All I can say is this their mothers and fathers didn't have a conversation with them universally.

我只能說這是他們的母親和父親沒有和他們普遍地進行對話。

You hear about them?

你聽說過他們嗎？

Common pet peeves that have to do with body language Staring.

與肢體語言有關的常見小毛病 凝視。

What we call staring here in the United States may not be considered staring.

在美國，我們所說的盯人可能不被認為是盯人。

In other cultures.

在其他文化中。

For instance, in New York City were allowed to stare at each other for about 1.28 seconds.

例如，在紐約市被允許盯著對方看大約1.28秒。

That's been measured, it's been well studied, but in the Middle East that may be extended to anywhere from 4-6 seconds.

這已經被測量過了，也被很好地研究過了，但是在中東，這可能被延長到4-6秒的任何地方。

And so you have to realize this culture is very much dominant in how long we can look at each other and not just that, but where we can look at each other.

是以，你必須意識到這種文化在我們能看對方多長時間方面是非常有優勢的，不僅如此，我們還能看對方的地方。

We say that in a business setting, you should be looking at this little triangle between the eyes, down to the mouth and in a social setting that you can descend all the way down to below the chin, but certainly in a business setting, you are not permitted to go as low as the breast area pacing.

我們說，在商務場合，你應該看兩眼之間的這個小三角，一直到嘴，在社交場合，你可以一直下降到下巴以下，但當然在商務場合，你不允許低到乳房部位的步幅。

Some people are pacers, you know, waiting for the baby to be born or they're waiting for the next flight and they are moving back and forth.

有些人是踱步者，你知道，他們在等待孩子出生，或者他們在等待下一個班機，他們在來回移動。

What happens is the fluid inside our ears as we move, those little hairs that are inside are sensitive to the movement of that fluid.

發生的情況是，當我們移動時，我們耳朵裡的液體，裡面的那些小毛髮對這些液體的移動很敏感。

And this is why we rock a baby to sleep.

這就是為什麼我們要搖晃嬰兒入睡。

That rocking motion is in transfer as adults into walking behaviors and under stress that helps us to calm down.

這種搖晃的動作在成年後被轉移到行走行為中，在壓力下，幫助我們平靜下來。

One of the things that happens when we pace is that we compel the feet to touch a surface over and over again.

當我們踱步時發生的一件事是，我們迫使腳一次又一次地接觸一個表面。

That in and of itself creates a form of novelty.

這本身就創造了一種新奇的形式。

The gas truck muscles of the legs.

腿部的加油車肌肉。

The calf muscle is also known as the second heart when it squeezes, its forcing blood up.

小腿肌肉也被稱為第二心臟，當它擠壓時，其迫使血液上升。

This is beneficial for thinking because now you have both the real heart and the secondary heart, both working together to force that blood upwards.

這對思考是有益的，因為現在你有真正的心臟和第二心臟，兩者一起工作，迫使血液向上流動。

So there are actually some benefits to this.

是以，這實際上是有一些好處的。

And a lot of creative people find themselves pacing because it contributes to that process.

很多有創造力的人發現自己在踱步，因為它有助於這個過程。

The bad handshake, the weak one, the wet one, the one where the person pulls you forward then pushes you back.

糟糕的握手，無力的握手，溼漉漉的握手，對方把你往前拉然後把你往後推的握手。

The one where they feel they need to twist your hand jujitsu style so their hand is on stop because they read this somewhere.

他們覺得自己需要以柔術的方式扭動你的手，以便他們的手能停下來，因為他們在某個地方讀到了這個。

Yeah.

是的。

Why do humans even shake hands?

人類為什麼還要握手？

We shake hands because we're primates, all primates approach each other and touch each other first by reaching out and touching their fingers together.

我們握手是因為我們是靈長類動物，所有的靈長類動物都會接近對方，並首先通過伸出手指接觸對方。

I remember years ago, somebody saying, oh, we shake hands because we want to demonstrate that we don't have a weapon.

我記得幾年前，有人說，哦，我們握手是因為我們想證明我們沒有武器。

Folks weapons were so big back then you could see it over the horizon.

