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  • Hi everyone. Thank you for being here today, and for hearing me out. I feel stuck in a

    大家好。謝謝你們今天來到這裡,並聽我說完。我覺得自己被困在一個

  • tough situation and it's creating a really rough environment for me. Now, I'd like

    艱難的局面,這給我創造了一個非常粗糙的環境。現在,我想

  • to inform you that I will be touching on the topic of abuse in this video, and I will give

    告知大家,我將在這段視頻中觸及虐待的話題,我將給大家提供

  • you a heads up before we dive in to that part. For ease of reference here are the time stamps

    在我們進入這部分之前,先給你提個醒。為了便於參考,以下是時間戳

  • that you can work around. I want to make sure this is a safe space for myself and for the

    你可以在周圍工作。我想確保這是一個對我自己和其他人都安全的空間。

  • viewers here.

    這裡的觀眾。

  • I want to continue to share content online, but I don't feel safe doing so. I've been

    我想繼續在網上分享內容,但我覺得這樣做不安全。我一直在

  • relentlessly harassed online, as has the cohost on my podcast, who has received several death

    在網上被無情地騷擾,就像我的播客的共同主持人一樣,他已經收到了幾份死亡通知書。

  • threats, driving her to the point of wanting to quit. Despite my desire for privacy around

    威脅,把她逼到想辭職的地步。儘管我希望周圍有隱私

  • these challenging topics, I hope that by sharing some of my side of the story, some of the

    我希望通過分享我的一些故事,讓一些人瞭解我的情況。

  • commenters who have been most hurtful and aggressive will stop, or at least soften their

    最具傷害性和攻擊性的評論者將停止,或至少軟化他們的言論。

  • harassment of me and my friends.

    對我和我的朋友進行騷擾。

  • Now, to those who don't think there's a problem here, you haven't seen the messages

    現在,對於那些不認為這裡有問題的人,你還沒有看到這些資訊

  • I've received. Just yesterday I received this, and it's not the only instance; this

    我已經收到了。就在昨天,我收到了這個,而且這不是唯一的例子;這個

  • is a problem that has been ongoing for months. That's at one end of the spectrum. For those

    是一個已經持續了幾個月的問題。這是在光譜的一端。對於那些

  • of you on the opposite end of the spectrum, this is why I have been asking people to be

    的人,這就是為什麼我一直在要求人們要

  • nice in the comments. Thank you to those of you being supportive and impartial. To others,

    在評論中很好。謝謝你們中那些支持和公正的人。對其他人。

  • though, that have still been upset, and view their comments as honest, justified criticism,

    雖然如此,還是有很多人不高興,認為他們的評論是誠實、合理的責備。

  • I don't believe you have all the information, and therefore your criticism isn't accurate.

    我不相信你有所有的資訊,是以你的責備並不準確。

  • Unfortunately, I believe you've formed your opinion about me - not entirely, but in large

    不幸的是,我相信你已經形成了對我的看法--不完全是,但很大程度上是

  • part - after being primed by Martina's emotionally charged comments.

    部分--在被瑪蒂娜充滿感情的評論激發後。

  • I can understand why some of you feel so upset with me, and I'm sorry you've been led

    我可以理解為什麼你們中的一些人對我感到如此不滿,我很抱歉你們被牽著鼻子走。

  • to such hatred. There are two sides to every story, and I hope that you can hold space

    對這種仇恨。每個故事都有兩面性,我希望你能保持空間

  • for both. I am now going to share my side of the story about Meemers, my time in Hawaii,

    對於這兩者。我現在要與大家分享我身邊關於Meemers的故事,我在夏威夷的時間。

  • and accusations of me being a Covert Narcissist. Please join me with an open mind.

