it is my privilege to help people explore their inner worlds,

我有這個榮幸，來幫人們探索個人的內在世界

their psychological terrain.

他們的心靈國度

Hour after hour, I hear thoughts, emotions, feelings.

無數個小時，我聽著人們的想法、情緒、感覺

This is my data.

這是我的資料庫

This data helps me to better understand

這些資訊幫助我深入了解

what is it that emotionally paralyzes us.

到底是什麼，使我們因為情緒而癱瘓

How is it that we may thrive at this thing called life?

該如何將人生這樁大事，營造地豐沛多彩

In voices that are awashed with need and ablazed with yearning,

在這些充溢著渴望、燃燒著期盼的聲音裡

my clients invite me into their history.

我的相談者邀請我 深入他們的個人歷程

They tell me stories of love, loss, hidden fears and deepest desires.

訴說著他們的愛、失落 隱藏的恐懼和最深的渴望

And let me tell you, inevitably these stories turn to childhood.

可以告訴大家 這些故事都難免指向童年經歷

They speak of a common theme, a similar rhythm.

他們會以類似的語調，談論常見的主題

They speak of a hunger that only a parent can appease,

他們會提到一些 只有父母才能安撫的盼望

of a thirst that only a parent can quench.

只有父母才能澆熄的渴求

The other day,

有一天

this tall strapping man in his mid forty's,

來了一個40多歲，魁梧高大的男性

he came to explore

他想尋找一個解答:

his particularly difficult relationship with his father.

該如何面對，他和父親之間關係的困境

Yes, we grapple with problems of our childhood long into adulthood.

沒錯，我們從小到大都在和問題搏鬥

And he said to me, in a voice that turned plaintive,

他開口對我說，聲音變得有些哀淒

that of an eight-year-old,

聽起來就像個八歲小孩

he said, "Will I ever meet my father's expectations?

他說:「我到底能不能達成我父親的期待? 」

Will he ever accept the man I've become today?

「他會不會肯定我現在的成就? 」

Or will I always be a no-good loser?"

「 還是我在他眼中，永遠都是輸家? 」

He was seeking, searching, yearning for an approval

他尋找、探求、盼望一個

that may never come.

他可能永遠得不到的肯定

And what about the woman in her thirty’s,

又有一位30多歲的女性

so beautiful, talented, successful,

非常美麗、聰明，非常成功

she screamed, "What is wrong with me?

她叫著:「我到底是怎麼了?」

Why am I this messed up?

「我生活為何一團糟? 」

You tell me it's because my father overdose when I was 4,

「你說這是因為，我四歲時父親用藥過度」

but when will this pain fade?"

「但這個痛苦什麼時候才會減輕? 」

And the woman who picks on her skin constantly,

還有一個女性，經常挑抓自己的皮膚

a lifetime habit, you see.

已經變成長年的習慣了

She said, "These," pointing to the rageful scars on her body,

她指著身上憤怒的傷疤，對我說:

"These began the day after my mom said

「這些是起因於我媽跟我說」

I was the reason daddy left us."

「我爸是因為我，才離開我們的」

"Help me!", each one of them silently shouts at me,

他們都無聲地呼喊著:「幫幫我 !」

"Who am I?

「我是誰?」

Am I my whole, am I worthy, do I matter?"

「我完整嗎? 我有價值嗎? 我重要嗎?」

Life's essential questions.

這些都是人生的基本問題

But no matter what I say to them,

但無論我說什麼

my words do not seep in.

他們都聽不進去

Because they've internalized another voice, you see,

因為他們已經內化了另一種聲音

that of their parents, an early voice.

就是早期的時候，他們父母說的話

Now try erasing that first blueprint.

現在，我們想要抹去這個第一印記

It runs wild, rampant, chaotic, unpredictable.

它卻變的狂野、猖獗、混亂、不可預測

It comes to be the way we define ourselves.

這些變成我們定義自己的方式

It becomes the air we breathe.

就像我們呼吸的空氣

Parents, few hold a greater power or more immense responsibility.

