The place is a mess And I've got nothing done and it's already 10:30 AM.

這個地方很亂，我什麼都沒做，而且已經是上午10點半了。

Anyway, I just got my hair done at na liu, so my hair is dark again and I actually really like it.

總之，我剛剛在納留做了頭髮，所以我的頭髮又變黑了，實際上我真的很喜歡它。

I think I'm gonna keep it this way for like a year.

我想我要保持這種方式大概一年時間。

I'm going to put all of the footage that I need to put on my computer so I can edit on the plane.

我要把所有需要的鏡頭放到我的電腦上，這樣我就可以在飛機上編輯。

I hate planes have so much anxiety.

我討厭飛機有這麼多的焦慮。

Um Yeah, living with anxiety sucks because that's what happens is you think of all the bad things.

是的，與焦慮症一起生活很糟糕，因為這就是你想到的所有壞事的後果。

Um but anyway, I'm gonna be okay because Tyler is going to be with me and it's just, it's just going to be fine, it's gonna be fine.

但無論如何，我會沒事的，因為泰勒會和我在一起，這只是，這只是會好的，會好的。

Today's December 18, December 18.

今天是12月18日，12月18日。

Yesterday's 18th, Wow, it's 18th a month went by really, really fast.

昨天的18號，哇，是18號一個月過的真快，真快。

I hope you enjoyed the last couple videos.

我希望你喜歡過去的幾個視頻。

I know I did.

我知道我做到了。

Um I'm trying to do more vlogs and things like that, like I used to and just do the things that I used to do when I was in Nagoya.

嗯，我正試圖做更多的微博和類似的事情，就像我以前那樣，只是做我以前在名古屋時做的事情。

Um ever since I moved to Tokyo and this year has been crazy because I've changed locations with my job and I'm just trying to discover myself lately and it's been really, really tough this year.

自從我搬到東京後，今年一直很瘋狂，因為我的工作改變了地點，我最近只是想發現自己，今年真的非常非常艱難。

I think it's been tough for everybody this year.

我認為今年對每個人來說都很艱難。

I'm so nervous to go home.

我很緊張要回家了。

My parents visited me here, I still have one video that I need to edit with them in it.

我的父母來這裡看我，我還有一段視頻需要編輯，裡面有他們的身影。

Um but I didn't really vlog when they were here because I wanted to spend time with them.

嗯，但他們在這裡的時候，我並沒有真的發微博，因為我想和他們一起度過。

I hadn't seen them for like three years at the time and um, it was very hectic.

當時我已經有三年沒見到他們了，嗯，當時非常忙。

I wish they would have stayed a longer time.

我希望他們能多呆一會兒。

I haven't seen any of my other family, just my parents and my brother once here in Japan and it's been four years since I've returned home.

我沒有見過其他家人，只有我的父母和我的弟弟在日本這裡見過一次，我已經有四年沒有回家了。

I'm as such an emotional person and just thinking about going home after this long is kind of scary in a way I'm scary just um, everything's different.

我是一個很情緒化的人，只是想到這麼長時間後要回家，在某種程度上我很害怕，只是嗯，一切都不同了。

The roads are wider, there's places that I haven't seen that have appeared out of nowhere now.

道路更寬了，有一些我沒有見過的地方，現在突然出現了。

Um, like the new theater by my house and new restaurants, new shops, malls have changed the mall that I used to shop that isn't doing as well.

嗯，就像我家旁邊的新劇院和新的餐館，新的商店，商場已經改變了我以前購物的商場，沒有做得那麼好。

Um, New houses have been built, things are really, really changing and um, I hear about them all the time, but I haven't like set foot in the states in a long time and the reason I haven't gone home is because of one.

嗯，新房子已經建成，事情真的，真的在改變，嗯，我一直聽說他們，但我已經很久沒有像踏上美國，我沒有回家的原因是一個。

I've been moving a lot.

我經常搬家。

Um, I started in Al Maury and then I moved to Nagoya and I moved in Nagoya twice and then I moved to Tokyo or Chiba.

嗯，我開始在Al Maury，然後我搬到名古屋，我在名古屋搬了兩次，然後我搬到東京或千葉。

Currently I'm still not acclimated after four years in Japan and I'm getting there slowly and surely, but I've just been really busy changing jobs moving around.

目前，我在日本呆了四年還不適應，我正在慢慢適應，只是我真的很忙，換工作搬家。

Um spending money on things that I need to spend money on and it's money that I don't need to spend, I just haven't had the time to go home or the chance and it's been really, really tough this year, I thought that I would be able to at least see my grandpa at least one more time and he has passed away um actually pretty unexpectedly and um I'm very close to my grandparents, so um it's the first um christmas without my grandpa and we're going to have christmas at my grandma's grandpa's house Um and I've talked to my grandma since and she's sad, you know, like the last time I talked to her she was really sad, she's crying.

