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  • UP HERE, DOWN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD.

    在這裡,在這裡,在那裡,在世界各地。

  • WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."

    歡迎來到 "晚間節目"。

  • I WANT TO SAY HI TO ALL MY FANS IN MEXICO CITY, RIGHT OFF THE

    我想向我在墨西哥城的所有粉絲問好,就在這時

  • TOP.

    TOP.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

    (歡呼聲和掌聲)。

  • THERE YOU GO.

    你去那裡。

  • THERE YOU GO.

    你去那裡。

  • BROADCASTING LIVE TO MEXICO CITY.

    向墨西哥城直播。

  • I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

    我是你們的主持人,Stephen Colbert。

  • FOLKS, I TRY TO NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF THE FACT THAT HAVING ONE OF

    鄉親們,我試圖永遠不要忽視一個事實,即擁有一個

  • THESE SHOWS IS A PROFOUUND PRIVILEGE, NOT JUST TO TELL

    這些節目是一個巨大的特權,不僅僅是為了講述

  • JOKES-- HA HA-- BUT TO INFORM YOU, THE PUBLIC. THAT IS A

    笑話--哈哈--但要告訴你,公眾。這是個

  • SACRED TRUST.

    神聖的信任。

  • AND NO ONE IN LATE NIGHT GIVES YOU THE MIDTERM PRIMARIES IN

    而在深夜沒有人給你提供中期初選的資訊。

  • FIVE STATES IN MID-MAY LIKE THE TEAM AT "THE LATE SHOW."

    5月中旬,像 "晚間節目 "的團隊一樣,在五個州。

  • THIS IS: >> "ELECTION NIGHT IN 10% OF

    這就是。>> "10%的選舉之夜

  • AMERICA '22."

    AMERICA '22"。

  • >> Stephen: THE RESULTS ARE IN, AND AMERICA HAS UPHELD ITS

    >> 斯蒂芬:結果已經出來了,美國人已經把自己的東西拿出來了。

  • PROUD TRADITION OF NOT KNOWING WHO WON.

    驕傲的傳統是不知道誰贏了。

  • AT LEAST IN ONE RACE EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT-- THE REPUBLICAN

    至少在每個人都在談論的一場比賽中 -- 共和黨人

  • NOMINATION FOR SENATE IN PENNSYLVANIA, WHICH PITS FORMER

    賓夕法尼亞州參議員的提名,對陣雙方都是前參議員。

  • HEDGE FUND EXECUTIVE AND CUSTOMER ASKING THE MANAGER WHY

    對沖基金高管和客戶詢問經理的原因

  • THE PEOPLE AT THAT TABLE GOT THEIR FOOD FIRST,

    那張桌子上的人先得到他們的食物。

  • DAVID McCORMICK, AGAINST TV CHARLATAN AND WINNER OF THE EMMY

    戴維-麥克米克,反對電視查拉坦和艾美獎得主

  • FOR OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT IN SELF-TAXIDERMY, DR. MEHMET OZ.

    榮獲 "自我標本製作傑出成就獎 "的是,梅梅-奧茲博士。MEHMET OZ.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AS OF THIS TAPING, THE RACE IS A

    ( 笑聲 ) 截止到本次錄製,比賽是一個

  • TOSS-UP, WITH DR. OZ GETTING 31.3% OF THE VOTE TO McCORMICK'S

    拋出,博士。奧茲》獲得31.3%的選票,而《麥克米克》則獲得31.3%的選票。

  • 31.1%.

    31.1%.

  • WOW, THAT'S A NAILBITER.

    哇,這是個釘子戶。

  • THAT IS STRESSFUL.

    這是有壓力的。

  • AND THERE'S NO BETTER CURE FOR STRESS THAN DR. OZ'S RASPBERRY

    沒有什麼比奧茲博士的葡萄柚更適合治療壓力的了。奧茲的紅莓

  • KETONE AND GREEN COFFEE BEAN PROTEIN PANCAKE MIX.

    酮和綠咖啡豆蛋白煎餅混合物。

  • SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE STRESS.

