Take one.

取一。

All right.

好的。

Just have fun up there and again, all that.

只要在上面玩得開心，再一次，所有這些。

They are just as a reference and everything.

他們只是作為一個參考和一切。

Video wise is added and posts when he's being a lot of like from fring and I'm not from firing at all.

視頻明智的是添加和職位時，他是一個很大的像從fring和我不是從解僱在所有。

Now remember there'll be some editing if you're unsure of anything.

現在請記住，如果你不確定什麼，會有一些編輯。

Don't worry.

不要擔心。

It'll come out Conan O'brien here for another edition of Behind the Nonsense where I get a chance to talk about some of my favorite comedy bits.

它會出來的柯南-奧布賴恩在這裡為另一期《廢話背後》，我有機會談論我最喜歡的一些喜劇片段。

I'm putting favorite in quotes because these were not selected by me with the help of some of the people who helped make them happen.

我把最喜歡的放在引號裡，因為這些不是我在一些幫助實現它們的人的幫助下選定的。

And today I'm sitting here with Andy Richter.

而今天我和安迪-裡希特坐在這裡。

I'm so glad that you said that right?

我很高興你這麼說，對嗎？

Yeah, I was afraid you'd mispronounce it for six years on the year.

是啊，我還擔心你會念錯六年的年號呢。

I called you Andy Richter.

我叫你安迪-裡希特。

Yeah, I remember that.

是的，我記得。

I just thought it was an affectation.

我只是認為這是一種影響。

I thought you were trying to be classy.

我以為你是想表現得優雅。

I was for a while.

我有一段時間是這樣。

That was that's when I had a monocle first three years of the show.

那是那時候我戴著單片眼鏡的前三年的演出。

Andy Richter was my sidekick.

安迪-裡希特是我的副手。

No, we're gonna just look back at some of these moments from the show and then tell you sort of what was going on.

不，我們只是要回顧一下這些節目中的一些時刻，然後告訴你發生了什麼。

Give you a little insight into our sick process.

讓你瞭解一下我們的生病過程。

Uh If you can call it that um If we could remember if we can remember.

呃，如果你可以這麼說的話，嗯，如果我們能記得，如果我們能記得。

I can I am stunned at how many clips I see where I have no memory and I would swear before a jury that never happened.

我可以我驚呆了，我看到了多少我沒有記憶的片段，我可以在陪審團面前發誓，這些片段從未發生過。

And then they showed me the clip we just saw one the other night.

然後他們給我看了我們那天晚上剛看到的一個片段。

It was a bit where you get stabbed and then you bled about a gallon of blood live on stage on the show.

那是一個你被刺傷的地方，然後你在舞臺上現場流了大約一加侖的血。

No recollection.

不記得了。

Well I have no recollection because I lost all that blood.

好吧，我不記得了，因為我流了那麼多血。

Right?

對嗎？

Of course you all that corn syrup that normally keeps you going.

當然，你所有的玉米糖漿通常會讓你繼續下去。

But anyway, one of the things we're gonna do is take a look at something we called scraps.

但無論如何，我們要做的一件事是看一看我們稱之為廢品的東西。

We would show these on the show occasionally and these were a fan favorite because uh this is moments from rehearsal and you get to see how terribly we dress.

我們偶爾會在節目中展示這些，這些是粉絲們的最愛，因為呃，這是排練的時刻，你可以看到我們穿得有多可怕。

You get to see us without makeup.

你可以看到我們沒有化妝。

You got to see us when the show is coming up in an hour and were tense and when I say we're tense, I'm tense.

你得看看我們，當演出在一小時後開始時，我們很緊張，當我說我們很緊張時，我很緊張。

You never gave a shit.

你從來都不屑一顧。

And the secret to my success.

以及我成功的祕訣。

Exactly.

正是如此。

So let's start with this scrap.

是以，讓我們從這個廢品開始。

Let's take a look and then we'll talk it down.

讓我們看一看，然後我們再談下去。

Well uh welcome back everybody.

好吧，呃，歡迎大家回來。

I hope you had a nice thanksgiving time with your families and loved ones went with Turkey and all.

我希望你和你的家人和所愛的人過了一個愉快的感恩節，去了土耳其和所有。

Probably a real letdown from being around you and me.

可能是在你和我身邊的時候真的很洩氣。

Yeah.

