tough situation and it's creating a really rough environment for me. Now, I'd like

艱難的局面，這給我創造了一個非常粗糙的環境。現在，我想

to inform you that I will be touching on the topic of abuse in this video, and I will give

告知大家，我將在這段視頻中觸及虐待的話題，我將給大家提供

you a heads up before we dive in to that part. For ease of reference here are the time stamps

在我們進入這部分之前，先給你提個醒。為了便於參考，以下是時間戳

that you can work around. I want to make sure this is a safe space for myself and for the

你可以在周圍工作。我想確保這是一個對我自己和其他人都安全的空間。

viewers here.

這裡的觀眾。

I want to continue to share content online, but I don't feel safe doing so. I've been

我想繼續在網上分享內容，但我覺得這樣做不安全。我一直在

relentlessly harassed online, as has the cohost on my podcast, who has received several death

在網上被無情地騷擾，就像我的播客的共同主持人一樣，他已經收到了幾份死亡通知書。

threats, driving her to the point of wanting to quit. Despite my desire for privacy around

威脅，把她逼到想辭職的地步。儘管我希望周圍有隱私

these challenging topics, I hope that by sharing some of my side of the story, some of the

我希望通過分享我的一些故事，讓一些人瞭解我的情況。

commenters who have been most hurtful and aggressive will stop, or at least soften their

最具傷害性和攻擊性的評論者將停止，或至少軟化他們的言論。

harassment of me and my friends.

對我和我的朋友進行騷擾。

Now, to those who don't think there's a problem here, you haven't seen the messages

現在，對於那些不認為這裡有問題的人，你還沒有看到這些資訊

I've received. Just yesterday I received this, and it's not the only instance; this

我已經收到了。就在昨天，我收到了這個，而且這不是唯一的例子；這個

is a problem that has been ongoing for months. That's at one end of the spectrum. For those

是一個已經持續了幾個月的問題。這是在光譜的一端。對於那些

of you on the opposite end of the spectrum, this is why I have been asking people to be

的人，這就是為什麼我一直在要求人們要

nice in the comments. Thank you to those of you being supportive and impartial. To others,

在評論中很好。謝謝你們中那些支持和公正的人。對其他人。

though, that have still been upset, and view their comments as honest, justified criticism,

雖然如此，還是有很多人不高興，認為他們的評論是誠實、合理的責備。

I don't believe you have all the information, and therefore your criticism isn't accurate.

我不相信你有所有的資訊，是以你的責備並不準確。

Unfortunately, I believe you've formed your opinion about me - not entirely, but in large

不幸的是，我相信你已經形成了對我的看法--不完全是，但很大程度上是

part - after being primed by Martina's emotionally charged comments.

部分--在被瑪蒂娜充滿感情的評論激發後。

I can understand why some of you feel so upset with me, and I'm sorry you've been led

我可以理解為什麼你們中的一些人對我感到如此不滿，我很抱歉你們被牽著鼻子走。

to such hatred. There are two sides to every story, and I hope that you can hold space

對這種仇恨。每個故事都有兩面性，我希望你能保持空間

for both. I am now going to share my side of the story about Meemers, my time in Hawaii,

對於這兩者。我現在要與大家分享我身邊關於Meemers的故事，我在夏威夷的時間。

and accusations of me being a Covert Narcissist. Please join me with an open mind.

並指責我是一個隱蔽的自戀者。請以開放的心態加入我。

Let's start with Meemers: As far as I'm aware, here's the narrative that has been

讓我們從Meemers開始。據我所知，以下是一直以來的說法

presented: Meemers is sick with life threatening Struvite Crystals, which is a blockage of

提出。Meemers患上了威脅生命的Struvite Crystals，這是一種阻塞性的疾病。

his urinary tract. These crystals are formed by stress, and because I have dogs, and dogs

他的尿道。這些晶體是由壓力形成的，而且因為我有狗，而狗

stress cats, that's bad for Meemers' health. Also I live far away, and the drive will stress

給貓咪施加壓力，這對Meemers的健康不利。另外，我住得很遠，開車會給我帶來壓力。

Meemers, which is bad for his health too. And so, me wanting to continue to share custody

Meemers，這對他的健康也是不利的。於是，我想繼續分享監護權

of Meemers is really selfish, and could kill him.