    副作用包括壓力。

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HERE'S THE THING.

    (歡呼聲和掌聲)事情是這樣的。

  • IT IS.

    它是。

  • IT'S A NAILBITER.

    這是一個釘子戶。

  • BUT BOTH SIDES REMAIN CONFIDENT.

    但雙方都保持信心。

  • LAST NIGHT, McCORMICK'S CHIEF STRATEGIST TWEETED, "BASED ON

    昨天晚上,麥考密克的首席戰略家發了一條微博,"基於

  • HOW MANY UNCOUNTED ABSENTEE BALLOTS THERE ARE AND THE MARGIN

    有多少張未計算的缺席選票,以及差額是多少?

  • BY WHICH DAVE HAS WON THEM SO FR, THAT'S WHY WE ARE

    這也是為什麼我們要在這一領域進行研究。

  • CONFIDENT OF VICTORY."

    對勝利充滿信心"。

  • WHILE AN ADVISER TO DR. OZ POINTED TO UNCOUNTED BALLOTS IN

    而博士的一名顧問。盎司的顧問指出,中國的未計算的選票。

  • PHILADELPHIA AND DECLARED, "IT'S A JUMP BALL."

    費城,並宣佈,"這是一個跳球"。

  • WHICH, I WILL REMIND YOU, IS HOW THEY EVENTUALLY DECIDED

    我想提醒你,他們最終就是這樣決定的

  • BUSH V. GORE.

    布什訴戈爾。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

    ( 笑聲 ) ( 掌聲 )

  • OKAY.

    好吧。

  • W. WAS A MONSTER IN THE PAINT.

    W.是油漆中的一個怪物。

  • HE WAS RAY MONSTER IN THE PAINT.

    他是油漆中的射線怪物。

  • HE TOOK THE ROCK TO THE REHNQUIST.

    他帶著石頭去找雷恩奎斯特。

  • PENNSYLVANIA LAW REQUIRES A RECOUNT WHEN THE MARGIN IS HALF

    賓夕法尼亞州法律要求在差額為一半時重新計票

  • A PERCENTAGE POINT OR LESS, BUT ONE DR. OZ SUPPORTER SEES A

    一個百分點或更少,但一位Dr.盎司的支持者看到了一個

  • WAY AROUND THAT.

    圍繞這一點的方法。

  • I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT FORMER PRESIDENT FRAUD

    當然,我說的是前總統的欺詐。

  • FLINTSTONE-- A.K.A. FLABBA DABBA GOO.

    打火石--又名弗拉巴-達巴-古。

  • OLD FLABBA DABBA SAID SOMEWHERE ON THE INTERNET THAT

    老弗拉巴-達巴在互聯網上的某個地方說,

  • OZ SHOULD NOT TRUST OUTSTANDING MAIL-IN BALLOTS, TYPING, "DR. OZ

    盎司不應該相信未完成的郵寄選票,輸入 "Dr.OZ

  • SHOULD DECLARE VICTORY.

    應該宣佈勝利。

  • IT MAKES IT MUCH HARDER FOR THEM TO CHEAT WITH THE BALLOTS THAT

    這使得他們更難用選票作弊。

  • THEY 'JUST HAPPENED TO FIND.' WELL, I WILL GIVE HIM THIS: HE'S

    他們 "碰巧找到了。"好吧,我給他這個。他是

  • AN AUTHORITY ON CHEATING.

    一個關於作弊的權威。

  • JUST ASK ALL OF HIS WIVES.

    問問他所有的妻子就知道了。

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE DO-- IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

    (歡呼聲和掌聲)我們是......有一段時間了。

  • IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

    有一段時間了。

  • JUST THROW IT OUT THERE.

    只是把它扔在那裡。

  • THROW A LITTLE CORN OUT FOR THE CHICKENS.

    扔一點玉米給雞吃。

  • WE DO KNOW WHO THE WINNER OF THIS RACE WILL FACE IN THE

    我們確實知道這場比賽的贏家將面對誰。

  • GENERAL ELECTION: LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR JOHN FETTERMAN, SEEN

    大選:副州長約翰-費特曼,見。

  • HERE IN HIS FORMAL HOODIE.

