Name: 如何不去在乎別人的看法 (How to not care what people think)
Uploaded: 2022-12-06T21:01:30.000Z
Duration: 4 min 48 s

At this point, we all know that being liked is an evolutionary urge, embedded in our DNA to keep us safe in numbers.

我們都知道，想被人喜歡是一種演化而來的渴望，刻在我們的 DNA 中，以利群體保護我們安全。

- 你說你不喜歡我是什麼意思？

- I put so much freaking work into this cave! I just finished the west wall!

- 我為這個山洞付出了這多！我剛剛才畫完西牆！

- Yeah, we're washing that off the moment you leave.

- 你一離開，我們就把它洗掉。

Mr. Snuggles is clearly grumpy and hungry, he's gonna try to take a bite out of me.

抱抱先生現在明顯又餓又，他會咬我的。

- Hmm, that sounds like a you problem. - Pack your rock and bones and go.

- 嗯，那是你的問題。- 收拾好你的石頭和骨頭就走。

- Fine, I don't wanna live with a couple of Homo erectuses anyway.

- 隨便，反正我也不想跟直立人住一起。

Humanity has so many things that we've developed over millions of years that are now useless,

- 人類有很多經過數百萬年的發展，現在已經沒用的東西。

what are known as evolutionary leftovers:

the appendix, the tailbone, wisdom teeth, muscle fibers that produce goosebumps, our inner voice.

闌尾、尾骨、智齒、產生雞皮疙瘩的肌肉纖維、我們的心聲。

We developed an inner voice so that we could analyze the past and prepare for the future,

我們發展出了一種內在的聲音，以便分析過去，並為未來做好準備。

but in contemporary times, this incessant chatter, this introspection, this consciousness is a huge source of suffering.

但在當代，這種不間斷的喋喋不休、檢討、這種意識是巨大的痛苦來源。

- Wow, my thoughts have been really negative lately.

- 哇，我的想法最近真的很消極誒。

Well, if I think the thoughts are negative, does that mean I'm actually against negativity?

還是，如果我認為這些想法是消極的，這代表我其實沒有消極？

If I reject them on the basis that they're negative, that's a positive, right?

那如果我從根本否定它們是負面的，那它們就是積極因素，對吧？

I wonder why pirates drew red X's on their treasure maps instead of like writing down longitude and latitude. That's stupid.

為什麼海盜要在藏寶圖上畫紅色 X，而不是寫下經緯度，真蠢。

But the most useless evolutionary leftover is caring what other people think about us.

但最無用的進化遺留是其實是在乎其他人對我們的看法。

Because we've long been out of survival mode where we need to be surrounded by large numbers of people to ensure that Mr. Snuggles didn't eat us.

因為我們早已經脫離了生存模式，我們不再需要被很多人包圍來確保抱抱先生不會吃掉我們。

We've structured a completely new social paradigm.

我們已經構建了一個全新的社會範式。

One where we're at the top of the food chain, and we mostly live in isolation and small tribes of our chosen people.

一個我們處於食物鏈頂端的模式，而我們大多生活在孤立的小群落裡，與我們所選擇的人一起。

Needing to be liked is a useless leftover evolutionary drive that still exists, but we've taken it from a life or death necessity to a myopic desire to validate our own existence as meaningful.

被喜歡的需要是一種無用的演化殘留衝動，它仍然存在，但它已從生死攸關的必要條件，轉化成了確認我們自己的存在是有意義的渴望。

I mean, why do you think every social media engagement button deals in likes and hearts?

不然你以為為什麼每個社交媒體的按鈕不是喜歡就是愛心？

It not only validates, like we're not gonna die cause we're liked, but that we're important, we matter.

被喜歡不僅證明了我們不會死，也表示我們很重要。

And we can rank that importance very tangibly in the intangible digital world.

而我們可以在無形的數字世界中，對這種重要性進行非常具體的排序。

So, how do we stop caring about what others think about us in a time when we've conflated the opinions of others to be a measure of our worthiness to exist, or a reflection of what kind of person we are?

那麼，在這個我們把別人意見與衡量自我價值標準混為一談、認為別人想法能反映自己為人的時代，怎樣才能不再關心別人對我們的看法呢？

We see being liked as the very acceptance of us.

我們把被人喜歡看作是對我們存在的接受。

And if someone doesn't like or accept us, that feels Bad with a capital B.

而如果有人不喜歡或不接受我們，我們就感覺糟糕無比。

所以不要把所有事情都放在心上。

And when I think back on all the times I didn't really like someone, I was mostly projecting.

