It's time.

是時候了。

We need to we need to talk, we need to talk about this.

我們需要我們需要談談，我們需要談談這個問題。

This is progressing in a very positive way And this person is a part of my life.

這正在以一種非常積極的方式進行，而且這個人是我生活的一部分。

So it needs to be set.

所以需要設置。

Mm hmm.

嗯，嗯。

Mm hmm, mm hmm.

嗯哼，嗯哼。

Hi guys.

嗨，夥計們。

Um I think at this point, um it's a good idea to really mention it because this whole series is all about my life and what I'm going through and all the negatives and the positives.

嗯，我認為在這一點上，嗯，真正提到它是一個好主意，因為這整個系列都是關於我的生活和我正在經歷的事情，以及所有的消極和積極因素。

I'm not perfect.

我並不完美。

There's a lot of things that I do wrong here and there's a lot of things that I need to learn to do and grow and just become more of a better version of myself.

我在這裡做錯了很多事情，有很多事情我需要學習做，需要成長，需要成為更好的自己。

I just want to I want to mention this because I think that it's going to be an impactful thing in my life.

我只是想......我想提到這一點，因為我認為這將是我生命中一件有影響的事情。

We've been talking enough to the point where we've progressed into something more serious and I hesitated a lot and thought a lot about this because of what had happened to me before.

我們已經談得夠多了，以至於我們發展到了更嚴肅的地步，我猶豫了很久，想了很多，因為我以前發生過什麼。

It allowed me to process how things, how bad things really were with the last person that I was with in a long distance relationship.

它使我能夠處理事情，與我在異地戀中的最後一個人的關係到底有多糟糕。

So by the title, you can tell that this is true.

所以從標題上看，你可以知道這是真的。

This has been completely unexpected.

這完全出乎我們的意料。

And not something that I saw myself doing again or trying allowing this relationship to develop into what it is Now, I've realized how my last relationship, it wasn't about the distance, it was about the person if you're in a long distance relationship, anybody who's watching right now.

而不是我看到自己再次做的事情，或試圖讓這段關係發展成現在這樣。現在，我已經意識到我的上一段關係，它不是關於距離，而是關於那個人，如果你在一段長距離的關係中，任何人現在正在看。

There's a lot of factors that go into it and a lot of, a lot more effort than there is in a relationship in person.

這裡面有很多因素，而且有很多，比人際關係中的努力多得多。

And I think it's one of the hardest things to do, it's such a test of time and if the other person is not listening to you or not on the same page or constantly doing things that make you feel bad and they continue to hurt you, then it's obviously something that shouldn't be going on.

我認為這是最難做到的事情之一，它是這樣一個時間的考驗，如果對方不聽你的，或者不在同一條線上，或者不斷做一些讓你感覺不好的事情，而且他們繼續傷害你，那麼顯然是不應該發生的事情。

It's, it's someone that should be in your life for only a season and that's it and that was kind of what that last relationship was.

這是，這是一個應該在你的生活中只出現一季的人，就這樣，這就是上一段關係的那種情況。

And it really heightened my anxiety and it really heightened those bad feelings and it turned me into somebody that I wasn't that I didn't like, we didn't make it a year, it was about like six months and it seems very short, but it happened and it was a very impactful thing that happened to me.

它真的加劇了我的焦慮，它真的加劇了那些不好的感覺，它把我變成了一個我不喜歡的人，我們沒有做到一年，大約是六個月，看起來很短，但它發生了，這是發生在我身上的非常有影響的事情。

This new relationship has changed my perspective on long distance and how it should work and I'm not saying, you know, I can't tell my future, but I have very, a lot of confidence in this one compared to what had happened to me before and I'm very proud of myself for leaving that relationship and getting the courage to break up with that person.

這段新的關係改變了我對異地戀的看法，以及它應該如何運作，我不是說，你知道，我不能告訴我的未來，但與之前發生在我身上的事情相比，我對這段關係非常、非常有信心，我為自己離開那段關係並鼓起勇氣與那個人分手感到非常自豪。

It had to happen and I've, I've been in really bad situations in my life, I was in an abusive relationship years ago when I was in Japan for about a year and I eventually was strong enough to leave it and see that this was not benefiting me in any way.

它必鬚髮生，我，我在我的生活中一直處於非常糟糕的情況下，幾年前我在日本時有過一段虐待關係，大約一年，我最終堅強地離開它，看到這對我沒有任何好處。

It was hurt, it was harming me in many different ways and I'm very lucky to have that courage two leave relationships such as that I know in the beginning it's hard, but you need to start to realize what are red flags and what aren't red flags and start to get more in tuned with your emotions and how you feel or how somebody makes you feel.