是的。

Can relatives.

可以親屬。

It's tough when you get used to this kind of repartee to go sit with real people.

當你習慣了這種對答如流，去和真正的人坐在一起，是很難的。

Yeah.

是的。

My sister in law's house.

我嫂子的家。

A bunch of people.

一群人。

I didn't know is that true but they were in showbiz.

我不知道這是真的嗎，但他們是在演藝界。

None of them what?

沒有一個人什麼？

None of them.

沒有一個人。

But they had great wealth, yes, some of them weren't seemed to be doing just fine, but in that colorado way nice fleece.

但他們有很大的財富，是的，他們中的一些人似乎沒有做得很好，但在那個科羅拉多州的方式不錯的羊毛。

You're saying they weren't in show business and not all of them were well to do.

你是說他們沒有從事演藝事業，也不是所有的人都很有出息。

Some, no, some of them were downright poor.

有些人，不，有些人是徹頭徹尾的窮人。

They don't understand the struggle.

他們不理解這種鬥爭。

I went to the isle of celebrity.

我去了名人島。

Oh really?

哦，真的嗎？

Yes, we had a wonderful time.

是的，我們度過了一段美好的時光。

I was there with Maude Adams, Dietrich Bader, his brother hans Justine Bateman, Shaquille O'neal's lawyer.

我和莫德-亞當斯、迪特里希-貝德、他的兄弟漢斯-賈斯汀-貝特曼、沙奎爾-奧尼爾的律師都在那裡。

Really?

真的嗎？

Yes, only the best celebrity island.

是的，只有最好的名人島。

It's north of nova Scotia, it's freezing, freezing, it's on the rocky skulls.

它在新斯科舍省的北部，很冷，很冷，它在岩石的頭骨上。

Uh you have to get your own food mussels and clams, mussels and clams.

呃，你必須自己去買食物貽貝和蛤蜊，貽貝和蛤蜊。

Okay, what I see, when I look at that is I see a man who does not want to rehearse the sketch that we're supposed to rehearse and you, instead of getting me to rehearse it, you got your phone out and you don't care and that enables me to not care even more.

好吧，當我看到這一點時，我看到的是一個不想排練我們應該排練的小品的人，而你，不是讓我排練，而是把你的手機拿出來，你不在乎，這使我更不在乎了。

And then um we go into one of our classic riffs where were out of touch, completely out of touch, we assume everyone's a celebrity and everyone's wealth.

然後，嗯，我們進入了我們的一個經典裂縫，在那裡，我們失去了聯繫，完全失去了聯繫，我們認為每個人都是名人，每個人都是財富。

Yes, yes, because we're so humble, that's the joke that were so humble and approachable and there's absolutely no separation, but yes and the people that work here, those people also, I know that when you when I say up front, we're just back from thanksgiving.

是的，是的，因為我們是如此的謙遜，這是一個笑話，我們是如此的謙遜和平易近人，絕對沒有分離，但是是的，在這裡工作的人，那些人也是，我知道，當你當我說在前面，我們剛從感恩節回來。

I hope you had a good time.

我希望你有一個好的時間。

Something.

有東西。

Yeah, it was we were away for a while, but we're just back and those are the hardest shows when you show up at a rehearsal in a concrete box and everyone's just back from a holiday and there's no energy in the studio and everybody's still kind of hungover on gravy and wine.

是的，我們離開了一段時間，但我們剛回來，那些是最難的演出，當你出現在一個水泥盒子裡排練時，每個人都剛從假期回來，工作室裡沒有能量，每個人都還在為肉汁和酒而宿醉。

You that's the energy.

你這就是能量。

I'm working off.

我在工作。

I'm picking that up in the room and deciding to just tank rehearsal.

我在房間裡接過來，決定直接坦克排練。

And it's also kind of like, there's a production meeting or so I've heard earlier in the morning and then, But this is kind of where you're addressing because people have it on in there.

這也有點像，有一個生產會議，或者我聽說早上早些時候，然後，但這是一種你正在解決的地方，因為人們在那裡有它。

Haven't you?

你沒有嗎？

Haven't seen everybody's seen everybody.

沒見過的人見過的人。

This is me saying, uh, trying to say welcome back and I hope you had a good time.

這是我在說，呃，想說歡迎回來，我希望你有一個好的時間。

But of course I can't do that.

