字幕列表 影片播放
And so everyone's like this is a bad idea the moment you self-publish, you know
you're just locking the doors and no one is gonna take you seriously and
I thought that
That's fine because no one is taking me seriously anyway
So I wanted to start with a crazy statistic that I read which was a study that was done in 2015, which said that
6.7 percent of Americans have barely read one poem in the last year and it just kind of occurred to me that
someone reading one of your poems on the Instagram could mark the advent of their first interaction with a home which is
kind of amazing and
incredible so congratulations on everything that you've done and
you are just about to embark on this huge American tour and
How does that?
It feels amazing and I'm really grateful and I feel really blessed I
Think it's like always a difficult
It's difficult to answer that question because for me in my life
poetry's always been such a consistent part of it and
so
Now everybody's like oh my god poetry is like everywhere
It says crazy things and I haven't been able to really see that shift because it's always been around me
but I think it's so important and I think it's important because
poetry allows you to process emotion and it allows you to express it and it it's crazy that
such a low percentage of people actually use it as a tool to heal and as a tool to share and
So I think it's great that we're at a time now where so many more people are reading and using it. Yeah, I completely agree
That was really how I felt reading your book that it was just incredibly healing and also I loved it as a shorthand for
Ideas that I found really difficult to express myself, I could refer someone to this poem
I could just send them a screenshot of the you thing and
I felt so lucky to have that as a tool in my arsenal that I could kind of draw on and
Be like this is what it feels like, you know here
So that's incredible. You're giving people more words more language credit. Thank you
you're a poet in you know the day and age of
You post something on your Instagram account and you get instant feedback
so you you know most most writers will put a book out into the world and maybe they'll read a review or maybe they'll
Meet someone that's read their work has an opinion but you have to come and face to face with people's
Responses and feelings to your work on a daily basis in droves and I'm just I'm curious does that affect your writing does that affect?
Yeah, you know it does it does two things. The feedback is always reassuring in that
Oh, there's people here that want to read this. I'll keep writing it
But I'm also very self aware of the fact that I don't want
What other people think to change how I write and what I write about and I remember very early on this was probably
milk, and honey was first self-published and at the end of 2014 and when it came out all of my friends were like
Okay, so we were like taking a look at your Instagram and we realized that the poems about love and heartbreak get the most amount
Of love and you know your other pieces about like sexual abuse and all that, okay
Maybe you want to like chill on those because there's not that much interaction and I remember for a month
I was like, you know, you're right. I should be doing everything that I can to get this book into as many hands as possible
But it didn't feel right and what I felt was this magic?
there was some sort of magic going away and I realized it was because
Writing for me and I explained it as like a romantic relationship with like a partner. It's
Is a romantic relationship
it's a spiritual connection that I have and it's when I feel closest to myself and
You wouldn't let a third party enter your romantic relationship and their opinions shouldn't affect how you feel about the person that you love so
Why would I let hundreds and thousands of people?
and their opinions affect how I write and what I write about and so I'm very aware of
really letting that feedback change
So I'm very like okay, I don't read refuse but and I hardly read comments
And that's usually how I do it. I think it's about honesty and just sharing that
Yeah, that's amazing. That's such a good analogy
and I mean, yeah, I relate I think the discipline the self discipline it takes
To not allow a third party opinion into your psyche and your creative space is is key
It's hard when it's about you. It must be really it's so personal
so everybody around me is like it's okay, like, you know, this person isn't criticizing you they're just criticizing the work and I'm like
But the poetry is literally me. Yeah
Not about me, you know
This is poems about my life poems about my experiences and the people that I love so it's very difficult
And even though I am so self aware and I do try to like, you know, not let it affect him affect me
I'm sure that at a level it has affected, you know
The way that I write and that has for sure some part of it has gone into like how I've written the second book
Yeah, yeah. Well, that's what's so beautiful
And one of the other things I wanted to talk to you about was how incredibly there's a there's a lack of self-consciousness there
that's so beautiful is like a such an innocence and unlike a purity to the way that you did that and
how old we when you post it the
now really famous picture of you
With menstrual blood a sheet think I was 22 or 23
that's amazing to me because I remember I mean I I had I had more confidence at that age, but still yeah, but I still
I like I wonder I
Was just it was so fearless. It was so brave. I'm I had no idea
What like I agree with you. I was so much more confident in so much more raw
And I just didn't care about anyone in anything. I was like, I'm gonna do what I want how I want to do it and
It's good