那是一種傷害，它在許多不同的方面傷害了我，我很幸運，有勇氣離開這樣的關係，我知道在開始時很難，但你需要開始意識到什麼是紅旗，什麼不是紅旗，並開始更加關注你的情緒和你的感覺或某人給你的感覺。

Because if you don't, you could end up marrying somebody that was supposed to be in your life for a season and not a lifetime.

因為如果你不這樣做，你最終可能會嫁給一個本應在你生命中出現一季而不是一生的人。

So last year I had this, I never really told this story.

所以去年我有這個，我從來沒有真正講過這個故事。

Um, and I feel like we kind of need to talk about it before I move on with this new story.

嗯，我覺得在我繼續講這個新故事之前，我們有點需要談談這個問題。

I think this is a good thing to really introduce into my videos while I go through this journey and how it makes me feel and how I developed as a person.

我認為這是一件好事，在我經歷這段旅程時，將其真正引入我的視頻中，以及它給我帶來的感受和我作為一個人的發展。

Last year, I had met someone who I thought would be my last, we weren't on the same page.

去年，我遇到了一個我認為會是我最後一個人的人，我們不在同一條船上。

He didn't care as much about me as I thought because if someone cares, then they will do everything in their power to be with you and they will do everything in their power to talk to you and they'll do everything in their power to make time for you.

他並不像我想象的那樣關心我，因為如果有人關心我，那麼他們會盡一切努力與你在一起，他們會盡一切努力與你交談，他們會盡一切努力為你擠出時間。

It really broke me at the end of it, We weren't communicating and that's the problem.

最後真的讓我崩潰了，我們沒有溝通，這就是問題所在。

And he told me that we were communicating.

他還告訴我，我們正在溝通。

But we were not because out of the six months that we dated, we video chatted once.

但我們沒有，因為在我們約會的六個月中，我們視頻哈拉過一次。

Yeah.

是的。

We video chatted one time in a long distance relationship and I wanted to talk to him more and it was just excuse after excuse and why he can't call and why he can't video chat and why this and why that why is it so hard to get online and see the girl that you're dating one time out of six months of dating is ridiculous.

在異地戀中，我們有一次視頻哈拉，我想和他多聊聊，但只是一個又一個的藉口，為什麼他不能打電話，為什麼不能視頻哈拉，為什麼要這樣，為什麼要那樣，為什麼在六個月的約會中，有一次上網看你約會的女孩就這麼難，這太荒謬了。

If you're in a long business relationship, you should schedule time for each other.

如果你們是長期的業務關係，你們應該為對方安排時間。

I'm the type of person that if I'm in a relationship, I'm very loyal, I give everything to that person.

我是那種如果在一段關係中，我非常忠誠的人，我會為那個人付出一切。

I'm very in touch with my emotions.

我對自己的情緒非常敏感。

I'm a hopeless romantic.

我是一個無可救藥的浪漫主義者。

I believe in falling in love.

我相信墜入愛河。

Like really falling in love when it came to calling on the phone.

比如在打電話的時候真的愛上了。

I think we would call and talk to each other every three weeks.

我想我們每隔三週就會打電話給對方，並進行交談。

Maybe not even that.

也許甚至不是這樣。

And when I tried, when I kept, I kept asking him, I was like, can we call, Can we talk It got to the point where I think he got a little annoyed because I wanted to call all the time.

當我試圖，當我一直，我一直問他，我想，我們能不能打電話，我們能不能談談。

But we weren't calling all the time.

但我們並不是一直在打電話。

We weren't talking.

我們沒有說話。

We weren't communicating.

我們沒有溝通。

So I wanted that.

所以我想這樣。

So I would ask almost every day at one point I was like, hey, can I talk to you for like five minutes?

所以我幾乎每天都會問，有一次我想，嘿，我能和你談談嗎，就像5分鐘？

Can I talk to you for 10 minutes?

我可以和你談10分鐘嗎？

He couldn't, he just couldn't, he couldn't make the time for me.

他不能，他就是不能，他不能為我騰出時間。

And then there was a point in the relationship where he was like, it blows my mind that you want to call me all the time and I thought to myself like at first like that kind of woke me up, what like it blows your mind that your girlfriend wants to call you.

然後在這段關係中，有一個點，他說，你一直想給我打電話，這讓我很吃驚，我心想，一開始，這讓我醒悟了，什麼叫你的女朋友想給你打電話，這讓你很吃驚。

Like we're trying to make a long distance thing work, why would I not want to call you?