的Meemers真的很自私，而且可能會殺死他。

So, in terms of the Meemers situation, I think that's what I'm mainly hearing. This story

是以，就Meemers的情況而言，我想這是我主要聽到的。這個故事

is definitely one that I can understand would be upsetting. As an animal lover, myself,

這絕對是一個我可以理解的令人不安的問題。作為一個動物愛好者，我自己。

I'd be angry if I heard about someone insisting upon something that jeopardizes the health

如果我聽說有人堅持危害健康的事情，我會很生氣。

of their pet, like when people force their cats on a vegan diet, and I can see how easy

他們的寵物，就像人們強迫他們的貓吃素食一樣，我可以看到他們是多麼的容易

it is for those people to feel angry in turn.

是讓這些人反過來感到憤怒。

So, let's start here: let me say that Meemers wasn't sick in my care. He was using his

是以，讓我們從這裡開始：讓我說，Meemers在我的照顧下沒有生病。他是在用他的

cat litter fine, drinking water regularly. He was on his prescription diet, all wet food,

貓砂很好，經常喝水。他在吃他的處方飲食，都是溼的食物。

and I gave him wet snacks throughout the day, in order to keep his water intake high. I

我整天給他吃溼的零食，以保持他的水攝入量高。I

even found a special boutique shop that sells his favorite cat yoghurt like the ones Martina

甚至還找到了一家專門的精品店，出售他最喜歡的貓咪酸奶，就像瑪蒂娜的一樣。

and I gave him in Japan, which isn't really yoghurt, but a long thin package of wet food.

而我在日本給他吃的，並不是真正的酸奶，而是一包長長的薄薄的溼糧。

That's what would get him mlemming in all his pictures btw. (Cute 5sec vid of Meemers

這將使他在他的所有照片中都會出現mlemming。(Meemers的5秒可愛視頻

doing that) I spoke with my veterinarian about the Struvite

我和我的獸醫談了關於Struvite的問題。

crystals Meemers was experiencing. He told me that they're managed through a prescription

晶體Meemers正在經歷。他告訴我，他們是通過一個處方來管理的

diet, and through ensuring that the cat drinks enough water, which is what I regularly provided

飲食，並通過確保貓咪喝足夠的水，這是我定期提供的。

for him. I also asked my vet if it's ok for my cat to be alongside my two puppies,

為他。我還問我的獸醫，我的貓和我的兩隻小狗在一起是否可以。

and he said it's fine, so long as the diet and water intake are taken care of. Diet is

他說這很好，只要注意飲食和水的攝入就可以了。飲食是

what the vet emphasized overall. So here comes the first part I'm struggling with: My vet

獸醫總體上強調了什麼。是以，我糾結的第一部分來了。我的獸醫

is telling me something different than what Martina's vet said. I can't say who is

他告訴我的情況與瑪蒂娜的獸醫所說的不同。我不能說誰是

better qualified, but I can say that my research into Struvite Crystals online also overwhelmingly

但我可以說，我在網上對斯特魯瓦特晶體的研究也是壓倒性的。

suggests that the condition can be managed through diet.

建議這種情況可以通過飲食來控制。

When Martina and I separated in May of 2020, we agreed to joint custody of Meemers. We

當瑪蒂娜和我在2020年5月分居時，我們同意共同監護Meemers。我們

had agreed to have Meemers at my place for one month, and then hers the next. I brought

我已經同意讓Meemers在我那裡住一個月，然後再住她那裡。我把

Meemers back to Canada in June of 2020, by myself, with no help. For those of you who've

2020年6月，Meemers回到加拿大，自己一個人，沒有任何幫助。對於那些已經

travelled overseas with pets, you'll know how challenging a process this can be. During

帶著寵物在海外旅行，你會知道這可能是一個多麼具有挑戰性的過程。在

our separation, his care and transport and papers were entirely my responsibility, and

我們分開後，他的照顧、交通和文件完全由我負責。

his papers were under my name. When Martina came to Canada months later, she didn't