It allowed me to get into some trouble with that photograph
and you know
I was very naive about the internet because I'd written about periods before there's a poem about them in milk and honey
And so I thought that this photograph wouldn't be a big deal. It was a part of a school project
And you know the class loved it and it was going well
And so I thought it's fine. Like my readers know that this is how I feel about this topic
Yeah initially though
My readers were like they embrace it the initial response was like, oh my god like we love this
This is amazing
But when it got out of those circles and when it went into other circles
That's when the trouble sort of came and I feel like the experience brought this anxiety
of
People having so much access I remember
thousands and thousands and thousands of comments coming in by the hour and
Figuring out a young age how to manage that anything that really took that naive video way and now I'm a lot more
Careful, and there's I wouldn't call it self censorship
but I think that
the more that you grow and the more
that you realize that this is how many people have access to this the more that you think am I ready to share this or
Not yeah. Yeah. Yeah
your caption your response to that the patriarchy is leaking was just it was so brilliant and
I I don't think women it occurs to women how much they're being censored
Yeah, how much being a woman isn't a sense it exactly
I had the worst dinner with a friend the night before last and the words came out of her mouth
You don't realize how much the world hates women
Until you are breastfeeding and I'm like that is just no one should ever say that those are words
That should never come out of a woman's mouth. Um, it made me so sad but I until you'll
until it's out there or you you engage in some way and as you say you
Stumble on I posted this picture and actually yeah, I realized it was a huge deal. It usually wasn't. Okay exactly
Even the patriarchy is leaking. Like I feel like I didn't even write those words because it was in the heat of the moment
When those photos were taken down
Me realizing like I realized in that moment how much censorship there is of women because I had so many
Groups of women popping up around me that were like no. No. No, you don't understand. How wrong this is because
You have all of these other accounts that are able to pose like pornography and all these
Images and all this media that actually objectify is us and so you need to really do something about it
And I remember in the heat and the passion of that moment. I was like the patriarchy is leaking
You self-published I did your work was originally rejected which is crazy as so many great writers work is
At the very beginning tell me what what does that mean for a writer to be?
Self-published. What does that? I think traditionally it's not a very good thing
It's kind of saying that hey and that's what my professors were like
The first thing I did was go to my professors and say hey, you know
I write poetry and I think I want to publish a book because my readers are asking for it
So what should I do and I didn't know anyone I was a student I was in so much debt
And so I wasn't gonna spend an exorbitant amount of money getting it
Sent anywhere and my professor said, you know, try magazines try literary journals and anthologies
And everybody faces a lot of rejection before they get there. So it's fine. Let's keep going
And so I took her advice
I took this book and I started to strip it and I
grouped together pieces of like five poems three poems seven poems and I started to send them out and
It just wasn't working and I kind of understood why
because these anthologies and these journals were about
The Canada and the literary landscape were like Canada's where I'm from and so it was a very specific
Sort of like themed pieces and house poems about like body hair and sexual abuse really gonna fit into all of that and I self-published
The day that I realized that my poetry is for me milk and honey is one large poem
It's one continuous poem from the front to the back and I was cheating, you know, like it's like a body of work
But I what I was doing was like taking eyelashes and fingertips and limbs and just throwing them and trying to make it work
when really I had to take the responsibility of putting the whole thing together and then being like here it is and
So everyone was like, this is a bad idea the moment you self-publish, you know
you're just locking the doors and no one is gonna take you seriously and
I thought that
That's fine because no one is taking me seriously. Anyway, I don't even know these people that aren't even gonna like me
So who cares and so then I did that and although at the moment
Everybody told me it was the worst decision
I could have made it's turned out to be the best and I think it's timing is one thing
it's I did it at a time when the internet was really changing the face of publishing and so it was
Just the perfect circumstance circumstances coming together. Yeah
That's amazing. So it's such a great story. It's so inspiring. I know you have 2.8 million followers like something crazy
Let's wake up in the morning. Go. Wow
Yeah, I don't believe it's real. Yeah, I'm hundred percent. I'm like there is somebody out there buying these followers
I'm asleep, you know. Yeah, and it's hard to grasp thee. It's just pixels on the screen
mmm, so it comes to life only when
It's real life and you're like two people are sitting together. We're hugging and we're actually having a conversation
That's what I'm like it takes my breath away. Yeah, yeah
How this work has been received
in India and here in your home country versus how it's been received because you know
What is mad to me is that your work is considered radical for Western culture?
