start: malaria, carbon emissions, tax evasion, the drug trade, soil erosion, water pollution…

溫尼考特

Donald Winnicott deserves his place in history because of the dramatic simplicity of his

如何讓世界變的更好？

approach. He proposed that the happiness of the human race depended ultimately not so

有很多已知、迫切的問題可以著手：

much on external political issues, but on the way parents bring up their children.

瘧疾、碳排放、逃漏稅、毒品交易、土壤侵蝕、水污染…

Born in 1896, Winnicott was Britain's first medically-trained child psychoanalyst.

溫尼考特能在歷史留名，就是因為他的方法出奇的簡單

Although he had no children of his own, he played a crucial and devoted role in public

他認為，人類的幸福並非由外部政治決定

education around child-rearing, delivering some 600 talks on the BBC, tirelessly lecturing

而是取決於父母養育孩子的方式

around the country and authoring 15 books, among which the bestselling collection of

溫尼考特出生於1896年

essays, Home is Where We Start From.

是英國第一位接受醫學訓練的兒童精神分析師

It was rather strange that Winnicott should even have been English given that his country

他雖然自己沒有小孩

was notorious, then as now, for its lack of tenderness and its resistance to introspection.

但在育兒的公眾教育方面，扮演重要角色

And yet Winnicott's brand of psychoanalysis was, on closer inspection, peculiarly English.

他在BBC發表過600場演講

There was a characteristic English modesty about what he saw as the point of child psychoanalysis.

全國奔走講課

His famous radio series was simply titled The Ordinary Devoted Mother and Her Baby.

寫了15本書

He wanted to help people to be, in his famous formulation,

包括最暢銷的短文精選：

good enough

Home is where We Start from (家是我們出發的所在)

parents; not brilliant or perfect ones (as other nations might have wished), but just

溫尼考特是英國人其實有點奇怪

OK.

因為英國缺乏溫情已是惡名昭彰，且欠缺自省能力

So what would it take, in his eyes, to encourage the 'good enough' parent? Winnicott put

但是，溫尼考特的精神分析

forward a number of suggestions:

如果細看，其實是非常英國的

Winnicott begins by impressing on his audience how psychologically fragile an infant is.

從他的視角所看到的精神分析的重點，有一種英國式的謙遜

It doesn't understand itself, it doesn't know where it is, it is struggling to stay

他最知名的廣播節目的標題，就是很簡單的

alive, it has no way of grasping when the next feed will come, it can't communicate

The Ordinary Devoted Mother and Her Baby (尋常、專注的母親與她的嬰兒)

with itself or others.

他希望藉由他的構想，能夠幫助人們成為「夠好的」父母

Winnicott's work never loses sight of this, and he therefore repeatedly insists that it

不像其他國家想要「傑出的」或「完美的」父母

is those around the infant who have to adapt so as to do everything to interpret the child's

只要「ＯＫ」就行了

needs and not impose demands for which the child is not ready.

所以從他的角度來說，怎樣可以養成「夠好的」父母？

For example, Winnicott knew what violence, what hate there could be in a healthy infant.

溫尼考特提出幾個建議：

Referring to what happens if a parent forgets a feed, he cautioned: 'If you fail him,

1. 記住，你的孩子非常脆弱

it must feel to him as if the wild beasts would gobble him up.'

溫尼考特首先讓他的聽眾注意到，嬰兒的心理非常脆弱

But though the infant might sometimes want to kill and destroy, it is vital for the parents

嬰兒不了解自己，不知道自己在哪裡，努力求生

to allow rage to expend itself, and for them not in any way to be threatened or moralistic

他不知道何時有下一餐什麼

about 'bad' behaviour: 'If a baby cries in a state of rage … and yet the people

無法表達自己或與他人溝通

round him remain calm and unhurt, this experience greatly strengthens his ability to see that

溫尼考特的論述都緊扣這個主張

what he feels to be true is not necessarily real.'

他一直強調

Parents are delighted when infants and children follow their rules. Such children are called

必須是由圍繞著嬰兒的人來適應嬰兒，努力解讀嬰兒的需求

good. Winnicott was very scared of 'good' children.

不要強加要求在尚未備妥的嬰兒身上

He believed that they were the children of parents who could not tolerate too much bad

2. 允許孩子憤怒

behaviour and demanded compliance too early and too strictly. This would lead, in Winnicott's

舉例來說，溫尼考特知道，健康的嬰兒可能有暴力、有仇恨

formulation, to the emergence of a

這裡指的是，如果父母忘了餵他吃東西

False Self

溫尼考特提醒大家：

– a persona that would be outwardly compliant, outwardly good, but was suppressing its vital instincts.

