Name: 【TED-Ed】你會停止和自己父母不喜歡的人約會嗎？（Would you stop dating someone your parents didn’t like?）
Uploaded: 2022-12-30T21:01:30.000Z
Duration: 5 min 48 s

第二類條件句型

If I told you not to press this big red button, what would you do?

如果我叫你不要按這個紅色大按鈕，你會怎麼做？

For many people, there's no greater motivation to do something than being told they can't.

對很多人來說，沒有什麼比別人叫他們不能做某事，更激勵人了。

So, what is it about being told "No" that triggers this response?

所以，為什麼被說「不行」會觸發這種反應呢？

One of the most enduring explanations for this behavior is what psychologists call reactance theory.

關於這種行為存在最久的解釋之一，心理學家稱之為阻抗理論。

Reactance is a motivational state that occurs when people feel their freedom is being threatened,

阻抗是一種受刺激而起的狀態，當人們感到自由備受威脅時就會出現。

and it compels them to take actions  they see as restoring that freedom.

迫使其做出他們認為能奪回自由的行動。

Sometimes this emerges as general frustration or direct argument, but the most straightforward response is to simply do the thing they were told not to.

有時當事人會表現出挫敗感或直接與對方爭論，但最直接的反應就是去做別人不准他們做的事。

This behavior plays out in public spaces, like when people ignore health campaigns they perceive as overbearing, and in private spaces, like parent-child relationships.

這種行為出現在公共場所，例如無視他們認為專橫的健康提倡運動，或出現在私人生活中，例如親子關係。

However, there are situations where something being forbidden actually makes it less tempting.

然而，某些情況下，被禁止真的會降低那件事的吸引力。

In 1972, psychologists at the University of Colorado wanted to know if a romantic relationship facing parental disapproval was more likely to strengthen or crumble under pressure.

1972 年，科羅拉多大學的心理學家們想了解，面對父母反對的壓力，一段關係是會變得更穩固還是分崩離析。

To answer this question, they surveyed 140 couples, varying widely in measures of happiness but all fairly serious in terms of commitment.

為解答這個疑問，他們調查了 140 對夫婦，他們的幸福指數各異，但都十分忠誠且投入。

Only some couples reported perceived parental opposition to their relationship over the study's six-month period.

在研究的六個月期間，只有一些情侶在父母反對下堅持了下來。

But those that did also reported a steady increase in love for one another.

但這些人也對彼此的愛也穩步增加。

The researchers named this trend the Romeo and Juliet Effect,

研究人員將這種趨勢命名為羅密歐與朱麗葉效應，

after literature's most famous forbidden lovers and concluded that the results were largely motivated by reactance.

也就是文學著作中著名的禁忌戀人之名，並得出結論，戀情成果很大程度上是由阻抗反應驅動的。

But in the decades since this publication, most follow-up studies have suggested the opposite is true.

但在研究發表後的幾十年裡，多數後續研究表明，情況恰恰相反。

In fact, the long-term success of a romantic relationship can be predicted by the perceived approval or disapproval of the couple's friends and family.

事實上，一段關係能否長久可以通過這對情侶身邊朋友、家人的認可或反對來預測。

This trend is known as the Social Network Effect.

這種趨勢被稱為人際網絡效應。

So, why doesn't reactance win out over the Social Network Effect?

為什麼阻抗輸給了人際網絡效應呢？

You might think it's because we value our existing relationships over our potential relationships.

你可能會認為是因為我們重視現存關係勝過潛在發展關係。

But in most cases, disapproving friends and family are just voicing negative opinions or passively not supporting our relationship.

但在大多數情況下，不贊成的朋友和家人只會發表負面評價或消極地不支持我們的關係。

It's rarely a dramatic choice of us or them.

這很少是「選我或選他」這種極端選擇。

And when it comes to parents, most people with good relationships with their parents feel they can ignore their parent's advice without serious consequences,

而在父母這塊，大多數與父母關係良好的人都認為無視父母的建議，並不會造成嚴重後果。

while people with bad parental relationships often don't care what they think anyway.

而與父母關係不好的人，通常根本不在乎他們的想法。

So if disapproved relationships are more likely to fail, does this mean we're not willing to fight to date who we want?

那麼，如果不被認可的關係更可能失敗，這是否意味著我們不願意為了自己想約會的對象挺身奮戰呢？

Well, it might vary from person to person.

One theory is that there's actually two types of reactance:

一種理論認為，實際上阻抗有兩類：

defiant reactance, which is impulsively  doing the opposite of what we're told,

違抗性阻抗，即衝動地做出唱反調的事。

and independent reactance, which reflects our deeper desire to make our own choices.

和獨立性阻抗，也就是做出深思過的選擇，自己真實的願望。

For example, if you tell someone with high defiant reactance to lower their voice, they'll probably start shouting.

例如，如果你叫違抗性高的人放低聲音，他們可能會開始大喊大叫。

Whereas someone with high independent reactance is more likely to simply ignore the request and do what they believe is appropriate.

而高獨立抗性的人則更有可能直接忽略你的請求，並做他們認為合適的事。

So when it comes to relationship disapproval, a defiant person might respond by pursuing their romance in secret,

所以在關係遭反對時，違抗型的人可能會選擇秘密戀愛。

but that doesn't change  how the group's opinion negatively impacts their relationship.

但這並不會改變週遭人們意見對他們關係產生的負面影響。

Conversely, someone with a particularly independent personality might be capable of ignoring their friends' concerns and loving whomever they want.

反之，獨立型的人，就可能會不理會朋友的顧慮，隨心所欲地去愛。

The idea of defiant and independent reactance is fairly new, and researchers are still working to uncover all the motivations behind the Social Network Effect.

違抗性和獨立性阻抗的概念還相當新，研究人員仍在努力研究人際網絡效應背後的誘因。

But these theories help illuminate the important relationship between reactance and our competing needs for independence and inclusion.

但這些理論有助闡明，反抗心理與我們對獨立和包容需求間的重要關係。

How we balance these desires varies across individuals and cultures.

平衡這些慾望的方式因人和文化而異。

But no matter how prone  to reactance we may be, our social networks are vital  to our sense of identity and well-being.

但無論我們多想反抗，與親友的關係對我們的自我認同和幸福都至關重要。

This is especially true in our romantic relationships.

Studies have found that support from a few close companions can help buffer against disapproval  from others.

研究發現，來自少數親密朋友的支持可以幫助緩和其他人反對的影響。

And most relationships do better once the individuals involved find supportive social networks.

而大多數關係在雙方找到支持的親友後，都會更加穩定。

This outcome might not seem as romantic as a forbidden love affair,

這個結果可能不如禁忌戀情那樣浪漫，

but it's actually in keeping with the story of Romeo and Juliet, whose embattled relationship couldn't endure the threats of extreme disapproval.

但它實際上與羅密歐與朱麗葉的故事契合，畢竟他們戀情因無法抵禦極端反對而告終。