他的文件是在我的名下。幾個月後，當瑪蒂娜來到加拿大時，她並沒有

have his prescription food or litter ready, so I (rather than one of her friends or family

準備好了他的處方食物或貓砂，所以我（而不是她的一個朋友或家人

members) had to buy everything for her, and then set it up for in her mother's house

成員）不得不為她購買所有的東西，然後在她母親的房子里布置好。

before she arrived. So now, let's talk about stress on Meemers;

在她到達之前。那麼現在，讓我們來談談梅默斯的壓力。

Meemers and Fudgy got along fine. They both slept in bed with me, with Meemers at my head,

Meemers和Fudgy相處得很好。他們都和我一起睡在床上，Meemers睡在我頭上。

and Fudgy at my feet, and they'd touch noses in the morning. They were getting closer and

和我腳下的福迪，他們在早上會碰碰鼻子。他們越來越近，而且

closer all the time. Then Fudgy would go off and do his puppy things while Meemers napped

一直都很接近。然後，在梅默斯打盹的時候，胖子會去做他的小狗的事情。

in safe spaces made just for him, where Fudgy didn't have access. My place in Toronto

在專門為他設立的安全空間裡，福吉沒有機會進入。我在多倫多的地方

had two bedrooms, and Meemers had a whole room of his own, blocked off with baby gates,

他有兩間臥室，米默斯有一整間自己的房間，用嬰兒門擋著。

and full of blankets, pillows and a dark closet. He would use it sometimes, though mostly he

並充滿了毯子、枕頭和一個黑暗的壁櫥。他有時會使用它，儘管大多數時候他

hung around me and Fudgy, wherever we were around the apartment. Martina hasn't ever

圍繞著我和Fudgy，無論我們在公寓的什麼地方。瑪蒂娜從來沒有

witnessed Fudgy's behaviour around Meemers, because she's never been in my house. However,

見證了Fudgy在Meemers身邊的行為，因為她從來沒有進過我家。然而。

I did see Meemers in Martina's house being bothered by her niece who really really loves

我確實在瑪蒂娜的房子裡看到米默斯被她的侄女打擾了，她真的非常喜歡

Meemers, while Meemers was trying to sleep, and this is something I raised as a concern

Meemers，而Meemers正試圖睡覺，這是我提出的一個關切問題

with Martina in private. And so, in regards to blaming Meemers' health

與瑪蒂娜私下進行。是以，關於指責Meemers的健康問題

entirely on my home setting, I believe the narrative should be re-evaluated, and some

我認為應該重新評價這種說法，並對一些問題進行評估。

of the weights of that responsibility pie need to be redistributed.

這個責任餅的權重需要重新分配。

Now, this isn't the first time Martina has tried to keep Meemers since our decision for

現在，這不是瑪蒂娜第一次試圖留住Meemers，因為我們決定為

shared custody was made. Before Meemers' health was a concern, I was told to give up

共同監護權作出。在Meemers的健康狀況受到關注之前，我被告知要放棄

Meemers because I had Fudgy; I was told it was not fair that I have an animal and she

因為我有Fudgy；有人告訴我，我有一個動物，而她有一個動物，這是不公平的。

doesn't. I don't believe that my getting a dog after the divorce means I forfeit the

並非如此。我不認為我在離婚後養狗意味著我放棄了

right to my cat. If you have a child in your first marriage, you wouldn't be asked to

對我的貓的權利。如果你在第一次婚姻中有了孩子，你就不會被要求

give up access to them because you had a second child. Pets are a blessing, and I hope that

因為你有了第二個孩子而放棄了對它們的接觸。寵物是一種福氣，我希望

Martina is able to enjoy the companionship of more animals in her life if she so chooses.

如果瑪蒂娜願意，她能夠在生活中享受更多動物的陪伴。

Later on, in January of 2021, after Martina began to publicly express her anger towards

後來，在2021年1月，在瑪蒂娜開始公開表達她對

me, she didn't want to return him to me because she thought I would give him Coronavirus,

我，她不想把他還給我，因為她認為我會給他冠狀病毒。

and for his safety she couldn't give him back to me. The CDC said there's no evidence

為了他的安全，她不能把他還給我。疾控中心說沒有證據

of cat's getting Coronavirus. Unfortunately, our lawyers had to get involved in the matter,

感染冠狀病毒的貓。不幸的是，我們的律師不得不參與到這件事中。

since I didn't share the same concerns for cat Coronavirus.

