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  • I was assigned to handle some church affairs.

  • It was a physically demanding duty and involved some overtime.

  • Sometimes I couldn't have meals or attend gatherings on schedule.

  • I didn't mind at first,

  • feeling that it was an honor for the skills I had to come in handy during my duty.

  • I wanted to put everything I had into it.

  • Then there was a period during which work became busier

  • and my duty got pretty hectic.

  • I got kind of worn out after some time and I started to feel a bit resentful.

  • In a gathering one time,

  • a sister suddenly told us we needed to go help unload some materials.

  • She said that the matter was urgent and needed to be dealt with right away.

  • I didn't really want to do it.

  • I wondered why it couldn't wait until after the gathering,

  • and if it was so urgent, someone else could do it!

  • Why did it have to be us?

  • Were we nothing more than hired hands?

  • Although I did go,

  • with this feeling of internal resistance, I really dragged my feet.

  • I didn't put my all into it, and just went through the motions.

  • This was normally how I was.

  • When something came up at the last minute,

  • everyone else worked their hardest to deal with it,

  • but I cut corners wherever I could.

  • If I could get away with less, I shirked the hard work.

  • Whenever I had to work a few extra hours I felt resentful and unwilling,

  • as if I were being terribly wronged.

  • I got the job done on the surface, but it was done grudgingly.

  • I'd want to take it easy once I'd finished the task the team leader had assigned me

  • and didn't want to help out the others who weren't done yet.

  • I figured that was their business and had nothing to do with me.

  • The team leader reprimanded me and dealt with me,

  • seeing me dragging my feet,

  • but I didn't reflect on myself

  • I thought he was just nitpicking and had taken a dislike to me.

  • I did my duty really passively this way,

  • content with the bare minimum.

  • Seeing the other brothers all working so hard,

  • I even secretly laughed at them.

  • One time, transporting some lumber,

  • I was carrying just one bundle at a time,

  • while another brother was carrying two at a time.

  • I thought,

  • "Why are you killing yourself?

  • There's no need for that even if you have the strength.

  • You'll wear yourself out. It's idiotic."

  • In fact, I was younger than him,

  • so carrying two at a time would have been no problem for me,

  • but shouldering that much would make me sore.

  • I was having none of it.

  • Seeing me dilly-dallying in my work,

  • the other brothers reproached me and told me to be more attentive in my duty,

  • but I still didn't care.

  • I felt like I was getting it done, so there wasn't any harm in it.

  • Since I refused to correct my attitude toward my duty, I was replaced.

  • In July 2020,

  • the team leader told me that I'd always been lazy in my duty

  • and that my humanity was lacking,

  • so I wasn't fit for the position.

  • I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I heard this.

  • I thought:

  • Without a duty, wasn't I done for?

  • Did I have any hope of salvation?

  • I got more and more upset and really sunk into a depression.

  • I prayed to God right away:

  • "Oh God!

  • You've allowed this to happen to me today,

  • but I don't know what I'm supposed to learn.

  • Please guide me to understand Your intention."

  • I felt much calmer after my prayer.

  • With my things packed, about to leave,

  • I gazed at the other brothers off in the distance,

  • all rushing to and fro, working enthusiastically

  • while I had lost my duty.

  • I felt awful.

  • I'd been a believer for over 10 years, who could make sacrifices.

  • I didn't have any kind of conflict or quarrel with the others

  • and got along with everyone for the most part.

  • Why had the team leader said my humanity was lacking?

  • I felt like there wasn't anything wrong with my humanity.

  • I'd always pulled my weight

  • why had the leader said that I'd been slacking off in my duty?

  • I didn't understand,

  • but I knew that God is righteous,

  • so if I'd been doing my duty well, I wouldn't have been replaced.

  • The problem was certainly of my own making.

  • After losing my duty,

  • I didn't have to work so hard and didn't suffer,

  • but I felt really disappointed, really downcast.

