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  • Thank you President Cowen, uh Mrs. President Cowen, uh

    感謝Cowen校長、校長夫人、

  • distinguished guest, undistinguished guest, you know who you are.

    優秀的貴賓、平庸的賓客,你們都知道自己的身分。

  • Honored faculty and creepy Spanish teachers so

    值得尊敬的教職員還有令人畏懼的西班牙老師,所以…

  • And thank you to all the graduating class of 2009,

    當然還要感謝所有2009畢業班的學生,

  • I realize that most of you are hungover,

    我知道你們大部分都還在宿醉中,

  • and having splitting headaches and haven’t slept yet since fat Tuesday

    而且還有偏頭痛,自從肥胖的星期二之後也都還沒睡過,

  • but you can’t graduatetill I finish so listen up.

    但是你們得等我演講完才能畢業,所以還是好好聽著吧!

  • When I was asked to make the commencement speech,

    當我獲邀擔任畢業典禮演講人時,

  • I immediately said yes.

    我立刻就答應。

  • Then I went to look up what commencement meant,

    事後我去查畢業典禮這個字的意思,

  • which would have been easy if I had a dictionary

    如果我有本字典就簡單多了,

  • but most of the books in our house are

    可是我們家大部分的書都是

  • Portia’s and theyre all written in Australian.

    波蒂亞的,而且都是澳洲語寫的。

  • So I had to break the word down myself,

    所以我必須把字拆開

  • to find out the meaningcommencement.

    才能找出意思---commencement(畢業典禮)

  • Common and cement, commencement.

    common(普通的)和cement(水泥),普通的水泥。

  • You commonly see cement on sidewalks.

    你帶蓋都可以在人行道上看到水泥,

  • Sidewalks have cracks and if you step on the crack,

    人行道上有裂縫,如果你去踩那個裂縫,

  • you break your mother’s back.

    就會摔斷你媽媽的背,

  • So there’s that.

    大概就是這意思。

  • But I’m honored that youve asked me here to speak at your common cement.

    但是我很榮幸你們邀請我來為普通的水泥演講。

  • I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus, alumni, aluminum, alumis.

    我以為演講者必須是有名的校友?校友們?校鋁?校由?

  • You had to graduate from this school.

    你必須從這所學校畢業,

  • And I didn’t go to college, uh, here.

    但我沒有上過大學,嗯,在這裡,

  • And this, I don’t know of President Cowen knows

    而且我不知道Cowen校長知不知道

  • I didn’t go to college at allany college.

    我根本沒上過大學,任何一所都沒有。

  • And I’m not saying you wasted your time or money

    我不是說你們浪費時間或金錢,

  • but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity.

    但看看我,我是十足的大名人耶!

  • Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks,

    雖然我確實畢業於經驗磨練大學,

  • our mascot was the knockers.

    我們的吉祥物是胸部,

  • I spent a lot of time here growing up.

    我花了很多時間在這裡學習成長,

  • My mom worked at Newcomb.

    我媽媽在Newcomb工作,

  • And I go there every time I needed to steal something out of her purse.

    每次我想要偷錢時,就從她皮包拿。

  • But why am I here today?

    但今天為什麼我會在這裡呢?

  • Clearly not to steal.

    絕對不是偷竊。

  • You're too far away and I'd never get away with it.

    你們離我太遠了,而且我根本逃不掉。

  • I’m here because of you.

    我在這裡是因為你們,

  • Because I can't think of a more tenacious,

    因為我想不到比你們更頑強,

  • more courageous graduating class.

    更勇敢的畢業班了。

  • I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes.

    我的意思是說,看看你們,你們還都穿著長袍,

  • Usually when you're wearing a robe at 10 in the morning,

    通常你早上10點還穿著睡袍,

  • it means you've given up.

    那表示你已經放棄了啊!

  • I'm here because I love New Orleans.

    我在這裡是因為我愛紐奧良。

  • I was born and raised here,

    我出生在這裡,我也在這裡長大,

  • I spent my formative years here,

    我更在這裡度過人格發展時期,

  • and like you, while I was living here,

    而且就像你們,我住在這裡的時候,

  • I only did laundry six times.

    只洗了六次衣服,

  • When I finished school, I was completely lost.

    畢業後,我完全手足無措。

  • And by school, I mean middle school,

    學校,我指的是國中,

  • but I went ahead and finished high school anyway.