因為我對貓科羅納病毒沒有同樣的擔憂。

Soon afterwards I was told that his Struvite Crystals have re-emerged, and Martina refused

不久之後，我被告知，他的Struvite Crystals已經重新出現了，而Martina拒絕了

to give him back to me as we had arranged. We eventually got back into sharing custody

我想把他還給我，因為我們已經安排好了。我們最終回到了共同監護的狀態

of Meemers, but only for a couple more months. Once I started the process of moving from

的Meemers，但只是多了幾個月的時間。一旦我開始從

Toronto to London, Martina started posting more online comments about Meemers' health.

多倫多到倫敦後，瑪蒂娜開始在網上發佈更多關於米默斯健康的評論。

She posted a comment that Meemers is 10, elderly, and that I live three hours away. None of

她發帖說，梅梅斯已經10歲了，是個老人，而且我住在三小時以外。這些都不是

this is true.

這是真的。

Meemers was born around June 2012. When you were told he was 10, he was actually still

Meemers大約在2012年6月出生。當你被告知他已經10歲時，他實際上還在

8. 
 It was stated that he's elderly. According

8.據介紹，他是老年人。根據

to what I've read, elderly cats are aged 11 and up. I don't see anywhere that suggests

根據我所讀到的內容，老年貓是指11歲以上的貓。我沒有看到任何地方表明

an 8 year old cat is elderly. If you become a senior at 60, it'd be like saying you're

一隻8歲的貓是老年人。如果你在60歲時成為老人，那就像說你是

a senior when you're 48 to get the Pharmacy discount. 


當你48歲的時候，你就會成為一名老年人，以獲得藥房的折扣。

It was stated I live three hours away and that driving is bad for him. I live exactly

有人說我住在三小時以外，開車對他不利。我正好住在

168km away (Americans, it's kilometres, not miles). We both live a few minutes off

168公里的距離（美國人，是公里，不是英里）。我們都住在幾分鐘車程的地方

the highway, and from my experience it's an hour and a half on every ride I've taken.

從我的經驗來看，我每次騎行都要一個半小時。

And no, I don't drive 200km an hour. Also, for those of you who don't know/remember,

而且不，我不會每小時開200公里。另外，對於那些不知道/不記得的人。

Meemers had these crystals at a very young age, back in Korea, and the vet at the time

Meemers在很小的時候就有這些晶體，當時在韓國，當時的獸醫

emphasized the importance of a prescription diet and water intake. And, in Korea, we drove

強調了處方飲食和水攝入的重要性。而且，在韓國，我們開著

him from our apartment to our studio daily, and brought him into a stressful working environment.

他每天從我們的公寓到我們的工作室，並把他帶入一個緊張的工作環境。

Meemers has been raised in changing environments
 After Martina's comments, I started receiving

梅默斯是在不斷變化的環境中長大的 在瑪蒂娜的評論之後，我開始收到

much more harassment from commenters online and it really impacted my mental health, to

越來越多來自網上評論者的騷擾，這確實影響了我的心理健康，以

the point that I relinquished custody of Meemers in June. I had hoped that this would be enough

我在6月放棄了對Meemers的監護權。我曾希望這將是足夠的

for Martina to be able to heal, process her emotions, and that we could move forward with

為了讓瑪蒂娜能夠痊癒，處理她的情緒，並且我們可以繼續前進。

the goodwill we had originally intended. This is what I still want. Then, after all this

我們最初打算的善意。這是我仍然想要的。然後，在這一切之後

fighting for Meemers, I recently learned about Martina's decision to move back to Japan,

為Meemers而戰，我最近得知瑪蒂娜決定搬回日本。

and that Meemers is being given over to her mom. I learned this from the comments in my

並說Meemers被交給了她的媽媽。我從我的評論中瞭解到這一點。

own post. So, that's my side of things with Meemers.