    並指責我是一個隱蔽的自戀者。請以開放的心態加入我。

  • Let's start with Meemers: As far as I'm aware, here's the narrative that has been

    讓我們從Meemers開始。據我所知,以下是一直以來的說法

  • presented: Meemers is sick with life threatening Struvite Crystals, which is a blockage of

    提出。Meemers患上了威脅生命的Struvite Crystals,這是一種阻塞性的疾病。

  • his urinary tract. These crystals are formed by stress, and because I have dogs, and dogs

    他的尿道。這些晶體是由壓力形成的,而且因為我有狗,而狗

  • stress cats, that's bad for Meemers' health. Also I live far away, and the drive will stress

    給貓咪施加壓力,這對Meemers的健康不利。另外,我住得很遠,開車會給我帶來壓力。

  • Meemers, which is bad for his health too. And so, me wanting to continue to share custody

    Meemers,這對他的健康也是不利的。於是,我想繼續分享監護權

  • of Meemers is really selfish, and could kill him.

    的Meemers真的很自私,而且可能會殺死他。

  • So, in terms of the Meemers situation, I think that's what I'm mainly hearing. This story

    是以,就Meemers的情況而言,我想這是我主要聽到的。這個故事

  • is definitely one that I can understand would be upsetting. As an animal lover, myself,

    這絕對是一個我可以理解的令人不安的問題。作為一個動物愛好者,我自己。

  • I'd be angry if I heard about someone insisting upon something that jeopardizes the health

    如果我聽說有人堅持危害健康的事情,我會很生氣。

  • of their pet, like when people force their cats on a vegan diet, and I can see how easy

    他們的寵物,就像人們強迫他們的貓吃素食一樣,我可以看到他們是多麼的容易

  • it is for those people to feel angry in turn.

    是讓這些人反過來感到憤怒。

  • So, let's start here: let me say that Meemers wasn't sick in my care. He was using his

    是以,讓我們從這裡開始:讓我說,Meemers在我的照顧下沒有生病。他是在用他的

  • cat litter fine, drinking water regularly. He was on his prescription diet, all wet food,

    貓砂很好,經常喝水。他在吃他的處方飲食,都是溼的食物。

  • and I gave him wet snacks throughout the day, in order to keep his water intake high. I

    我整天給他吃溼的零食,以保持他的水攝入量高。I

  • even found a special boutique shop that sells his favorite cat yoghurt like the ones Martina

    甚至還找到了一家專門的精品店,出售他最喜歡的貓咪酸奶,就像瑪蒂娜的一樣。

  • and I gave him in Japan, which isn't really yoghurt, but a long thin package of wet food.

    而我在日本給他吃的,並不是真正的酸奶,而是一包長長的薄薄的溼糧。

  • That's what would get him mlemming in all his pictures btw. (Cute 5sec vid of Meemers

    這將使他在他的所有照片中都會出現mlemming。(Meemers的5秒可愛視頻

  • doing that) I spoke with my veterinarian about the Struvite

    我和我的獸醫談了關於Struvite的問題。

  • crystals Meemers was experiencing. He told me that they're managed through a prescription

    晶體Meemers正在經歷。他告訴我,他們是通過一個處方來管理的

  • diet, and through ensuring that the cat drinks enough water, which is what I regularly provided

    飲食,並通過確保貓咪喝足夠的水,這是我定期提供的。

  • for him. I also asked my vet if it's ok for my cat to be alongside my two puppies,

    為他。我還問我的獸醫,我的貓和我的兩隻小狗在一起是否可以。

  • and he said it's fine, so long as the diet and water intake are taken care of. Diet is

    他說這很好,只要注意飲食和水的攝入就可以了。飲食是

  • what the vet emphasized overall. So here comes the first part I'm struggling with: My vet

    獸醫總體上強調了什麼。是以,我糾結的第一部分來了。我的獸醫

  • is telling me something different than what Martina's vet said. I can't say who is

    他告訴我的情況與瑪蒂娜的獸醫所說的不同。我不能說誰是

  • better qualified, but I can say that my research into Struvite Crystals online also overwhelmingly

    但我可以說,我在網上對斯特魯瓦特晶體的研究也是壓倒性的。

  • suggests that the condition can be managed through diet.

