No, it's still there?

沒有？還好好的？

Well, then, why the **** would you ask me if I wanna go Black Friday shopping?

那你幹嘛問我想不想去黑色星期五的購物？

Black Friday? No thanks.

黑色星期五？不了，謝謝。

If I'm gonna be up at four in the morning, it'll be on my own terms, which is usually if I didn't go to bed in the first place because I got carried away binging YouTube compilations of epic TikToks.

如果要我在清晨四點起床，那只能是我自己決定。首先，那時候我通常還沒睡，因為我在大看特看 YouTube 上精選 TikToks 的合輯。

The worst thing about Black Friday is that it reminds me I only have a few weeks left to procrastinate buying Christmas gifts.

黑色星期五最糟糕的是，提醒我只剩下幾週可以拖延去買聖誕節禮物。

You're seriously asking if I wanna go Black Friday shopping with you, girlfriend?

女朋友，妳是認真的在問我要不要跟妳一起去黑色星期五購物嗎？

Either you don't know me at all, or this is some twisted attempt to break up with me.

這不是妳不了解我，就是妳試圖以委婉的方式在跟我分手。

Anyway, if you end up going, can you let me know if you see any good deals on PlayStations?

反正，如果妳還是要去，有看到 PlayStations 在特價的話，可以告訴我嗎？

Thanks, love you!

謝啦，愛妳！

Doorbusters? The only time I bust the doors at a store is when I'm trying to get out before an acquaintance I spotted sees me and tries to say hi.

開門大搶購？我只會在店裡看到一個熟人要跟我打招呼時才會奪門而出。

This day is such a scam.

這一天根本是騙局。

You just wander around buying junk that you don't need, because, why not?

你只是閒晃和買你不需要的垃圾，何必呢？

I'm at the mall and this stuff is on sale.

我在購物中心，而且這個東西在特價。

It's basically Stockholm Syndrome, but with deeply discounted TVs and extra comfy blankets.

這根本就是斯德哥爾摩症候群，只是是對折價很多的電視跟舒服的毛毯。

Ah, I kinda really want a blanket now.

我現在真的好想要一條毛毯。

Black Friday?

黑色星期五？

More like Blackout Friday, 'cause that's how much I'd have to drink in order to feel like it was a good idea to go.

比較像暫時失去理智星期五吧，因為我要喝很多才能夠覺得去購物是個好點子。

Quick tip for those of you brave enough to go shopping on Black Friday, hit up Starbucks beforehand and get yourself a hot beverage, but don't drink it.

給那些有勇氣在黑色星期五購物的人一個提醒，先去星巴克買一杯熱飲，但不要喝。

Save it for self-defense.

留著當自我保衛。

I wouldn't go Black Friday shopping if they were giving everything away for free.

我才不要在黑色星期五購物，他們又不會免費送東西。

I wouldn't go if they paid me to shop.

他們不付我錢的話我才不去。

In fact, if you ever see me at a store on Black Friday, call the cops, because I'm probably being forced to go by kidnappers who are holding my family for ransom, like the ransom is a TV on sale at Best Buy, I guess.

如果你在黑色星期五看到我在店裡面，報警。因為我可能是被綁架犯強迫的，他們勒贖我的家人。我猜贖金是在百思買特價的電視。

Occasionally, I do go out on Black Friday, but not to shop.

我偶爾會在黑色星期五出門，但不會去買東西。

It's really just to people-watch, aka to judge other people and feel superior.

就只是為了觀察別人，也就是透過批評別人來感到優越感。

There's something special about this day.

那天會有特別的事。

It gets us in touch with our ancestry, namely, the cavemen whose social interactions were limited to grunting and screaming while fighting each other over limited resources.

這讓我們聯想到祖先們。也就是那些穴居人只有在爭奪有限的資源時，透過咕嚕叫和尖叫的社交互動。

TJ Maxx has clothing 75% off!

TJ Maxx 的服飾品有打二五折！

I have clothing 75% off every night while I mindlessly eat Ben & Jerry's in my underwear and watch bad Christmas movies on Netflix.

我每晚都會脫掉大部份的衣服，穿著內褲，無憂無慮地吃著 Ben & Jerry's 冰淇淋，觀看 Netflix 上難看的聖誕節電影。

The Thanksgiving turkey has barely been digested before the masses rush to accumulate even more possessions in a desperate attempt to fill the emptiness in their lives.

在感恩節的火雞幾乎還沒被消化前，大眾就著急地購買更多東西，他們極度渴望這能夠填滿生活中的空虛。

Buy my merch at the link below; spend $50 and get 15% off.

在底下的連結能夠購買我的產品。消費滿 50 美元有打八五折。