  • I was coming before God in prayer all the time,

  • asking Him to enlighten me to know myself.

  • At one point I read this in God's words:

  • Reflecting on God's word,

  • I realized that I thought my humanity was good

  • because I measured it by some surface good behaviors,

  • but this wasn't really in line with the truth.

  • God judges a person's humanity

  • based on their attitude towards the truth and their duty.

  • It depends on their actual performance of their duties

  • and whether they can uphold the interests of God's house.

  • Someone with truly good humanity is devoted to God in their duty.

  • They can suffer and pay a price.

  • At critical moments they can set aside their own interests

  • and uphold the work of God's house.

  • I started to reflect, in light of God's words,

  • on whether I really possessed humanity or not

  • and what kind of attitude I had in my duty.

  • Then I read this passage:

  • God's words totally laid bare my perspective, attitude, and state in my duty.

  • I was entirely convinced,

  • and I saw that God truly does see into our hearts and minds.

  • He observes our every action, our every move, our every passing thought.

  • I remembered when I was just starting out in my duty,

  • I was full of resolve to repay God's love.

  • But over time,

  • work became greater and demanded more effort and suffering,

  • and my true nature showed itself.

  • I started cutting corners and trying to get away with doing less.

  • When we were working,

  • everyone else threw themselves into it, not afraid of wearing themselves out,

  • but I was dragging my feet, cherry-picking the easier tasks.

  • When I saw someone else working so hard,

  • I even silently laughed at him for being foolish,

  • thinking I was the smart one,

  • that I could get my duty done without wearing myself out

  • and still enjoy God's blessings afterwards, have my cake and eat it too.

  • I was so cunning, so despicable!

  • Where was my humanity!

  • I had laughed at others for making all that effort, for being such fools,

  • but of those I had considered "fools," not a single one had been replaced.

  • I, however, had lost the right for my duty

  • even though I'd thought I was so smart.

  • I was the victim of my own "cleverness."

  • I was the one who deserved to be called a fool

  • for doing my duty in a way that was disgusting to God.

  • Doing his duty well should be the calling, the life mission of a created being

  • and it's something that the Creator entrusts to mankind.

  • But I'd been acting like I was nothing more than a day laborer,

  • just muddling through it, not taking any responsibility.

  • I'd totally lost the conscience and reason that a created being should possess,

  • I was worth less than a family watchdog.

  • At least a dog can serve its owner, watching over his yard,

  • and it will be loyal to him no matter how it's treated.

  • By contrast, I was being provided for by the church,

  • enjoying God's blessings and grace

  • as well as the watering and provision of His word,

  • but I wasn't completing the tasks He'd assigned to me.

  • I was less than a beast, unworthy of being called human.

  • Being removed from my duty was brought on entirely by my rebelliousness.

  • I didn't have the slightest doubt.

  • I later read this in God's words:

  • When I pondered God's words,

  • I realized that considering the interests of God's house in all things,

  • seeing God's house as my own house,

  • and being responsible in my duty to please God and bring Him comfort

  • was the only way to be a member of His household.

  • I had been doing my duty in God's house,

  • but because of my attitude and my approach to my duty,

  • I wasn't truly a member of His family.

  • I was like an employee of God's house, just doing labor on the surface,

  • going through the motions without putting my heart into my duty.

  • I wasn't personally invested in anything that didn't directly affect me.

  • I saw I really was totally devoid of humanity and had no integrity whatsoever.

  • I wasn't even worthy of being called a service-doer

  • I was a nonbeliever.

  • I was totally unworthy of doing any duty.

  • After that, I often reflected on why I had this kind of attitude in my duty.

  • What was the root of it?

  • I read this in God's words:

  • Comparing God's words, I found the root of the problem.

  • I had been living by Satan's laws of survival,

  • like "Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost"

  • and "Let things drift if they do not affect one personally."

  • There's also "Always get the upper hand, never the short end of the stick."