So what blows me away is crazy that it's radical
Yeah, I don't feel like it's even remotely yeah, everything awake. I'm like, I need to get some edge like yes, let's do this
But you know, but I mean it's crazy but it it is why I guess you've already answered the question in a way
Did you realize what you were doing was going to be so
Disruptive radical transgressive did you?
Talk to your parents before you started writing poems like these. I'm putting them out. Did you I mean with a
Conversation none Wow, it was well
the only really conversations I ever had so I started performing like doing spoken word and going to like
poetry slams and open mikes about nine years ago and
my parents had no understanding of what that meant and
They were very look I have immigrant parents and my mum
States at home with the kids. I have three younger siblings and my dad is a truck driver
So he's like listen girl. You need to study 28 hours in the day eight days a week
I don't know you're gonna make it happen and you're gonna become a doctor or lawyer or something because you will not
like work your body to the bone like I had to and
So when I would ask them. Hey, you like drop me off to this thing. I'm gonna be performing in my dad's mind
He's like, what does that even mean?
I know you're not going there and so because I got such a negative response from them early on I didn't tell them
That I was sharing my work online
Or I didn't even tell them I was gonna self publish and I and I used to have nightmares
when I first started to share my work online that
There was pieces that are about like sexuality and exploring that and that's not something that we talk about at home
So I would have nightmares at somebody like some ex-boyfriend. He's gonna print this stuff out and
just hand it over to them and
Luckily that never happened
but I remember that when the book came out I went home and
I was like I have to tell them and so I kind of dropped it off
my dad was having breakfast and I was like, here it is and
Since that day
Everything shifted it was like in that second
It was a complete 180 anything he went from being like no, you're not doing this weird poetry mic thing
It's a waste of time to being like oh, this is a book. I understand this and how can we help you? Push it forward
Yeah, my mom still thinks that the sexual pieces are a little bit too much
And she'll be like to my sister. You know, I'm really happy that I can't really understand everything
that's
A little bit but they support me and I feel very lucky because I know that a lot of other parents
Coming from the community that I come from wouldn't push their daughter to do what I do. So I feel very blessed to have them
Amazing and what do you think?
What do you think gave you the strength the resilience the fearlessness what kind of inspired that in you?
I think my dad which is so ironic because he's a guy that was a stop stop stop
but I mean
he was a he's a refugee and so I hear about the things that he went through back home in India and
what he had to do to save his life and I remember being I
Came over as an immigrant when I was three and a half
But I remember being five years old seven years old and being at
Protests like all over downtown Toronto and I had no idea what I was saying, but my dad was like listen
This is what's going on
there's like things called genocides and there's things called this and we're just gonna go up there and we're gonna like and I was like,
What are we doing and just like this little old me, you know?
And I think that sort of spirit really really
Empowered me. And then when I grew up and I was a part of like local activist groups and youth groups
He was like no. No, no, like don't don't do this. He's like this is what got me into trouble
why are you doing this and I used to laugh because I'm like I
Heard of it by the way. Yeah exactly
But I think if you describe it as like this fearlessness you're lessness
I don't even see it like that because it's just
My norm, like seeing your dad and even my mom like deal with things that you have to deal with
It's just a norm in my house. And so I owe it to them. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. I mean I
Guess that's what's so
Yeah, his existence his existence made in his life political likewise
yeah, that's that's not a
That's just the day-to-day exactly. Yeah, I've really appreciated the poems. Where you
deconstructed your own
misogyny, especially the one about
you know, I apologize to any of the women that I
said look pretty before I called them intelligent or brave and
It really resonated because I've had to do so much. I'm picking my own of my own stuff and
you've also said that social media is kind of a can be a really difficult place to
maintain a healthy sense of self and self esteem and I'm curious how you
navigate those those choppy waters and and keep sort of finding this well of self love and
Yeah, love love for yourself
Yeah
as a woman as you are in a world that doesn't support that that actually that actively
Yeah does not support that I think it cycles. I
Grew up. I
Don't know for some reason like I always felt too much and I thought too much and like very low self-esteem
no, I'm existent, you know and like I was
Like there was a point where my self-esteem was so bad that I would have to shower with the lights off
Or even brush my teeth with like teeth with the lights off because if I like had to see my face in the morning
I would disgust myself and
To go from that to then being somebody who's working on milk and honey, and my confidence during that time was amazing
I was like, I'm great. All right, cool
And then I thought that would just stay around forever
and I'd always be confident and just feel beautiful and not be down on myself all the time and
Then suddenly I don't know how or why but then it dropped all over again. And I was like, what why?