很少有比父母親職 更任重道遠的人生角色

And this is why I'm here today,

這就是為什麼，我今天要在這裡提議

to propose that we occupy the role of parenthood

面對我們所擔負的親職

in an entirely different way, with a renewed curiosity,

用全然不同的方式、嶄新的好奇心

a heightened awareness, a transformed commitment.

用更全觀的意識、轉變昇華的力量來投入

Because nothing like parenthood

因為親職是無可取代的

that needs to be at the forefront of our global consciousness.

它必須站在全球共同意識的第一線

It's the call, the linchpin

這是神聖的召喚，是事情的關鍵

that affects how our children will thrive.

這影響到，我們的孩子怎麼營造生命

Everything: how they take care of themselves, each other,

這影響廣泛: 他們怎麼自立、互助

the earth, show compassion,

怎麼關愛地球環境、展現同情心

tolerate differences, handle their emotions,

怎麼容忍差異，控制情緒

create, invent, innovate.

怎麼創造、發明、創新

This is where global transformation begins.

這才是世界改變的開端

We cannot expect our children to embody an enlightened consciousness

我們不能期待孩子們形成開明的意識

if we parents haven't dared to model this ourselves.

除非家長先勇敢改變自己

It all starts with us

一切都要從我們開始

and how we parent.

從我們如何教養孩子開始

Our children are facing challenges today that we couldn't have dreamed of.

孩子們今天面臨我們無法想像的挑戰

And evidence suggests that they are buckling under the pressure.

很多證據都說明 他們已經被壓得喘不過氣來了

One in five children in America

五分之一的美國孩子

shows sign or symptoms of a psychological disorder.

有心理問題的徵候或症狀

Now that is a hair-raising statistic.

這個統計簡直令人毛骨悚然

Two years ago, there were over 662,000 children in America

兩年前，全美有超過66萬2千名兒童

that were in foster care.

受寄養機構照顧

The use of ADHD drugs is on an exponential high.

過動症藥物的使用率，以等比級數創新高

270% global increase.

全球成長率高達274%

UNICEF did a study a few years ago

聯合國兒童基金會 數年前進行的一項研究

and found that American children

顯示美國兒童

ranked the second unhappiest.

居全球兒童不快樂排行榜的第二名

There was a study done in the UK of 30,000 children,

英國針對三萬名兒童做的另一項研究

and it was reported that one in ten, over the age of 8,

顯示超過八歲的兒童，有十分之一

reported being unhappy on a consistent basis.

長期處在不快樂的情緒當中

Something is amiss.

事情真的不太對勁

We need to sit up, pay attention and raise our children differently.

我們必須起而正視問題 改變我們教養的方式

Now, of course, parental influence isn't the only factor at play.

父母當然不是影響孩子的唯一因素

There are confusing and colliding

孩子的人生中，還會受到很多

and chaotic influences in our children's life

令人困惑、相衝突、混亂的影響

that shaped them indeterminately.

多少會影響他們的人格

We aren't the only ones, of course.

我們當然不是唯一的因素

There's neurobiology, there's temperament,

還有神經生物學上的因素、個人特質

there's social pressures, there's poverty.

社會壓力因素、貧窮

We could blame psychiatry, education,

我們可以批評精神病理學、抨擊教育

big farmer and the government,

指責大農產品商和政府

and chances are we may be right,

我們這些責難可能也沒錯

but our influence in these spheres is relatively limited.

但在這些領域 我們能著力的地方相對有限

But let me tell you where we hold indubitable power.

但是各位，我們確實能夠著力的地方

That is in the relationship we nurture with our children.

就是我們教養子女時的親子關係

Our children and us, moment after moment after moment.

孩子和我們 共同度過許多小小的人生片刻

Nothing glamorous here.

都是平凡的時刻

Early in the morning, as they brush their teeth,

早上他們刷牙的時候

as we take off their backpack,

我們幫孩子拿下背包的時候

as we soothe away their tears,

安撫他們淚水的時刻

brush away their fears,

驅除他們的恐懼

put them to sleep at night.

晚上送他們上床睡覺

This is where each one of us holds transformative power.

這是我們每個人 掌握轉變力量的重大時刻

There is no excuse.

我們責無旁貸

Now this isn't just some clinical psychologist here

我不是以臨床心理師身分

speaking of her convictions.

