Why does no one love me?

為什麼沒有人愛我？

I feel so alone.

我感到很孤獨。

Can I get a good morning text or what?

能否給我發個早安簡訊或什麼？

Is love even real?

愛到底是不是真的？

Alone forever.

永遠孤獨。

- Well, I mean yeah, sometimes.

- 嗯，我的意思是，是的，有時。

But to be fair,

但說句公道話。

I've also felt,

我也感覺到了。

Wow I can get so much work done

哇，我可以完成這麼多工作

I don't have to check in with anybody.

我不需要向任何人報到。

My life is full of friends and cats.

我的生活中充滿了朋友和貓咪。

No one can bust my mood.

沒有人可以破壞我的心情。

This is who I am now.

這就是我現在的身份。

- Recently, I listened to the audio book

- 最近，我聽了一本有聲書

"Deeper Dating" by Ken Page.

"更深層次的約會"，作者：肯-佩奇。

And he really articulated a lesson

而他真正闡明瞭一個教訓

that I've been learning in my romantic life.

我在我的浪漫生活中一直在學習。

So according to Page,

所以根據佩奇的說法。

"we're all wired to experience two kinds of attraction,

"我們都有體驗兩種吸引力的能力。

attractions of inspiration,

靈感的吸引力。

and attractions of deprivation."

剝奪的吸引力"。

So for the sake of the video,

所以為了視頻的緣故。

I'm gonna use Prince Charles and his son,

我打算用查爾斯王子和他的兒子。

Prince Harry, as examples.

哈里王子，就是例子。

Disclaimer, I don't know them,

免責聲明，我不認識他們。

blah, blah, blah,

諸如此類，諸如此類，諸如此類。

It's just an example I'm using based

這只是我使用的一個例子，基於

on the public perception we've curated

關於我們所策劃的公眾認知度

of who we think they are,

我們認為他們是誰。

given their public appearances

鑑於他們在公眾面前的表現

which probably doesn't accurately reflect

這可能並不能準確反映

the multidimensional human beings they are

他們是多維度的人

blah, blah, blah.

諸如此類，諸如此類，諸如此類。

Okay.

好的。

Say, you made both of these Princes.

說，這兩位王子都是你造的。

Prince Harry who represents attractions of inspiration,

哈里王子，他代表著靈感的景點。

brings out the best in you.

帶出你最好的一面。

- Everything was just perfect.

- 一切都是那麼完美。

It was this beautiful woman just tripped

這是一個美麗的女人剛剛被絆倒

and fell into my life.

並落入我的生活。

I run into her life.

我碰上了她的生活。

She chooses me and I choose her.

她選擇了我，我也選擇了她。

And therefore, you know, whatever we have

是以，你知道，無論我們有什麼

to tackle together or individually,

一起或單獨解決。

we'll always be us together as a team.

我們將永遠是我們一起的團隊。

So, I think she's capable of...

是以，我認為她有能力...

- So, nicely said isn't it?

- 所以，說得很好，不是嗎？

- Prince Trash,

- 垃圾王子。

I mean, Charles,

我是說，查爾斯。

as attraction of deprivation, fuels all your insecurities.

作為剝奪的吸引力，助長了你所有的不安全感。

- [Interviewer} And I suppose you're in love.

- [採訪者]而且我想你是在戀愛。

- Of course.

- 當然了。

- Whatever in love means.

- 無論在愛情中意味著什麼。

- You'll find yourself strongly attracted

- 你會發現自己被強烈吸引

to both of these Princes.

對這兩位王子都是如此。

I know you'd think that if you met Charles

我知道，如果你遇到查爾斯，你會認為

you would like run the other way,

你會喜歡跑到另一邊去。

but unfortunately you would be equally attracted

但不幸的是，你同樣會被吸引

to him as you would be to Harry.

對他來說，就像你對哈里一樣。

And though both of these connections have

儘管這兩種聯繫都有

the potential to grow into deep attachments,

有可能發展成深層次的依戀。

only attractions of inspiration,

靈感的唯一吸引力。

lead to mutually loving, caring,

導致相互愛護，關懷。

and supportive relationships.