  • These satanic poisons were deeply rooted within me

  • and had become my very nature.

  • I lived by these things and had become increasingly selfish and despicable.

  • I only thought about my own interests in my duty,

  • and I did whatever was beneficial and easiest for me.

  • I wasn't giving any thought to how to care for God's will in my duty.

  • I thought about how God became flesh and came to the earth,

  • enduring immense humiliation and suffering

  • to express the truths to cleanse and save mankind.

  • God had expended so much for the salvation of mankind.

  • But I'd been enjoying the rich material provisions

  • and watering of the words bestowed by God

  • without any sense of gratitude, resenting the slightest hardship in my duty.

  • I was totally devoid of any conscience and reason.

  • Lacking in caliber,

  • I couldn't do any kind of important duty, and God didn't reject me.

  • He arranged for me to have a fitting duty,

  • giving me the chance to experience God's work and to understand the truth.

  • This was God's salvation.

  • But I couldn't tell the good from the bad, and was lazy in my duty,

  • which God detests and is saddened at.

  • At this thought I was filled with regret

  • and hated myself for being lazy and slipshod in my duty.

  • I particularly hated myself

  • for the depth of my satanic corruption and lack of humanity

  • and I didn't want to live that way anymore.

  • I resolved that no matter what duty I was given after that,

  • I would do my best and work my hardest,

  • and I'd stop being slipshod, or deceitful toward God.

  • I came before God in prayer:

  • "God!

  • Before, I was taking my duty too lightly,

  • being selfish, despicable, and devoid of humanity.

  • I'm willing to repent to You.

  • I will work hard to do my duty and repay my debt to You,

  • to comfort Your heart."

  • After that, I began putting all of my time and effort into sharing the gospel,

  • wanting only to do that duty well to make up for my past wrongs.

  • Over a month later,

  • the leader saw that I had turned around my attitude toward my duty

  • and notified me to take on my previous duty again.

  • I was incredibly excited and said quietly,

  • "I give thanks to God for giving me another chance to do my duty."

  • Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes when I hung up the phone.

  • My heart was overcome with gratitude and debt toward God.

  • Considering my attitude and rebelliousness in my duty in the past,

  • I was filled with regret and shame.

  • I knelt before God in prayer,

  • weeping and thanking Him ceaselessly.

  • I wanted nothing more than to offer up all of myself for God

  • and to put everything into my duty to repay God's love.

  • Regaining my duty after having lost it, I learned to really treasure it,

  • I no longer thought that

  • doing physical labor is suffering, that it's degrading,

  • but that it's an honor.

  • That's because it's a commission from God.

  • It's what He requires, and even more so, it's my duty.

  • I used to be under the mistaken impression that there was no difference

  • between doing work in God's house and doing work out in the world,

  • that it was nothing but toil.

  • This experience taught me that

  • working out in the world is just to make a living,

  • and any hardship is for personal gain.

  • It's meaningless.

  • And though in God's house it is also performing labor,

  • it is doing my duty.

  • No matter the hardship, it has value and gains God's approval.

  • This adjustment of my duty allowed me to truly see God's salvation,

  • as well as see clearly my own selfishness,

  • and that I was lacking in humanity and sense.

  • Recalling my past duty, I felt especially in debt to God.

  • From my heart, I didn't want to just be an employee in God's house anymore,

  • but to seek to be part of the family.

  • Now, I've just been bursting with energy in my duty.

  • Sometimes things are a little difficult or tiring,

  • but I don't complain anymore.

  • I can throw my whole heart and all my strength into doing a good job.

  • It is God's judgment and chastisement

  • that has turned around my absurd perspective toward my duty

  • and transformed my attitude toward it.

  • Thanks to God!

I was assigned to handle some church affairs.

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失去本分后的反省 (2022 Christian Testimony Video Based on a True Story | "Reflections on Losing My Duty")

  • 34 4
    Lin Kyu 發佈於 2022 年 08 月 07 日
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