    建議這種情況可以通過飲食來控制。

  • When Martina and I separated in May of 2020, we agreed to joint custody of Meemers. We

    當瑪蒂娜和我在2020年5月分居時,我們同意共同監護Meemers。我們

  • had agreed to have Meemers at my place for one month, and then hers the next. I brought

    我已經同意讓Meemers在我那裡住一個月,然後再住她那裡。我把

  • Meemers back to Canada in June of 2020, by myself, with no help. For those of you who've

    2020年6月,Meemers回到加拿大,自己一個人,沒有任何幫助。對於那些已經

  • travelled overseas with pets, you'll know how challenging a process this can be. During

    帶著寵物在海外旅行,你會知道這可能是一個多麼具有挑戰性的過程。在

  • our separation, his care and transport and papers were entirely my responsibility, and

    我們分開後,他的照顧、交通和文件完全由我負責。

  • his papers were under my name. When Martina came to Canada months later, she didn't

    他的文件是在我的名下。幾個月後,當瑪蒂娜來到加拿大時,她並沒有

  • have his prescription food or litter ready, so I (rather than one of her friends or family

    準備好了他的處方食物或貓砂,所以我(而不是她的一個朋友或家人

  • members) had to buy everything for her, and then set it up for in her mother's house

    成員)不得不為她購買所有的東西,然後在她母親的房子里布置好。

  • before she arrived. So now, let's talk about stress on Meemers;

    在她到達之前。那麼現在,讓我們來談談梅默斯的壓力。

  • Meemers and Fudgy got along fine. They both slept in bed with me, with Meemers at my head,

    Meemers和Fudgy相處得很好。他們都和我一起睡在床上,Meemers睡在我頭上。

  • and Fudgy at my feet, and they'd touch noses in the morning. They were getting closer and

    和我腳下的福迪,他們在早上會碰碰鼻子。他們越來越近,而且

  • closer all the time. Then Fudgy would go off and do his puppy things while Meemers napped

    一直都很接近。然後,在梅默斯打盹的時候,胖子會去做他的小狗的事情。

  • in safe spaces made just for him, where Fudgy didn't have access. My place in Toronto

    在專門為他設立的安全空間裡,福吉沒有機會進入。我在多倫多的地方

  • had two bedrooms, and Meemers had a whole room of his own, blocked off with baby gates,

    他有兩間臥室,米默斯有一整間自己的房間,用嬰兒門擋著。

  • and full of blankets, pillows and a dark closet. He would use it sometimes, though mostly he

    並充滿了毯子、枕頭和一個黑暗的壁櫥。他有時會使用它,儘管大多數時候他

  • hung around me and Fudgy, wherever we were around the apartment. Martina hasn't ever

    圍繞著我和Fudgy,無論我們在公寓的什麼地方。瑪蒂娜從來沒有

  • witnessed Fudgy's behaviour around Meemers, because she's never been in my house. However,

    見證了Fudgy在Meemers身邊的行為,因為她從來沒有進過我家。然而。

  • I did see Meemers in Martina's house being bothered by her niece who really really loves

    我確實在瑪蒂娜的房子裡看到米默斯被她的侄女打擾了,她真的非常喜歡

  • Meemers, while Meemers was trying to sleep, and this is something I raised as a concern

    Meemers,而Meemers正試圖睡覺,這是我提出的一個關切問題

  • with Martina in private. And so, in regards to blaming Meemers' health

    與瑪蒂娜私下進行。是以,關於指責Meemers的健康問題

  • entirely on my home setting, I believe the narrative should be re-evaluated, and some

    我認為應該重新評價這種說法,並對一些問題進行評估。

  • of the weights of that responsibility pie need to be redistributed.