「如果你讓嬰兒失望，他會覺得好像被猛獸生吞活剝。」

In Winnicott's scheme, adults who can't be creative, who are somehow a little dead

但雖然嬰兒有時想要殺戮或摧毀，父母必須能讓嬰兒表達這種憤怒

inside, are almost always the children of parents who have not been able to tolerate

而不被威脅，或用道德勸說的態度來處理「不乖」的行為

defiance, parents who have made their offspring 'good' way before their time, thereby

溫尼考特說：「如果嬰兒憤怒狂哭，而周遭的人能保持冷靜且不受傷害，

killing their capacity to be properly good, properly generous and kind.

這種經驗就能大幅強化嬰兒的能力，

Every failure of the environment forces a child to adapt prematurely. For example, if

知道他所真切感受到的，不見得一定是真的。」

the parents are too chaotic, the child quickly tries to over-think the situation. Its rational

3. 孩子不能太乖

faculties are over-stimulated (it may, in later life, try to be an intellectual).

孩子守規矩，父母都會很高興

A parent who is depressed might unwittingly force the child to be too cheerful – giving

這種孩子被視為乖孩子

it no time to process its own melancholy feelings. Winnicott saw the dangers in a child who,

溫尼考特則很怕乖小孩

in his words, has to 'look after mother's mood'.

他認為，乖小孩的父母不太能忍受不乖的行為

Winnicott had a special hatred for 'people who are always jogging babies up and down

在孩子很小的時候，就嚴格要求孩子服從

on their knees trying to produce a giggle.' This was merely their way of warding off their

根據溫尼考特的論述

own sadness, by demanding laughter from a baby who might have very different things

這會導致「假我」

on its mind.

也就是表面看起來順從、乖順，但壓抑自己的生命本能

The primordial act of parental health for Winnicott is simply to be able to tune out

以溫尼考特的架構來說，沒有創意的成年人，或看起來內在沒有生命力的人

of oneself for a time in the name of empathising with the ways and needs of a small, mysterious,

其父母幾乎都無法忍受不順從

beautiful fragile person whose unique otherness must be acknowledged and

在孩子還太小時就要求孩子要乖，因此扼殺孩子的能力

respected in full measure.

無法達到恰如其分的乖巧、允當的寬厚與得宜的慈善

Many of the parents Winnicott saw were worn down by their labours. Winnicott tried to

4. 讓孩子做自己

bolster them by reminding them of the utmost importance of what they were doing. They were,

每個環境的失敗都會迫使孩子早熟。

in their own way, as significant to the nation as the Prime Minister and the Cabinet.

例如，父母太混亂無秩序，孩子很快就會想太多。

Winnicott called parenting: 'the only real basis for a healthy society, and the only

他的理性認知機能被過度刺激，也許長大後會想成為知識份子。

factory for the democratic tendency in a country's social system.'

憂鬱的父母可能會讓孩子變成開心果，因為孩子沒有時間去消化自己的憂鬱

In his descriptions of what parents should do for their children, Winnicott was in effect

「得照顧母親情緒」的孩子，溫尼考特看到他們的問題

referring to a term which he rarely mentioned directly: love. We often imagine love to be

溫尼考特特別討厭看到有人把孩子放在膝頭上下搖晃，試圖讓孩子笑

about a magical intuitive 'connection' with someone. But, in Winnicott's writings,

大人故意逗嬰兒笑，只是藉此隔離自己的悲傷

we get a different picture. It's about a surrender of the ego, a putting aside of one's

這個嬰兒可能有非常不一樣的心事

own needs and assumptions, for the sake of close, attentive listening to another, whose

溫尼考特認為，健康的父母最原始的呈現方式

mystery one respects, along with a commitment not to get offended, not to retaliate, when

就是能夠暫時忘記自己，同理嬰兒的需求

something 'bad' emerges, as it often does when one is close to someone, child or adult.

這個小小的生命美麗而脆弱，他的獨特存在必須能被完全承認，並被完全尊重

Since Winnicott's death, we've collectively grown a little better at parenting.

5. 認真看待親職

But only a little. We may spend more time with our children, we know in theory that

溫尼考特發現很多父母都被自己的工作累垮

they matter a lot, but we're arguably still failing at the part Winnicott focused on:

他努力支持這些父母

ADAPTATION

提醒他們親職的重要性，不亞於一個國家的首相與內閣

We still routinely fail to suppress our own needs or stifle our own demands when we're

溫尼考特認為親職是「健康社會唯一真正的基礎，也是打造國家社會制度民主基礎的唯一方式」

with a child.

溫尼考特描述父母該為孩子做什麼時，他所指稱的

We're still learning how to love our children – and that, Winnicott would argue, is why

其實是他很少直接提及的「愛」

the world is still full of the walking-wounded, people of outward 'success' and respectability

我們一直認為愛是神奇、本能地跟別人產生「連結」

who are nevertheless not quite 'real' inside and inflict their wounds on others.

但在溫尼考特的論述裡，我們看到愛的不同的風貌

We've a way to go until we are fully 'good enough.' It's a task – Winnicott would

愛是一種對“自我”的退讓，把自己的需求與假設放在一邊

have insisted – that's in its own way as important as any other.

才能密切的、專注地聆聽另一個人，並承認這個人是我們所不懂的