and before long I was given a duty in the church

as the lead singer in music videos for hymns.

Many brothers and sisters started noticing me,

saying I sang nicely,

and wherever I went, they recognized me.

This made me happy, and I felt like I was a star.

A few months later, I was elected as church leader.

There were many newcomers to water, and much gospel work to follow up on.

To better handle the newcomers' problems,

I often watched gospel movies

to equip myself with the truth about knowing God's work,

and every time the newcomers had certain notions

or encountered problems they didn't understand,

I was able to actively fellowship with them and resolve their issues.

My brothers and sisters often praised me for my good caliber and understanding.

I was very happy to earn their approval.

However, I was never very effective in gospel work.

At that time Sister Lin was transferred to our church to preach the gospel.

She quickly threw herself into her work,

she was able to fellowship

and take the initiative to resolve any problems others had in their duties,

and she also actively fellowshiped in meetings.

I should have been happy when I saw that Sister Lin was so responsible in her duty,

but for reasons I didn't know, I didn't like her.

Every time she fellowshiped with the brothers and sisters,

I didn't even want to see her.

Especially when I heard them say

"Sister Lin is so good, she could be a gospel deacon,"

I was even more uncomfortable.

I thought,

"Before Sister Lin came to our church,

many of the brothers and sisters all praised me

for my good caliber, understanding, and watering of newcomers,

and they all looked up to me,

but now they all think she is the best and they look up to her.

Now who will look up to me?"

From that time, I started to be jealous of Sister Lin,

and I worried she could take my place in our brothers' and sisters' hearts.

After that, I saw that Sister Lin often called to ask about newcomers' states,

and that many newcomers also sought her to resolve problems.

One time, a sister I watered had encountered difficulties in gospel work

and asked my opinion.

After I fellowshiped with her, she went to seek out Sister Lin.

When I learned she went to Sister Lin, it made me sad.

I thought to myself,

"Maybe she doesn't take my suggestions seriously

and must think Sister Lin is better than me,

and doesn't look up to me anymore.

Since I'm so bad with gospel work,

I have to work hard to make up for my deficiencies.

Then I won't be worse than Sister Lin,

and in the future, if the brothers and sisters have problems,

they will come to me instead of her."

In the days that followed,

I quietly started to compete with Sister Lin.

I saw that Sister Lin ate dinner late every day

because she was busy with her duty,

and she sometimes worked through the night.

So I also tried to stay up late for my duty

to let the brothers and sisters see

I was also responsible and no worse than her.

Later, the church held an election for a gospel deacon.

Weighing up every aspect, Sister Lin was the best for this duty,

but I didn't want to choose her.

I thought that she was more capable than me

and if she became a gospel deacon,

everyone's attention would gradually shift to her.

But considering that church leaders can't do all the work alone

and need deacons to take on a portion of the work,

I thought to myself, "Should I choose her?

If I choose her, the brothers and sisters will definitely flock to her

and I'll be cast aside."

But I had to admit Sister Lin had very high caliber,

and she could handle the duties of a gospel deacon.

I considered it for a long time, and finally reluctantly chose her.

On one occasion, the church was seeking a sister with good Filipino and English

to play a role in a music video.

Sister Lin's Filipino and English were both good,

and in the end, the brothers and sisters selected her.

I was very frustrated,

"My Filipino and English are also good,

so why did the brothers and sisters choose her instead of me?"

I was very jealous of her,

and I also felt some hatred for her in my heart.

Just at that time,

because Sister Lin had revealed a somewhat arrogant disposition,

our leaders were investigating how she performed her duties,

and they asked me to write an evaluation of her.

I was very happy,

and I wanted to write more about her deficiencies,

so our leaders would move her to other duties

and I wouldn't have to perform duties with her anymore.

Though I didn't do this in the end,

I still wanted her to leave

so I wouldn't have to worry about the brothers and sisters looking up to her.

When I thought of how the brothers and sisters all sought her out to seek answers

and how they no longer looked up to me,

I felt aggrieved and miserable.

Even during our duties together, I didn't want to look at her.

Jealousy had really taken hold of my heart at that time.

After that, I couldn't feel the work and guidance of the Holy Spirit in my duties.

When I encountered some problems, I couldn't understand their essence

and I didn't know how to resolve them.

I was also ineffective in my duties.

I didn't realize at all

that my negative state was already impacting my duties.

That was until I saw these words of God at a meeting.

After reading God's word,

I realized that I performed my duty for reputation and status,

to make people look up to and adore me.