大談醫療理念

There's real science behind this

真實的科學研究佐證

to show how the parental relationship

顯示親職關係

impacts not only our emotionality and our psychology,

不但影響情緒、心理

but also our neurobiology.

也實際影響神經生理

Here, take a look at this,

請各位看看

two brains of 3-year-old's.

兩個三歲兒童的腦部

A great difference in size.

尺寸差異非常大

You may wonder why?

你可能會好奇

An illness perhaps? A genetic mutation?

是疾病造成的嗎，還是基因變異?

No.

都不是

They differ in the quality of the relationship

差異是他們和母親

they shared with their mother.

相處關係的品質

The one on the left suffered abuse and neglect,

我左手邊比較小的，遭受虐待和忽視

and the one on the right

我右手邊，比較大的

enjoyed the thriving connected relationship.

則享受健康活力的連結關係

Chances are, the one on the left will grow into an adult

通常，我左手邊的孩子成人後

at greater risk for drugs, crime, a lower IQ,

會承受較大藥物濫用、犯罪 和低智商的風險

and most tragically,

最可悲的是

a diminished capacity for empathy and relatedness.

還降低了同理心 以及與人建立關係的能力

Now, the mother of the child on the left certainly wasn't evil.

我左手邊這位孩子的母親，當然並非壞人

She was probably a mother who loved her child.

她可能也是個很愛孩子的母親

You know, we don't hurt our children because we are evil or ill-intentioned,

我們傷害孩子，並不是出於故意或是惡意

certainly not out of a lack of love.

也不是不愛孩子

We hurt our children for one reason only:

我們傷害孩子，只出於一個原因

it's because we are hurting ourselves

就是: 我們也正傷害著自己

and we barely know it.

卻幾乎沒有察覺

It's because we are unconscious,

因為我們沒有意識到

because we have an inherited legacies of emotional baggage

我們繼承了上一輩的情緒包袱

from our own parents.

來自我們父母的情緒印記

We're sitting on emotional baggage that lies dormant unconscious,

我們無意識地 沉睡在蟄伏的情緒包袱上

waiting to be triggered at a moment's notice.

等待在某一刻被喚醒

And who better to trigger us than our children?

沒人比孩子們更能喚醒我們

They just know the buttons to push.

他們就是知道該如何喚醒我們

Through our children we get theatre seats,

透過孩子，我們得以進入情緒的音樂劇場

orchestra seats to the theatrics of our emotional immaturity.

觀看由我們不成熟的情緒 交織而成的交響樂劇

You know when we lose our temper with our children

當我們對孩子們失控發脾氣

and believe that they're devils and monsters,

覺得他們就像是小惡魔、小怪物

chances are it isn't because they're that,

他們並不是小怪物

but because they've triggered an old wound within us.

只是他們觸動了 我們過去的情緒傷痕

They've made us feel feelings that we don't care to feel.

他們促使我們面對 原本不願面對的感覺

They've made us feel powerless and out-of-control, helpless,

他們促使我們 面對無力感、失控和無助感

and in order to regain a sense of supremacy,

我們為了奪回主導權

we lash out at them in reactivity.

才產生對孩子發脾氣的反應

You know when we pick on our children nonstop, we nitpick at them,

當我們對孩子雞蛋裡挑骨頭

"Why aren't you like this? Why don't you do that?

「你為什麼不喜歡這個? 為什麼不這樣做?」

"Why couldn't you be more like her?"

「你怎麼不多學學人家?」

Chances are it's not because they are inadequate,

其實並不是他們不夠好

but because we come from a place of inner lack,

而是我們自己內在的缺乏感

and we ourselves live under the tyranny of a severe inner critic.

使我們活在暴虐的自我批判裡

You know when our children are disrespectful to us

當我們的孩子不尊重我們

and cross our boundaries and we fret and fume,

試探我們的底線 我們氣得七竅生煙

and commiserate with our friends about our evil children?

然後跟朋友抱怨 孩子調皮搗蛋，都不聽話

Chances are it's not because they're wild and chaotic,

其實並不是他們調皮搗蛋

but because we ourselves

而是我們自己

have a problem with our leadership, with consistency,

沒有做好榜樣、言行不一

with order, with handling conflict, with saying no.