and I was like
how can I be sharing this message but yet waking up every day and criticizing myself and
so like I realized that self-love is like a
Consistent thing that you have to work towards and it's always going to happen in cycles. And so
it's just like everyday work, you know and
You will never have it all figured out and you just have to be kind to yourself and someone said to me once
Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend and you would never say certain things to your best friend
So, why would you say those things to yourself? Yeah. Yeah, that's beautiful
Cycles is a great way of
Yeah, putting it because it yeah, it's so funny
I've had exactly the same experience where I've been feeling great and then one thing would get said and you're like oh
I'm I'm I'm still there. I'm like here again, you know, it's it's amazing. So yeah
That's beautifully put yeah your your poem about you know
How we treat ourselves is how we teach others to love us was also really, you know
It was beautiful too I love the purity and the simplicity of your illustrations and your line drawings
Where did they did they come second did they when did they arrive they kind of arrived first way before the poetry. That's amazing
Yeah, I didn't realize that. I was I've been drawing since age of five and
Painting I remember being five years old. We lived in the city called Hamilton in southern Ontario and
There was no other kids around me except my baby sister who was still an infant and did not speak
and so we had a
like a senior couple live upstairs and they were also Punjabi and Sikh and so they would come down and babysit me and
I remember that they would bring down like
markers and pens and then they would take the jewels off of my mom's like Punjabi suits and we would make
Elephants and shapes and that's when my love affair with art got started
And so I consistently drawing and painting and that's what I wanted to do
Until I found writing and writing just took my breath away
it was like louder and it was sexier and it just
There was something about it and was something about the way that my the mic picked up my voice
that was so electrifying and so I put my art away and
I started to
Publish online and it wasn't until I realized that I want to do something a little bit different
I want to push this poetry a little bit better. I opened up my old high school sketchbooks and I realized that oh
I've been doing this forever
And I these sketchbooks were filled with line
Illustrations with like red marker and thank God I let the red marker thing go because that wouldn't have been pretty
And it was all like illustrations of women and loss and trauma and in the top left corner
I would always write a sentence or two or even a couple of words. And so I thought okay. Why not?
You know, I'm I wasn't gonna start becoming talented at something else
Yeah, so I was like re I'm just gonna bring this other thing back
And so I started to do the digital
illustrations and 50% of me was like this is a good idea and the other fifty was like
This is kind of silly. But that was one of the moments where the feedback from the readers really helped me. Keep going
Yeah, cuz they were like, oh cool
We love this keep making more and I remember the first night that I made them. It was December of 2013
I think I made like 10 to 20 illustrations that night and it's just
Been like there ever since yeah amazing amazing
Your work is also performance art as well
you have cut your kind of your own canvas in a funny way and you know, even the way that you speak and gesture and
the way
that you dress and I know it's been really important for friends of mine that you
You have one traditional clothing on your Instagram this representation. And are you starting to think very carefully?
And is it strange to think about how to curate yourself? It is strange, you know? Yeah. Yeah
My love affair. I've always had a love affair with fashion. Yeah, and I think it comes from the fact that
Growing up. I had no access to
the clothes I wanted to wear and my parents like they dressed me for years and the clothes we brought from India and
It was I have photos on photos with boy clothes on and some of the boys clothes even said boy on it
You know, it was like come on, you know, they didn't even wear a single dress growing up
and so I remember
There was this one vivid memory
Where one of my aunts she was she worked at like a Sears outlet and she felt really bad that I was always dressed up
like a dude and so she bought me these red corduroy pants and
They were like on sale there were probably like seven bucks
I remember she came over and she was like
Oh, I brought these for Ruby like let her try them on and my parents were like no no
No, like we don't want to you know
And then they will she was like no no no
like she like shoved me into the bathroom and I
remember putting them on and there were bell-bottoms and they had like flowers embroidered at the bottom and I
cried and it was the first time that I felt like a girl and that's when I was like, whoa, I love
dressing and
So it's been important for me since and especially wearing like for my UK tour that just passed in I think it was April
I've only worn Indian designers
that was so important because I remember I used to be so embarrassed going from the Gurdwara which is the Sikh temple and
Trying to go to the grocery store. My mom would be like, oh we're already out
Let's just go do groceries and I was like, are you kidding me woman like are you trying to ruin my life?