但我當然不能這樣做。

I can't be a sincere human being.

我不可能成為一個真誠的人。

So I have to be a character who's like, well, good time with your loved ones.

所以我必須成為一個像這樣的角色，好吧，和你的親人在一起的美好時光。

All right, Let's take a look at another scrap and find out more about how it all works behind the scenes.

好吧，讓我們看看另一個廢品，瞭解更多關於它在幕後是如何運作的。

I think Mr met is the worst single worst.

我認為遇先生是最差的一個人。

Yeah.

是的。

It looks like a botched experiment.

它看起來像一個失敗的實驗。

It really does.

它確實如此。

It looks like something that it looks like it's saying, please kill me.

它看起來像一個東西，它看起來像在說，請殺了我。

Those overs over the wall.

那些翻牆的人。

There's a red sox song.

有一首紅襪隊的歌。

That's awful.

這真是太可怕了。

It was really Yeah, it had a banjo.

它真的是......，它有一把班卓琴。

A banjo.

一把班卓琴。

I think there was one that like that, like, uh, uh nothing.

我想有一個像這樣的，就像，呃，呃沒什麼。

A banjo.

一把班卓琴。

Union Bank.

聯合銀行。

Oh yeah I want to have that car.

哦，是的，我想擁有那輛車。

You're Stransky put on my horn of my car.

你是斯特蘭斯基把我的車的喇叭。

Oh go down the 405.

哦，順著405號公路走吧。

Someone is crowding me a little bit.

有人有點擠到我了。

Your D.

你的D。

Oh man.

哦，夥計。

Oh what I wouldn't give to have that.

哦，我真想擁有這個。

Oh you can get that done.

哦，你可以把它完成。

I could get that done.

我可以完成這個任務。

Hello Tesla.

你好，特斯拉。

Tesla, I have a quick question.

特斯拉，我有一個簡單的問題。

Oh Tesla, what?

哦，特斯拉，什麼？

I know I'm like the 50th to ask today can get charlie just trying to keep one on my own.

我知道我就像第50個問今天可以得到查理的人一樣，只是想自己養一個人。

You just did it automatically.

你只是自動做了。

Thank you.

謝謝你。

Thank you Ilan.

謝謝你，伊蘭。

Ilan is the best.

伊蘭是最棒的。

I just call what's and updates.

我只是叫什麼和更新。

What's that can beef stew come out the back already is already done fast.

那罐燉牛肉是什麼東西，從後面出來已經是快好了。

Tesla only 40.

特斯拉只有40歲。

Oh sure charge it to whoever pays for these things.

哦，當然要向支付這些東西的人收費。

Come on, brian took his own life today after ordering corn chowder to come out the back of his Tesla.

拜託，布萊恩今天在叫了玉米湯從他的特斯拉後面出來之後就自殺了。

There's a lot to unpack here.

這裡有很多東西需要解讀。

First of all there's a twilight zone where a kid um in a family has ultimate power and he's played by billy Mummy and he terrifies the whole family because he can make whatever he wants to happen happen.

首先，有一個《暮光之城》，一個家庭中的孩子嗯擁有終極力量，他由比利-馬米扮演，他讓整個家庭感到恐懼，因為他可以使他想發生的事情發生。

That's kind of what it's like to have one of these shows.

這就是有一個這樣的節目的感覺。

You sit there at your desk and you have an idea and you'll just reference a song Mr Met or I will and then immediately it starts to get somebody's on a computer looking it up and then bring it out now.

你坐在你的辦公桌前，你有一個想法，你會參考梅特先生或我的一首歌，然後立即開始有人在電腦上查找它，然後現在把它拿出來。

People watching this right now or Yeah, it's called an iphone asshole.

人們現在正在看這個，或者是的，這叫蘋果手機的混蛋。

But it is kind of funny.

但是，這有點好笑。

They can project it.

他們可以預測。

So we would call up stuff and either the video would come up or the music would come up instantly and then we would go off on these wild jags like that where we're just talking bullshit.

所以我們會調用一些東西，要麼視頻會出現，要麼音樂會立即出現，然後我們就會像這樣狂歡，在那裡我們只是說廢話。

None of that.

這些都不是。

Had anything to do with the show.

與該節目有任何關係。

I love the quick shot of Jeff ross in there who's always just waiting for this madness today because we have a show to do and he's not having it.

