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  • Thank you President Cowen, uh Mrs. President Cowen, uh

    感謝Cowen校長、校長夫人、

  • distinguished guest, undistinguished guest, you know who you are.

    優秀的貴賓、平庸的賓客,你們都知道自己的身分。

  • Honored faculty and creepy Spanish teachers so

    值得尊敬的教職員還有令人畏懼的西班牙老師,所以…

  • And thank you to all the graduating class of 2009,

    當然還要感謝所有2009畢業班的學生,

  • I realize that most of you are hungover,

    我知道你們大部分都還在宿醉中,

  • and having splitting headaches and haven’t slept yet since fat Tuesday

    而且還有偏頭痛,自從肥胖的星期二之後也都還沒睡過,

  • but you can’t graduatetill I finish so listen up.

    但是你們得等我演講完才能畢業,所以還是好好聽著吧!

  • When I was asked to make the commencement speech,

    當我獲邀擔任畢業典禮演講人時,

  • I immediately said yes.

    我立刻就答應。

  • Then I went to look up what commencement meant,

    事後我去查畢業典禮這個字的意思,

  • which would have been easy if I had a dictionary

    如果我有本字典就簡單多了,

  • but most of the books in our house are

    可是我們家大部分的書都是

  • Portia’s and theyre all written in Australian.

    波蒂亞的,而且都是澳洲語寫的。

  • So I had to break the word down myself,

    所以我必須把字拆開

  • to find out the meaningcommencement.

    才能找出意思---commencement(畢業典禮)

  • Common and cement, commencement.

    common(普通的)和cement(水泥),普通的水泥。

  • You commonly see cement on sidewalks.

    你帶蓋都可以在人行道上看到水泥,

  • Sidewalks have cracks and if you step on the crack,

    人行道上有裂縫,如果你去踩那個裂縫,

  • you break your mother’s back.

    就會摔斷你媽媽的背,

  • So there’s that.

    大概就是這意思。

  • But I’m honored that youve asked me here to speak at your common cement.

    但是我很榮幸你們邀請我來為普通的水泥演講。

  • I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus, alumni, aluminum, alumis.

    我以為演講者必須是有名的校友?校友們?校鋁?校由?

  • You had to graduate from this school.

    你必須從這所學校畢業,

  • And I didn’t go to college, uh, here.

    但我沒有上過大學,嗯,在這裡,

  • And this, I don’t know of President Cowen knows

    而且我不知道Cowen校長知不知道

  • I didn’t go to college at allany college.

    我根本沒上過大學,任何一所都沒有。

  • And I’m not saying you wasted your time or money

    我不是說你們浪費時間或金錢,

  • but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity.

    但看看我,我是十足的大名人耶!

  • Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks,

    雖然我確實畢業於經驗磨練大學,

  • our mascot was the knockers.

    我們的吉祥物是胸部,

  • I spent a lot of time here growing up.

    我花了很多時間在這裡學習成長,

  • My mom worked at Newcomb.

    我媽媽在Newcomb工作,

  • And I go there every time I needed to steal something out of her purse.

    每次我想要偷錢時,就從她皮包拿。

  • But why am I here today?

    但今天為什麼我會在這裡呢?

  • Clearly not to steal.

    絕對不是偷竊。

  • You're too far away and I'd never get away with it.

    你們離我太遠了,而且我根本逃不掉。

  • I’m here because of you.

    我在這裡是因為你們,

  • Because I can't think of a more tenacious,

    因為我想不到比你們更頑強,

  • more courageous graduating class.

    更勇敢的畢業班了。

  • I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes.

    我的意思是說,看看你們,你們還都穿著長袍,

  • Usually when you're wearing a robe at 10 in the morning,

    通常你早上10點還穿著睡袍,

  • it means you've given up.

    那表示你已經放棄了啊!

  • I'm here because I love New Orleans.

    我在這裡是因為我愛紐奧良。

  • I was born and raised here,

    我出生在這裡,我也在這裡長大,

  • I spent my formative years here,

    我更在這裡度過人格發展時期,

  • and like you, while I was living here,

    而且就像你們,我住在這裡的時候,

  • I only did laundry six times.

    只洗了六次衣服,

  • When I finished school, I was completely lost.

    畢業後,我完全手足無措。

  • And by school, I mean middle school,

    學校,我指的是國中,

  • but I went ahead and finished high school anyway.