    在這裡,他穿著正式的連帽衫。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, UNLIKE THE REPUBLICANS, THE

    ( 笑聲 ) 現在,與共和黨人不同,......。

  • DEMOCRATIC RACE WAS NOT CLOSE, WITH FETTERMAN CAPTURING

    民主選舉的結果並不接近,費特曼奪得了冠軍。

  • 59% OF THE VOTE, AND POSSIBLY GOING ON TO WIN EVERY COUNTY IN

    59%的選票,並可能繼續贏得每一個縣的選舉。

  • PENNSYLVANIA.

    賓夕法尼亞州。

  • CLEARLY, HE IS A RISING STAR, WHICH MAY BE WHY ONE BIDEN

    顯然,他是一顆冉冉升起的新星,這可能是為什麼一個拜登

  • ADVISER TOLD CNN, "THERE ARE BIG SIMILARITIES BETWEEN JOHN

    顧問對CNN說,"約翰-卡斯特羅和他自己之間有很大的相似之處。

  • FETTERMAN AND JOE BIDEN."

    費特曼和喬-比登。"

  • AND THAT COULD EXPLAIN BIDEN'S LATEST MAKEOVER.

    這可以解釋拜登的最新改造。

  • THAT'S NICE.

    這很好。

  • LOOKS GOOD.

    看上去很好。

  • HE SHOULD DO IT.

    他應該這樣做。

  • HE SHOULD GO FOR IT.

    他應該去爭取。

  • DON'T FIGHT IT, RIGHT?

    不要對抗它,對嗎?

  • RIGHT?

    對嗎?

  • DON'T FIGHT IT, RIGHT?

    不要對抗它,對嗎?

  • JUST GO FOR IT.

    就去做吧。

  • PENNSYLVANIA REPUBLICANS DID DECISIVELY CHOOSE A CANDIDATE

    賓夕法尼亞州共和黨人確實果斷地選擇了一名候選人

  • FOR GOVERNOR: STATE SENATOR AND MR. CLEAN GOING THROUGH A ROUGH

    州長候選人:州參議員和先生。清廉的人正在經歷一個艱難的過程

  • DIVORCE, DOUG MASTRIANO.

    離婚,杜格-馬斯特里亞諾。

  • MASTRIANO IS A HARD-RIGHT CHRISTIAN NATIONALIST AND A

    馬斯特里亞諾是一個強硬的右翼基督教民族主義者和一個

  • CENTRAL FIGURE IN EFFORTS TO OVERTURN THE RESULTS OF THE 2020

    在努力推翻2020年的結果方面,他是核心人物。

  • ELECTION IN PENNSYLVANIA.

    賓夕法尼亞州的選舉。

  • THAT VICTORY SPEECH MUST HAVE BEEN A LITTLE AWKWARD:

    勝利的演講一定是有點尷尬的。

  • "THANK YOU, PENNSYLVANIA.

    "謝謝你,賓夕法尼亞州。

  • I COULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT DOMINION VOTING MACHINES

    沒有多米尼克投票機,我不可能做到這一點

  • AND THE GHOST OF HUGO CHAVEZ.

    和胡戈-查韋斯的幽靈。

  • THESE ELECTIONS ARE RIGGED!

    這些選舉是被操縱的!

  • STOP THE STEAL!

    停止偷竊!

  • LOCK ME UP!" LOOK ME UP!

    把我鎖起來!"看著我!

  • ( APPLAUSE ) ONE OF THE BIG LOSERS LAST NIGHT

    ( 掌聲 ) 昨晚的大輸家之一

  • WAS NORTH CAROLINA REPRESENTATIVE MADISON CAWTHORN,

    是北卡羅來納州代表麥迪遜-考特恩。

  • SEEN HERE-- ( APPLAUSE )

    看到這裡 -- (掌聲)

  • SEEN HERE ENTERING A LIST OF HIS TOP AXE BODY SPRAY SCENTS INTO

    在這裡看到,他把他最喜歡的斧子身體噴霧的清單輸入了

  • THE CONGRESSIONAL RECORD.

