很難保持客觀和看清事情的。

There are eight signs that your relationship isn't working and that they either need tending to or should become a contender for actually breaking up.

以下這八個跡象表明你們關係並不順遂，要麼需要維護，要麼得考慮分手。

One, you're always fighting.

一、你們總在爭吵。

Now, conflict is inevitable in any relationship.

在任何關係中，衝突都是無可避免的。

And if your relationship is totally devoid of conflict, that's probably a sign of avoidance and rupture and repair is bound to happen in any relation you have.

如果一段關係完全沒有衝突，那可能是迴避的表現，而關係的破裂和修復在任何關係中都必然會發生。

But it's when you're fighting is disrespectful, when it's constant arguments that go around in circles, when resolution doesn't lead to more compassion or intimacy that you're fighting is likely dysfunctional.

但當你們爭吵時不尊重對方、不斷鬼打牆，或問題解決也不能增加共感或親密感時，這些爭吵很可能並沒有起到作用。

Two, there's no intimacy — emotional, intellectual or physical.

二、沒有親密感，不論是情感上、智力上或身體上。

When the desire for physical closeness starts to go away, that's often a red flag that you're in trouble.

對肢體接觸的渴望開始消失往往是個警告，說明你們的關係可能大難臨頭。

Now, of course, you know, all relationships go in cycles, stressful factors can affect your sex life and your mood and all relationships have a natural ebb and flow.

當然，所有關係都有周期，壓力會影響性生活和情緒，所有關係都有自然起伏。

Of course, there's also plenty of couples that survive without physical intimacy for whatever personal reasons they have.

當然，不管基於什麼原因，也有很多關係在沒有親密接觸的情況下得以正常運作。

But it's more so when one partner has unmet needs, or both partners are uninterested in each other sexually, that something can really be off.

但如果一方的需求沒有得到滿足，或雙方都對彼此失去性趣，這段關係多半是有問題的。

Three, there's no trust.

三、你們之間沒有信任。

Whether there's been a hit to your emotional, financial, or physical trust, it's really hard to come back from that without communication, commitment to change, and a lot of healing.

無論你們之間是情感上、財務上，還是身體上的信任出了問題，如果沒有溝通、沒有承諾改變、也沒有相互治癒，感情是很難回復原狀的。

A very big rupture in trust can often be devastating to our relationship.

信任破裂往往會對一段關係造成很大的破壞。

Four, jealousy is out of control.

四、失控的嫉妒心。

When you or your partner is more often insecure, suspicious, controlling, this can become toxic fast.

你或你的伴侶經常缺乏安全感、多疑、控制欲強，都是關係變得病態的前兆。

And it's interesting because jealousy can either be a symptom of something else or a cause in itself.

有趣的是，嫉妒可能是其他東西導致的症狀，也可能是其本身的原因。

Five, you don't spend much time together.

五、聚少離多。

Are you spending meaningful, consistent, and high quality time together?

你們是否一起度過有意義、持續的且高質量的時光呢？

Are you creating experiences and memories?

是否有一起創造經驗和回憶呢？

Having important conversations?

有談過重要的事嗎？

A lack of these time can be a signal that there's something underlyingly wrong in the relationship.

缺乏這樣的時光可能是個警告，表明這段關係其實潛藏問題。

Six, your emotional needs aren't being met even after you've communicated them.

六、你的情感需求沒有得到滿足，即使你已經向對方表明過。

Your partner is not responsible for your happiness or for meeting your every emotional need.

你的伴侶無須對你的幸福或任何情緒需求負責。

But if you've communicated a very specific need that's continuing to be unmet and there's no change, this will probably lead to resentment.

但如果你已經明確傳達了具體需求，卻仍然沒有得到滿足，情況也沒有變化，這很可能會導致不滿及怨恨。

Seven, I would think this is a big one, you're considering cheating or you already have.

七、我覺得這是比較嚴重的一個，你正在考慮或者已經出軌了。

Fantasy? No, that's normal.

幻想？這很正常。

Okay, we're gonna have fantasies.

我們都會有幻想。

But when you're seriously considering cheating on your partner in a monogamous relationship or have already crossed that line, this is a huge problematic sign for your relationship.

但當你認真考慮在一對一關係中欺騙你的伴侶或早已越線時，這代表你們的關係已經亮紅燈了。

And finally, eight, which is probably the biggest of them all, there's no possibility of growth.

最後，第八個，這可能是最嚴重的一個，沒有成長的可能性。

Relationships are a mirror.

交往關係就像一面鏡子。

We should grow together, rising to the tough task of vulnerability through communication, intimacy, and openness.

兩人應該一起成長，透過溝通、親密關係和互相坦承來完成一項艱鉅任務，那就是應對我們內心的脆弱。

And when your relationship is stagnant, when one or more partners refuse to change or grow for the better, yikes, R.I.P.

而當你們的關係停滯不前，其中一人或兩人都拒絕改變或進步時，請節哀，這段關係已經無望了。

Now, every couple is different, right? There are caveats for every sign on this list, pinpointing what is not working is the first step.

每段關係都不同，對吧？所以在這個注意事項清單上，找出你的關係中哪裡出錯是第一步。

And the important thing to consider is can you communicate these issues with your partner and are you both willing to make changes in order to help the relationship.

而思考你能否與伴侶溝通這些問題，雙方是否願意為了改善關係做出改變是很重要的。

After you vocalized what isn't working, are you both tackling these problems together?

在你說出問題後，你們是否會一起解決問題？

I'd highly recommend couples counseling to have a third party mediator there, to help you navigate and resolve your issues.

我強烈推薦伴侶諮商，讓第三方調解員在現場幫助你瞭解、引導和解決問題。

Like, fights are always more productive when you have a referee, which leads me into thinking our sponsor for today, BetterHelp.

就像決鬥總是在有裁判的情況下更有成效，這讓我想到我們今天的贊助商 BetterHelp。

Even if you aren't a mess, like, sometimes we just need help navigating life struggles, pinpointing what's interfering with our happiness, or we just want assistance creating patterns that help serve our lives more.

即使你的生活沒有一團糟也可以使用，例如，有時我們只是需要一點幫助來應對生活中的掙扎，找出是什麼阻礙了我們的幸福，又或者我們只是需要一點協助去創造更好生活模式的。

BetterHelp can assess your needs and match you with your own licensed therapist.

BetterHelp 可以評估你的需求，並為你匹配專業心理諮商師。

BetterHelp has more than 15,000 counselors in their network that otherwise may not be locally available in many areas.

BetterHelp 擁有超過 15,000 名諮商師，這是其他地方沒有的。

You can send a message to your counselor anytime, plus schedule a weekly video or phone session.

你可以隨時發訊息給你的諮詢師，安排每週視訊或電話商談。

Plus, BetterHelp offers more affordable access than traditional online counseling.

此外，BetterHelp 提供了比傳統線上諮詢更實惠的方案。

And they have financial aid.

而且他們還有提供經濟補助。

You go to betterhelp.com/akana.

快上 betterhelp.com/akana.

That's better H.E.L.P.

尋求更好的幫助。

And join over one million people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.

加入超過一百萬人的行列，在有經驗的專業人士的幫助下掌控自己的心理健康。

Go to betterhelp.com/akana to sign up today, and get 10% off your first month.

今天就上 betterhelp.com/akana 註冊，領取第一個月九折折扣。