    但我還是繼續努力完成學業。

  • And I - I really, I had no ambition,

    而我,真的,我沒有抱負,

  • I didn't know what I wanted to do.

    我不知道我到底要什麼,

  • I did everything from

    我什麼事都做過,

  • I shucked oysters, I was a hostess,

    我剝過牡蠣殼,我當過帶位小姐,

  • I was a bartender, I was a waitress,

    我當過酒保,我當過服務生,

  • I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners,

    我粉刷過油漆,我也賣過吸塵器,

  • I had no idea.

    但我就是不知道自己要做什麼。

  • And I thought I'd just finally settle in some job,

    每個新工作,我都覺得我終於定下來了,

  • and I would make enough money to pay my rent,

    我可以賺足夠錢來付房租了,

  • maybe have basic cable, maybe not,

    可能有基本的第四台,也可能沒有,

  • I didn't really have a plan,

    我真的沒有計畫,

  • my point is that by the time I was your age,

    我的意思是說,我在你們這個年紀時,

  • I really thought I knew who I was,

    我真的以為我知道我是誰,

  • but I, I had no idea.

    但是我,我真的不知道。

  • Like for example, when I was your age,

    舉例來說,我在你們這年紀時,

  • I was dating men.

    我和男人約會,

  • So what I'm saying is,

    所以我要說的是,

  • when you're older, most of you will be gay.

    你們年紀越來越大,大多數人會變成同性戀。

  • Is anybody writing this stuff down?

    有人把這句佳話記下來嗎?

  • Parents?

    家長們?

  • Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life,

    反正我就是對我的人生沒有想法,

  • and the way I ended up on this path

    而最後會走上這條路

  • was from a very tragic event.

    是因為一場悲劇。

  • I was, uh, maybe 19,

    我那時,嗯,大概19歲吧!

  • and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident.

    我的女朋友那時在車禍中喪命了,

  • And I passed the accident,

    我還路過車禍現場,

  • and I didn't know it was her and I kept going,

    但我不知道死者就是她,我就繼續走了,

  • and I found out shortly after that, it was her.

    不久,我發現是她,

  • And I was living in a basement apartment,

    我那時住在公寓的地下室,

  • I had no money, I had no heat,

    我沒有錢,沒有暖氣,

  • no air, I had a mattress on the floor

    沒有空氣,我只有在地上的床墊,

  • and the apartment was infested with fleas.

    還有滿屋子的跳蚤。

  • And I was soul-searching, I was like,

    我那時深思,思考著

  • why is she suddenly gone,

    為什麼她突然就離開我了,

  • and there are fleas here?

    但跳蚤仍然在這裡呢?

  • I don't understand,

    我不了解,

  • there must be a purpose,

    一定有個目的,

  • and wouldn't it be so convenient

    那如果我們拿起電話,

  • if we could pick up the phone and call God,

    打電話問上帝,

  • and ask these questions.

    不是就方便多了嗎?

  • And I started writing

    我開始寫作,

  • and what poured out of me was an

    而讓我文思泉湧的是

  • imaginary conversation with God,

    和上帝的假想對話,

  • which was one-sided,

    我單方面的獨白,

  • and I finished writing it

    完成之後,

  • and I looked at it and I said to myself,

    我看著稿,對自己說,

  • and I hadn't even been doing stand-up ever,

    當時我還沒嘗試過脫口秀,

  • there was no club in town.

    鎮上也沒有俱樂部。

  • I said, "I'm gonna do this on the Tonight Show With Johnny Carson”.

    我說:「我要和Johnny Carson在《今夜秀》上表演這段脫口秀」

  • At the time he was the king,

    Johnny Carson是當時的天王,

  • "and I'm gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down."

    「而且我要成為史上第一位獲邀受訪的女賓。」

  • And several years later,

    幾年後,

  • I was the first woman in the history of the show,

    我真的成為脫口秀史上第一位受訪女賓,

  • and only woman in the history of the show to sit down

    在歷史上唯一一位上節目受訪的女賓,

  • because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote.

    就是因為我寫的那篇與上帝假想對話。

  • And I started this path of stand-up

    那就開啟了我脫口秀之路,

  • and it was successful

    它非常成功,

  • and it was great,

    非常棒,

  • but it was hard,

    但也非常困難,

  • because I was trying to please everybody

    因為我試著取悅每個人,

  • and I had this secret that I was keeping that I was gay.

