Placeholder Image

字幕列表 影片播放

  • I accepted Almighty God's work of the last days three years ago.

  • I was elected as church leader in October 2020.

  • I realized it was a big responsibility

  • and I felt a little stressed, but I was also really proud.

  • I felt I was elected for that important duty

  • because I had better caliber than others.

  • I took my duty really seriously,

  • doing my best to fellowship with my brothers and sisters

  • and helping them with problems and difficulties they ran into.

  • I wanted to prove to everyone that I was an excellent leader

  • and could do real work.

  • Then an evildoer started spreading rumors in the church.

  • He was spreading the Chinese Communist Party's lies

  • slandering and blaspheming God in gathering groups,

  • twisting facts and turning things inside out, and judging the work of God's house.

  • He wanted to mislead newcomers into leaving the church and betraying God.

  • So, I was holding gatherings

  • and fellowshiping with the brothers and sisters as much as I could,

  • and I felt like a military commander, leading the troops against enemy factions.

  • I wanted to prove I could protect the brothers and sisters,

  • to show them I could take on a heavy burden,

  • that I was responsible.

  • But in reality, I felt really weak.

  • I myself didn't know how to refute some fallacies and

  • they were even disturbing me, too.

  • But I didn't want to reveal my weakness to the others.

  • I thought that as a church leader,

  • I had to be tough, like a president or military commander.

  • I couldn't let anyone see my weakness!

  • So

  • I never opened up to the brothers and sisters about my own state.

  • Not only did I disguise myself in this matter,

  • when discussing our understandings of God's words in gatherings,

  • I liked talking about profound understandings

  • so others would think I comprehended them really well.

  • But I just glossed over my own failures and corruptions,

  • quickly changing the subject to the things that I did right.

  • For example, if I got sleepy in a gathering,

  • I wouldn't admit it,

  • and I'd hide it when I did have a difficulty

  • instead of sharing it with the others.

  • Sister Marinette, who worked with me, really admired me

  • because I was always helping her with words of God relevant to her state.

  • I knew she kind of looked up to me,

  • and I was really pleased and content when she expressed her admiration.

  • The brothers and sisters who were waterers for newcomers also admired me a lot.

  • Once a sister told me that she'd learned from my fellowship and help.

  • I was really pleased to gain others' approval.

  • In gatherings,

  • some brothers and sisters actively responded with "Amen" after my fellowship,

  • and some even said, "It's just like Brother Matthew said."

  • It seemed to me that they spoke to me with a tone of adoration,

  • and I felt like I held an important place in their hearts.

  • I knew that wasn't appropriate, but I liked the feeling of being looked up to.

  • Then one day, I saw a testimony video called

  • It struck a particular chord with me.

  • A sister, also a leader, was always elevating herself and showing off in her duty.

  • She offended God's disposition and was disciplined with an illness.

  • The crux of the matter was that her behavior disgusted God.

  • When I saw that video,

  • I realized that in my boasting and showing off to gain others' admiration,

  • I was defying and opposing God.

  • I was on the path of an antichrist.

  • I'd never realized

  • that elevating oneself and showing off could be such a serious problem.

  • I kept telling myself,

  • "I've incited God's wrath."

  • I felt really scared and didn't know what to do.

  • Then I read this passage of God's word

  • that gave me some insight into my corruption.

  • Reading God's words felt like a direct blow to my heart.

  • I could see what was hidden deep within me.

  • I had always wanted to construct an image of myself

  • as a strong man, a perfect person.

  • I liked talking about my elevated understanding

  • and my successful experiences to leave people with a positive impression,

  • but I hardly ever talked about my weaknesses or actual difficulties.

  • If I was feeling weak or negative, or faced with some problems,

  • or even when I was in my worst state,

  • I'd just act like everything was great

  • in order to protect my pride and reputation.

  • But in fact, I was really in pain.

  • Seeing others' admiration and adoration for me,

  • I had some awareness of it,

  • and I knew this wasn't good.

