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  • Perhaps the finest way to develop a loving attitude towards other people is to recall, in the face of their difficulty, that we are, in the end, all children.

    培養出對他人關愛態度的最好方式,或許就是瞭解到雖然大家都面對著各自的難題,但我們終究都還是孩子而已。

  • The claim is an odd one. Adults are clearly not children.

    但這個說法有點奇怪。成人顯然並不是孩子。

  • They have powers of reasoning that quite outstrip those of younger people, they have options and a sound grasp of right and wrong, they are capable of causing serious damage; they should know better.

    他們的思辨能力高出這些年幼的人們許多、他們有能夠分辨對錯的能力、他們還有能力對他人造成嚴重傷害;他們應該要比孩子們更懂事才對。

  • Children, on the other hand, are well-known for their powers to melt our hearts.

    而另一方面,孩子們以溫暖融化我們的心思聞名。

  • Partly this has to do with their physical appearance: with their unusually large eyes, their full cheeks, their unthreatening statures, their tiny fat fleshy fingers.

    這部分與他們的外貌有關:他們的異常水汪汪的大眼睛、他們肥嘟嘟的飽滿臉頰、他們嬌小而不會造成威脅的身材、他們短短肥肥的小手指。

  • But ultimately, the child attracts our tenderness, because when they act in 'bad' or tricky ways, it tends to be easy to work out why they have done so:

    但總歸而言,孩子們能夠激起我們的溫柔情感,因為就算他們「使壞」或表現得難纏,我們通常能輕易地找出他們這麼做的原因:

  • They hit their little sister because they were feeling left out.

    他們因為覺得受冷落了而揍了妹妹。

  • They started to steal things from other children because their parents were going through a divorce.

    他們開始偷別的孩子的東西,因為雙親們正準備要離婚。

  • They ran away from the party without saying goodbye because they were panicked by a sense of unworthiness.

    他們不告而別地逃離了派對現場,因為他們對自己身在此處格格不入的感覺給嚇壞了。

  • Overall, when it comes to the psychology of children, we discover a surprising and hugely gentle truth:

    總歸而言,在討論兒童心理學時,我們發現一個令人驚訝且極為溫和的真相:

  • That "badness" and difficulty are, invariably, the result of some form of pain, discomfort, hurt or wound.

    這些「使壞」和難搞的表現,其實往往是經歷了某種痛苦、不適或受傷所造成的結果。

  • The child does not start by being dreadful, they become so in response to injury, fear or sorrow.

    孩子們並不是打從一開始便表現得如此糟糕,他們是在面對所受的傷害、恐懼或悲傷後,才變成這樣的。

  • With adults on the other hand, confronted by nasty or terrible behavior, our thoughts do notfor understandable reasonsgenerally turn to imagining why it might have occurred.

    而另一方面,成年人在面對對方惡劣或糟糕的行為時,我們的想法並不會直接去思考是什麼造成了對方這樣的表現。

  • We're satisfied with nimble and compressed reasons: because they're an arsehole, because they're crazy. This will do for now.

    我們滿足於武斷而過於簡化的原因:因為他們就是混帳,因為他們瘋了。這在當下對我們來說就已經足夠。

  • And yet it is always open to us to wonder why someone acted as they didand here we are liable to stumble on an always provocative and properly revolutionary idea:

    然而,我們總是可以想一想,為什麼某人會有這樣的行為-而我們可能在此發現一個有些挑釁,卻相當具革命性的想法:

  • The reason why little children and big people do wrong isdespite the differences in age and sizeexactly the same.

    雖然兩者個年齡與身型大小完全不同,但小孩和大人做錯事的原因其實一模一樣。

  • One category may be no bigger than a chair, the other can be gigantic and able to carry guns, post lengthy screeds online or start and bankrupt companies,

    前者可能還沒比一張椅子大,後者則可能身材高大而且可以合法擁搶、在網路上長篇大論或是經營與倒閉一家公司,

  • but in the end, the psychology of blunder, meanness and anger is always the same: evil is a consequence of injury.

    但到最後,造成莽撞、卑鄙和憤怒的心理狀態背後的原因都是一樣的:邪惡是受傷之後的結果。

  • The big person did not start off evil. Their difficult sides were not hard wired from the start, they grew towards malice on account of some form of wound waiting to be discovered.

    大人們也不是一開始就那麼邪惡的。他們並不是打從一開始便是如此,而是在未被他人瞭解的傷口中,逐漸產生了惡意。

  • It is the work of extraordinary patience and humanityit is the work of loveto go in search of what these wounds might be.

    而要找出這些潛藏的傷口,是需要豐富的耐心與慈悲才能辦到的-還需要大量的愛。

  • To search is morally frightening because we too easily imagine that it might require us to wind up thinking well of behavior we know is abhorrent.