我喜歡傑夫-羅斯在那裡的快速鏡頭，他總是在等待今天的瘋狂，因為我們有一個節目要做，而他卻沒有。

He's just like, can we get done with this?

他只是想，我們能不能把這事辦了？

But no, you and I are very happy with our little riff and then we find the Tesla component of it and that's the best part of our day usually.

但是沒有，你和我都對我們的小裂縫非常滿意，然後我們發現其中的特斯拉成分，這通常是我們一天中最精彩的部分。

Yeah, that's the part where people sometimes afterwards go.

是的，這就是人們有時事後去的部分。

That should be the show.

這應該是節目的內容。

Which is so annoying because if we did make that the show, you wouldn't really like it, You wouldn't, I promise you you would not.

這很煩人，因為如果我們真的把這個節目做成了，你不會真的喜歡它，你不會的，我保證你不會。

But there's always someone afterwards on the crew on the staff or someone in the back.

但在之後的工作人員中，總有一些人在工作人員或後面的人。

It wasn't even part of the show who's just like I saw that in rehearsal with with the glasses.

這甚至不是節目的一部分，只是我在排練時看到的，帶著眼鏡。

That's the show, not the ship you're doing, that's it.

那是表演，而不是你正在做的船，就是這樣。

And they act like the audience a week later.

而他們在一週後的表現就像觀眾。

Wouldn't just be Jeff ross.

不會只是傑夫-羅斯。

Anyway, that was a lot of fun.

總之，那是一個非常有趣的過程。

It's a little window into how much fun you can have a rehearsal.

這是一個小小的窗口，可以讓你看到排練有多大的樂趣。

Let's move on and look at some other things.

讓我們繼續前進，看看其他一些事情。

Oh, Sweeney, okay, we've heard enough.

哦，斯威尼，好吧，我們聽夠了。

Andy fat Santa hung out with Jeffrey Epstein in the 90s.

安迪-胖聖誕老人在90年代與傑弗裡-愛潑斯坦混在一起。

They don't, don't do that.

他們不這樣做，不這樣做。

Look at this picture, Conan, see Jeffrey Epstein with Donald Trump and someone else who was torn out.

看看這張照片，柯南，看到傑弗裡-愛潑斯坦和唐納德-特朗普以及其他被撕掉的人。

Well, I tracked down the real picture.

嗯，我追蹤到了真實的照片。

I got the missing piece right here.

我在這裡找到了缺失的那部分。

Oh, what a silly story.

哦，真是個愚蠢的故事。

Isn't that silly coded?

這不是愚蠢的編碼嗎？

Let's stop, let's stop.

讓我們停下來，讓我們停下來。

I mean, we get the idea, it's okay, honey, daisy trained to attack a bad ending.

我的意思是，我們得到了這個想法，沒關係，親愛的，菊花訓練攻擊一個壞結局。

Okay, honey, it's okay.

好了，親愛的，沒事了。

It's okay.

沒關係的。

Daisy sit, daisy said it's okay, it's okay.

菊花坐，菊花說沒關係，沒關係。

I know, I know it's daisy, it's okay.

我知道，我知道那是菊花，沒關係的。

I just talked to you earlier, honey, honey, honey, I think you should go, sweetie, sweetie, it's okay.

我剛才跟你說，親愛的，親愛的，親愛的，我想你應該去，親愛的，親愛的，沒關係。

It's okay.

沒關係的。

Don't worry, it's okay baby.

別擔心，沒關係的，寶貝。

It's okay.

沒關係的。

Okay.

好的。

This I remember.

這個我記得。

Well, because the sketch up to that point, I've been going for a while.

嗯，因為草圖到這一步，我已經走了一段時間了。

The sketch isn't going well, you brought your dog by and then the actor who plays santa comes out.

小品進行得並不順利，你帶著你的狗過來，然後扮演聖誕老人的演員出來了。

Your dog starts barking santa.

你的狗開始吠叫桑塔。

And then I say, oh, the dog barks a bad ending.

然後我說，哦，狗叫了一個不好的結局。

I don't think what you see here is that I kept going for a while about a dog trained to detect a lazy writer.

我不認為你在這裡看到的是，我一直在說一條被訓練來檢測懶惰作家的狗，持續了一段時間。

Uh, coming up with a quick corny idea to end the sketch and then once I sink my teeth into something like that where I can go after the writers and, and I think a joyous way because God knows I love them.