    而且我有著我是同性戀的秘密,

  • And I thought if people found out they wouldn't like me,

    我怕人們知道我是同性戀後會不喜歡我,

  • they wouldn't laugh at me.

    會不再因我的表演而開懷大笑,

  • Then my career turned into uh,

    接著我的事業就轉型成,

  • I got my own sitcom,

    我有自己的情境喜劇,

  • and uh, that was very successful

    而且那非常成功,

  • another level of success.

    是另一階段的成功。

  • And I thought what if they find out I'm gay,

    我想如果人們發現我是同性戀,

  • then they'll never watch,

    他們就不再看我的表演了,

  • and uh, this was a long time ago,

    這已經是很久以前的事了,

  • probably this was when we just had white presidents.

    可能當時我們都覺得只會有白人總統,

  • But anyway this was back

    但,不管怎樣,這些都過去了,

  • many years ago.

    過了很多年了,

  • And I finally decided that

    而我最後決定

  • I was living with so much shame,

    我活得如此羞愧,

  • and so much fear,

    如此害怕,

  • that I just couldn't live that way anymore,

    我不能再這樣生活了,

  • and I decided to come out and make it creative.

    所以我決定以創新的方式出櫃,

  • And my character would come out at the same time,

    我飾演的腳色也會同時出櫃,

  • and it wasn't to make a political statement,

    這不是政治宣言,

  • it wasn't to do anything other than to free myself of

    這也不是要做其他事,而是要為我自己

  • from this heaviness that I was carrying around.

    卸下我所承擔的這個重責大任。

  • And I just wanted to be honest.

    我只想誠實面對,

  • And I thought of what’s the worst that could happen,

    而且我有想過最差的情況,

  • I can lose my career.

    就是我會失業,

  • I did.

    確實,

  • I lost my career.

    我失業了。

  • I got

    我得知…

  • The show was cancelled after six years

    我主演了六年的節目被停播,

  • without even telling me.

    甚至沒有告訴我,

  • I read it in the paper.

    我是在報紙上看到。

  • Uhm, the phone didn’t ring for three years.

    電話三年沒有響過,

  • I had no offers.

    沒有人提供工作機會給我,

  • Nobody wanted to touch me at all.

    也沒有任何人想接觸我,

  • Uhm and yet, I was getting letters from kids

    然而,我收到幾位本來要自殺,

  • that almost committed suicide,

    卻因為我宣佈出櫃

  • but didn’t because of what I did.

    而沒有自殺的孩子的來信,

  • And I realized that I had a purpose.

    我意識到我的存在是有意義的,

  • And it wasn’t just about me

    那不只關於我,

  • and it wasn’t about celebrity,

    也不只關於名聲,

  • but I felt like I was being punished

    但我覺得我受到懲罰,

  • and it was a bad time.

    而且那是段難熬的日子。

  • I was angry, I was sad,

    我感到憤怒、難過,

  • and then I was offered a talk show.

    然後我得到了脫口秀的機會,

  • And the people who had offered me the talk show

    提供我脫口秀機會的人們

  • tried to sell it.

    想要賣掉這個節目,

  • And most stations didn’t want to pick it up.

    但大多數的電視台不想播放,

  • Most people didn’t want to buy it

    大多數人不想要買這個節目,

  • because they thought nobody would watch me.

    因為他們覺得沒有人想看我表演,

  • And uh, really when I look back on it,

    而且,真的,當我回頭再看,

  • I wouldn’t change a thing.

    我不想再改變什麼。

  • I mean, it was so important for me

    我的意思是說,失去一切對我來說太重要了,

  • to lose everything because I found out what (what) the most important thing is,

    因為我發現了最重要的事情,

  • is to be true to yourself.

    那就是忠於自己。

  • And uh, ultimately, that’s what’s gotten me to this place.

    而這就是為什麼會有今天這樣的我。

  • I don’t live in fear,

    我不要活在恐懼中,

  • I’m free.

    我是自由的,

  • I have no secrets

    我沒有任何秘密,

  • and I know I’ll always be okay

    而且我知道我將來會很好,

  • because no matter what I know who I am.

    因為不管怎樣,我都知道我是誰。

  • So in conclusion,

    因此,總而言之,

  • when I was younger I thought success uh,

    年輕時,我覺得成功

  • was something different.

    是一件與眾不同的事情。

  • I thought when I grow up,

    我想我長大時,

  • I want to be famous.

    我要成名,

  • I want to be a star.