自己的崗位。所以，這就是我和Meemers的事情。

This has been a stressful situation for me, because I love my cat, and also because I

這對我來說是一種壓力，因為我愛我的貓，同時也因為我

don't want to air our dirty laundry to you. We agreed to be respectful of each other online,

不希望向你展示我們的髒衣服。我們同意在網上互相尊重。

and to respect each other's privacy - it's section 3.1 in our separation agreement - and

並尊重對方的隱私--這是我們分居協議中的第3.1條--以及

it's been really hard for me to witness both her posts about Meemers' custody, and

看到她關於Meemers監護權的帖子，我真的很難受。

the posts about myself, because I believe this stuff should be dealt with in private,

關於我自己的帖子，因為我相信這些東西應該在私下裡處理。

and it's what we agreed to.

這也是我們所同意的。

When I was initially processing the divorce, I knew that it was going to be a very emotionally

當我最初處理離婚時，我知道這將是一個非常情緒化的過程。

challenging time, so I took a break from posting. I went through my emotions privately, with

這段時間很有挑戰性，所以我休息了一下，沒有發帖。我私下裡經歷了我的情緒，與

lots and lots of therapy, and I'm glad I did. The 5 Stages of Divorce Grief are Denial,

很多很多的治療，我很高興我做到了。離婚悲痛的5個階段是否認。

Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. When I was going through the process and doing

憤怒、討價還價、憂鬱和接受。當我在經歷這個過程並做

the work, I was angry about Martina's past behaviour too - for her mistakes in our relationship,

在工作中，我對瑪蒂娜過去的行為也很生氣--為她在我們關係中的錯誤。

for the hurts I felt. I also knew that posting that stuff online wouldn't be good for anyone.

為我所感受到的傷害。我也知道，在網上發佈這些東西對任何人都沒有好處。

If we only view ourselves as victims and others as transgressors, we're not going to learn

如果我們只把自己看作是受害者，把別人看作是違法者，我們就不會學會

anything, and we're not going to heal. So, I worked through my stuff in private. I can

任何事情，我們就不會痊癒。所以，我在私下裡解決了我的事情。我可以

still feel compassion and consistent kindness towards Martina, because I know that just

我仍然對瑪蒂娜抱有同情心和一貫的善意，因為我知道，只是

like me, she makes mistakes and she struggles, we are human. It takes two to make a relationship

像我一樣，她會犯錯，她會掙扎，我們是人。建立關係需要兩個人

work, and it takes two to make it fail. And hearing only 1 side of private matters is

工作，而且需要兩個人的努力才能使其失敗。而只聽取私人事務的一面之詞是

not going to give you an accurate picture.

不會給你一個準確的畫面。

So, Speaking of privacy, let's talk about Hawaii.

那麼，說到隱私，讓我們來談談夏威夷。

I went to Hawaii in January. I bought a ticket and boarded planes legally, along with many

我在一月份去了夏威夷。我買了一張機票，合法地登上了飛機，和許多人一起

other people. I took a Coronavirus test before flying out, another one immediately when I

其他的人。我在飛出之前做了冠狀病毒測試，當我飛出時又立即做了一個測試。

landed in Hawaii, and then another immediately upon landing on the Big Island. Overall, I

在夏威夷登陸後，又立即在大島登陸了一次。總的來說，我

took three tests from three different places in 72 hours, and all 3 were negative. I stayed

在72小時內從三個不同的地方做了三次測試，三次都是陰性。我一直

in a small house away from the tourist area of the island, not surfing and partying it

在一個遠離島上旅遊區的小房子裡，沒有衝浪和聚會。

up. Instead, I spent my time meditating at isolated beaches, trying to figure out what

了。相反，我把時間花在與世隔絕的海灘上進行冥想，試圖找出

the fuck I was going to do with my life. I was actually making arrangements to move to

我的生活到底該怎麼辦。我實際上正在安排搬到

Hawaii in June, until the floods in the North Shore changed those plans for good.