    但我還是繼續努力完成學業。

  • And I - I really, I had no ambition,

    而我,真的,我沒有抱負,

  • I didn't know what I wanted to do.

    我不知道我到底要什麼,

  • I did everything from

    我什麼事都做過,

  • I shucked oysters, I was a hostess,

    我剝過牡蠣殼,我當過帶位小姐,

  • I was a bartender, I was a waitress,

    我當過酒保,我當過服務生,

  • I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners,

    我粉刷過油漆,我也賣過吸塵器,

  • I had no idea.

    但我就是不知道自己要做什麼。

  • And I thought I'd just finally settle in some job,

    每個新工作,我都覺得我終於定下來了,

  • and I would make enough money to pay my rent,

    我可以賺足夠錢來付房租了,

  • maybe have basic cable, maybe not,

    可能有基本的第四台,也可能沒有,

  • I didn't really have a plan,

    我真的沒有計畫,

  • my point is that by the time I was your age,

    我的意思是說,我在你們這個年紀時,

  • I really thought I knew who I was,

    我真的以為我知道我是誰,

  • but I, I had no idea.

    但是我,我真的不知道。

  • Like for example, when I was your age,

    舉例來說,我在你們這年紀時,

  • I was dating men.

    我和男人約會,

  • So what I'm saying is,

    所以我要說的是,

  • when you're older, most of you will be gay.

    你們年紀越來越大,大多數人會變成同性戀。

  • Is anybody writing this stuff down?

    有人把這句佳話記下來嗎?

  • Parents?

    家長們?

  • Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life,

    反正我就是對我的人生沒有想法,

  • and the way I ended up on this path

    而最後會走上這條路

  • was from a very tragic event.

    是因為一場悲劇。

  • I was, uh, maybe 19,

    我那時,嗯,大概19歲吧!

  • and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident.

    我的女朋友那時在車禍中喪命了,

  • And I passed the accident,

    我還路過車禍現場,

  • and I didn't know it was her and I kept going,

    但我不知道死者就是她,我就繼續走了,

  • and I found out shortly after that, it was her.

    不久,我發現是她,

  • And I was living in a basement apartment,

    我那時住在公寓的地下室,

  • I had no money, I had no heat,

    我沒有錢,沒有暖氣,

  • no air, I had a mattress on the floor

    沒有空氣,我只有在地上的床墊,

  • and the apartment was infested with fleas.

    還有滿屋子的跳蚤。

  • And I was soul-searching, I was like,

    我那時深思,思考著

  • why is she suddenly gone,

    為什麼她突然就離開我了,

  • and there are fleas here?

    但跳蚤仍然在這裡呢?

  • I don't understand,

    我不了解,

  • there must be a purpose,

    一定有個目的,

  • and wouldn't it be so convenient

    那如果我們拿起電話,

  • if we could pick up the phone and call God,

    打電話問上帝,

  • and ask these questions.

    不是就方便多了嗎?

  • And I started writing

    我開始寫作,

  • and what poured out of me was an

    而讓我文思泉湧的是

  • imaginary conversation with God,

    和上帝的假想對話,

  • which was one-sided,

    我單方面的獨白,

  • and I finished writing it

    完成之後,

  • and I looked at it and I said to myself,

    我看著稿,對自己說,

  • and I hadn't even been doing stand-up ever,

    當時我還沒嘗試過脫口秀,

  • there was no club in town.

    鎮上也沒有俱樂部。

  • I said, "I'm gonna do this on the Tonight Show With Johnny Carson”.

    我說:「我要和Johnny Carson在《今夜秀》上表演這段脫口秀」

  • At the time he was the king,

    Johnny Carson是當時的天王,

  • "and I'm gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down."

    「而且我要成為史上第一位獲邀受訪的女賓。」

  • And several years later,

    幾年後,

  • I was the first woman in the history of the show,

    我真的成為脫口秀史上第一位受訪女賓,

  • and only woman in the history of the show to sit down

    在歷史上唯一一位上節目受訪的女賓,

  • because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote.

    就是因為我寫的那篇與上帝假想對話。

  • And I started this path of stand-up

    那就開啟了我脫口秀之路,

  • and it was successful

    它非常成功,

  • and it was great,

    非常棒,

  • but it was hard,

    但也非常困難,

  • because I was trying to please everybody

    因為我試著取悅每個人,

  • and I had this secret that I was keeping that I was gay.