  • But I hadn't told people not to adore me,

  • because I wanted everyone's admiration, adoration and praise.

  • Wasn't I just as arrogant as the archangel?

  • I wasn't bringing others before God,

  • but I was bringing them before myself.

  • When I realized I could be taking God's place in the brothers' and sisters' hearts,

  • I was trembling with fear

  • and knew in my heart that God detested my behavior.

  • I was full of remorse and prayed to God,

  • "God, I've been showing off, wanting everyone to see me as a good leader,

  • above everyone else.

  • I'm usurping Your glory.

  • Oh God, I want to repent to You."

  • Then I wrote a repentance letter

  • revealing how I showed off and elevated myself and

  • sent it to every gathering group.

  • I also told everyone unequivocally that they shouldn't adore me.

  • I knew a few brothers and sisters who particularly adored me,

  • so I sent them individual messages opening up and dissecting myself.

  • A few days later, Sister Marinette told me frankly

  • that she had adored me before

  • and that I had held an important place in her heart.

  • I was really ashamed to hear this and felt like it was evidence of my evil.

  • I saw my own ugliness in that moment and felt like I'd lost all reason,

  • getting the others to worship me.

  • How was that doing a duty?

  • Was that what God hoped for when He gave me this duty?

  • I felt really uneasy and ashamed.

  • But I still didn't really seek the truth to resolve my corruption,

  • so before long I fell back into my old ways.

  • One day I went to a gathering that other church leaders attended, too.

  • I felt that the brothers' and sisters' fellowship was simplistic

  • and I was unsettled.

  • I felt like their fellowship was shallow and

  • I looked down on them a bit.

  • I wanted to show them that my fellowship was more practical than theirs.

  • So I mentally prepared what I wanted to say.

  • I thought about saying something more enlightening

  • so I could stick out from the crowd and share some weighty fellowship.

  • I thought over the wording to best enrich my fellowship.

  • I really wanted to prove that

  • I had a higher understanding so others would appreciate my insight.

  • During my fellowship I used lots of examples

  • so they would know that my fellowship was detailed and rich.

  • When I was done, I was very satisfied to hear everyone say "Amen."

  • Then I rushed to check the chat window

  • to see if the brothers and sisters had said something nice about my fellowship.

  • When we were almost done,

  • Brother Zen shared some fellowship.

  • Instead of quoting God's words and talking about

  • how we should practice based on God's words like he used to,

  • he referenced my fellowship.

  • I saw I was exalting myself and showing off again,

  • causing others to adore me.

  • I felt really mad at myself in that moment.

  • In the gathering we'd just shared some of God's words with everyone,

  • stating that we need to speak from the heart.

  • How could I be boasting and showing off?

  • I simply didn't dare believe I was acting that way.

  • I looked up the passages of God's words we'd read in the gathering

  • so I could give them some careful thought.

  • I saw from God's words

  • that I have to open my heart with my brothers and sisters,

  • talk about what is in my heart, share my real experience,

  • and avoid showing off with empty words.

  • Thinking about myself,

  • I was just talking about some empty theories to

  • flaunt myself and gain others' admiration.

  • The consequences of this were very clear.

  • The others looked up to me

  • and didn't bear witness to God's words,

  • but instead used my fellowship as their reference.

  • In gatherings I would frequently hear people saying things like,

  • "Thanks to Brother Matthew's fellowship"

  • or "Just like Brother Matthew said."

  • I thought of Paul

  • always elevating himself and being ostentatious,

  • and not bearing witness to the Lord Jesus' word.

  • That led believers to adore Paul and bear witness to his words for 2,000 years.

  • Wasn't I doing the same thing as Paul,

  • and on the same antichrist's path of resisting God?

  • I felt really afraid and hated myself at the same time.

  • I said a prayer,

  • "Oh God,

  • I'm making the same mistake again.

  • Your words showed me the way but,