胡亂要求、不會處理衝突、不懂拒絕

You know, our children come to us whole, complete and worthy.

孩子們生而完好、自有天賦的價值

They're happy with two sticks, a stone and a feather.

很簡單的事物就能讓他們快樂

But because we've been conditioned so deeply in an unconscious manner,

但是我們在無意識中、根深蒂固地被剝奪了

so severed from our own sense of presence, wholeness, attunement,

我們自身的存在感、完整、和諧感

and sense of self and whole and abundance

也失去了自我意識、自我的豐足感

that we project a sense of lack onto them, and we teach them,

才把缺憾投射到孩子身上，還教他們:

"Do not depend on your sense of self for worth and value, but look outward.

「不要相信你的自我價值，要往外看」

Look to the Ferrari, the corporate corner office,

「看法拉利，看景觀大辦公室」

to the casino, to the pill, to the bottle, to the needle,

「看賭城暴富、看嗑藥、酗酒」

to spouse number one, two and three,

「看別人結婚、離婚又結婚」

to where you live, to where you graduated from.

「用你住在哪裡、你哪裡畢業來評斷自己」

Because we are severed from a sense of being,

因為我們失去了自我存在感

we are consumed by doing.

才會這樣汲汲營營

This is how we know self value.

這變成我們認知自我價值的方式

We teach our children,

我們教孩子

"You can't simply play, you must achieve."

「你不能光顧著玩，你必有成就」

"You can't have a hobby, you must excel at it."

「你不能只是有興趣，你必精通才藝」

"You cannot dream, you must dream big

「你不能只是有夢想，你必須胸懷大志」

and why really dream if you can't succeed?"

「既然做不到，你就別做夢了」

It's time for us to change the spotlight,

翻轉焦點的時候到了

to turn it inward,

省察我們的內心

and change it from being the child who needs to be fixed,

不再視孩子為問題

the child as the one with the problem,

而是看見孩子面臨的問題

and parental evolution as the solution.

而父母自身的轉變進化 才是解決的答案

The extent to which we as parents know ourselves,

身為父母，我們越了解自己

is the extent to which our children will.

孩子也會越了解自己

The extent to which we as parents can love deeply, laugh loudly,

身為父母，我們愛得越深、笑得越開懷

risk bravely and lose freely,

越勇於冒險、心胸越自由開明

is the extent to which our children will know joy and freedom.

孩子也越能享受快樂和自由

The extent to which we can run out into the rain

我們越能往外奔向大雨

without fear of getting wet,

擁有不怕淋溼的精神

is the extent to which our children will lead lives of courage.

孩子們越能創造，充滿勇氣的人生

The time to awaken is now.

現在是覺醒的時候了

The parenting paradigm needs to shift.

教養的典範必須轉變

No more the parent as the greater than,

父母不能再占據強勢的一方

but now we need to look at our children as equal

必須要視孩子為平等的個體

if not greater transforming agents.

甚至要了解，他們是有力的轉變契機

Our children are our awakeners, they are our teachers.

孩子，是我們的啟蒙者和導師

It is time for us parents to answer the call,

是我們身為父母的人 回應內在呼喚的時候了

to pause, to reflect more,

停下來、思考更多

to connect to our own abundance,

與自身的豐足，再度融合

to trust our children,

信任我們的孩子

to understand their brilliance,

了解他們奇妙精彩的特質

to follow their lead,

跟隨他們提示的方向

to self-love, to create purpose,

更愛自己、創造生命的意義

to enter worth, to be in gratitude.

再度發現自我價值，充滿感恩

For this is how our children will absorb

這一切，讓孩子能夠汲取

wholeness and abundance, fullness and spirit.

完滿與豐足的印記，展現自我生命的精神

And from this place, they can fly free.

在這片沃土上，孩子將自由展翅高飛

It is time for us parents to answer our call to our own awakening.

是為人父母的我們 回應內心覺醒的時候了

The moment is now and our children await.

現在正是時候 我們的孩子正盼望著

(Applause)

(掌聲)