You know, I already look like an alien and now I'm gonna dress like one too
and so to go from that to being like oh
I'm actually gonna go out of my way to wear Indian clothes in front of 3,000 people. It's just such a flip. Yeah
It's so cool
And I yeah, I really picked up on like the specificity and that there was like a very careful choice
It's so beautiful. And yeah, really? I know really empowering to see the elements
So yeah after doing that, you know, yeah conscientious actually. I think it's important like there are growing up
I didn't have many people who look like me doing what I do
Yeah
and I have that platform and so it is political and it's funny because you do like
You doing that in the position you are it's like gives it gives permission
Yeah, strange way makes it okay
And and in the same way with you talking about the topics you're talking about you gave me more permission
I'll talk more about if you gave me more permission to
Like feminism and all of these things. I remember like when you said that word
The weight of the world kind of left my body and it's like, I don't know if you think it's a big deal
but it's a big deal for us, you know, and I
Remember when I first heard that word I didn't think it was a bad word because anything with the word
Feminine and anything about woman is so beautiful and I'm like I want to represent that and I want to know what this is about
And I remember Brayton English class
the teacher was like how many of you were feminists and I said
Me and I looked around and nobody else had their hand up and I was like, oh, never mind
And I was like, I never want to go there again, and it's so important. It's so important. Yeah
yeah, it's so beautiful - he even say because I've spent a lot of time especially because
trying to have men understand that male feminists are a thing and
Almost apologetically go. Well, I know there's the word feminine in it
but it still includes you and the DA and it's it's beautiful just to hear you say like
Even anything with that word and it you know you want to embrace
even in even
The mention of it or trying to make it inclusive, you know
I I I find myself apologizing to him and it's like what am I doing?
No, look I have friends who are like. Oh this guy that I know he really likes your work. He doesn't like feminists
But he likes you and I'm like not a compliment that I want. But thank you. Yeah and also
If he likes the work then there's yes exactly. Don't even have to go. Yeah
Yeah, but um, I'm curious what artists inspire you and that you admire and why and yeah
There's so many. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's it's a huge question. What's okay
Let me give you some I really like Sharon olds. I don't know if you've ever read her poetry
I will send you some it's amazing and her poems she writes about what it's like to be a woman and she
it makes you feel your
womanhood in your entire body
so amazing and so beautiful and there is a painter by the name of Amrita Sher-Gil and she's a
Punjabi Hungarian woman and
She inspires me because she painted photos of
Us and just to see those paintings now selling for millions of like this is insane
So people like that Malala
Inspires me Amal Clooney inspires me every day. I have the she was on Vogue magazine the cover recently. Yep
I bought right in front. Yeah
all my desk where I write every day because like that represents to me that oh I can be
Intelligent I can be beautiful. I can be every single thing. I've read multi-dimensional and
It's allowed and yeah, she gives me her being on that cover gives me permission to be everything
Yeah, I agree with you. That was really huge. I mean do I choose someone I think about yeah
That's very very cool
Music do you love music? What what I do?
I listen to
all that I'm like shuffling through all of the
I listen to everything there's not really a specific
style that I vibe with only
Recently, I mean I also have my like writing music
Yeah, so when I am writing I can only listen to instrumental if there's words in it. I have too much. It's too much
It's like I need to project myself onto this rather than this thing projecting onto me. Um
But to get into the mood and the emotion of writing I listen to like the Punjabi folk music
and I listen to the music that was like
you know when they say that there's a certain albums that stay with you and it's like there's a certain time period from like the
Ages of like 15 to like 21 and though the album's you never forget. Yes. I have to listen to those on repeat
So I am listening to like Frank Ocean. Here's like a one Adele album that I have to like play all of the time
Beyonce self-titled album and
even Lauryn Hill
You know, they really bring me back to that place where I was
while writing about the really difficult topics
So I listen to those two get into the mood and then I put on like my colleagues and my like Eastern music
And then eventually I go to like the instrumental and that's when I get to work amazing
you're obviously drawing from a particular period of your life and that's why you're writing from but has the experience of Fame and
Everything that has come from what?