我把錢花在我需要花錢的地方，而這些錢是我不需要花的，我只是沒有時間回家，也沒有機會，今年真的很艱難，我以為我至少能再見到我爺爺一次，但他已經去世了，其實是很意外的，我和我爺爺奶奶關係很好。所以，這是第一個沒有爺爺的聖誕節，我們要在我奶奶的爺爺家過聖誕節，我和我奶奶談過，她很傷心，你知道，就像我上次和她談話時，她真的很傷心，她在哭。

Um I have young grandparents too, so my grandma had my mom when she was like 18, so she's a young grandparents and my grandpa was younger than my grandma and uh yeah, it's hard, he passed away from a certain type of cancer and he had dementia, so he was he wasn't doing while he's suffering, so um it was hard for him and I wasn't able to be there.

我也有年輕的祖父母，所以我的祖母在她18歲的時候就有了我的媽媽，所以她是一個年輕的祖父母，我的祖父比我的祖母年輕，嗯，這很難，他因某種類型的癌症去世，他有痴呆症，所以他是他沒有做而他的痛苦，所以嗯這對他很難，我沒有能夠在那裡。

Um so it's gonna be really weird.

嗯，所以這將是非常奇怪的。

Mhm.

嗯。

Like going home and I'm trying not to cry and be emotional and it's gonna be really bad when I get there.

就像回家，我努力不哭，不情緒化，到了那裡就會非常糟糕。

Um I don't know how Tyler deals with me sometimes, like I know things aren't the same.

嗯，我不知道泰勒有時是如何對待我的，就像我知道事情不一樣了。

Yeah.

是的。

Mhm.

嗯。

But like the love is still the same.

但像愛還是一樣的。

Mhm.

嗯。

I haven't had christmas at home and so on.

我沒有在家裡過聖誕節，等等。

I've been through so much really hard times here.

我在這裡經歷了這麼多真正的困難時期。

No, you haven't shared it with everybody.

不，你還沒有和大家分享。

But I mean I'm a really good place right now.

但我的意思是我現在是一個非常好的地方。

I'm really excited to go home finally but I'm like nervous because I haven't left and so long and I don't know why it gives the anxiety but is this gonna be a lot of reverse culture shock.

我真的很興奮終於可以回家了，但我又很緊張，因為我很久沒有離開了，我不知道為什麼會感到焦慮，但這是不是會有很多反向文化衝擊。

I know there's people in the world that have obviously not going home going home for a long time.

我知道世界上有一些人顯然已經很久沒有回家去了。

Mm hmm but I'm talking about like people that I know they usually go home like at least once a year or once every two years but this is the first time and I actually took my whole entire vacation for this opportunity because I wanted every second I could get at home because I don't know when I'm coming back.

我說的是我認識的那些人，他們通常每年或每兩年至少回家一次，但這是第一次，而且我實際上為了這個機會把整個假期都拿出來了，因為我想在家裡得到每一秒，因為我不知道我什麼時候會回來。

I'm sorry.

我很抱歉。

I didn't think I was gonna cry on camera.

我沒有想到我會在鏡頭前哭。

Oh my God, I look like crab I really love Japan.

哦，我的上帝，我看起來像螃蟹，我真的很喜歡日本。

I think it's a very safe place.

我認為這是一個非常安全的地方。

I love the people that I've met here and I love hanging out with my friends and my job is really good.

我喜歡我在這裡遇到的人，我喜歡和我的朋友一起玩，我的工作真的很好。

I love my boyfriend.

我愛我的男朋友。

It's nice to not be alone when I was in my last job.

我在上一份工作的時候，很高興不孤單。

I thought I was gonna go home and just give up and you know, then I found a new job and I, I didn't expect to like love it and I do, I didn't give up.

我以為我會回家，然後放棄，你知道，然後我找到了一份新工作，我，我沒想到會喜歡上它，我確實，我沒有放棄。

I met more people and it just, it just made me want to stay longer and I'm still here and I'm very happy being here, even though, you know, things are hard, you know, having a Visa is hard, trying to take care of things in Japanese is hard, money can be tight, but like I'm still living fine and I'm fine and unhappy, I'm content.

我遇到了更多的人，它只是，它只是讓我想呆得更久，我仍然在這裡，我很高興在這裡，儘管，你知道，事情是困難的，你知道，有一個簽證是困難的，試圖在日本照顧事情是困難的，錢可能是緊張的，但像我仍然生活得很好，我很好，不快樂，我很滿足。

I'm so excited to go home.

