Name: 真正友誼的7個測試 (7 tests of true friendship)
Uploaded: 2022-05-18T00:40:18.000Z
Duration: 4 min 43 s

There is a wonderful article in the atlantic called It's your friends who break your heart.

大西洋報》上有一篇精彩的文章，叫做《是你的朋友讓你心碎》。

It's an exploration into the great pandemic friendship recognitions.

這是對偉大的大流行性友誼認識的一種探索。

Friendship fallouts that have occurred during Covid's rain, as we all have called down our social circles to the bare essentials.

在科維德的雨中發生的友誼落差，因為我們都把自己的社交圈稱為最基本的。

It also talks about the nature of friendship as we move into middle age, how necessary friends really are, but how ill equipped society is set up to allow us to maintain strong bonds.

它還談到了當我們進入中年時友誼的性質，朋友真的很有必要，但社會的設置卻讓我們無法保持牢固的聯繫。

In the article, one quote really struck me in 2009 Dutch sociologist Gerald Molen Horst published a study that showed we replace half of our social network over the course of seven years and according to Laura Carstensen, the director of the Stanford Center on Longevity.

在文章中，有一句話真正打動了我。2009年，荷蘭社會學家傑拉爾德-莫倫-霍斯特（Gerald Molen Horst）發表了一項研究，顯示我們在七年的時間裡取代了一半的社交網絡，根據斯坦福大學長壽中心主任勞拉-卡斯滕森的說法。

We have two phases when we're young adults going out with strangers and being hungover.

當我們是年輕人時，我們有兩個階段，一是和陌生人出去，二是宿醉。

As we move into middle age, we should be in the friendship enjoying stage, deepening the relationships that we formed in our youth.

當我們步入中年時，我們應該處於享受友誼的階段，加深我們在青年時期形成的關係。

So friendship endings or as the article author Jennifer Senior calls them little divorces.

是以，友誼的結束，或者像文章作者珍妮弗-西尼爾所說的那樣，是小離婚。

They've been really at the forefront of my mind lately.

他們最近真的在我的腦海中佔據了重要位置。

You know, I had my fair share of great pandemic friendship reckonings and it was very timely that my friend scott Derrickson made this tweet about the seven instances that truly test friendship Covid notwithstanding.

你知道，我有過我自己的偉大的大流行的友誼估計，我的朋友斯科特-德瑞克森（scott Derrickson）發了這條推特，關於真正考驗友誼的七種情況，儘管如此，還是非常及時。

So you find out who your real friends are, when you tell them a hard truth when you achieve significant career success when you get depressed when you grow into a better different person when you fail publicly and or miserably when you grieve and when you move, I found these to be very fascinating, right?

所以你會發現誰是你真正的朋友，當你告訴他們一個艱難的事實時，當你取得重大的事業成功時，當你感到沮喪時，當你成長為一個更好的不同的人時，當你公開失敗和或悲慘地失敗時，當你悲傷和搬家時，我發現這些是非常迷人的，對嗎？

I have either been a part of or witnessed friendship fallout for all of these exact reasons.

我曾參與或見證了所有這些確切原因的友誼落幕。

Mostly the moving one has been really applicable to me being a military brat.

最重要的是，搬家這一項對我這個軍人出身的人來說真的很適用。

A lot of my friendships have not stood the test of geographical time, but the most surprising one was when a friend achieved significant career success.

我的很多友誼都沒有經受住地理時間的考驗，但最令人驚訝的是，一個朋友在事業上取得了重大成功。

It really through the dynamics of a former friend group like into complete disarray.

它真的通過以前的朋友團體的動態像進入完全混亂。

And it was fascinating from a psychological perspective to see how varied everyone's reactions were.

從心理學的角度來看，看到每個人的反應是如此的不同，這很吸引人。

From supportive too jealous to self sabotaging the friendship and look as we move into this next stage of life.

從支持性的太過嫉妒到自我破壞的友誼，在我們進入人生的下一個階段時，看。

Friends disappear for a myriad of reasons.

The seven aforementioned marriage parenthood politics even when you share the same politics.

前面提到的七種婚姻父母的政治，即使你有相同的政治。

So I'm here to tell you with this video that it's very normal for friendships to fade.

是以，我在這裡用這個視頻告訴你，友誼變淡是非常正常的。

Keeping friendships is actually way more rare.

