Disney tales all end in lies

迪士尼動畫結尾都說謊

Here's what happened after all their dreams came true

本台獨家揭露公主美夢成真後的生活實況

After saving China I went home alone

解救中國以後 我獨自回家

I was feeling conflicts in my lower zone

內心矛盾騷動 蔓延於跨下

I've been dressing like a guy for months

數月來我喬裝男兒身

Now I'm losing all control

衝動已無法掌控

I think I am a guy in my soul

我想我心內底係查埔 (♪做個～男子漢～♪)

I wanna be a man

我想做男子漢

I've never seen a guy so hot

♪沒看過這麼帥的男生！♪

Time to reinvent the new me

是時候打造全新自己

Every time he speaks it makes me want to sing

♪他每次開口我就想歌唱♪

(I'm so confused)

♪我心好亂！♪

Be quiet, or we'll get caught

♪小聲點小心被抓包♪

Maybe one day he'll screw me

♪也許有天他會來採菊♪

Now I really get why my nickname is Ping

終於知道為何我小名叫「花平」

I've gotta be a man

(♪我要做男子漢♪)

I've got the brains and the bite of females

我有女性的頭腦與魅力

Plus the brute and the brawn of dudes

加上男性的粗獷與勇健

I know I'm ready for transformation

我知道我已準備好變性

It's time to replace all these useless tubes

是時候移除沒有用的管腺

(Good for you)

♪好棒棒♪

The prince was absolutely the only single wish my heart made

我心裡 只想要王子 也只有王子是我心願

Guess my wish came true

願望終於實現

But we never really talked much

但在他發現玻璃鞋前

Before he discovered my shoe

我們倆交談甚淺

The night after we got married

在我們洞房花燭夜

I recounted all of my plights

我細數所有過往苦難

Of how I fit inside a pumpkin

像是要整個人塞進南瓜車

My canines turned to coachmen

狗狗變變變成馬伕

Prince threw me in Bedlam that night

王子立馬送我進瘋人院 掰掰

The white jackets say I'm nutty (She's nutty as a bat)

噢～白袍醫生說我起肖 (♪她就是肖查某♪)

Cause my clothes are sewn by rats (Put some meds in her food)

因為老鼠是我的裁縫師 (♪在她食物下藥♪)

But their pills turn my brain to putty

但那些藥丸讓我頭殼茫茫 (♪登！搞定！♪)

Now Lucifer's not just my cat

現在路西法不只是我貓的名字

(I AM SATAN)

♪我！是！♪撒！旦！♪

Their insulin puts me under

注射胰島素使我昏厥

Shock therapy's made me insane

電擊療法讓我瘋顛

And after years of steady frying

經過好多年 (滋) 的持續焦烤 (滋滋)

The doctors gave up trying

醫生也 (滋) 全放棄了

They stuck two steel rods in my brain

就把兩根鋼條插我腦袋裡

I spent a bloomin lifetime

我付出大好歲月

To open my cafe

開了家咖啡店

Then I took a dive in 2005

然後05年來了場大水

Now it's washed away (It's all washed away)

現在全沖不見 (♪全沖不見♪)

I was picked up by a chopper

一架直升機把我救上來

After four nights on my roof

在屋頂待了四晚之後

Now my new home is the Astrodome

我現在住在休斯頓巨蛋

Cause New Orleans ain't Katrina proof

因為紐奧良防不了卡崔娜

Ya better carry 'round a shotgun

你最好隨身攜帶霰彈槍

Or looters take your kids

不然小孩會被綁票 (♪小孩在我手上！♪)

Ya better pee inside of jam jars (Ew)

你最好在果醬罐尿尿

Be sure to keep those lids

別忘了把蓋子關好

We needed Noah but we got Bush

我們需要諾亞方舟 卻得到布希總統

Our "savior" flew away and hid

這位「救世主」已逃之夭夭

Rough seas and levies (We're dead)

怒海與稅捐

Rough seas and levies, I'm dead

怒海與稅捐 我死定啦

There is no snow on the mountain tonight

今晚山中沒有一絲白雪

Just sulfur in the air

只有硫磺撲鼻來

A kingdom of greenhouse gases

充滿溫室氣體的王國

Only Bill Nye seems to care

只有比爾奈會關懷

My town is melting, breaking off into the sea

我城正消融崩塌 奔流入大海

It's time I show the strength of an evil queen (I am an evil queen)

是時候展現邪惡女王的厲害 (♪女王的厲害♪)

With Germany and Putin, too

和德國與普丁齊步並肩

I'll free the penguins and throw you in a zoo

我將釋放企鵝 把你丟進動物園

We're going green by spilling red

以鮮血滋養綠色革命之花

And if you're not dead

若你還沒掛

I built a hoard of evil snowmen

我就派出邪惡雪怪軍隊

They're gonna take over the world

他們將征服全世界

Let it snow, let it snow

降雪吧 降雪吧

Now Fox News will need heat lamps

這下福斯新聞得拿保溫燈取暖 (♪俄羅斯母親！♪)

Let it snow, let it snow

降雪吧 降雪吧

I hope you concentrate in camp (Heil Elsa!)

希望各位集中宿營愉快 (♪艾莎萬歲！♪)

We don't care who we have to slay

不管我們必須除掉誰

Let my troops march on

雪怪向前衝 (♪雪怪前衝♪)

The cold's coming back and it's here to stay

酷寒再臨 從此冰雪紛飛

I sunk like a brick

- 事業遭重擊

Prince thinks I'm sick

- 錯當瘋子醫

Ice is melting quick

- 冰融快又急

Now I have a lot of self-esteem

- 現在我終於有極大的自信心

Subtitles added by Lyrtil

翻譯／時間軸 卡勒的歡笑譯籮筐