The original work inspired do you think but that's taking you on even more of a Journey and you might draw from that
Ah, I think I should I think it's a really weird experience and I don't know. No one really asked me that question?
And I never talk about it because I'm like nobody wants to hear me complain about that, but it's a weird
unnatural juxtaposition in your body
And I haven't figured it out yet, but I know that I need to write about it
But it was difficult to go from you know, being nineteen eighteen twenty-one and writing about the topics
I wrote about in milk and honey, and then suddenly this beautiful
Thing that the universe gave me it took me to a place of stability. Yeah and safety and
then I was like I should have been happy but instead I was very confused because I
stability and safety were not the norm that I grew up in and they were not ever around and
Suddenly I had to write from a place of that and I couldn't write and I had to teach myself to write from that place
and I still haven't fully figured it out yet, but it's like years in the making you know for
Like two decades. I was writing from a place of fear
And now to be writing from a place of power. I'm still learning how to figure that out
So I wanna I want to make sure that I ask you some questions from my book club readers who loves your book and
They're so sweet. Yeah, they are just so delightful with the photos and the messages
They've been sending me. So thank you to all of them
Yeah
You'll see there are some beautiful questions and people really really loved reading of the book. So this is from Viviana
Repeat I wanted to say how beautiful your writing is. I wanted to ask where do you enjoy writing is something
Is there something you prefer to do in private in a coffee shop in a park?
Do you write by hand, or do you write you know?
So I've tried all of those things. Yeah writing in a park is too messy. I get dirt all over my clothes
It's just not a good luck writing in a coffee shop is too loud
I have yet to find a very quiet coffee shop and like to write in my bed or
On the couch and I think it's because it feels casual
Yes, you know verses like this big oak desk and me trying to be like alright
I'm a writer and I'm gonna write something brilliant today
So it's usually in one of those two places where it's quiet really and a space. That's empty not cluttered
And I write both by hand and on the computer. So every day I have the practice of writing by hand
It's a lot of free writing. There's no intention behind. You know what this is gonna look like
but it's trying to keep that writing muscle active because writing is a muscle and you have to
continue to work it out if you want it to stay strong and there was a time when I stopped writing for a year and
I lost it all
But then yeah, and then I take the pieces that I like from that for my journals
I transfer those to my laptop and that's when I begin editing
But then what happens is that?
There are pieces you wake up one morning and you already feel it in your body and it's already finished and it's almost like playing
like a song in your head and there's no time for no notebooks or pencils and you run to your laptop and you're like
Just got to get it out
Yeah
so I think you just have to like you have to go with what works for you and
I've read so much on like well other writers and authors do and what advice works for them
But you have to you have to do what's right for you. And what feels right? Yeah lastly
What advice would you give to a writer to who is afraid of writing and is holding back?
I think
You'd I get it I
Feel that every day and I've published two books and every day. I'm afraid and I'm like
This is too much or I'm not good enough. I say to the people around me and my team
I'm like, I think that's it. I think it's done now everybody pack your bags. Let's go home
and
So I can really relate to that and the reason I say that is because I think it's so important for creative people to know
That they're not alone
Creativity and being an artist is kind of an isolating experience. And so to know you're not alone helps and you
Have to let the fear go and you have to write
Not for the product
But just for the simple act of writing and you just got it, write, write, write, write and I always say hey
I'm gonna go away for three months. I'm just gonna write really bad things. Yeah gonna be like that
Yeah, that's fine
and I have to get it out of the way before I can get to the good stuff and
So right the bad stuff
It just makes you like closer to the good stuff and hone in on your craft and I think practice really makes perfect
It's really about letting go of an outcome
Yeah
and I think fear is so debilitating for creative people because it allows
It's like tying your hands up behind your back and nothing gets done in that way. So you just got to let it go
Yeah, beautiful question from OSS member, India
How much editing does a poem typically go through before you're comfortable sharing it?
