- Some of you aren't doing the work, and it shows.

- 你們中的一些人沒有做這些工作，這一點很明顯。

So a few months ago, two women who I know,

所以幾個月前，我認識的兩個女人。

they really came for me.

他們真的為我而來。

It was, it was intense.

那是，那是很激烈的。

And in dealing with these two,

而在處理這兩個。

I felt like Neo from "The Matrix,"

我覺得自己就像《黑客帝國》中的尼奧，"

just dodging emotional manipulation left and right.

只是左躲右閃地進行情感操縱。

(dramatic music)

(戲劇性的音樂)

(gunshots)

(槍聲)

And to be clear, like, barring abusers,

而且要清楚，比如，禁止虐待者。

most people who do this operate unconsciously.

大多數這樣做的人都是無意識地操作。

They're not even aware of what they're doing,

他們甚至不知道自己在做什麼。

because manipulation is ultimately

因為操縱最終是

an unhealthy coping mechanism.

一個不健康的應對機制。

You know, it's a learned survival strategy

你知道，這是一種學習到的生存策略

that gets people what they want.

讓人們得到他們想要的東西。

In the same way that perfectionism

與完美主義相同的是

can be a coping mechanism learned in childhood,

可能是在童年學到的一種應對機制。

so is manipulation.

操縱也是如此。

And it doesn't make manipulation okay by any means,

而且，這並不意味著操縱行為是好的。

but knowing that has really helped me

但知道這一點確實對我有幫助

deal with all these walking wounds out here,

處理所有這些行走的傷口在這裡。

just flailing around, flinging their shit.

只是到處亂晃，甩動他們的狗屎。

But what even is emotional manipulation,

但即使是情感操縱也是如此。

besides a simplified carousel all over your Instagram

除了在你的Instagram上有一個簡化的旋轉木馬之外

and a zeitgeisty buzzword?

和一個時髦的流行語？

Well, emotional manipulation occurs

那麼，情感操縱的發生

when a person seeks power over someone else

當一個人尋求對別人的權力時

and employs dishonest or exploitative strategies to gain it.

並採用不誠實或剝削的策略來獲得它。

Manipulative people attack your mental and emotional sides

操縱性強的人攻擊你的精神和情感方面

to get what they want,

以獲得他們想要的東西。

and they will take advantage of you

而他們會利用你

to get power, control, benefits, or privileges.

以獲得權力、控制、利益或特權。

So sign number one that you're dealing with

是以，第一種跡象表明你正在處理的是

an emotional manipulator:

一個情感操縱者。

you feel fear, obligation, or guilt,

你感到恐懼、義務、或內疚。

the three hallmarks of manipulative behavior.

操縱性行為的三個標誌。

So manipulators will evoke these three emotions

所以操縱者會喚起這三種情緒

by commonly taking one of two roles:

通常扮演兩種角色中的一種。

the bully and/or the victim.

欺凌者和/或受害者。

They are basically a one-person show,

他們基本上是一個人的表演。

playing all the characters, creating all the drama.

扮演所有的角色，創造所有的戲劇。

They would make Shakespeare very proud.

他們會讓莎士比亞感到非常自豪。

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

地獄是空的，所有的魔鬼都在這裡。

- Art thou calling me a demon

- 你說我是惡魔嗎？

because I cannot attend your party?

因為我不能參加你的聚會？

- (cries) All that glitters is not gold.

- (哭)所有閃光的東西都不是金子。

- I'm sorry, I cannot go!

- 對不起，我不能去!

- Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

- 我認為這位女士抗議得太多了。

- I told you, I have a work obligation!

- 我告訴過你，我有工作上的義務!

(sobs)

(啜泣聲)

- Something wicked this way comes,

- 邪惡的東西這樣來了。

open locks, whomever knocks.

開鎖，無論誰來敲門。

(whimpers)

(啜泣聲)

- You know what?

- 你知道嗎？

Fine, I'll cancel it, okay?

好吧，我就取消它，好嗎？

Are we cool?

我們酷嗎？

- To be cool or not to be cool, that is the question.

- 耍酷還是不耍酷，這是個問題。

- Oh my god, okay, alright I'm so sorry, alright?

- 哦，我的上帝，好吧，好吧，我很抱歉，好嗎？

I'll go.

我去。

Also, where are we?

另外，我們在哪裡？

- We're on a Shakespearean stage.

- 我們是在一個莎士比亞的舞臺上。

- Oh.

- 哦。

- Hi, Bill.

- 嗨，比爾。

- Okay, yeah.

- 好的，是的。

- When manipulators play the bully,

- 當操縱者扮演惡霸的時候。

they will make you feel fearful,

他們會讓你感到恐懼。

and they might use aggression, threats, and intimidation

他們可能會使用侵略、威脅和恐嚇的手段

to control you.

