Name: (女優クリスティン・ベルが語る、うつ病を抱えて生きること。| VOGUE JAPAN)
Uploaded: 2021-07-08T18:50:48.000Z
Duration: 7 min 43 s

動名詞

I have to know how my brain works um in order to catch it from doing bad things because the brain is really tricky and it will tell you things that aren't true.

我必須知道我的大腦是如何工作的嗯，以便抓住它不做壞事，因為大腦真的很狡猾，它會告訴你一些不真實的事情。

進階程度副詞句型

And so, knowing that I would remember a negative experience more than I'd remember.

是以，知道我對負面經歷的記憶會比我的記憶更深刻。

to 不定詞

A positive, I would really make it my mission to go okay.

一個積極的，我真的會把它作為我的任務，去好。

But the positive experiences with that person were equal, I'm gonna choose to let that negative experience go.

但與那個人的正面經歷是平等的，我要選擇讓那段負面經歷過去。

And it feels different at different times when my anxiety is high.

而且在我焦慮情緒高漲的不同時期，感覺也不同。

It feels like an absolute inability to make decisions.

Like I would rather not do something then decide what to do.

就像我寧願不做某事，然後決定做什麼。

Which is odd because it seems like it's simple.

這很奇怪，因為它看起來很簡單。

Do you want to go on a walk or sit on the couch and watch tv?

你想出去走走還是坐在沙發上看電視？

It feels like decision fatigue and then depression is different.

感覺是決定性的疲勞，然後抑鬱症是不同的。

My version of it feels very restricted, like, like if you're trying to put on like a latex glove that's way too small for your hand.

我的版本感覺非常受限制，就像，就像你試圖戴上一個對你的手來說太小的乳膠手套一樣。

Also, it's sort of coincides with this feeling of not being excited about anything, which again, on a day when you feel great or even normal, you can get excited about things like you're like, I'm gonna have pizza today or I'm going to see a friend today or any, all of the fun things about life and when I'm having depression, it's like none of those things Are exciting or seem worth it.

另外，這與這種對任何事情都不興奮的感覺相吻合，同樣，在你感覺很好甚至正常的時候，你可以對一些事情感到興奮，比如你會想，我今天要吃披薩，或者我今天要去見一個朋友，或者任何，所有關於生活的有趣的事情，而當我有抑鬱症時，就像這些事情都不令人興奮或似乎值得。

So there's this real disconnect because I know logically that should be a feeling that induces some happiness.

所以有這種真正的脫節，因為我知道從邏輯上講這應該是一種誘發一些幸福的感覺。

But it's like my depression will not let me recognize those feelings at 40.

但好像我的抑鬱症不會讓我在40歲時認識到這些感覺。

I don't believe anything should be taboo anymore.

我不相信任何事情都應該是禁忌了。

Like I talked to my kids about sex and yes, they're very young, but they wanted to know how they got here and we talked about it and they were grossed out and left the room and that's fine.

就像我跟我的孩子談性，是的，他們還很小，但他們想知道他們是怎麼來的，我們談到了這個問題，他們感到很噁心，離開了房間，這很好。

But I think that anything that's taboo and hard to talk about should be some of the first priorities you should be talking about with the support systems in your life.

但我認為，任何禁忌和難以啟齒的事情都應該是你與你生活中的支持系統談論的一些首要任務。

I wish that I had known as a person in the public eye to talk about it publicly at an earlier date.

我希望我知道作為一個在公眾面前的人，在更早的時候公開談論它。

I had been acting and you know, doing publicity for a while and I was at the stretch the last stretch of two movies of a press tour and I've done all these interviews and I was lying in bed about to do SAm jones, which is a long form interview.

我一直在演戲，你知道的，做了一段時間的宣傳，我在兩部電影的最後階段的媒體之旅，我已經做了所有這些採訪，我躺在床上準備做SAm jones，這是一個長篇採訪。

Like it's like a 45 minutes to an hour, sit down so you better be prepared to talk right?

好像是45分鐘到一個小時，坐下來，所以你最好準備好說話，對嗎？

And I said to my husband, God I have nothing to talk about.

我對我丈夫說，上帝啊，我沒有什麼可談的。

Like I've said every story about my life and he said, why don't you talk about your struggle with anxiety and depression?

就像我說了我生活中的每一個故事，他說，你為什麼不說說你與焦慮和抑鬱症的鬥爭？

I was like, have I never, I've never done that, I was experiencing the same thing that everyone else was, which is like, well just don't talk about that.

我當時想，我從來沒有，我從來沒有做過，我正在經歷和其他人一樣的事情，這就像，好吧，就是不要談論這個。

And then I just felt so inauthentic and irresponsible to have been presenting this like bubbly happy person which is someone that I cultivate and I nurture and I try really hard to exist as um and I just wasn't being honest with the people, like the girls who may look up to me and so I was like okay, I'm just going to talk about it and so I don't even think that Sam knew, but during that interview I was like actually, you know, for a period of my life and periods and often, and sometimes just on a random Wednesday I feel this way.

然後我就覺得自己很不真實，很不負責任，一直在展示這個像保麗龍一樣快樂的人，而這個人是我培養的，我培養的，我真的很努力地存在，嗯，我只是沒有對人們誠實。我只是對那些可能仰望我的女孩不誠實，所以我想，好吧，我只是要談論它，所以我甚至不認為山姆知道，但在那次採訪中，我想，實際上，你知道，在我的生活中，有一段時期，經常，有時只是在一個隨機的星期三，我有這種感覺。

And then we started to get more in depth than I found myself really happy to be admitting all of it.

然後我們開始更深入地討論，而不是我發現自己真的很高興能承認所有的事情。

And the response I got from that interview was astounding to me, like so many people saying I've felt that way to thank you for saying it out loud, you gave me the courage to say it out loud, which I mean I did practically nothing other than do what I should do would just be honest and authentic.

