into when we are grown up, and committed to the  principles and virtues of a mature existence.

What can be paradoxical therefore is the  extent to which - in the finest couples - the  

atmosphere owes a debt to certain of the moods  and interests of early childhood. For a start,  

we might want to call the partner  ‘baby’, and they might call us ‘poppet.’  

We might speak in slightly younger voices and  in a higher register. We might buy them a furry  

giraffe and they might buy us an equally adorable  soft toy version of a golden retriever. The two  

animals might even play games with one another  and give each other cuddles when they are sad.

It can all look - in the bright light of  day - highly unfortunate and regressive.  

But this would be to overlook how much adult love  necessarily sits on a base created in childhood  

and therefore should, when it is going well,  share certain characteristics with the better  

moments of our pasts. It is no sign of folly  when we use diminutives with our loved ones,  

it is evidence that we have found our way back  to the vulnerability, defencelessness and need  

that we once knew how to express and entertain  with refreshing guilelessness - and that we  

must reconnect with in order to have a chance to  love even if we are, in the rest of our lives,  

mature defence attorneys, senior cardiac  nurses or lauded venture capitalists.

We might - in turn - wonder at those who appear  too keen to dismiss sentimental child-based play  

as ‘baby-ish.’ We might ask what happened to  the infantile part of them and why it had to  

be disowned so forcefully. We might explore  how hard it is for them to be witnessed as  

fragile - and therefore, perhaps, to be gentle  around the fragility of others. True maturity  

doesn’t - ultimately - mean quashing all evidence  of weakness or immaturity, it means according the  

younger part of us its due within the totality of  our capacities. It calls for an ability to mother  

or father the younger self of the partner  - and to allow them to do likewise to us.

We may have to wait until we are real adults  before we can relearn how to play - and  

love - with some of the authenticity and  uncensored frankness of our three year old selves.