來控制你。

But, when they decide to play the victim,

但是，當他們決定扮演受害者。

they employ a feeling of guilt.

他們採用的是一種內疚的感覺。

They act really hurt, they weaponize tears,

他們表現得很受傷，他們把眼淚當作武器。

they make you feel incredibly bad about what you're doing

他們讓你對自己所做的事情感到無比的難過

and beholden to them.

並聽從他們的安排。

Sign number two: zero accountability.

跡象之二：零問責。

An emotional manipulator typically will always assign blame

情緒操縱者通常總是將責任歸咎於人

and never take responsibility for it.

並從未為之負責。

You often see this with people

你經常看到這樣的人

who cannot authentically apologize

不能真實地道歉的人

or acknowledge what they've done wrong,

或承認他們做錯了什麼。

and there's also a new sneaky, evolved version -

而且還有一個新的偷偷摸摸的進化版--

someone who knows how to say all the right things

懂得說好話的人

when they can tell that you're really fed up

當他們能看出你真的受夠了的時候

and ready to leave,

並準備離開。

but they never actually change their action.

但他們從未真正改變他們的行動。

And then sign number three:

然後是三號標誌。

they lie, misrepresent, fib, or make misstatements

他們說謊、歪曲事實、撒謊或作出錯誤陳述

in order to confuse you.

以此來迷惑你。

They may exaggerate events to make themselves

他們可能會誇大事件以使自己

seem more vulnerable,

似乎更加脆弱。

or understate their own role in a conflict

或低估他們自己在衝突中的作用

in order to gain your sympathy.

以此來獲得你的同情。

Whatever the case, almost all emotional manipulators

不管是什麼情況，幾乎所有的情緒操縱者

twist reality in order to benefit them.

扭曲現實，以利於他們。

The best way to deal with this kind of manipulative behavior

處理這種操縱行為的最好方法是

is to hold your boundary and stand in your truth.

是堅守你的邊界，站在你的真理中。

Now that you know the signs of an emotional manipulator

現在你知道了情感操縱者的跡象

and how to deal with this behavior,

以及如何處理這種行為。

I have to ask, is this you?

我不得不問，這是你嗎？

Have you employed this behavior before to get what you want?

你以前是否採用過這種行為來獲得你想要的東西？

Do you embellish a situation to a friend

你是否向朋友美化情況？

to control a narrative?

來控制敘事？

Have you left every conflict

你是否離開了每一個衝突

without ever saying the words "I'm sorry?"

沒有說過 "對不起 "幾個字？

Think about it, 'cause I made this video

想想吧，因為我做了這個視頻

specifically for two people.

專門為兩個人準備的。

I'm Anna Akana, today I chose violence,

我是安娜-阿卡納，今天我選擇了暴力。

and thank you to the Patreons for supporting today's video.

並感謝贊助人對今天視頻的支持。

And as always, thank you to my daddy, Squarespace,

像往常一樣，感謝我的父親，Squarespace。

for sponsoring today's episode.

為今天的節目提供贊助。

Now, I don't know if you guys know this,

現在，我不知道你們是否知道這個。

but Daddy Squarespace has an all-in-one platform

但爸爸Squarespace有一個多合一的平臺

to build a beautiful online presence

以建立一個美麗的在線形象

and run your business,

並經營你的業務。

complete with tools and analytics

完善的工具和分析方法

to have your website or online store

以使你的網站或網上商店

be the best that it can be.

是最好的，它可以是。

For all of you who love to create audio content,

對於所有喜歡創建音頻內容的人來說。

you know, you can use audio blocks,

你知道，你可以使用音頻塊。

which allows you to embed audio on your site

它允許你在你的網站上嵌入音頻

and tag the audio for iTunes

併為iTunes標記音頻

when your audio block is placed in a blog.

當你的音頻塊被放置在博客中時。

Wow.

哇。

Plus, you can have multiple contributors

另外，你可以有多個貢獻者

receive selective access to your site's website manager.

接受有選擇地訪問你的網站的網站管理員。

Don't worry, you own all the content

別擔心，你擁有所有的內容

that you've put on the Daddy Squarespace platform.

你放在爸爸Squarespace平臺上的。

And he offers one-click data portability.

而且他還提供了一鍵式數據移植功能。

Head to squarespace.com for a free trial,

請到squarespace.com網站進行免費試用。

and whenever you're ready to launch,

並在你準備好發射的時候。

go to squarespace.com/anna to save 10%

前往squarespace.com/anna以節省10%的費用

off your first purchase of a website or domain.

首次購買網站或域名可獲優惠。

Daddy Squarespace.

爸爸Squarespace。

He's on my side about this conflict.

關於這場衝突，他是站在我這邊的。