和支持性的關係。

- I'm very excited to announce,

- 我非常興奮地宣佈。

that Megan and myself had a baby boy early this morning.

梅根和我自己今天清晨生了一個男嬰。

A very healthy boy.

一個非常健康的男孩。

Mother and baby are doing incredibly well.

母親和嬰兒的情況好得令人難以置信。

Has been the most amazing experience I can ever

這是我有史以來最神奇的經歷。

possibly imagine.

可能的想象。

- Whereas attractions of deprivation,

- 而匱乏的吸引力。

- It's rather grown up thing I found.

- 這是我發現的相當成熟的事情。

It's rather a shock to my system.

這對我的系統來說是一個衝擊。

- Relationships from an attraction of deprivation,

- 來自匱乏的吸引力的關係。

often means that you ended up being

往往意味著，你最終被

with a partner who criticizes you,

與一個責備你的夥伴在一起。

makes you feel inadequate, or is emotionally unavailable.

讓你覺得自己不夠好，或者在感情上無法得到滿足。

- {Interviewer] Do you think Mrs. Parker Bowles was a factor

- {採訪者]你認為帕克-鮑爾斯夫人是一個因素嗎？

in the breakdown of your marriage?

在你的婚姻破裂中？

- Well there were three of us in this marriage,

- 在這場婚姻中，我們有三個人。

so it's a bit crowded.

所以它有點擁擠。

- But the hard thing is, is that in the beginning both

- 但困難的是，在開始的時候，雙方都

of these attractions will feel the same.

的這些景點會有同樣的感覺。

Like good chemistry and interest.

喜歡良好的化學反應和興趣。

And it's harder for us to discern,

而我們更難辨別。

who's actually igniting our best self,

誰在真正點燃我們最好的自我。

and who's triggering all of our insecurities,

以及誰在引發我們所有的不安全感。

and self-worth issues.

和自我價值問題。

But there is some good news.

但也有一些好消息。

Eh?

嗯？

According to Page, 90% of our attractions,

根據佩奇的說法，我們90%的景點。

won't be to inspiration, or to a literal Prince.

不會是為了靈感，或為了一個字面的王子。

In order to tell which attraction is which,

為了釐清哪個景點是哪個景點。

he advises that when you first meet someone,

他建議，當你第一次見到某人時。

ask yourself the following questions:

問自己以下問題。

do you feel a warm and natural connection?

你是否感覺到一種溫暖而自然的聯繫？

Is this person engaged, and genuinely interested?

這個人是否參與，並真正感興趣？

Do they seem to have integrity?

他們似乎有誠信嗎？

Nurturing attractions of inspiration will lead

培養靈感的吸引力將導致

to relationships where you feel comfortable,

到你感到舒適的關係。

loved and accepted.

被愛和接受。

- [Interviewer] How did you first meet?

- [採訪者]你們第一次是怎麼認識的？

- We first met, we were introduced actually

- 我們第一次見面，實際上是被介紹的

by a mutual friend.

通過一個共同的朋友。

- The thing I had asked her when she said wanted

- 當她說想要的時候，我曾問過她的事情

to set us up was, I had one question, I said, "was he nice?"

我有一個問題，我說，"他人好嗎？"

Cause if he wasn't kind,

因為如果他不善良

it didn't seem like it would make sense.

這似乎沒有什麼意義。

And so we went, and had met for a drink.

於是我們就去了，並相約去喝酒。

And then I think very quickly into that, we said,

然後我認為很快就進入了這個問題，我們說。

"well, what are we doing tomorrow?

"好吧，我們明天做什麼？

We should meet again".

我們應該再次見面"。

- What are we doing tomorrow, let's meet again.

- 我們明天做什麼，讓我們再次見面。

And then it was like "right, diaries, we need to get

然後就說："好了，日記，我們需要得到

diaries and find out how are we gonna make this work".