就像我們正在努力使長距離的事情成功，我為什麼不想給你打電話？

I kind of like sat in my chair, like almost ready to cry.

我有點像坐在我的椅子上，幾乎準備好要哭。

Uh that statement really messed me up a bit.

呃，這句話真的讓我有點亂了。

Like it made me mad.

好像這讓我很生氣。

Am I like crazy?

我像個瘋子嗎？

Like, I don't know, I want to hear your opinions because what we're like, I'm still lost for words from that.

就像，我不知道，我想聽聽你的意見，因為我們的情況，我還是不知道該怎麼說。

And then after that, that's when I started to feel like, okay, this is very bad, this is very wrong.

然後在那之後，那時候我開始覺得，好吧，這非常糟糕，這非常錯誤。

So I talked to my friends about it and they're like kelly, you need to break up with this person because he's not treating you right and I didn't listen for a long time.

所以我跟我的朋友們說了這件事，他們說，凱莉，你需要跟這個人分手，因為他對你不好，我很長時間都沒有聽進去。

So like the last three months of our relationship was honestly hell I really tried, like I, I tried to send him gifts.

是以，在我們關係的最後三個月裡，說實話，我真的很努力，比如我，我試圖給他送禮物。

I I did as much as I could and I never got anything much in return.

我我儘可能地做了很多，但我從來沒有得到什麼回報。

It really hurt my feelings amongst all the things that I'm doing.

在我所做的所有事情中，它真的傷害了我的感情。

I really tried to make time for that person.

我真的努力為那個人騰出時間。

He got in an accident during our time together and I remember it was such a hard time for him and I was trying to be there for him, but he wouldn't even let me come visit him, he wouldn't let me call him, he wouldn't let me do anything.

在我們在一起的時候，他出了車禍，我記得對他來說，那是一段非常艱難的時期，我試圖陪伴他，但他甚至不讓我去看他，不讓我給他打電話，不讓我做任何事情。

And maybe it was because of the shock and everything that he went through, but it wasn't healthy for our relationship the way he was acting with me because it made me suffer as well.

也許是因為他所經歷的震驚和一切，但他對我的行為方式對我們的關係並不健康，因為這讓我也很痛苦。

So we were both suffering from all this stuff that was going on in our lives.

所以我們都在為生活中發生的這些事情而痛苦。

He was doing other things that you shouldn't do when you're in a relationship.

他在做其他的事情，當你在一段關係中不應該做的事情。

And it was unfair because he made me wait and he wasn't telling me what was going on.

這是不公平的，因為他讓我等待，他沒有告訴我發生了什麼。

There was no times were like, we wouldn't even send a text.

沒有什麼時候是這樣的，我們甚至不會發一條簡訊。

There are days where we wouldn't send a single text when you're in a long distance relationship, you have to share everything you have to share the stupid stuff you have to share.

有的時候，我們不會發一條簡訊，當你處於異地戀時，你必須分享你的一切，分享你必須分享的愚蠢的東西。

That's what keeps the relationship and the spark going and we weren't even doing that.

這就是保持關係和火花的原因，而我們甚至沒有這樣做。

I would always send them pictures.

我總是會給他們發照片。

I would always tell him what I'm doing.

我總是會告訴他我在做什麼。

I was always excited about going out to film something.

我總是對出去拍東西感到興奮。

I would send him pictures of myself, but he was doing none of that for me and it made me feel so emotionally exhausted because you need to be doing that with each other to make each other feel secure and I know it sounds excessive, but in this type of relationship you have to do those things for each other.

我會給他發自己的照片，但他沒有為我做這些事，這讓我感到情緒很疲憊，因為你需要和對方做這些事，讓對方感到安全，我知道這聽起來很過分，但在這種關係中你必須為對方做這些事。

Another rule of dating long distances to have an end date, you have to set a date when you're going to be together finally and end this long distance, which is a very big difference in this one compared to the last one because there is an end date and we're always sharing things and we're always talking, it's just such a 1 80 from what I had before and my anxiety is like non existent in this when I met this current guy, I was so connected with him and I was so I was falling like I was falling in love with this person and he had such passion and he's so creative and he loves doing similar things that I do and he has a lot of similar interests and we think a lot the same, but we have our differences which is good, it's like a good balance.