    這個責任餅的權重需要重新分配。

  • Now, this isn't the first time Martina has tried to keep Meemers since our decision for

    現在,這不是瑪蒂娜第一次試圖留住Meemers,因為我們決定為

  • shared custody was made. Before Meemers' health was a concern, I was told to give up

    共同監護權作出。在Meemers的健康狀況受到關注之前,我被告知要放棄

  • Meemers because I had Fudgy; I was told it was not fair that I have an animal and she

    因為我有Fudgy;有人告訴我,我有一個動物,而她有一個動物,這是不公平的。

  • doesn't. I don't believe that my getting a dog after the divorce means I forfeit the

    並非如此。我不認為我在離婚後養狗意味著我放棄了

  • right to my cat. If you have a child in your first marriage, you wouldn't be asked to

    對我的貓的權利。如果你在第一次婚姻中有了孩子,你就不會被要求

  • give up access to them because you had a second child. Pets are a blessing, and I hope that

    因為你有了第二個孩子而放棄了對它們的接觸。寵物是一種福氣,我希望

  • Martina is able to enjoy the companionship of more animals in her life if she so chooses.

    如果瑪蒂娜願意,她能夠在生活中享受更多動物的陪伴。

  • Later on, in January of 2021, after Martina began to publicly express her anger towards

    後來,在2021年1月,在瑪蒂娜開始公開表達她對

  • me, she didn't want to return him to me because she thought I would give him Coronavirus,

    我,她不想把他還給我,因為她認為我會給他冠狀病毒。

  • and for his safety she couldn't give him back to me. The CDC said there's no evidence

    為了他的安全,她不能把他還給我。疾控中心說沒有證據

  • of cat's getting Coronavirus. Unfortunately, our lawyers had to get involved in the matter,

    感染冠狀病毒的貓。不幸的是,我們的律師不得不參與到這件事中。

  • since I didn't share the same concerns for cat Coronavirus.

    因為我對貓科羅納病毒沒有同樣的擔憂。

  • Soon afterwards I was told that his Struvite Crystals have re-emerged, and Martina refused

    不久之後,我被告知,他的Struvite Crystals已經重新出現了,而Martina拒絕了

  • to give him back to me as we had arranged. We eventually got back into sharing custody

    我想把他還給我,因為我們已經安排好了。我們最終回到了共同監護的狀態

  • of Meemers, but only for a couple more months. Once I started the process of moving from

    的Meemers,但只是多了幾個月的時間。一旦我開始從

  • Toronto to London, Martina started posting more online comments about Meemers' health.

    多倫多到倫敦後,瑪蒂娜開始在網上發佈更多關於米默斯健康的評論。

  • She posted a comment that Meemers is 10, elderly, and that I live three hours away. None of

    她發帖說,梅梅斯已經10歲了,是個老人,而且我住在三小時以外。這些都不是

  • this is true.

    這是真的。

  • Meemers was born around June 2012. When you were told he was 10, he was actually still

    Meemers大約在2012年6月出生。當你被告知他已經10歲時,他實際上還在

  • 8. 
 It was stated that he's elderly. According

    8.據介紹,他是老年人。根據

  • to what I've read, elderly cats are aged 11 and up. I don't see anywhere that suggests

    根據我所讀到的內容,老年貓是指11歲以上的貓。我沒有看到任何地方表明

  • an 8 year old cat is elderly. If you become a senior at 60, it'd be like saying you're

    一隻8歲的貓是老年人。如果你在60歲時成為老人,那就像說你是

  • a senior when you're 48 to get the Pharmacy discount. 


    當你48歲的時候,你就會成為一名老年人,以獲得藥房的折扣。

  • It was stated I live three hours away and that driving is bad for him. I live exactly

    有人說我住在三小時以外,開車對他不利。我正好住在

  • 168km away (Americans, it's kilometres, not miles). We both live a few minutes off

    168公里的距離(美國人,是公里,不是英里)。我們都住在幾分鐘車程的地方

  • the highway, and from my experience it's an hour and a half on every ride I've taken.

