And if you're wondering why I'm in such an awesome mood today.

如果你想知道為什麼我今天有這麼好的心情。

It's because I just found out some incredible news.

這是因為我剛剛發現了一些難以置信的消息。

Orange will not be joining me today.

橙子今天不會加入我。

Q The celebration.

Q 慶祝活動。

Ah that's right.

啊，這就對了。

He's sending someone else to tell the story with me today.

他今天派別人和我一起講這個故事。

Which means this episode will be 100% not annoying.

這意味著這一集將是100%不令人討厭的。

Fantastic news.

奇妙的消息。

Wait, should we get started your oranges replacement?

等等，我們應該開始替換你的橙子嗎？

Sure am orange.

當然是橙色。

You glad?

你高興嗎？

No, no, I'm not glad.

不，不，我不高興。

You're practically worse.

你實際上更糟。

Oh come on pear.

哦，來吧，梨子。

Give me a chance.

給我一個機會。

No, please, no, please my fine fine.

不，請，不，請我的細細。

Just take a breath already.

只要呼吸一下就可以了。

You're turning blue.

你在變藍。

I know it.

我知道它。

You're gonna ruin this episode.

你會毀了這一集的。

Just like orange always does.

就像橙色總是這樣。

No, no, no, I promise.

不，不，不，我保證。

I'll be good.

我會很好的。

You Pinky promise.

你的Pinky承諾。

Pinky promise.

粉紅色的承諾。

Okay, so today's story is charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

好了，今天的故事是《查理和巧克力工廠》。

Once upon a Time.

從前的時光

Wait, I just remembered something.

等等，我剛剛想起了一件事。

What?

什麼？

I don't have a pinky I uh anyway, once upon a time there was a gigantic Chocolate factory run by the brilliant and reclusive Willy Wonka.

我沒有小指I呃反正，從前有一個巨大的巧克力工廠，由聰明而隱居的威利-旺卡經營。

No one had ever been allowed inside to see how his candy was made.

從來沒有人被允許進去看他的糖果是如何製作的。

But that all changed one day when Willy Walker announced that inside five Wonka bars he had placed laser gun.

但有一天，當威利-沃克宣佈他在五根旺卡棒內放置了激光槍時，這一切都改變了。

Really sis, you know very well that there wasn't laser guns inside the candy bar wrappers.

真的，姐姐，你很清楚，糖果包裝紙裡沒有激光槍。

Yeah, I know but the story was getting kind of boring.

是的，我知道，但這個故事變得有點無聊。

This is an incredible story since it's not boring.

這是一個不可思議的故事，因為它並不枯燥。

Well sure now it's not because five lucky kids just nearly got killed by laser guns.

那麼現在肯定不是因為五個幸運的孩子剛剛差點被激光槍殺死。

Now this is cinema laser laser laser laser, this isn't supposed to be cinema sis.

現在這是電影院的脈衝光脈衝光脈衝光，這不應該是電影院的妹妹。

It's a book.

這是一本書。

And the kids did not find laser guns.

而孩子們並沒有找到激光槍。

They found golden tickets.

他們找到了金票。

Not very visually stimulating.

視覺上不是很刺激。

Oh, you know what?

哦，你知道嗎？

This story needs some audio stimulation.

這個故事需要一些音頻刺激。

Stop trying to stimulate the story.

不要再試圖刺激故事了。

It's a very good story.

這是個非常好的故事。

It doesn't need your help.

它不需要你的幫助。

I can't help it.

我不能幫助它。

I had a soda earlier.

我之前喝了一杯蘇打水。

Now then Willy Wonka invited all five ticket holders into the Chocolate Factory and gave them a tour of the wondrous things inside three course meal, bubble gum trained squirrels busy lifting drink.

現在，威利-旺卡邀請所有五位持票人進入巧克力工廠，讓他們參觀裡面的奇妙事物，三道菜，泡泡糖訓練的松鼠忙著提飲料。

Walk a vision.

走出一個願景。

And of course you pollux pas everything was going great.