我很高興能回家。

This is this blog is so all over the place.

這是這個博客是如此的全面。

I thought I was going to be very structured, but I'm sorry, um I'm just thinking about going home, I'm happy and nervous at the same time.

我以為我會很有條理，但我很抱歉，嗯，我只是在想回家的事，我很高興，同時也很緊張。

Mhm.

嗯。

My my home I haven't like stepped into in four years.

我的我的家，我已經四年沒有像踏進去了。

Mhm.

嗯。

It's just really unreal to think about and all my stuff is still there, My parents haven't changed anything.

想想真是不真實，我所有的東西都還在那裡，我的父母沒有任何改變。

I probably have like 17 magazines still there from like 10 years ago um close that I've had in my closet for years past, you know, up until I went left and they're probably still hanging there and everything's like this the same in my bedroom and um it's just weird, it's just weird to think about and it's just um you know, my little cousins growing up.

我大概有17本雜誌還在那裡，從10年前開始，嗯，很近，我已經在我的衣櫃裡放了很多年了，你知道，直到我離開，他們可能還掛在那裡，一切都像這樣，在我的臥室裡，嗯，這只是奇怪，這只是奇怪的思考，這只是嗯，你知道，我的小表弟長大了。

Yeah, two of my little cousins, one of them, which I haven't met, but physically mhm.

是的，我的兩個小表妹，其中一個，我還沒有見過，但身體上嗯。

Um I think the hardest part is just gonna be a christmas without my grandpa mm I thought I was going to be able to see you because I was coming home, I'm like really happy, but at the same time everything is just weird.

我認為最困難的部分是沒有爺爺的聖誕節，我以為我可以看到你，因為我就要回家了，我很高興，但同時一切都很奇怪。

Oh I've been very busy and like trying to make time for myself because it is very overwhelming to go home when you haven't gone in a while and I'm excited to see my friends and you know, just drive around and go to target walmart.

哦，我一直很忙，就像試圖為自己騰出時間一樣，因為當你有一段時間沒有回家的時候，是很難受的，我很興奮能見到我的朋友，你知道，只是開車到處走走，去目標沃爾瑪超市。

So weird to say Yeah, this is um you know, so I have no words right now.

說起來很奇怪 是的，這是你知道的，所以我現在無話可說。

I was on the air force base not too long ago when I went there was trying to pay with american currency because that's what they use their and yeah, I don't even remember how to count coins, it was so dark, I had to think about it for a little bit and I was like okay now remember?

不久前我在空軍基地，當我去那裡的時候正試圖用美國貨幣付款，因為他們用的是美國貨幣，是的，我甚至不記得如何數硬幣，當時太黑了，我不得不想了一下，我現在想起來了。

But it was just really like got up to the counter and I didn't know what to say or do.

但它真的就像走到了櫃檯前，我不知道該說什麼或做什麼。

Like I remember when I came back from my internship after four months and I was accidentally bowing to people and saying to me Muhsin and you just knew things in a very different perspective after you've been away for a long time.

就像我記得當我實習四個月後回來時，我不小心向人們鞠了一躬，對我說Muhsin，你只是在你離開很長時間後，以一個非常不同的角度認識事物。

I'm sure my boyfriend understands that he's been in war in Afghanistan, he wasn't home for a long time to and like I'm talking about all this stuff like going home after this long and like I think about what he's been through and like I'm like, oh God kelly shouldn't even be anxious or nervous about this, like you should be grateful.

我相信我的男朋友明白，他在阿富汗打過仗，他有很長一段時間沒有回家，就像我在談論所有這些東西，比如在這麼長時間後回家，就像我想到了他所經歷的一切，就像我想，哦，上帝，凱利甚至不應該對此感到焦慮或緊張，就像你應該感激。

Uh huh.

嗯哼。

This video wasn't meant to be negative.

這段視頻並不意味著是消極的。

It was more to be happy.

這更多的是為了快樂。

Yeah, I'm going home but at the same time things have definitely changed and you can't really change that or forget that.

是的，我要回家了，但與此同時，事情肯定已經發生了變化，你不能真正改變或忘記這一點。

So it's gonna be emotional, it's gonna be a happy emotional but it's also going to be a sad emotional.

是以，這將是一種情感，它將是一種快樂的情感，但它也將是一種悲傷的情感。

So it's just a really mixed feeling.

是以，這真的是一種混合的感覺。

I'm really, really happy with where I'm at right now.

我對自己現在的狀態真的非常非常滿意。

Yeah, I have a lot of people to thank for that.

是的，我有很多人要感謝。

This is what happens when you are gone for four years and living in Japan.

這就是你離開四年並生活在日本時發生的事情。

Yeah.

是的。