    我要當大明星,

  • I want to be in movies.

    我要演電影。

  • When I grow up I want to see the world,

    長大時,我卻想要看看世界各地,

  • drive nice cars, I want to have groupies.

    開名車,我想要擁有粉絲,

  • To quote the Pussycat Dolls.

    引用自小野貓。

  • How many people thought it wasboobies”, by the way?

    順道問一下,多少人聽成「胸部」?

  • It’s not, it’s “groupies”.

    不是,是「粉絲」。

  • But my idea of success is different today.

    但我現在對成功有了不同想法,

  • And as you grow,

    你們長大的時候,

  • youll realize the definition of success changes.

    也會發現成功的定義改變了。

  • For many of you, today,

    今天,對你們來說,

  • success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila.

    成功可能只是代表灌下20杯龍舌蘭,

  • For me, the most important thing in your life

    但對我來說,生命中最重要的事

  • is to live your life with integrity

    就是正直地活下去,

  • and not to give into peer pressure to try

    而且不要屈就於別人的壓力而

  • to be something that youre not.

    讓你不再是原本的你。

  • To live your life as an honest and compassionate person,

    以誠實、同情的態度來經營人生,

  • to contribute in some way.

    在某些方面做出貢獻,

  • So to conclude my conclusion,

    所以總結我的結論,

  • follow your passion,

    跟隨熱情的腳步,

  • stay true to yourself.

    忠於自我,

  • Never follow someone else’s path,

    不要跟隨他人的腳步,

  • unless youre in the woods and youre lost

    除非你在森林裡迷路了,

  • and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.

    你看到一條小路,當然要走那條路。

  • Uhm, don’t give advice,

    嗯,不要給他人勸告,

  • it will come back and bite you in the ass.

    那會讓你身受其害,

  • Don’t take anyone’s advice.

    不要接受任何人的勸告,

  • So my advice to you is to

    所以我的勸告是你要

  • be true to yourself

    忠於自己,

  • and everything will be fine.

    一切就會平安無事。

  • And I know that a lot of you are concerned about your future,

    我知道在座大部分的同學都很擔心你們的未來,

  • but there’s no need to worry.

    但不用太擔心,

  • The economy is booming,

    經濟繁榮,

  • the job market is wide open.

    到處都可以找到工作,

  • The planet is just fine.

    地球環境也很好,

  • It’s going be great.

    都會很棒的。

  • Youve already survived a hurricane.

    你們已經在颶風後活下來了,

  • What else can happen to you?

    你們還要怕什麼呢?

  • And as I mentioned before,

    而且就像我之前講的,

  • some of the most devastating things that happen to you

    有些最驚人的事情

  • will teach you the most.

    會讓你有最深刻的體悟。

  • And now you know the right questions to ask in your first job interview.

    現在,你知道第一次工作面試要問什麼問題了吧?

  • Like, “Is it above sea level?”

    像是「工作地點在海平線之上嗎?」

  • So to conclude my conclusion that I’ve previously concluded,

    所以,總結一下我稍早在「普通的水泥」演講中

  • in the common cement speech,

    所做的結論。

  • I guess what I’m trying to say is:

    我想我要說的是:

  • life is like one big Mardi Gras.

    生命就像是一個大型的嘉年華,

  • But instead of showing your boobs,

    但不要展示你的胸部,

  • show people your brain,

    而要展示你的頭腦,

  • and if they like what they see,

    如果他們喜歡他們所見,

  • youll have more beads than you know what to do with.

    你就會得到比你想像中還多的珠子。

  • And youll be drunk,

    大多時候,

  • most of the time.

    你都會喝得醉醺醺的。

  • So the Katrina class of 2009,

    所以2009年卡翠娜颶風畢業班,

  • I say congratulations

    我要恭喜你們,

  • and if you don’t remember a thing I said today,

    如果你不記得我今天說的任何事,

  • remember this,

    那就記住這個吧!

  • youre going to be okay.

    你會平安無事的!

  • Dum de dum dum dum,

    噹噠噹噹噹,

  • just dance.

    跳舞吧!

Thank you President Cowen, uh Mrs. President Cowen, uh

感謝Cowen校長、校長夫人、

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A2 初級 中文 美國腔 脫口秀 水泥 同性戀 畢業典禮 成功 校長

脫口秀女王 Ellen 超精彩演說

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    Go Tutor 發佈於 2014 年 08 月 29 日
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