Are they pretty raw or do you spend time after the first inspiration tweaking them? Mmm, I think it depends on the piece
Like I said that there's such feeling you get in your belly and it's like this kick or it turns a little bit
It's like butterflies and when you get that, you know that the poem is done
Sometimes I can write like a four-minute poem in two hours and it requires very little editing
but then there are some pieces like women of color is
10 words I
Spent probably a year
Fixing it. It used to be a love poem Wow, and it became
Women of color and so you just can't stop until your gut says it's done. Yeah. Yeah, no rights
I read milk and honey last summer the month of my sexual assault and
As a trans boy who at the time was 15 years old felt so alone
Milk, and honey, really inspired me to seek help. Thank you so much for being the light I needed to get help our be
My question for you is what was the hardest thing about writing the book?
What was going through your mind while you were writing it much. Love the hardest thing about writing the book
Milk, and honey wasn't hard to write because I wasn't writing milk and honey. I
was just writing because I loved it so much and it's this thing that took over my body and it was kind of like
almost like I was addicted to
Writing at that time. I would steal away any moment. I was in University
My friends are out partying and I was like, all right. Hold on just one more line
You know
And it was just this love affair that I had and it wasn't till really the collection was done that
My readers asked me for a book I never ever
Imagined I was I'm a huge book lover growing up and I've read hundreds of books, but never thought it could be me
But when they said hey, where can I purchase your book?
that's when I was like, okay, I guess I can do something with this and
Everything was already done. So it was very easy. They like put it all together, but the pressure I felt actually
during the second book and
I think cuz there's like this intention of I'm gonna like go on this journey and write a book
and so I think
You just have to take it easy and take it one day at a time and it doesn't have to become this whole giant
Confusing thing and I just take it one page at a time. Yeah. Yeah
One from Devon
Reading about the tensions between you and your father
Was heartbreaking for me because I always felt very close to my own dad
I don't like imagining it any other way for us
My question is did this book impact your current relationship with your father in any way it definitely did
We are my daddy's he's gonna watch this incomplete
Tell me these things
He is very sensitive and he's very emotional
But you could never see that
Because he has this exterior that is so rough and it's so tough, and he doesn't know how to communicate
Emotionally verbally anyway and so he was always this scary figure in my life
But the books really brought us together because it's
Something that we can like connect through and I think it allowed him to see that. I'm not a little girl
You know
And he doesn't he just he can relax a little bit and he sees that I'm this young woman now who has her?
Life figured out not entirely, of course
But like it's on the road to figuring things out and I can make good decisions
and it's okay and even to like I brought him on the India tour with me and
It's the most time we've ever spent together and it's most talking we've ever done in our life
And so was really really
emotional there are many days where I was crying on planes and in hotel rooms because I'm like
I can't believe this is happening and I was able to see my father as a man
And not my father for the first time and it was bittersweet because it was like amazing that that was happening
But I was like, wow it took 25 years
To get here. That's a long time and so it's definitely helped a lot and you know
We talk about art and poetry all of the time now, so it's nice
Colette has a question. What has been the most impactful?
Experience for you since milk, and honey was published
I think just meeting people who read the work and can I put it so much because
People always asked. Oh my god. How does it feel like you're going all these places and doing all these things?
you must like wake up just being overjoyed every time day and I'm like
Not really. I mean, I'm it's good. It's amazing. It's normal, but I'm not like
This is crazy because it's just maybe because I'm on this train
It's going super fast and then of it feels real that's the problem
I feel like it's all happening to like my twin sister and she just like never shows up
So I have to show up for her and do the talking for her
But then I meet people and they're like, I love your work and this is what it did for me
And those are the moments where I like all the emotions come out and I'm like, oh my god
This is important and I have to keep going. Yeah
Unicorn wants to know did you get any backlash or hate from your community because of writing about these issues?
And if so, how do you deal with it?