我回想以前我不喜歡某人的時候，主要都是因為我投射到自己身上了。

You know, obviously if someone's like abusive or unkind, this does not apply.

當然，如果那個人有暴力傾向或不友善，這並不適用。

But for the most part, people I disliked, I either recognized a trait in them that I disliked in myself...

但大多數情況，我會不喜歡一個人，要麼是我看到他們身上我自己有且不喜歡的特點...

I don't know, Michelle is just too direct. She doesn't put anything in a compliment sandwich.

Michelle 實在是太直接了，她完全不修飾要說的話。

- Yeah, but I think she's just straight-forward and opinionated.

- 是沒錯，但我想她只是比較直接、有主見吧。

Anyway, never wear this shirt again 'cause it looks fugly on you.

題外話，不要再穿這件襯衫了，你穿起來很醜。

Or I was envious of a trait they had that I wanted.

又或者我很羨慕他們身上的特質。

- You really like taking a lot of risks in your wardrobe.

- I just love expressing myself this way.

- 我只是喜歡用這種方式來表達自己。

And you know, when I really think about the people I've come across in the last few years who haven't liked me, I can honestly say they were projecting.

當我仔細思考過去幾年裡那些不喜歡我的人，我可以誠實地說，他們是在投射。

- Yeah, I don't like you because you overshare online.

- 我不喜歡你，因為你在網上過度分享。

- Well, that's because you desperately want to put yourself out there, but you're terrified.

- 嗯，那是因為你拼命地想表露自己的真心，但你很害怕。

- I don't like you because you have too many feelings.

- 我不喜歡你是因為你太情緒化了。

- You also have a ton of feelings. You just see sensitivity as a weakness.

- 你也有一大堆的感受，你只是把敏感多情看作是弱點。

Think of someone you've disliked or who has disliked you, and you can pinpoint the projection.

想想你不喜歡的人或不喜歡你的人，你可以準確地找到投射點。

The classic example of this is like when you have a partner who's very suspicious that you're cheating, when in actuality, they're the cheater.

這方面的典型例子是：你有個懷疑你出軌的伴侶，但實際上，他才是出軌的那個人。

You know I've been processing this concept for a while now in therapy and in my regular life, and it's been incredibly helpful in not taking anyone's dislike of me personally.

我已經思考這個概念一段時間了，無論是在心裡治療還是日常生活中。而不把任何人對我的不喜歡放在心上真的大有幫助。

And whenever I feel that for someone else coming up, it's a useful way to identify, well, what is going on to spur that?

每當我不喜歡別人時，這是一種很有用的辨識方法，可以找出是什麼刺激了你？

Usually with me, it is... it's envy, I'm not gonna lie.

我的情況，老實說通常是嫉妒。

And once I realize what I'm envious about, I can embody the trait that I want.

而一旦我意識到我所羨慕的是什麼，我可以收下這些特質。

No one's actually stopping me from doing that except for myself.

實際上沒有人會阻止我這麼做，除了我自己。

I'm Anna Akana, and thank you to the Patreons who supported today's video.

我是 Anna Akana，感謝支持今天視頻的贊助人。

And thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring today's episode.

感謝 BetterHelp 贊助了今天的節目。

BetterHelp's mission is to provide anyone facing life's challenges with easy, discreet, professional, convenient, and affordable access to professional counseling from a licensed therapist.

BetterHelp 的使命是為任何面臨以下問題的人提供幫助以輕鬆、謹慎、專業的方式應對生活中的挑戰，提供便利、負擔得起的專業諮商。

After filling out a brief questionnaire about your history and what you'd like to work on, you are matched with a therapist.

填寫一份簡短的調查問卷，了解你的過去及想解決的問題後， 網站會匹配一位治療師給你。

All 11,000+ counselors on BetterHelp, with zero exceptions, are licensed, trained, experienced, and accredited psychologists, marriage and family therapists, clinical social workers, or licensed professional counselors.

BetterHelp 上有 11,000 多名諮詢師。零例外，都是持證上崗，訓練有素，經驗豐富、受認可的心理學家、婚姻及家庭治療師、臨床社會工作者或有執照的專業諮詢人員。

Scheduling is super easy and flexible and you pay one low flat fee for unlimited messaging and a weekly session.

預約超級簡單、靈活，你只需支付一筆低額的統一費用，就享無限次的訊息和每週一次的諮商。

You can go to betterhelp.com/akana to sign up today and get 10% off your first month.

今天就上 betterhelp.com/akana 註冊，領取第一個月九折折扣。