那次採訪給我帶來的迴應讓我震驚，就像很多人說我有那種感覺，感謝你大聲說出來，你給了我勇氣大聲說出來，我的意思是我除了做我應該做的事之外幾乎什麼都沒做，只是誠實和真實。

And it really, it was a huge turning point in my life.

而這真的是我生命中的一個巨大轉捩點。

I just felt a huge sense of responsibility.

我只是覺得有一種巨大的責任感。

Um and so I kept talking about it and I talked about it a lot and here we are.

是以，我一直在談論它，我談了很多，現在我們在這裡。

I started noticing a feeling of being disconnected when I was probably 18 or 19.

我大概在18或19歲的時候就開始注意到一種被切斷聯繫的感覺。

I moved out of Detroit and to new york when I was just turned 18, I was like two weeks into being 18 and I was so excited, it was all I wanted to do, I was going to N.

我從底特律搬到了紐約，當時我剛滿18歲，我好像剛滿18歲兩個星期，我非常興奮，這是我想做的一切，我要去紐約。

I was studying musical theater, I was living in this beautiful like melting pot cultural city and seeing, you know, broadway shows each night and it was, it was wonderful.

我在學習音樂劇，我住在這個美麗的像大熔爐一樣的文化城市，每天晚上看，你知道，百老匯的演出，這是，這很好。

And I just felt like if I wrote my life down on paper, I had so many opportunities, so much privilege, so much access to happiness.

我只是覺得，如果我把我的生活寫在紙上，我有這麼多的機會，這麼多的特權，這麼多獲得幸福的機會。

And yet my feelings were not that as an 18 year old living on her own in new york city, I should be like, yes, like it should be so exciting, but it wasn't, I felt like I was sort of followed by this, we're dark cloud that just didn't allow me to see all the happiness around me.

而我的感覺卻不是，作為一個18歲的人，獨自生活在紐約市，我應該是這樣的，是的，就像它應該是如此令人興奮，但事實並非如此，我覺得我有點像被這個，我們的烏雲所跟隨，只是不允許我看到我周圍的所有幸福。

And I was lucky that I felt in my bones that that wasn't how I hate to use the word should, but should be feeling or how I could be feeling I guess.

我很幸運，我從骨子裡感覺到，這不是我討厭用應該這個詞，而是應該有的感覺，或者我想我可以有的感覺。

And I was lucky enough that my mom had sat me down and had a conversation with me and she said, hey, just a quick heads up.

我很幸運，我媽媽讓我坐下來，和我進行了一次談話，她說，嘿，只是一個快速的提醒。

Sometimes your grandmother experienced these feelings, sometimes she's a nurse and so she recognized that there could be hereditary component to a serotonin imbalance.

有時你的祖母經歷過這些感覺，有時她是一名護士，所以她認識到血清素失衡可能有遺傳的成分。

And she said if you start to feel any of these things, just know there are a variety of ways that you can reach out to people or try to fix it and you don't have to live like that.

她說，如果你開始感覺到這些事情，只要知道有各種方法，你可以向人們伸出援手，或試圖解決它，你不必像這樣生活。

Like I don't like that there's any sort of stigma to it.

就像我不喜歡有任何形式的汙名。

But I I get it it's a weird thing to talk about because it's not an affliction that you can see.

但我明白，談論這個問題很奇怪，因為這不是一個你能看到的苦難。

It's like a hard thing to I guess diagnosed and also acknowledge and a lot of families or support systems or anyone in your life, they don't know how to talk about it, especially if they aren't themselves feeling it.

這就像是一件很難的事情，我猜是診斷出來的，也是承認的，很多家庭或支持系統或你生活中的任何人，他們不知道如何談論它，特別是如果他們自己沒有感覺。

I think I had an upper hand because my mom had explained it to me in a very medical way early on and I was like oh okay sort of armed me with the information um about what could happen and maybe it never will.

我想我佔了上風，因為我媽媽在早期就以一種非常醫學的方式向我解釋，我就像哦，好吧，用資訊來武裝我，嗯，可能會發生什麼，也許永遠不會發生。

但如果是這樣，就有機會得到幫助。

I knew that there were all of these ways like talking to a friend, finding a therapist, talking to a psychiatrist or a psychologist and just knowing that changed everything for me, even if you're not experiencing any mental health issues, I would hope that you would walk through life being open and ready to be a shoulder if someone needs you because the reality is we're not all born the same.

我知道有所有這些方法，如與朋友交談、尋找治療師、與精神病醫生或心理學家交談，僅僅知道這些就改變了我的一切，即使你沒有遇到任何心理健康問題，我也希望你在生活中保持開放，並準備在有人需要你時成為一個肩膀，因為現實是我們並非生來如此。

Some of us are born with a ton of confidence and then some are born really timid and I just feel like maybe this is just my maternal instincts talking but I just don't want anyone to feel like they don't have a support system.

我們中有些人天生就很自信，有些人天生就很膽小，我只是覺得也許這只是我的母性本能在說話，但我只是不想讓任何人覺得他們沒有一個支持系統。

So if we collectively as a society like self care, this whole idea should also include caring about each other.

是以，如果我們作為一個社會集體喜歡自我關懷，這整個想法也應該包括對彼此的關懷。

You know, it has to obviously be on the person to identify the feeling and say I need help.

你知道，顯然必須由當事人來識別這種感覺並說我需要幫助。

 But then I think it has to be on the people around them that love them to say, okay, let me see if I can support you, you know, even if that's just checking in once in a while. 

但我認為這必須由他們周圍愛他們的人來說，好吧，讓我看看我是否能支持你，你知道，即使這只是偶爾檢查一下而已。