I myself an aspiring novelist and poet and the only thing holding me back from publishing is my fear from my conservative community
Yeah, I get that. I think that I was so I remember a month before milk, and honey was self-published
I couldn't sleep anymore. It was a consistent anxiety of like what is gonna happen to me? And what are people gonna think? Uh,
There's no answer that's gonna be good enough
but you just have to ignore it because
What you're doing is so much stronger than that small group of people who are saying that you're too loud
It's unattractive and it's not sex see and you kind of you know, you just have to ignore
I remember I used to perform about a lot of my early work was about
abuse and violence that's inflicted on women's bodies and I was just little like 17 year old in every event that I went to it's
All I talked about and people would roll their eyes at me and they'd be like, oh god
she makes everyone so uncomfortable and I felt so unattractive and
but I was like no like I cannot I
have to tell the story if you silence me like you've silenced so many other people that who's going to tell it and so you
Just have to tell it because there's so much empty space
I needs to be filled with stories like these that's beautiful the way you talk about
how
By giving yourself permission you give other people permission to show up with the vulnerability with whatever their it is that they're carrying
whatever her story is and that's
That you feel that sense of responsibility
Not just to yourself, but other people and surround the women. Yeah amazing. I
Hear that you are working on short stories screenplays and songs
Do you compose music do you play an instrument?
Can you share anything that you're working on right now? I'm working on a play. I
Wouldn't even say songs
Though because I think I'm so terrible at it and no one should ever have to hear me sing. That was just beautiful crime
I used to sing though. Like I sang
And I did I played the harmonium for like eight years sure. You say no I have an instinct. No
sing beautifully people keep saying that I'm like
Because there's such a musicality to the way that you speak. So I feel what they say. It would be hard
So now I'm working on a something
Okay, but I don't call them songs because it is they said the same thing. They're like
But it's the way that you
sort of move and how the words sort of like leave your mouth and the rhythm of it that this would be so amazing if
It was something like audio. So I'm working on something
Related to that. I'm more excited about the play because it's coming together really quickly. It's I
Perform. I've performed so many shows but I've never seen my work because I'm the one putting it on right but I was in New
York for about a week in New York ailments like this little workshop that I did for a week and
To put these poems in the mouths of other people and then being the audience was so electrifying
And so that's what I'm working on. I've written like chapters of what might be a collection of
Short stories or maybe fiction or maybe even a memoir but it's a different part of your head that you have to use
When you're writing like longer prose versus the poetry
And so I think I have like a one more collection of poetry in me before I move into
Longer prose. Yeah
And I one more question. I think I meant to ask earlier. Actually. I'm curious. Do you ever have men read?
milk, and honey, and
And it's interesting because it's actually a man that gave me milk and honey to her because he loved it so much
But I'm curious whether that whether it does
Receive a reception occasionally where they've it makes them feel
Defensive like having read it. Is that something that you've experienced will come across
I haven't come across it
Firsthand mmm, but I know it's there mmm because I've liked the negative criticism a lot of it does come from guys
And so no one has come up to me and said I read it and it sucked it. I hate you
Yeah, but I mean I expected that mmm
And so I would get so much anxiety when I had to do book signings and a man would walk up to me
I was like
My body would say and I'm like here I go. Okay
I have to like defend this thing and then suddenly they would say lovely things and I was so confused by
I think it's I think it's good. I'm like lucky that a lot of men have actually
anything men
like people were writing articles like very early on saying that this is a book that every woman needs to read and like
That turns me nuts I know it's like stored under like women's
Fictional women's poetry or whatever and like no it's like preaching to the choir the only women read it. Yes
Please don't file it under that. Yeah, that's not what it is. Exactly and I'm like if we're not changing minds and in this
Conversation For men then what's the point? And so what was amazing though was like a lot of men in India
came out ask compared to North America like a majority of the audience was guys and I was like
This is so cool
And I had my own like very messed up ideas of what that audience was gonna look like right guys me entirely
Yeah
So there is like they're embracing it and a lot of older gentlemen who are like in their 40s and 50s. Yeah
Amazing
So on behalf of OSS thank you so much Ruby. This has been amazing. And before I let you go
I'm really curious if you could pick a book for
Yourself? What would you recommend? Okay, this is really hard to pick. Um, let's see. Ah
I would say I
Love love love ODEs by Sharon olds and if you haven't read are you happy? I don't say it's amazing
It's just a series of poems that are ODEs to different things that women have to deal with
And then there's the color purple by Alice Walker which I feel like I read every I chose that is like my second or third
But for the club, oh, I already love that. Okay. Yes great choice so good. Yeah
Yeah, there we have that is one of our picks. I'm I'm glad we're on track
Yeah, um, but I would say we'll definitely I'm fine. Thank you. Thank you for having me. No, it's been great. I'm so happy
I got to meet you. Me too