日記，並找出我們要如何使其發揮作用。

- But okay, some of those questions like,

- 但是好吧，其中一些問題，比如。

they just sound like, you might just be on a great date.

他們只是聽起來像，你可能只是在一個偉大的日期。

So how are you really supposed to know in the long-term

那麼，從長遠來看，你怎麼能真正知道

which attraction is which.

哪個景點是哪個景點。

Page's solution is based on his assertion that we all have

佩奇的解決方案是基於他的論斷，即我們都有

"Core Gifts."

"核心禮物"。

Things like, ambition, or generosity, or kindness.

諸如，野心，或慷慨，或仁慈。

Traits that we offer our friends, the world.

我們提供給我們的朋友、世界的特質。

And most importantly, the people that we date.

而最重要的是，我們所約會的人。

And he also says that if we don't fully recognize

他還說，如果我們不完全認識到

or value our core gifts,

或重視我們的核心禮物。

then we're more drawn to people who diminish them,

那麼我們就會更多地被那些貶低他們的人所吸引。

or take advantage of them,

或利用他們的優勢。

manifesting in more attractions to deprivation.

表現為對剝奪的吸引力更大。

(chuckling)

(笑著說)

Fun.

樂趣。

So the first step he advised us to take is to figure out

是以，他建議我們採取的第一個步驟是弄清楚

what exactly your core gifts are.

你的核心天賦到底是什麼。

So think of a time when someone gave you a compliment

是以，想一想，當有人給你一個讚美的時候

about a facet of yourself, and you felt really seen,

關於你自己的一個方面，你覺得真的被看到了。

or understood, or touched.

或理解，或觸及。

This is likely one of your core gifts

這可能是你的核心天賦之一

- She's capable of anything.

- 她有能力做任何事情。

- Now say one of your core gifts is charm.

- 現在說你的核心天賦之一是魅力。

You're inherently likable, popular and adored.

你本來就很討人喜歡，很受歡迎，很受人崇拜。

To find an attraction of inspiration,

要找到靈感的吸引力。

you want to find someone who cherishes that core gift,

你想找到一個珍惜這種核心禮物的人。

instead of resenting you for it.

而不是是以而怨恨你。

Everybody always said, when we're in the car,

大家總是說，當我們在車裡的時候。

"Oh, we're on the wrong side,

"哦，我們在錯誤的一邊。

we want to see her, we don't want to see him".

我們要見她，我們不想見他"。

And that's all we could hear as we went down these crowds.

當我們走到這些人群中時，我們只能聽到這些聲音。

And obviously, he wasn't use to that.

顯然，他並不習慣這樣。

Nor was I

我也沒有

He took it out on me, he was jealous.

他把氣撒在我身上，他吃醋了。

I understood the jealousy, but I couldn't explain

我理解這種嫉妒，但我無法解釋

that I didn't ask for it.

我並沒有要求這樣做。

- Because when you have a partner who not only

- 因為當你有一個夥伴，他不僅是

rejects your core gift,

拒絕你的核心天賦。

but is jealous of it, they'll diminish it. And you.

但卻嫉妒它，他們會減弱它。還有你。

- I've come to the conclusion that really

- 我得出的結論是，真的

it would have been far easier to have had two wives,

如果有兩個妻子，那就容易多了。

(crowd laughing)

(眾人笑)

to have covered both sides of the street.

覆蓋了街道的兩邊。

(crowd laughing)

(眾人笑)

And I could have walked down the middle,

而我可以從中間走過去。

directing the operation.

指揮該行動。

- Princess Diana very famously talked about how one

- 戴安娜王妃非常著名地談到了一個人如何

of her core gifts was her strength,

她的核心天賦之一是她的力量。

but instead of amplifying Diana's strength,

但反而放大了戴安娜的力量。

instead of valuing her ability to be a leader,

而不是看重她成為領導者的能力。

her husband, and his family saw it as a threat.