    國會記錄。

  • MANGO MUSK!

    芒果醬!

  • CAWTHORN HAD THE EX-PRESIDENT'S ENDORSEMENT, BUT HE STILL LOST

    山楂樹有前總統的支持,但他還是輸了。

  • THE REPUBLICAN PRIMARY TO NORTH CAROLINA STATE SENATOR AND

    共和黨初選中,北卡羅來納州參議員和

  • HOTEL CONCIERGE WATCHING YOU AND YOUR WIFE KISS, CHUCK EDWARDS.

    酒店門房看著你和你妻子接吻,Chuck Edwards。

  • IN ADDITION TO HIS ROLE IN THE STATE SENATE, EDWARDS OPERATES

    除了在州參議院的角色外,愛德華茲還負責經營

  • McDONALD'S FRANCHISES IN WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA.

    McDONALD'S FRANCHISES IN WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA.

  • SO WHILE CAWTHORN HAD THE EX-PRESIDENT'S SUPPORT, EDWARDS

    是以,雖然考特恩得到了前總統的支持,但愛德華茲

  • WAS ENDORSED BY THE EX-PRESIDENT'S TOP ADVISER.

    被前總統的最高顧問認可。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

    ( 笑聲 ) ( 掌聲 )

  • NOW, IT'S KIND OF SHOCKING-- HERE'S THE THING--

    現在,這是一種令人震驚的 - 這裡的事情 -

  • ( APPLAUSE ) HERE'S THE THING, HERE IS THE--

    (掌聲) 事情是這樣的,這裡是......。

  • IT'S KIND OF SHOCKING FOR AN INCUMBENT, MAGA-APPROVED

    對於一個在職的、馬加爵認可的人來說,這有點令人震驚。

  • CONGRESSMAN TO LOSE HIS PRIMARY.

    國會議員在初選中失利。

  • BUT IT MAY HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH CAWTHORN ANGERING HIS

    但這可能與山楂樹惹怒了他有關。

  • G.O.P. COLLEAGUES BACK IN MARCH, WHEN HE SAID THIS:

    G.O.P.的同事早在3月份就說過這樣的話。

  • >> THE SEXUAL PERVERSION THAT GOES ON IN WASHINGTON, ALL THE

    >> 在華盛頓發生的性變態行為,所有的

  • SUDDEN, YOU GET INVITED TO, LIKE, "WELL, HEY, WE'RE GONNA

    突然間,你被邀請參加,比如,"嗯,嘿,我們要去

  • HAVE KIND OF A SEXUAL GET-TOGETHER AT ONE OF OUR

    在我們的一個地方,有一種性的聚會。

  • HOMES.

    住宅。

  • YOU SHOULD COME!" AND I'M LIKE, "WHAT DID YOU JUST

    你應該來!"我就說,"你剛才說什麼?

  • ASK ME TO COME TO?" AND THEN YOU REALIZE THEY'RE

    叫我來?"然後你意識到他們是

  • ASKING YOU TO COME TO AN ORGY.

    叫你來參加狂歡。

  • SOME OF THE PEOPLE LEADING ON THE MOVEMENT TO TRY AND REMOVE

    一些上司運動的人,試圖去除

  • ADDICTION IN OUR COUNTRY, AND THEN YOU WATCH THEM DO A KEY

    在我們國家上癮,然後你看著他們做一個關鍵的

  • BUMP OF COCAINE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

    在你面前的可卡因的碰撞。

  • >> Stephen OKAY, THAT'S AN OBVIOUS LIE.

    >> 斯蒂芬 好吧,這是一個顯而易見的謊言。

  • IF MEMBERS OF CONGRESS WERE ON COCAINE, THEY WOULD GET A LOT

    如果國會議員服用可卡因,他們會得到很多

  • MORE DONE.

    做得更多。

  • ( SNIFFS ) WOOO!

    ( 嗅覺 ) 嗚呼!

  • OOO!

    OOO!

