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  • Amazon.

  • It's the reason you stayed up until 3:00 a.m.

  • reading reviews of paper clips.

  • Yesterday, founder and evil doorknob Jeff Bezos

  • announced that he'll be stepping down as CEO

  • to become the company's executive chair,

  • where he'll dedicate his time to things like

  • philanthropy and space travel.

  • And can I just say,

  • you know you're rich when you're like,

  • "I'm retiring to spend more time with other planets."

  • Although, if we're honest,

  • he's not exactly retiring, right?

  • Jeff Bezos says he's transitioning

  • to the role of executive chair.

  • Now, I don't know exactly what an executive chair is,

  • but I looked it up on Google, and it looks like this.

  • And I guess that's just a perk of being a billionaire.

  • You can get plastic surgery

  • to look like a chair

  • and still have money to go to space.

  • I mean, whatever makes you happy, man.

  • What?

  • Oh, it's like... It's a position?

  • Either way, I just wanted to say congratulations to Jeff Bezos.

  • I mean, what he created

  • is a testament to the power of innovation

  • and the simple dream of destroying bookstores.

  • Now, in case you're worried,

  • Jeff Bezos will be fine without having a steady income.

  • I mean, sure, he's no longer the richest person in the world

  • after being passed by future Batman villain Elon Musk,

  • but he's still worth $184.6 billion.

  • And he made that money the way any billionaire does:

  • hard work, smart investments

  • and mugging delivery guys.

  • In other Amazon news, the e-commerce giant

  • agreed to pay nearly $62 million to settle charges

  • it skimmed tips for delivery drivers.

  • The Federal Trade Commission says Amazon began pocketing

  • some tips from customers to drivers

  • between 2016 and 2019.

  • The FTC says the e-commerce giant

  • assured drivers who were part of the Amazon Flex program

  • that they were still receiving all of their tips.

  • No. I'm sorry guys, no.

  • How rich do you have to be, huh?

  • Amazon is worth a trillion dollar...

  • trillion dollars.

  • And still it's sneaking tips away from its drivers? Like,

  • "Nah, man, no tip from that house, either.

  • I know, it's crazy, right?"

  • But Amazon can get away with this

  • because they're not a real person.

  • You see, if a real person

  • got caught at a bar stealing tips from the table,

  • there'd be a fight.

  • Maybe that's actually what needs to happen.

  • You know, if a company does something

  • that would get a person's ass beat,

  • then that company has to pick an executive

  • to get his ass beat.

  • Yeah. That way, there'd be at least somebody at Amazon

  • who would have said, "No, guys, guys, guys.

  • "We're not stealing tips.

  • I can't get thrown through another window, guys."

  • So, just appoint someone like that, you know?

  • You can even give him a made-up title,

  • like executive chair.

  • Wait, so it's-it's a real thing?

Amazon.

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The Daily Show - Jeff Bezos 卸下 CEO 職位(Jeff Bezos Steps Down & Amazon Steals from Delivery Drivers | The Daily Social Distancing Show)

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    johnny 發佈於 2021 年 06 月 20 日
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