她的丈夫和他的家人將其視為一種威脅。

But in attractions of inspiration,

但在景點的靈感。

our core gifts are mutually celebrated.

我們的核心禮物是相互慶祝的。

- Both of us have passions for wanting to make change,

- 我們兩個人都有想要做出改變的熱情。

change for good in the, you know

你知道的，這是很好的改變。

with lots of young people running around the Commonwealth

有很多年輕人在英聯邦範圍內奔跑

that's where we can spend most of our time.

那是我們可以花大部分時間的地方。

- It was really one of the first things we connected on.

- 這確實是我們最早聯繫的事情之一。

It was one of the first things we started talking about

這是我們開始討論的第一批事情之一

when we met.

當我們相遇時。

With just the different things that we wanted to do

隨著我們想做的不同事情

in the world and how passionate we were about seeing change.

在這個世界上，我們對看到變化有多大的熱情。

I think, that was, that's what got deep too,

我想，那是，那也是讓人深陷其中的原因。

(Megan laughing)

(梅根笑)

in the books, probably.

在書中，可能。

- And when I think back

- 而當我回想起來

on all my quote, unquote, bad relationships,

在我所有引用的、不引用的、不好的關係上。

I can say that this holds up for me personally.

我可以說，這對我個人來說是成立的。

A huge reason those relationships ended

這些關係結束的一個巨大原因

and were kind of toxic were either because core aspects

某種程度上是有毒的，要麼是因為核心的方面

of myself were resented denied or just not valued

我自己是被反感的，被拒絕的，或者只是不被重視的

or I didn't value the core gifts of my partner.

或者我沒有重視我的伴侶的核心天賦。

I'm Anna Akana.

我是安娜-阿卡納。

And thank you to the Patreons for supporting today's video.

並感謝贊助人對今天視頻的支持。

And thank you to Audible for sponsoring today's episode

感謝Audible贊助今天的節目

you can visit audible.com/anna or text ANNA to 500500

您可以訪問 audible.com/anna 或發送簡訊 ANNA 至 500500

with a 30 day free trial,

有30天的免費試用期。

you can get one audio book credit every month.

你可以每個月獲得一個音頻書的積分。

Good for any title in the entire premium selection

適用於整個優質選擇中的任何標題

of bestsellers, new releases, regardless of price

暢銷書、新書，不分價格

to keep forever.

永遠保留。

You also get full access to the plus catalog

你還可以完全訪問加號目錄

and can listen to thousands of included titles.

並能聆聽到數以千計的收錄書目。

I just listened to "Deeper Dating" by Ken Page.

我剛剛聽了肯-佩奇的《更深的約會》。

And I found out so much interesting information

我發現了這麼多有趣的資訊

that I couldn't even cover in this video.

我甚至無法在這個視頻中涵蓋。

Like did you know, we often have like the stereotype

比如你知道嗎，我們經常有這樣的刻板印象

of like playing hard to get or laying low.

就像是在裝逼或低調行事。

Like don't, like hide your cards or whatever

比如不要，比如藏起你的卡片或其他什麼東西

but according to scientific studies,

但根據科學研究。

they actually show that expressing your interest,

他們實際上表明，表達你的興趣。

and being straightforward with someone,

並對某人直言不諱。

and you know even giving a very specific compliment

你知道，即使是給一個非常具體的讚美

to someone you like, actually increases your chance

給你喜歡的人，實際上增加了你的機會

of being in a relationship with that person.

處於與該人的關係中。

I don't think I would have guessed that.

我不認為我會猜到這一點。

I mean, I do it anyway cause I have no self-control,

我的意思是，我還是這樣做了，因為我沒有自制力。

but it was great to be validated by studies and science.

但能得到研究和科學的驗證，這很好。

You can listen to "Deeper Dating" and more

您可以收聽 "更深的約會 "等內容

by going to audible.com/anna or text ANNA to 500500.

請訪問 audible.com/anna 或發短信 ANNA 到 500500。

Bye.

再見。