夏威夷在六月，直到北岸的洪水永遠改變了這些計劃。

My time in Hawaii wasn't something I wanted to share publicly, as it was a deeply private

我在夏威夷的時間並不希望公開分享，因為那是一個深深的隱私。

personal trip. Mental health is incredibly important to me, and by going I was doing

個人旅行。心理健康對我來說非常重要，而我去做的是

something good for my mental health, in a time when it felt like the whole world was

對我的心理健康有好處的東西，在那個感覺整個世界都是這樣的時候。

falling the fuck apart. I didn't shoot videos there. I didn't want people to know about

崩潰了。我沒有在那裡拍攝視頻。我不想讓人們知道

it, and knowing that, Martina had and has no right to keep putting it online. What if

知道這一點，瑪蒂娜就沒有權利繼續把它放在網上。如果

I were to post something private about her life and how she relates to the world?

我發佈一些關於她的生活和她與世界的關係的隱私？

I'm in a tough situation where I want to both honour our agreement, and not jeopardize

我正處於一個艱難的境地，我想既履行我們的協議，又不損害

her relationship with her audience, the way my relationship with some viewers has been

她與觀眾的關係，我與一些觀眾的關係也是如此。

soured, and I also just don't think it's wise to process our negative thoughts publicly,

我也認為公開處理我們的負面想法是不明智的。

especially while going through the heavy emotions of a divorce.

特別是在經歷了離婚的沉重情緒後。

This situation is challenging me because:

這種情況對我是一種挑戰，因為。

I have my side of the story which I wanted to keep private

我有我的故事，但我想保持隱私

Martina is sharing things online when she's upset

瑪蒂娜不高興時在網上分享東西

Martina's angry posts are angering people and turning them against me

瑪蒂娜的憤怒帖子激怒了人們，使他們對我產生了反感

I want to honour our contract, and not cause Martina any harm.


我想履行我們的合同，不給瑪蒂娜造成任何傷害。

Frankly, I don't know how to do this. Now I'm going to get into some heavier stuff,

坦率地說，我不知道該怎麼做。現在我將進入一些更重的東西。

so if some of you are triggered by talks of survivor abuse or narcissism, you can skip

是以，如果你們中的一些人因談論倖存者虐待或自戀而被觸發，你們可以跳過。

past this section, to this part of the video here, if you feel comfortable to do so.

過了這一節，到這裡的視頻的這一部分，如果你覺得這樣做很舒服。

Ok. So, there's one last aspect I want to address: Martina has come forward as a survivor

好的。所以，我想談的是最後一個方面。瑪蒂娜作為一個倖存者站了出來

of narcissistic abuse, and has told her audience that I am a covert narcissist. I'm really

的自戀虐待，並告訴她的聽眾，我是一個隱蔽的自戀者。我真的

hurt and honestly shocked that Martina feels that way.

傷害和誠實地震驚於瑪蒂娜的這種感覺。

From there, I don't know how to respond to this appropriately, so I apologize for

從那裡，我不知道如何適當地迴應這個問題，所以我道歉，因為

those offended or hurt in advance. I'm trying my best right now, and I worry that there

那些被冒犯或被傷害的人提前。我現在正盡力而為，我擔心會有

is no acceptable response to this. Being a survivor of abuse is a very serious title,

是不能接受的迴應。作為虐待行為的倖存者是一個非常嚴肅的稱號。

and claims for it should be taken seriously. At the same time, it seems like the qualifications

並對其進行索賠，應該認真對待。同時，似乎資質

for being a covert narcissist cast a wide net. I fear anything I say is something a

因為我是一個隱蔽的自戀者，所以撒了一張大網。我擔心我說的任何話都是一個

narcissist would say, and narcissists are great at hiding their narcissism, so there

自戀者會說，而自戀者很善於隱藏他們的自戀，所以有

is no opening for me to address this. I will share with you that Narcissistic Personality

我沒有機會討論這個問題。我將與你分享，自戀型人格

Disorder isn't the first diagnosis Martina has given me. Since the person who knows me

紊亂並不是瑪蒂娜給我的第一個診斷。由於瞭解我的人

best made these claims about me, I took them to heart, and went to figure out how I can

最好的人對我提出了這些要求，我把它們記在心裡，並去想辦法，我可以

fix myself, since I must still be fundamentally broken. All three of Martina's developmental/mental

修復我自己，因為我必須從根本上說仍然是破碎的。瑪蒂娜的所有三個發展/心理

health claims about me, I brought to therapy sessions with a licensed psychotherapist.