    而且我有著我是同性戀的秘密,

  • And I thought if people found out they wouldn't like me,

    我怕人們知道我是同性戀後會不喜歡我,

  • they wouldn't laugh at me.

    會不再因我的表演而開懷大笑,

  • Then my career turned into uh,

    接著我的事業就轉型成,

  • I got my own sitcom,

    我有自己的情境喜劇,

  • and uh, that was very successful

    而且那非常成功,

  • another level of success.

    是另一階段的成功。

  • And I thought what if they find out I'm gay,

    我想如果人們發現我是同性戀,

  • then they'll never watch,

    他們就不再看我的表演了,

  • and uh, this was a long time ago,

    這已經是很久以前的事了,

  • probably this was when we just had white presidents.

    可能當時我們都覺得只會有白人總統,

  • But anyway this was back

    但,不管怎樣,這些都過去了,

  • many years ago.

    過了很多年了,

  • And I finally decided that

    而我最後決定

  • I was living with so much shame,

    我活得如此羞愧,

  • and so much fear,

    如此害怕,

  • that I just couldn't live that way anymore,

    我不能再這樣生活了,

  • and I decided to come out and make it creative.

    所以我決定以創新的方式出櫃,

  • And my character would come out at the same time,

    我飾演的腳色也會同時出櫃,

  • and it wasn't to make a political statement,

    這不是政治宣言,

  • it wasn't to do anything other than to free myself of

    這也不是要做其他事,而是要為我自己

  • from this heaviness that I was carrying around.

    卸下我所承擔的這個重責大任。

  • And I just wanted to be honest.

    我只想誠實面對,

  • And I thought of what’s the worst that could happen,

    而且我有想過最差的情況,

  • I can lose my career.

    就是我會失業,

  • I did.

    確實,

  • I lost my career.

    我失業了。

  • I got

    我得知…

  • The show was cancelled after six years

    我主演了六年的節目被停播,

  • without even telling me.

    甚至沒有告訴我,

  • I read it in the paper.

    我是在報紙上看到。

  • Uhm, the phone didn’t ring for three years.

    電話三年沒有響過,

  • I had no offers.

    沒有人提供工作機會給我,

  • Nobody wanted to touch me at all.

    也沒有任何人想接觸我,

  • Uhm and yet, I was getting letters from kids

    然而,我收到幾位本來要自殺,

  • that almost committed suicide,

    卻因為我宣佈出櫃

  • but didn’t because of what I did.

    而沒有自殺的孩子的來信,

  • And I realized that I had a purpose.

    我意識到我的存在是有意義的,

  • And it wasn’t just about me

    那不只關於我,

  • and it wasn’t about celebrity,

    也不只關於名聲,

  • but I felt like I was being punished

    但我覺得我受到懲罰,

  • and it was a bad time.

    而且那是段難熬的日子。

  • I was angry, I was sad,

    我感到憤怒、難過,

  • and then I was offered a talk show.

    然後我得到了脫口秀的機會,

  • And the people who had offered me the talk show

    提供我脫口秀機會的人們

  • tried to sell it.

    想要賣掉這個節目,

  • And most stations didn’t want to pick it up.

    但大多數的電視台不想播放,

  • Most people didn’t want to buy it

    大多數人不想要買這個節目,

  • because they thought nobody would watch me.

    因為他們覺得沒有人想看我表演,

  • And uh, really when I look back on it,

    而且,真的,當我回頭再看,

  • I wouldn’t change a thing.

    我不想再改變什麼。

  • I mean, it was so important for me

    我的意思是說,失去一切對我來說太重要了,

  • to lose everything because I found out what (what) the most important thing is,

    因為我發現了最重要的事情,

  • is to be true to yourself.

    那就是忠於自己。

  • And uh, ultimately, that’s what’s gotten me to this place.

    而這就是為什麼會有今天這樣的我。

  • I don’t live in fear,

    我不要活在恐懼中,

  • I’m free.

    我是自由的,

  • I have no secrets

    我沒有任何秘密,

  • and I know I’ll always be okay

    而且我知道我將來會很好,

  • because no matter what I know who I am.

    因為不管怎樣,我都知道我是誰。