    從我的經驗來看,我每次騎行都要一個半小時。

  • And no, I don't drive 200km an hour. Also, for those of you who don't know/remember,

    而且不,我不會每小時開200公里。另外,對於那些不知道/不記得的人。

  • Meemers had these crystals at a very young age, back in Korea, and the vet at the time

    Meemers在很小的時候就有這些晶體,當時在韓國,當時的獸醫

  • emphasized the importance of a prescription diet and water intake. And, in Korea, we drove

    強調了處方飲食和水攝入的重要性。而且,在韓國,我們開著

  • him from our apartment to our studio daily, and brought him into a stressful working environment.

    他每天從我們的公寓到我們的工作室,並把他帶入一個緊張的工作環境。

  • Meemers has been raised in changing environmentsAfter Martina's comments, I started receiving

    梅默斯是在不斷變化的環境中長大的 在瑪蒂娜的評論之後,我開始收到

  • much more harassment from commenters online and it really impacted my mental health, to

    越來越多來自網上評論者的騷擾,這確實影響了我的心理健康,以

  • the point that I relinquished custody of Meemers in June. I had hoped that this would be enough

    我在6月放棄了對Meemers的監護權。我曾希望這將是足夠的

  • for Martina to be able to heal, process her emotions, and that we could move forward with

    為了讓瑪蒂娜能夠痊癒,處理她的情緒,並且我們可以繼續前進。

  • the goodwill we had originally intended. This is what I still want. Then, after all this

    我們最初打算的善意。這是我仍然想要的。然後,在這一切之後

  • fighting for Meemers, I recently learned about Martina's decision to move back to Japan,

    為Meemers而戰,我最近得知瑪蒂娜決定搬回日本。

  • and that Meemers is being given over to her mom. I learned this from the comments in my

    並說Meemers被交給了她的媽媽。我從我的評論中瞭解到這一點。

  • own post. So, that's my side of things with Meemers.

    自己的崗位。所以,這就是我和Meemers的事情。

  • This has been a stressful situation for me, because I love my cat, and also because I

    這對我來說是一種壓力,因為我愛我的貓,同時也因為我

  • don't want to air our dirty laundry to you. We agreed to be respectful of each other online,

    不希望向你展示我們的髒衣服。我們同意在網上互相尊重。

  • and to respect each other's privacy - it's section 3.1 in our separation agreement - and

    並尊重對方的隱私--這是我們分居協議中的第3.1條--以及

  • it's been really hard for me to witness both her posts about Meemers' custody, and

    看到她關於Meemers監護權的帖子,我真的很難受。

  • the posts about myself, because I believe this stuff should be dealt with in private,

    關於我自己的帖子,因為我相信這些東西應該在私下裡處理。

  • and it's what we agreed to.

    這也是我們所同意的。

  • When I was initially processing the divorce, I knew that it was going to be a very emotionally

    當我最初處理離婚時,我知道這將是一個非常情緒化的過程。

  • challenging time, so I took a break from posting. I went through my emotions privately, with

    這段時間很有挑戰性,所以我休息了一下,沒有發帖。我私下裡經歷了我的情緒,與

  • lots and lots of therapy, and I'm glad I did. The 5 Stages of Divorce Grief are Denial,

    很多很多的治療,我很高興我做到了。離婚悲痛的5個階段是否認。

  • Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. When I was going through the process and doing

    憤怒、討價還價、憂鬱和接受。當我在經歷這個過程並做

  • the work, I was angry about Martina's past behaviour too - for her mistakes in our relationship,

    在工作中,我對瑪蒂娜過去的行為也很生氣--為她在我們關係中的錯誤。

  • for the hurts I felt. I also knew that posting that stuff online wouldn't be good for anyone.