呃，想出一個快速的老套的想法來結束小品，然後一旦我沉下心來做這樣的事情，我就可以去找作家，而且我認為是一種快樂的方式，因為上帝知道我愛他們。

Um, I'm as happy as a clam in a clam boat.

嗯，我就像在蛤蜊船上的蛤蜊一樣開心。

I'm so happy.

我太高興了。

So I think that went on for a while.

所以我認為這持續了一段時間。

You also get to see their, my style.

你還可以看到他們的，我的風格。

I'm a guitarist who also flies a B 52 fighter.

我是一名吉他手，同時還駕駛著一架B52戰鬥機。

Oh, I think we're being joined right now by, by Jose Arroyo.

哦，我想現在加入我們的是，何塞-阿羅約。

Did you help write this sketch, Jose?

何塞，是你幫助寫的這個小品嗎？

No, I didn't help write it.

不，我沒有幫助寫它。

I wrote it and uh, by yourself, let's say, yeah, you were saying, oh, it was a lazy ending and stuff.

我寫了它，呃，你自己，讓我們說，是的，你在說，哦，這是一個懶惰的結局和東西。

How can you say it got the best possible chance when a dog racist in attack the actor that we cast?

你怎麼能說它得到了最好的機會，當一隻狗種族主義者在攻擊我們所選的演員時？

I don't know, it just felt like I didn't get better.

我不知道，只是感覺我沒有變得更好。

Did you think, Did you think?

你認為，你認為嗎？

To be honest?

說實話？

So you think that the whole sketch could have been redeemed Bye Santa coming out in Chloroform ng Andy, you think that could have saved nine minutes of previous sketch that had given us note after it only felt like nine minutes free.

是以，你認為整個草圖可以被挽回 再見聖誕老人在氯仿中出來 ng 安迪，你認為這可以保存九分鐘的以前的草圖，給我們的注意後，它只覺得九分鐘的自由。

He's hated my dog since that day.

從那天起，他就討厭我的狗了。

And guess what?

你猜怎麼著？

The dog was here and did not bark at that hilarious comment.

狗在這裡，並沒有因為這個搞笑的評論而吠叫。

That's right, That Jose made.

這是正確的，那是何塞做的。

So the dog does know the difference between a funny ending, right and that travesty.

所以這隻狗確實知道一個有趣的結局，對不對，和那個悲劇的區別。

We all witnessed.

我們都看到了。

That was for me though, aside from comedy wise, that was like a very reassuring day for me.

不過對我來說，除了喜劇方面，那就像一個讓我非常安心的日子。

I know that like if I ever get chloroformed, my dog will be upset by you.

我知道，就像如果我有一天被麻醉了，我的狗就會被你弄得很不高興。

If you ever get chloroformed by santa, your dog will say anyone else.

如果你有一天被聖誕老人麻醉了，你的狗會說其他人。

Your dog doesn't give a sh it.

你的狗根本不關心這個問題。

I used to bring I used to bring her to rehearsal but I had to stop because twice where Conan stands on his mark was there was a rug and she twice peed on that rug.

我曾經帶著她去排練，但我不得不停止，因為有兩次柯南站在他的標記上的地方有一塊地毯，她兩次在那塊地毯上撒尿。

She came up onto the stage, smelled that rug and peed on.

她走上舞臺，聞到了那塊地毯的味道，並在上面撒了尿。

It has never peed inside anywhere else.

它從未在其他地方撒過尿。

No, that's a daughter.

不，那是一個女兒。

Ever, ever that's a dog marking its territory.

永遠，永遠那是一隻狗在標記它的領土。

Oh, I thought I was doing some funny stuff there and secretary came running.

哦，我以為我在那裡做了一些有趣的事情，祕書就跑過來了。

Yeah, I guess you decided it was over.

是的，我猜你已經決定結束了。

We're getting into some people who know, no, wait till the riffs are done and you can come in, there's plenty of time.

我們正在接觸一些人，他們知道，不，等到肋骨完成後，你就可以進來了，有很多時間。

No, I mean we're done with this one.

不，我是說我們已經完成了這個任務。

You cut it off, It's over please.

你把它切掉，它已經結束了，請。

I need to focus.