    而要這麼做使人不寒而慄,因為我們需要將我們認為可惡的行為,以良善的角度去解釋。

  • It doesn't at all. We can remain appalled while simultaneously tracing a path back to the true catalytic factors.

    但其實我們完全不用這麼做。我們仍能對對方的行為感到震驚,但依然可以循線找出其行為的真正起因。

  • The work can also be practically frightening because we imagine that it might require us to leave someone at liberty to cause us and others more pain.

    這樣的搜索過程也可能讓人感到害怕,因為我們會以為我們可能需要放任某人對我們或是其他人造成更多的苦痛。

  • But again, we can keep the wrong doer safely behind very high bars, even as we sensitively explore the origins of their violations.

    但同樣的,在我們敏銳地探索犯錯者們犯行的起因時,我們仍可以把這些他們關在監獄的高牆後。

  • Once the full stories of our trespassers become known, our perspective may swiftly rework itself.

    一但我們能以完整的脈絡瞭解這些加害者的故事,我們的觀點很可能便會自行快速地重建。

  • The bully who pursued us online had once worked as a porter, then been fired some years back and fallen into depression , and was facing the bankruptcy courts.

    那位曾在網上追求我們的惡霸,曾經是位行李搬運工,在幾年前被解僱之後便得了憂鬱症,並瀕臨破產。

  • The angry populist politician was remorselessly belittled by a powerful father.

    那位憤怒的民粹政客過去曾被高壓統治的父親無情地貶低。

  • The sexually impulsive person used their addiction to calm themselves down from some unmasterable anxieties related to early emotional neglect.

    那位有性衝動者利用此上癮的行為,來減輕他們因為年幼時受到情緒上的忽視而造成的焦慮感。

  • Our judgement on behavior never has to change; our sense of why it occurred can be transformed.

    我們對行為對錯的判斷永遠不必改變,但我們可以轉化如何思考事情發生的原因。

  • The discipline of psychotherapy has been central in helping us to chart the sometimes unobvious or contrary connections between a symptom and its genesis.

    心理治療的原則是可以幫助我們描繪出症狀與原因不明或甚至相互牴觸時,發揮出核心作用。

  • Boastfulness may have its roots in fear; anger can mask terror; hatred can be a defense against love.

    夸夸其談的吹牛可能是根基於某種恐懼,憤怒可能是掩蓋恐懼的面具,憎恨則是對關愛所築起的高牆。

  • The haughty air of the grown up can take hold as a way of compensating for invisibility.

    一名成年人的傲慢態度可能是想補償在過去受到忽視的經驗。

  • A satirical manner can be a shield against an exiled longing for sweetness.

    語帶諷刺的態度可能是因為長久以來缺乏呵護而培養出的護盾。

  • The prison system in most countries tends to place people below the age of eighteen in separate young offenders' institutions, which treat inmates with a degree of kindness and hope,

    大多數國家的監獄系統都會把十八歲以下的犯人關押在少年感化機關,以一定程度的慈悲與希望來對待這些受刑人,

  • in order to delve into the psychology of transgression with a view to understanding and overcoming its causes.

    藉此來深入瞭解其背後的犯行心理,以求能夠瞭解並克服其原因。

  • But after this age, for the most part, prisoners are locked up in bare cells and the key is, metaphorically, thrown away.

    但在這個年齡段之後,囚犯在大多數情況下會被直接關押在牢房裡,而能夠出去的鑰匙則在比喻上來說被直接丟棄。

  • They should, after all, have known better.

    畢竟他們本來就應該知道。

  • And yet we are all, as it were, young offenders, however old we might actually be.

    然而,不論我們實際上年紀多大,我們其實都是年幼的犯罪者。

  • In other words, we all need our crimes to be treated with a degree of sympathy and empathetic investigation.

    也就是說,我們的罪行應該被更具同情心與同理心的理解。

  • It is an exquisite feat of mind to be able to imagine them as always still, at some level, infants in a cradle.

    把他們想像成在搖籃中的嬰兒,需要極用心及敏銳的心思。

  • Connect is a card game to foster connection and closeness, with 100 questions that help couples to rekindle connection.

    「連結」是一款能夠促進連結與親近感的遊戲,內含一百個能幫助情侶們重新點燃彼此羈絆的問題。

Perhaps the finest way to develop a loving attitude towards other people is to recall, in the face of their difficulty, that we are, in the end, all children.

培養出對他人關愛態度的最好方式,或許就是瞭解到雖然大家都面對著各自的難題,但我們終究都還是孩子而已。

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人之初,性本善還是性本惡?如何變得更有愛 (How To Be More Loving)

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    Summer 發佈於 2021 年 10 月 14 日
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