那時人們的武器是如此之大，你可以在地平線上看到它。

That's not the reason we're primates, our brains evolved so that we would retain negativity so that we don't have to learn each morning not to touch the hot stove.

這不是我們成為靈長類動物的原因，我們的大腦進化是為了讓我們保留負面情緒，這樣我們就不必每天早上學習不要碰熱爐子。

So when you shake that hand and it's wet or you feel like it's grabbing you in some strange way.

是以，當你與那隻手握手時，它是溼的，或者你覺得它以某種奇怪的方式抓住了你。

This registers in your brain for not months and weeks.

這在你的大腦中登記的時間不是幾個月和幾個星期。

It registers with you potentially for years and that's the problem with doing it wrong.

它可能會在你身上登記多年，這就是做錯的問題所在。

The perfect handshake is your fingers are down, you squeeze at the same level as the other person does.

完美的握手是你的手指向下，你在與對方相同的水準上進行擠壓。

You do a quick shake and that's it.

你做一個快速的搖晃，就可以了。

The close talker, all of us have different spatial needs.

近距離交談者，我們所有人都有不同的空間需求。

Now some of it comes to us from culture, so new Yorkers will stand closer to each other than, let's say someone from the midwest, but it can also be personal.

現在，有些是來自文化的影響，所以紐約人會比來自中西部的人更接近彼此，但也可能是個人的。

I come from a culture where we like to stand close together.

我來自一種文化，我們喜歡站在一起。

But personally, I like to keep people three or four ft away.

但就我個人而言，我喜歡讓人們保持三或四英尺的距離。

So one of the ways to avoid violating space, which makes people uncomfortable, causes psychological discomfort is to when you first shake hands, you reach in and you shake the hand and rather than just remaining there, take a little step backward and assess what the other person does.

是以，避免侵犯空間的方法之一是，當你第一次握手時，你伸手進去和對方握手，而不是僅僅停留在那裡，向後退一小步，評估一下對方的做法，這讓人感到不舒服。

And one of the things you'll find is if both of you take a step back, then both of you need that little bit of extra space.

而你會發現的一件事是，如果你們兩個人都退一步，那麼你們兩個人都需要那一點點額外的空間。

If the person moves towards you, then perhaps they come from a culture or they have a preference for standing closer in that case, what you may want to do is just angle your body a little bit so you don't feel like they're as close to you as they may be touch phobia.

如果對方向你走來，那麼也許他們來自一種文化，或者他們有站得更近的偏好，在這種情況下，你可能想做的只是把你的身體傾斜一點，這樣你就不會覺得他們離你有多近，因為他們可能是觸摸恐懼症。

There's just some people that have this habit of, they've gotta touch, they gotta touch your arm, they gotta touch your shoulder as they're talking to you.

只是有些人有這樣的習慣，他們必須觸摸，他們必須觸摸你的手臂，他們必須觸摸你的肩膀，因為他們在和你說話。

They squeeze you to emphasize and so forth and let's face it, some people just don't want to be touched.

他們擠壓你以強調等等，讓我們面對現實吧，有些人就是不想被觸碰。

For some people touching is comforting.

對有些人來說，觸摸是一種安慰。

It's how they make sure that someone is paying attention to them.

這是他們確保有人注意到他們的方式。

It's what they use to emphasize and it's very convenient.

這是他們用來強調的，非常方便。

Obviously if you grow up in a big family and you want to reach your brother and say, hey, I'm talking to you, you just have to remember that.

顯然，如果你在一個大家庭中長大，你想接觸你的兄弟，說，嘿，我在和你說話，你就必須記住這一點。

Not everybody appreciates it, man spreading basically.

不是每個人都欣賞它，男人基本上都在傳播。

You're entitled to the little area around you, your hips, plus about 1 to 2 inches on each side.

你有權享有你周圍的小區域，你的臀部，加上每邊大約1到2英寸。

And that's really by social convention.

而這確實是由社會慣例決定的。

What you're entitled to humans by their very nature.

你有權得到的是人類的本質。

When they feel strong, they feel confident they will tend to spread out.

當他們感到強大時，他們感到自信，他們會傾向於散開。

We're probably not even thinking that we're doing these behaviors, but we do them.