長途約會的另一個規則是要有一個結束日期，你必須設定一個日期，當你最終要在一起並結束這個長距離時，這與上一個相比是一個非常大的區別，因為有一個結束日期，我們總是在分享事情，我們總是在交談，這只是從我以前的情況來看，我的焦慮就像不存在一樣，當我遇到現在這個人時。我和他的關係很好，我就像愛上了這個人，他很有激情，他很有創造力，他喜歡做和我類似的事情，他有很多類似的興趣，我們有很多相同的想法，但我們也有分歧，這很好，就像一個很好的平衡。

I was so blown away by this person and how we communicated when we weren't together officially, that I was constantly thinking about him and that's a sign when you're when you meet somebody and you can't stop thinking about them.

我被這個人以及我們在沒有正式在一起時的溝通方式所震撼，我一直在想他，這就是當你遇到某人時，你無法停止想他的跡象。

That's a huge deal out of all of my past lessons and all of my past relationships.

這是我過去所有的教訓和過去所有的關係中的一個巨大交易。

I have never felt this way about anybody in my whole entire life.

在我的整個一生中，我從未對任何人有過這種感覺。

It's very different and I'm sure some of you are going to be in the comments like, you don't know that and it's true.

這是非常不同的，我相信你們中的一些人將會在評論中說，你不知道，這是真的。

It's in reality you don't know that.

這是在現實中你不知道的。

But when you have this strong of a feeling and you have this much confidence in something, it's definitely worth exploring.

但是，當你有這麼強烈的感覺，你對某件事情有這麼大的信心，它絕對值得探索。

I have to say I've become a lot wiser throughout these experiences.

我不得不說，在這些經歷中，我變得更加明智。

I've been in long distance relationships, I've been in abusive relationships.

我曾有過異地戀，我曾有過被虐待的關係。

I've been in good relationships.

我一直處於良好的關係中。

I've been in bad ones.

我也曾遇到過糟糕的情況。

I've been in, uh so many different relationships I was scared at first because I was like, it's going to be the same thing.

我一直在，呃，這麼多不同的關係中，我起初很害怕，因為我想，這將是同樣的事情。

I'm not going to feel good about it.

我不會感覺良好。

He's going to make me feel like I'm not enough and I'm going to get anxious again.

他要讓我覺得我不夠好，我又要焦慮了。

I'm going to freak out again this time around.

這次我又要抓狂了。

It's the communication is like fire and that's how it needs to be in long distance.

溝通就像火一樣，在長距離中就需要這樣的溝通。

He's giving me so much of his time and it just was so, my heart felt alive again and I like I can't even, there's no words.

他給了我這麼多的時間，而這只是如此，我的心又感覺到了活力，我就像我甚至不能，沒有語言。

There's just no words for this person, They're always video chatting.

這個人簡直無話可說，他們總是在進行視頻哈拉。

We're always scheduling times to talk and have a date.

我們總是安排時間談話，進行約會。

Like we talked about next week, let's talk at this time.

就像我們下週談的那樣，我們在這個時候談。

The first time it really started happening where he was really making time for me was when I was shopping for groceries.

第一次真正開始發生，他真正為我騰出時間是在我買菜的時候。

He just called me out of nowhere and I was like, my heart was just like, oh my God, it's him.

他突然給我打電話，我就像，我的心就像，哦，我的上帝，這是他。

And so I picked up the phone and we started talking and he was like, hey, I just wanted to check in and I was just like, why was this not a thing in my last relationship?

於是我拿起電話，我們開始交談，他說，嘿，我只是想檢查一下，我只是想，為什麼這在我的上一段關係中不是一件事？

Like what was I thinking?

就像我在想什麼？

Like, why didn't I run?

比如，我為什麼不跑？

It's so perfect.

它是如此完美。

And I know that seems so extreme for just calling me, but like I love that.

我知道這看起來很極端，因為只是給我打電話，但我喜歡這樣。

I love when you can show each other off and I love when you can call each other anytime and nobody gets upset about it.

我喜歡你們可以互相炫耀，我喜歡你們可以隨時給對方打電話而沒有人為此感到不安。

You should never be upset with somebody for calling.

你不應該因為別人的電話而生氣。

That happened a lot before.

這種情況以前經常發生。

And I was very, that's another reason why I was hesitating to get into a long distance relationship.

而且我非常，這是我猶豫是否要進入異地戀的另一個原因。

But this guy is just, I can call him anytime and he'd answer and that's so, so important.

但這個人就是，我可以隨時給他打電話，他都會接，這一點非常非常重要。

Anyway, I was, I told him I need to check out, can I call you back?

總之，我是，我告訴他我需要退房，我可以再給你打電話嗎？

And I was nervous because I remember flashback to my last long distance, I remember I would hang up and then I tried to call him again and he wouldn't answer and then he'd make an excuse and he didn't want to talk and I was like, is he going to do that to me?