    為我所感受到的傷害。我也知道,在網上發佈這些東西對任何人都沒有好處。

  • If we only view ourselves as victims and others as transgressors, we're not going to learn

    如果我們只把自己看作是受害者,把別人看作是違法者,我們就不會學會

  • anything, and we're not going to heal. So, I worked through my stuff in private. I can

    任何事情,我們就不會痊癒。所以,我在私下裡解決了我的事情。我可以

  • still feel compassion and consistent kindness towards Martina, because I know that just

    我仍然對瑪蒂娜抱有同情心和一貫的善意,因為我知道,只是

  • like me, she makes mistakes and she struggles, we are human. It takes two to make a relationship

    像我一樣,她會犯錯,她會掙扎,我們是人。建立關係需要兩個人

  • work, and it takes two to make it fail. And hearing only 1 side of private matters is

    工作,而且需要兩個人的努力才能使其失敗。而只聽取私人事務的一面之詞是

  • not going to give you an accurate picture.

    不會給你一個準確的畫面。

  • So, Speaking of privacy, let's talk about Hawaii.

    那麼,說到隱私,讓我們來談談夏威夷。

  • I went to Hawaii in January. I bought a ticket and boarded planes legally, along with many

    我在一月份去了夏威夷。我買了一張機票,合法地登上了飛機,和許多人一起

  • other people. I took a Coronavirus test before flying out, another one immediately when I

    其他的人。我在飛出之前做了冠狀病毒測試,當我飛出時又立即做了一個測試。

  • landed in Hawaii, and then another immediately upon landing on the Big Island. Overall, I

    在夏威夷登陸後,又立即在大島登陸了一次。總的來說,我

  • took three tests from three different places in 72 hours, and all 3 were negative. I stayed

    在72小時內從三個不同的地方做了三次測試,三次都是陰性。我一直

  • in a small house away from the tourist area of the island, not surfing and partying it

    在一個遠離島上旅遊區的小房子裡,沒有衝浪和聚會。

  • up. Instead, I spent my time meditating at isolated beaches, trying to figure out what

    了。相反,我把時間花在與世隔絕的海灘上進行冥想,試圖找出

  • the fuck I was going to do with my life. I was actually making arrangements to move to

    我的生活到底該怎麼辦。我實際上正在安排搬到

  • Hawaii in June, until the floods in the North Shore changed those plans for good.

    夏威夷在六月,直到北岸的洪水永遠改變了這些計劃。

  • My time in Hawaii wasn't something I wanted to share publicly, as it was a deeply private

    我在夏威夷的時間並不希望公開分享,因為那是一個深深的隱私。

  • personal trip. Mental health is incredibly important to me, and by going I was doing

    個人旅行。心理健康對我來說非常重要,而我去做的是

  • something good for my mental health, in a time when it felt like the whole world was

    對我的心理健康有好處的東西,在那個感覺整個世界都是這樣的時候。

  • falling the fuck apart. I didn't shoot videos there. I didn't want people to know about

    崩潰了。我沒有在那裡拍攝視頻。我不想讓人們知道

  • it, and knowing that, Martina had and has no right to keep putting it online. What if

    知道這一點,瑪蒂娜就沒有權利繼續把它放在網上。如果

  • I were to post something private about her life and how she relates to the world?

    我發佈一些關於她的生活和她與世界的關係的隱私?

  • I'm in a tough situation where I want to both honour our agreement, and not jeopardize

    我正處於一個艱難的境地,我想既履行我們的協議,又不損害

  • her relationship with her audience, the way my relationship with some viewers has been

    她與觀眾的關係,我與一些觀眾的關係也是如此。

  • soured, and I also just don't think it's wise to process our negative thoughts publicly,

    我也認為公開處理我們的負面想法是不明智的。

  • especially while going through the heavy emotions of a divorce.

    特別是在經歷了離婚的沉重情緒後。

  • This situation is challenging me because:

    這種情況對我是一種挑戰,因為。