According to the survey center on american life, the percentage of americans who say they do not have a single close friend Has quadrupled since 1990, but we know from studies and from just being human beings that friendships are essential as we move on in life because death happens, divorce happens, our kids grow up and leave the nest who are we left with.

根據美國生活調查中心的數據，自1990年以來，說他們沒有一個親密朋友的美國人的比例翻了兩番，但我們從研究中和作為人類知道，友誼在我們的生活中是必不可少的，因為死亡發生，離婚發生，我們的孩子長大並離開巢穴，我們還剩下誰。

It's important that we maintain these bonds.

我們保持這些聯繫是很重要的。

But the article and myself would argue with the right people who pass the tests of friendship.

但文章和我自己會與通過友誼考驗的正確的人爭論。

People who nurture us who invest in us who choose to prioritize us because that's supposed to be the beauty of friendship, right?

培養我們的人，投資我們的人，選擇優先考慮我們的人，因為這應該是友誼的魅力所在，對嗎？

It's a voluntary relationship that we opt in on because Lord knows we're not funding these people so we better really enjoy each other.

這是一種自願的關係，我們選擇加入，因為上帝知道我們沒有資助這些人，所以我們最好真的享受對方。

In the 1980s, the Oxford psychologist, Michael Argyle and Monica Henderson wrote a seminal paper titled the rules of friendship.

在20世紀80年代，牛津大學的心理學家邁克爾-阿蓋爾和莫妮卡-亨德森寫了一篇題為《友誼的規則》的開創性論文。

It had six takeaways which albeit are a little on the nose I think are worth seeing if they apply to you.

它有六條啟示，儘管有些刺眼，但我認為如果它們適用於你，就值得一看。

So in the most stable friendships, people tend to stand up for each other in each other's absence, trust and confide in each other, support each other emotionally offer help If it's required try to make each other happy and keep each other up to date on positive life developments.

是以，在最穩定的友誼中，人們傾向於在對方不在時為對方出頭，信任和傾訴對方，在情感上支持對方，提供幫助 如果需要的話，努力使對方高興，並讓對方瞭解積極的生活發展。

And if you've gone through a great pandemic friendship reckoning, fear not as my therapist, the oracle says, there's no such thing as a bad friend.

如果你已經經歷了一場大流行的友誼清算，不要害怕，因為我的治療師，神諭說，沒有壞朋友這回事。

There's just people who are not your people and conflict is the information.

只是有的人不是你的人，衝突是資訊。

A thank you to the patrons who supported today's video and thank you as always to my father, Daddy's squarespace for sponsoring today's episode.

感謝支持今天視頻的贊助者，並一如既往地感謝我的父親--爸爸的廣場空間對今天節目的贊助。

Daddy squarespace makes it so easy for creators to monetize their content and expertise in a way that fits their brand with member areas.

爸爸squarespace讓創作者以適合其品牌的方式，通過會員區，輕鬆實現其內容和專業知識的貨幣化。

You can unlock a new revenue stream for your business and free up time in your schedule by selling access to gated content like videos, online courses or newsletters.

你可以為你的企業開闢一個新的收入來源，並通過出售對視頻、在線課程或新聞簡報等門檻內容的訪問權來釋放你的時間。

Plus they have online booking and scheduling, making it easier than ever for clients to schedule classes or sessions because they have easy access to your availability and they can reschedule accordingly online, taking all the hassle off of you to coordinate calendars.

另外，他們有在線預訂和安排，使客戶比以往任何時候都更容易安排課程或會議，因為他們可以很容易地獲得你的可用性，他們可以在網上進行相應的重新安排，把所有的麻煩從你身上轉移到協調日曆上。

If your video content creator like myself, they also have video studio, you can create pro level videos effortlessly.

如果你的視頻內容創作者像我一樣，他們也有視頻工作室，你可以毫不費力地創建專業水準的視頻。

And this video studio app helps you make and share engaging videos so that you can tell your story, grow your audience and drive sales.

而這個視頻工作室應用程序幫助你製作和分享有吸引力的視頻，這樣你就可以講述你的故事，增加你的觀眾和推動銷售。

 You can go to squarespace dot com for a free trial and whenever you're ready to launch, go to squarespace dot com slash anna to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain dot squarespace. 

你可以去squarespace dot com進行免費試用，無論何時你準備推出，去squarespace dot com slash anna，首次購買網站或域名點squarespace可節省10%的費用。

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真正友誼的7個測試 (7 tests of true friendship)

significant

content

engage

pandemic