我很緊張，因為我記得閃回我上次的長途電話，我記得我會掛斷電話，然後我試圖再次給他打電話，他不接，然後他會找藉口，他不想說話，我當時想，他是不是要這樣對我？

I didn't want to hang up.

我不想掛斷電話。

I was scared.

我很害怕。

So I hung up.

於是我掛斷了電話。

I checked out.

我退房了。

I texted him and I said, hey, I'm done, I'm walking home and like in seconds, like he called me back.

我給他發了簡訊，我說，嘿，我做完了，我走回家，就像在幾秒鐘內，他給我回了電話。

Like I didn't even call him back and I he's probably watching this right now.

就像我甚至沒有給他回電話，我他現在可能正在看這個。

But we talked until I got home and I like actually cried.

但我們一直聊到我回家，我好像真的哭了。

Like I was so happy.

就像我是如此的快樂。

Like it was happy tears.

好像是幸福的眼淚。

I'm already like tearing up right now because I've never had that.

我現在已經像在流淚了，因為我從來沒有過這樣的經歷。

He does a lot of like photography for weddings and couples and instagrammers.

他為婚禮、情侶和Instagram用戶做了很多類似的攝影。

But he also is like a web developer in L.

但他也像L市的一個網絡開發者。

A.

A.

So he does a lot of cool technical stuff and I love that about him because we can talk about that stuff.

所以他做了很多很酷的技術工作，我喜歡他這一點，因為我們可以談論這些東西。

And he also used to be into producing music so we can talk about music and he can play the guitar and like it just were very creative people so are passionate juices are flowing.

他以前也喜歡製作音樂，所以我們可以談論音樂，他可以彈吉他，就像這樣，我們都是非常有創造力的人，所以我們都很有激情。

Now.

現在。

The one thing that's interesting about this relationship is he is japanese and I remember in my past videos, I was like, I don't really date Japanese guys.

這段關係中有趣的一點是他是日本人，我記得在我過去的視頻中，我就像，我並不真的和日本人約會。

I've had a lot of bad experiences, especially when it came to culture.

我有很多不好的經歷，尤其是在文化方面。

Like I want somebody to really understand me and my culture and what I do, but he's Japanese, he's full Japanese.

就像我希望有人能真正理解我和我的文化以及我所做的事情，但他是日本人，他是全日本人。

He lives in L.

他住在L.

A.

A.

And he lived there for about eight years and I guess things changed because I was so smitten with him.

他在那裡住了大約8年，我猜事情發生了變化，因為我對他如此著迷。

How we met is he's kind of slid into my DMS on instagram and he told me he wanted to shoot me one day, like take pictures.

我們是怎麼認識的，他在instagram上滑入我的DMS，他告訴我他想有一天拍攝我，比如說拍照。

Sounds weird.

聽起來很奇怪。

And I was like, yeah because I was really connecting with other photographers here, turns out we have a mutual friend which is awesome because she was a close friend of mine, one of my first friends in college, she knows him and she said he's a great guy and like I was talking to her about him and it's nice that I have somebody that knows him.

我當時想，是的，因為我真的和這裡的其他攝影師有聯繫，原來我們有一個共同的朋友，這很好，因為她是我的一個密友，我在大學裡的第一個朋友之一，她認識他，她說他是一個偉大的人，就像我和她談起他，很高興我有一個人認識他。

So it was weird.

所以這很奇怪。

It's such a small world to find that out.

發現這一點，世界真是太小了。

But we talk enough to the point where we know each other and I feel like in this day and age 2,018 people meet online all the time.

但我們聊得夠多了，以至於我們互相瞭解，我覺得在這個時代，2 018人一直在網上見面。

And it's nice to know that I didn't meet this person on a dating app.

而且很高興知道我不是在約會軟件上遇到這個人。

This is completely different for me, but I am so excited about it and I just wanted to share that with you.

這對我來說是完全不同的，但我非常興奮，我只想與你們分享這一點。

And the other thing that's interesting that really makes our conversations interesting is the fact that I live in his country and he lives in mind, we're always talking about the differences and the things we get excited about that are very normal to us now.

而另一件真正使我們的談話變得有趣的事情是，我生活在他的國家，而他生活在心中，我們總是在談論差異和我們感到興奮的事情，這些事情對我們現在來說非常正常。

He's moving next year around november.

他明年11月左右就要搬家了。

So we will be together at some point.

是以，我們將在某個時候在一起。

We're always throwing ideas at each other and I think that's so awesome when you can do that with somebody.