  • "OK, THAT'S TEN BILLS ALREADY PASSED.

    "好的,這就是已經通過的十個法案。

  • TEAL YOU WHAT, BRO, LET'S FILE CLOTURE AND KEEP GOING.

    你說什麼,兄弟,讓我們提出訴訟程序,繼續前進。

  • JUST READ THE BUDGET ALOUD WHILE I CLEAN THE SENATE CHAMBER WITH

    在我打掃參議院會議廳時,只需大聲宣讀預算。

  • A TOOTHBRUSH.

    一把牙刷。

  • OR START A BAND.

    或者組建一個樂隊。

  • ANYONE CRAZY THIRSTY?

    有人瘋狂地渴了嗎?

  • ROAD TRIP!

    公路旅行!

  • ROAD TRIP!

    公路旅行!

  • GO TO THE SHORE!" THAT'S JUST THE TIP-- I HEARD, I

    到岸上去!"這僅僅是個小插曲--我聽說,我

  • DON'T KNOW.

    不知道。

  • THAT'S WHAT I HEARD.

    這是我聽到的。

  • BUT THAT'S JUST THE TIP OF WHAT I IMAGINE WERE A GOOD NUMBER OF

    但這只是我想象中的一個小插曲,我想這是一個很好的數字。

  • TIPS, BECAUSE CAWTHORN HAS A BUNCH OF SCANDALS, INCLUDING

    提示,因為山楂樹有一堆的醜聞,包括

  • BEING ACCUSED OF ENGAGING IN INSIDER TRADING, CHARGED WITH

    被指控從事內幕交易,被控以

  • DRIVING WITH A REVOKED LICENSE, AND BEING STOPPED FOR TRYING TO

    用被吊銷的駕照開車,並因試圖在車道上行駛而被攔下。

  • BRING A GUN THROUGH AIRPORT SECURITY-- TWICE.

    帶槍通過機場安檢--兩次。

  • THAT IS SO STUPID.

    這真是太愚蠢了。

  • EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN'T BRING A GUN TO THE AIRPORT.

    每個人都知道你不能帶槍去機場。

  • YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE THROUGH SECURITY AND THEN GO

    你必須等待,直到你通過安檢,然後去

  • TO "HUDSON NEWS" TO GET A TRAVEL-SIZE GUN.

    到 "哈德遜新聞 "去買一支旅行用的槍。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT NOW CAWTHORN IS ON HIS WAY

    (笑) 但現在山楂樹已經在路上了

  • OUT, WHICH IS A TOUGH BREAK.

    出,這是個艱難的突破。

  • HOW WILL YOU DEAL WITH THIS DEFEAT, MADISON?

    你將如何處理這次失敗,麥迪遜?

  • >> KEY BUMP OF COCAINE.

    >>可卡因的關鍵撞擊。

  • >> Stephen: OKAY.

    >> 斯蒂芬:好的。

  • OKAY, WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT.

    好吧,只要能讓你度過這個夜晚。

  • IN PANDEMIC NEWS, COVID IS SURGING, BUT IT'S HARD TO TELL

    在大流行病的新聞中,Covid正在激增,但很難看出來

  • NUMBERS CERTAINLY SEEM TO BE GOING UP HERE IN NEW YORK, WHERE

    在紐約,這個數字似乎正在上升,在這裡

  • THIS WEEK, CORONAVIRUS CASES REACHED A HIGH ALERT LEVEL.

    本週,冠狀病毒病例達到高度警戒水準。

  • TO BE FAIR, WHEN YOU'RE WALKING AROUND NEW YORK CITY, YOU'RE

    公平地說,當你在紐約市內走動時,你就會發現

  • OFTEN ON HIGH ALERT.

    經常處於高度警戒狀態。

  • "HONEY, WALK FASTER AND DON'T TURN AROUND.

    "親愛的,走快點,不要轉身。

  • THE GUY BEHIND US ISN'T WEARING PANTS, BUT HE IS WEARING AN ELMO

    我們身後的人沒有穿褲子,但他穿了一個艾莫。

  • HEAD.

    頭部。