當然，你的polox pas一切都很順利。

That is until the greedy gluttonous augustus blue fell into the chocolate river and got sucked up a tube.

直到貪吃的奧古斯都藍掉進了巧克力河，被吸進了管子。

Whoa.

哇哦。

Okay, now we're talking.

好了，現在我們開始說話了。

So let me get then the other kids call the cop and they busted in laser guns.

是以，讓我得到然後其他孩子打電話給警察，他們破獲了激光槍。

A blazing Willy Wonka didn't go down without a fight though.

不過，熾熱的威利-旺卡並沒有不戰而降。

You use ass, you do this.

你用屁股，你就做這個。

That's not what happened.

事情不是這樣的。

What do you mean there wasn't a laser gun fight?

你說沒有脈衝光槍戰是什麼意思？

I mean, nobody even called the cops after augustus group got sucked up that tube.

我的意思是，在奧古斯都集團被吸進那個管子後，甚至沒有人叫警察。

The tour group just kind of carried on as planned.

旅行團就這樣按計劃進行著。

You're kidding me.

你在跟我開玩笑。

Oh and also the epa lupus did a song and dance number.

哦，還有epa狼瘡做了一個歌舞節目。

They danced after a kid got sucked into a tube.

在一個孩子被吸進管子後，他們跳起了舞。

What kind of sociopathic story you this?

你這是什麼反社會的故事？

Yeah.

是的。

You know what?

你知道嗎？

This book could really use more of empathy for Children, nope lasers.

這本書真的可以為兒童使用更多的同情心，不，是脈衝光。

Uh yeah, now we're talking, you stop it, stop it!

呃，是的，現在我們正在談論，你停止它，停止它!

The couple lupus did not have laser cannon strapped to their heads bummer.

那對狼瘡夫婦的頭上沒有綁著激光炮，真掃興。

This story could have been a classic.

這個故事本來可以成為一個經典。

It already is a classic No way classic.

它已經是一個經典的沒有辦法的經典。

Be the cops busting in with laser guns and chasing.

當警察拿著激光槍破門而入，追趕。

Really want them through the entire Chocolate Factory, which is elaborately booby trap.

真的想讓他們穿過整個巧克力工廠，那裡有精心設計的誘殺裝置。

It's not that kind of story, sis it is now fair.

這不是那種故事，姐姐它現在是公平的。

Yeah, everywhere you look, cops with laser guns are getting wasted and Oprah Loompa throws some three course dinner chewing gum down a cop throat and he turns into a blueberry, then wankel squirrels attack and throw another cop down the garbage chute just when the cops think they have walked a corner, he escapes over their heads and a million tiny pieces via Wonka vision.

是的，在你所看到的每一個地方，拿著激光槍的警察都在浪費，奧普拉-盧姆帕把一些三道菜的口香糖扔進一個警察的喉嚨，他變成了一個藍莓，然後Wankel松鼠攻擊並把另一個警察扔進垃圾槽，就在警察認為他們已經走了一個角落時，他從他們的頭上逃了出來，通過旺卡視覺變成一百萬個小碎片。

This is an abomination, but I honestly kind of want to know how it ends.

這很可惡，但說實話，我有點想知道它的結局。

It ends with the cops tricking Willy Wonka into drinking some fizzy lifting drink and he floats up into that huge overhead fan.

影片的結尾是警察騙威利-旺卡喝下了一些有保麗龍的提神飲料，他漂浮在那個巨大的頭頂風扇上。

Yeah, Super grizzly demise pair.

是的，超級灰熊的滅亡對。

This book is not recommended for Children.

本書不推薦給兒童閱讀。

Wait, so what happens to charlie?

等等，那麼查理會怎麼樣？

You know, particular character?

你知道，特別的角色？

Oh, he plays off in a glass elevator at the end.

哦，他最後在玻璃電梯裡玩掉了。

Oh well that's a relief.

哦，那就好辦了。

Glad it's a happy ending.

很高興它是一個快樂的結局。

Not really.

並非如此。

What if those laser beams is in there with him?

如果那些激光束和他在一起怎麼辦？

Um No.

嗯，沒有。