When Sister Lin came to the church

and I saw that she could fellowship on the truth and solve problems,

and that others would seek her out for fellowship instead of me,

I became jealous and feared Sister Lin would take my place,

so I began to compete with her at every turn,

exerting great effort to make up for my shortcomings

in attempts to surpass her.

When the church needed to elect a gospel deacon,

I could clearly see that Sister Lin could take on this duty,

but I feared she would steal my status, so I didn't want to choose her,

and I hated and despised her in my heart.

I was happy when I saw her reveal corruption,

and bore malicious intention when it came time to write her evaluation.

I wanted to write all about her shortcomings and have her sent away,

so that I wouldn't have to be afraid of the brothers and sisters looking up to her.

Through the revelations of God's word,

I realized that I was jealous of her ability

and couldn't bear her being better than me,

and what I exposed was a vicious disposition.

Outwardly, I was actively performing my duty,

but in my heart, I didn't consider the work of God's house whatsoever.

Sister Lin was good at the gospel work,

and I should have partnered with her to make the gospel work more effective.

However, I only thought of how to be better than her,

how to get her to leave, and how to protect my own status.

God examines our hearts and our attitudes toward our duties.

I performed my duty without fear of God,

and I only cared about pursuing name, gain, and status.

God detests and is disgusted by this behavior.

Later, I read another passage of God's word.

God's word revealed my state.

I was jealous of my sister

because I had an intense desire for name and status,

and because I wanted to stand out from the crowd

and have a place in people's hearts.

I remembered, in college,

to gain praise and admiration from others, I competed with my classmates,

and as long as there was a possibility of standing out,

it didn't matter if I would hurt them.

After I believed in God,

I once again engaged in the same kind of pursuit within God's house.

When I saw that Sister Lin was better than me,

I wanted very much to surpass her

because I wanted to get more people's praise

and ambitiously hoped to be admired and adored by people,

which showed how arrogant I was.

I was always pursuing reputation and status,

so I could not get the work of the Holy Spirit in my duties,

and was falling into darkness.

These were the shackles of Satan's corrupt nature that bound and harmed me.

Later, I watched a video reading of God's word

that helped me understand a little of the essence and consequences

of pursuing name, gain, and status.

After reading God's words,

I felt judged and ashamed.

My ideas, thoughts, intentions, and motivations

weren't to satisfy God at all,

they were entirely to make others admire me.

When I saw my brothers and sisters pay more attention to Sister Lin than me,

I felt jealous, I competed with her, I wanted to surpass her,

and even hoped she would be transferred to another church.

As a church leader,

I wasn't focused on cultivating people, or on doing church work well;

instead, I was neglecting my duty,

jealous of talent, and vying for name and gain.

I was the same as the evildoers condemned by the Lord Jesus.

The effort they expended was to maintain their reputation and status

and to make others look up to them.

I was the same.

The effort I expended was also to earn praise from my brothers and sisters

and to earn reputation and status.

While I was busy showing off,

my intentions in my duty were no longer correct,

which made it impossible for me to gain the work of the Holy Spirit.

There was no light in my fellowship,

and I couldn't solve problems for the brothers and sisters.

Now I understood that pursuing name, gain and status is really an evil thing,

and it is something that God despises.

God hates those who outwardly seem to travel and suffer for God,

but who actually only work to satisfy their own intentions and motives.

What they do is for their own benefit.

It isn't to testify or satisfy God at all.

This is the reason why they have done so much work,

yet God doesn't recognize it.

I saw myself doing the same.

I was outwardly performing my duties,

but I didn't seek the truth or try to reflect and know myself,

and I didn't try to learn from the strengths of my partners.

Instead, I took the wrong path of pursuing reputation and status,

so I was no different from those evildoers.

I thought about how Paul expended and suffered so much

purely to make others look up to him and worship him.

He often exalted himself

and showed off how much he had suffered and how much he had run around,

saying that he was "no less than the greatest of disciples,"

even to the point of saying he was Christ as he lived.

His work and speech never paid testimony to God,

it was testifying himself.

This has led to people looking up to him and adoring him

still two thousand years later,

even to the point of treating his words as the words of God.

In the end, God punished him for offending His disposition.

If I kept pursuing name, gain, and status,

and for others to look up to me in my duties,

I would unconsciously become like Paul,

walk a wrong path, become an evil person,

and be rejected and eliminated by God.

Once I realized this, I prayed to God:

"Almighty God,

I don't want to let my corrupt disposition get in the way of my duty,

I want to resolve my corrupt disposition

and work well with my sister to fulfill my duty.

Please guide me so that I can solve this problem."

One time, I read a passage of God's word.

From God's word I found a path to practice.

We shouldn't do our duties before others, so that they praise and admire us.