Can I help you?

我可以幫你嗎？

Are you the doctor?

你是那個醫生嗎？

Doctor? Yes. I.. I am a doctor. Yes.

醫生？是的。我，我是個醫生。是的。

Would you like to come over and sit down here?

你願意過來在這裡坐下嗎？

Tell me what your troubles are?

告訴我你的煩惱是什麼？

Okay.

好的。

Ahh. How can I help you?

啊。我怎麼能幫助你呢？

So I was playing rugby yesterday.

所以我昨天在打橄欖球

Rugby?! Right, rough game!

橄欖球？對，粗暴的比賽!

I hit someone pretty hard, and my shoulder came out.

我撞得很厲害，我的肩膀就出來了。

I think it's dislocated.

我想它是脫臼了

I hurt my hand.

我的手受傷了。

I can't move it. I think it's broken.

我不能移動它。我想它已經壞了。

I also twisted my ankle a lot.

我還經常扭傷腳踝。

Well it's now swollen.

嗯，它現在腫了

I think it's sprained.

我認為是扭傷了

Right. Well your hand may just be fractured.

對。你的手可能只是骨折了

No, I think... It feels like a full break. Have a look. It's...

不，我覺得...感覺是全休。看一下吧。這是...

Does it hurt?

疼嗎？

I had to check.

我不得不檢查

I might try... an ice cube on it to see if that makes any difference.

我可能會嘗試......在上面放一塊冰塊，看看是否有什麼不同。

If not...

如果沒有...

I may need to amputate.

我可能需要截肢

We'll try this out, and uh...

我們要試試這個，然後...

Doesn't actually make a lot of difference.

實際上並沒有很大的區別

It's not helping.

這沒有幫助

Right no, I'm going to have to perform surgery and remove the pain.

對不對，我得做手術了並消除痛苦

Are you even a real doctor?

你甚至是一個真正的醫生嗎？

Yes of course I am.

是的，我當然是

I've got a piece of doctor paper here.

我這裡有一張醫生用的紙

Do you mean a degree?

你是指學位嗎？

Well...

嗯...

Whatever it is.

不管是什麼東西

See what I mean? So all above board and official.

明白我的意思嗎？所以，所有的事情都是光明正大的，是正式的。

So surgery's my only option?

所以手術是我唯一的選擇？

Yeah. Amputation.

是的。截肢。

Remove from the wrist the hand.

移除從手腕到手

Yes. It won't hurt, don't worry.

是的，不會傷害你，別擔心

I'll use erm...

我將用呃...

Plenty of... uh...

大量的......呃......。

uhh...

呃...

Ohhh...

哦...

Anaes...

麻醉師...

Anastai- ...Anastasia?

Anastai- ... Anastasia?

Anaesthetic?!

麻醉劑？

Anaesthetic! Yes!

麻醉劑！是的！

Plenty of anaesthetic. So you won't feel much, at all really.

大量的麻醉劑。所以你不會有什麼感覺，真的。

Okay.

好的

Yeah?

是嗎？

Okay so if you'd like to wait outside in the waiting room.

好吧，如果你想在外面的候診室裡等待

Okay fine.

好的，很好

Okay?

好嗎？

Thanks, doctor.

謝謝你，醫生

You're most welcome.

非常歡迎你

I'll see you in a bit, okay?

一會兒見，好嗎？

Okay, so, what's troubling you?

好吧，那麼，是什麼在困擾著你？

Well all week I've been pooing quite a bit.

整個星期我都在拉屎，拉了不少。

About every five minutes I poo.

大約每隔五分鐘我就會便便

Alright.

好的

It comes out like coffee.

出來的時候像咖啡一樣

I've had awful diarrhoea.

我有可怕的腹瀉

That is really gross!

這真是太噁心了!

Did you have to tell me that?!

你一定要告訴我這些嗎？

Well... You are a doctor, aren't you?

嗯...你是個醫生，不是嗎？

I AM a doctor, yes. But...

我是一名醫生，沒錯。但是...

I mean that's disgusting! I didn't need to know that!

我是說這太噁心了！我不需要知道這些！

It actually could be food poisoning.

實際上，它可能是食物中毒

Have you been eating anything unusual recently?

你最近有沒有吃過什麼不尋常的東西？

Yes.

是

I've been licking...

我一直在舔...

a lot of things, like toilet handles.

很多東西，比如馬桶把手

Toilet seats.

座便器

Toilet seats?

廁所座椅？

For any particular reason?

有什麼特別的原因嗎？

Because I read that keyboards have more bacteria on them.

因為我讀到，鍵盤上有更多的細菌

Than toilet seats?

比起馬桶蓋？

That's correct.

那是正確的

Wait outside, would you, in the reception area.

你在外面等著，好嗎，在接待區。

I'll deal with you later.

我以後再跟你算賬

Thanks, doctor.

謝謝你，醫生

Yes.

是

Right.

對

So...

所以...

Jesus.

耶穌

Everything alright?

一切順利嗎？

No.

沒有

The last week I've been quite ill.

上個星期我病得很厲害

I've had... I think it's a cold

我已經有...我想這是感冒

My head hurts a lot. I have a headache.

我的頭很痛。我有頭痛的感覺

My throat hurts, awfully. So I have a sore throat.

我的喉嚨很痛，非常痛。所以我的喉嚨很痛。

Glands are quite swollen.

腺體相當腫大

Right.

對

So you have a bit of a sore throat, do you?

所以你的喉嚨有點痛，是嗎？

Yes, yes it's rather painful

是的，是的，這是相當痛苦的

Let's have a look at your tongue

讓我們來看看你的舌頭

There's only one solution to this...

這個問題只有一個解決辦法...

Antibiotics?

抗生素？

No

沒有

Gonna have to amputate

將不得不進行截肢

Oh

哦

So would you wait out in reception area?

那麼你會在接待區等待嗎？

The receptionist will book you in, okay?

接待員會給你預約，好嗎？

So...

所以...

Comfortable?

舒服嗎？

No

沒有

I thought it'd be pretty obvious. I've got a... I've been shot.

我想這是很明顯的。我有一個...我被槍殺了。

Shot, ay?!

鏡頭，啊？

Someone shot me

有人向我開槍

Well you can see the wound is quite big

嗯，你可以看到傷口是相當大的

Yes, it is a bit

是的，它是一個有點

Well that's a shame

那真是太可惜了

I'm bleeding a lot!

我流了很多血!

Are you?

你是嗎？

Right, well

對，好

Right well we're gonna have to-

好吧，我們將不得不...

That could very easily get infected

這可能非常容易被感染

See?

看到了嗎？

I've just infected it

我剛剛感染了它

Look! Pus

看啊!普斯

It's infected

它被感染了

Alright, so what do we do?

好吧，那麼我們該怎麼做？

Well you're gonna have to wait outside in the reception area

那你就得在外面的接待區等著了。

I'll see if I can...

我看看我是否能...

...make arrangements...

...作出安排...

...for you

...為你

Okay

好的

Thank you, doctor

謝謝你，醫生

Bloody weirdos I've had in today!

我今天遇到了該死的怪人!