我們可能根本沒有想到我們在做這些行為，但我們卻做了這些行為。

The problem of course, is when it infringes on other people verbal tics, the clearing of the voice, just like I did.

當然，問題是當它侵犯了其他人的語言抽搐，清嗓子的時候，就像我這樣。

Often times you hear this with people who are about to say something that they're gonna have difficulty with.

很多時候，你會聽到有人說這句話，他們即將說出一些他們會有困難的事情。

Would you like to sit down?

你想坐下來嗎？

I have something to discuss with you.

我有事情要和你討論。

It's never good for instance, for years watching robert Gates who became Secretary of defense, who also became the head of the CIA.

例如，多年來看著成為國防部長的羅伯特-蓋茨，他也成為中央情報局的負責人，這絕不是好事。

And sometimes he would be asked a question that obviously he could not answer like when are we going to invade?

有時他會被問到一個顯然他無法回答的問題，比如我們何時入侵？

And I always found it interesting that he always cleared his throat before he answered those questions.

而且我一直覺得很有趣，他在回答這些問題之前總是先清清嗓子。

But basically I think this is what we call para language, the hum, the coughs, the, you know, excuse me?

但基本上我認為這就是我們所說的副語言，哼哼，咳嗽，你知道，對不起？

Vocal tics just like a muscular tick is the body's way of creating psychological comfort in some way.

發聲抽搐就像肌肉抽搐一樣，是身體以某種方式創造心理安慰。

And I think it's just a matter of checking ourselves and saying, is this a distraction?

我認為這只是一個檢查自己的問題，並說，這是一個分心的問題嗎？

One of the easiest things that you can do is just videotape yourself while you're doing Five minutes, 10 minutes of a speech and have somebody look at it and correct you and say, you know, you you keep looking down or you keep clearing your throat, we'll have these things.

你可以做的最簡單的事情之一就是在你做5分鐘、10分鐘的演講時給自己錄像，然後讓別人看一下，糾正你，說，你知道，你一直在低頭看，或者你一直在清嗓子，我們會有這些東西。

It's not about perfection, it's about improving whatever we have.

這不是為了完美，而是為了改善我們所擁有的一切。

And if it's these little things, these are easy to work on.

而如果是這些小事，這些都是很容易解決的。

I rolling to roll your eyes is to show both contempt and disdain.

我翻白眼是為了表示蔑視和不屑。

Disdain is tolerable, but contempt isn't because contempt is always hierarchal, you're putting somebody ahead and somebody down and that's just not acceptable.

不屑是可以容忍的，但蔑視不是，因為蔑視總是有等級的，你把某人放在前面，把某人放在下面，這就是不能接受。

Foot tapping, finger tap, pencil tapping, anything like finger tapping, pencil tapping or leg bouncing.

敲腳、敲手指、敲鉛筆，任何類似敲手指、敲鉛筆或彈腿的動作。

And it really helps us to pass the time.

而且它真的能幫助我們打發時間。

It helps us to deal with any situation in the moment where maybe things have slowed down, we're waiting and so we use these repetitive behaviors to self soothe why are repetitive behaviors so soothing?

它幫助我們處理當下的任何情況，也許事情已經放緩，我們正在等待，是以我們使用這些重複行為來自我撫慰，為什麼重複行為會如此舒緩？

Our brain always needs to be pacified.

我們的大腦總是需要被安撫。

Even as embryos, we suck our thumbs repetitive behaviors by compressing and releasing the muscle or articulating the joint causes signals to go to the brain that serve to calm us into soothe us.

即使在胚胎時期，我們通過壓縮和釋放肌肉或銜接關節來吸吮拇指的重複行為也會導致信號進入大腦，從而起到安撫我們的目的。

Why do we have pet peeves?

為什麼我們會有小毛病？

And why is it that some things that I like other people don't like our species is very complex.

而為什麼有些東西我喜歡別人就不喜歡呢我們這個物種是非常複雜的。

The human brain is the most complex thing in all of the cosmos and we have preferences.

人類的大腦是整個宇宙中最複雜的東西，我們有偏好。

And if you don't believe in me, just walk down the aisle and see how many kinds of toothpaste there are.

如果你不相信我，就走到過道上，看看有多少種牙膏。