Step 1: Delete Facebook

第一步：刪除臉書

Done! Now I’m off to become doctor.

完成了！現在我可以去當醫生了！

No, you gotta be qualified for the job you want.

不，你必須要有工作資格啊！

But I want to be doctor!

但是我想要當醫生！

Then you gotta go to school for like 14 more years.

那你就要繼續進修超過14年左右。

Be qualified!

要有資格啊！

Think about your last job interview.

好好想想你上次的面試吧！

Thank you Sky High Air Tours!

Sky High Air Tours謝謝你啦！

You would not regret hiring me.

你絕不會後悔雇用我。

Start

開始！

Hurray!

加油啊！

Not again!

不不不，別又再一次了啊！

Crap

碰！(碎裂)

But, let’s assume you know what you’re doing

假設你知道自己在做什麼，

and get qualified for the job you want.

而且得到你想要的工作資格。

And get set!

還要開始著手！

Get your resume set!

準備好你的履歷！

Here’s mine!

這是我的履歷！

No! This is 30 pages long!

不，這有30頁耶！

Make it one page and keep it simple.

把他濃縮成一頁並簡化它。

Got it!

知道了！

A good resume has your background info and skills.

一份好履歷需要有你的經歷和技術。

But don’t put in everything.

但別把所有事情都寫進去。

No one cares if you’re a prom king.

沒有人會在意你當過舞會國王，

Unless your job interview is for a prom king.

除非你應徵的是舞會國王。

Here is resume!

這是我的履歷！

No! You wrote this in crayon!

不，你用蠟筆來寫耶！

But you said keep it simple!

但你說要簡化它啊！

A good resume has to be presentable.

一份好履歷是要可以見人的。

Got it!

了解了！

That means no typos and easy to read.

那也就是說不能有打字錯誤，還要簡潔易懂。

But not too easy to read.

但是不要看起來太簡單。

Don’t just write “hodor” over and over again.

不要一次又一次地寫「霍多爾」，

Unless you’re applying for a job carrying around a psychic kid with no legs.

除非你應徵的工作是照顧一個通靈的瘸腳孩子。

Here is resume!

這是我的履歷！

There are no typos and it’s easy to read!

你沒有用電腦打字而且它看起來太簡單了！

This just says, “My name is MARIO”.

這只寫「我叫馬里歐」。

But I have no background or skills!

但是我沒有經歷，也沒有技術耶！

Just print out my resume and put your name on it.

那就把你的名字放到我的履歷上吧！

Got it!

我懂了！

For the record, you should never do that.

你千萬不可以這麼做！

But we never get through this video otherwise.

但是我們還沒錄完這部影片呢！

It’s time to go to your interview.

現在來看看你的面試吧！

Just follow the four B’s.

只要記住四個步驟。

Well, like the Beattles?

嗯，披頭四嗎？

Get back in the shower!

去洗澡！

The four B’s

四個步驟：

Number one: Be clean

步驟一：保持乾淨

Mario smells really bad so I have to take him in a shower.

馬里歐身上很臭，所以我要他去洗個澡。

And now he can go the his job interview clean, confident and prepared.

現在，他是乾淨又有自信，而且準備充足地去參加面試。

Okay! Got my resume, I took my shower, what am I forgetting?

好了，準備好履歷，我也洗過澡了，我還需要準備什麼呢？

You forgot the second B!

你忘記第二步驟啦！

Be clothed!

穿著整齊服裝！

I’m wearing clothes!

我穿衣服了！

Wear appropriate clothes.

穿著恰當的衣服，

Like a suit or something

像套裝之類的服裝。

Be on time!

記得要準時！

That’s the third B!

那是第三步驟！

What are you doing here?

你還在這裡做什麼？

Isn’t your interview happening right now?

你不是現在要面試嗎？

Is it?

是現在嗎？

And the final B!

最後一步驟！

Be polite.

要有禮貌！

I can do that!

我做得到！

Say “Thank you” when it’s over.

面試結束時要說謝謝。

Got it!

知道了！

I must say I’m good, Sir. It smells like a cat died in here.

先生，我得說我真的很棒。這裡聞起來有死貓味。

Would you care to say grace before I begin my lunch?

你介意我吃午餐前做飯前禱告嗎？

Your suit is quite impressive.

你的服裝是非常令人印象深刻的。

Where ever did you get it?

你去哪裡買的？

Mrs. Wilkinsonton?

Wilkinsonton小姐？

Goodbye! Don’t forget say thank you.

再見！別忘了說謝謝啊！

Thank you.

謝謝！

Congratulations! By some miracles, your new job likes you.

恭喜你！真是奇蹟啊，你的新工作很喜歡你呢！

Now, go back for your second interview.

現在來到第二次面試。

Not! I did so well in my first interview.

我才不要！我第一次面試做得很好呢！

I don’t have to.

我不需要。

No, no matter how well you did if you don’t show up for your second interview,

不，不管你表現得多好，如果你第二次面試沒有出席，

you won’t get the job!

你也不會得到工作！

Nuhh! I’m going to take midday.

不要！我要去享受中午光了！

But you have no job!

但是你沒有工作啊！

What does that supposed to mean?

那所以呢？

That means everyday is a yield day.

所以表示每天都要努力！

Oh! Stop judging me!

天啊！不要審判我啦！

Congratulations! You got the job!

恭喜你！你有工作了！

I got the job! Then what?

我有工作了！那還要做什麼？

Now you get to go back in your suit and never say anything inappropriate

從現在開始，你每天都要穿套裝，而且一天8到12小時不能說不恰當的話，

for 8-12 hours a day, every day for the rest of your life.

之後每天都要這樣。

Or at least until you’re too old to enjoy all the money you made.

至少等到你老了，再去享受年輕時辛苦賺來的錢。

Screw that!

加油啦！

Where are you going?

你要去哪裡啊？

I’m going to the dumpsite to find something to eat.

我要去垃圾場找東西吃啦！

(gorillas singing)

(大猩猩唱歌)