Name: 克服性羞恥 (Overcoming Sexual Shame)
Uploaded: 2021-04-14T17:45:35.000Z
Duration: 5 min 54 s

It could seem odd, nowadays, to feel shame about one's interest in, or feelings about,

現在看來，一個人對自己的興趣或感情感到羞恥，可能會很奇怪。

程度副詞

sex. As modern enlightened people, we're all meant to be extremely confident, well-adjusted

性。作為現代的開明人士，我們都應該是極度自信、善於調整的

and enthusiastic around the topic of sex.

But far from it. Sexual shame has, in truth, never remotely gone away, for many of us be it is primarily

但遠非如此。性羞恥感，事實上，從來沒有消失過，對我們很多人來說，它主要是：

a psychological, not some sort of political or religious problem.

心理問題，而不是某種政治或宗教問題；

Our capacity to express our sexual selves confidently and happily, our ability to say

我們自信而快樂地表達性自我的能力，我們能夠說

what we want, to ask for it without embarrassment and quickly to leave situations where we are

我們想要的東西，要求它沒有尷尬，並迅速離開的情況下，我們是。

unfulfilled or humiliated, all these are enormous psychological achievements.

不滿足或受辱，這些都是巨大的心理成就。

They are also generally only available spontaneously to those who enjoyed highly supportive and

他們一般也只自發地提供給那些享有高度支持和

emotionally evolved early environments. For us to be naturally sexually untroubled adults

情感進化的早期環境。我們要想成為一個自然的性無憂的成年人

requires that, way back, others (who were relaxed in their own selves) will have left

要求，回過頭來，別人（放鬆了自己的自我）就會離開。

us feeling acceptable to ourselves: enjoying a sense that our bodies and their functions

我們對自己的感覺是可以接受的：享受我們的身體及其功能的感覺。

were natural and fine things, that we were not naughty or sinful for expressing curiosity

是自然而然的好事情，我們並沒有因為表達好奇心而淘氣或犯罪。

about our bodily pleasures, that it was OK to make mess every now and then - and that

關於我們的身體的樂趣，它是確定的 偶爾使混亂 - 和

it was, for example, more than a good idea to be, at the age of two, properly delighted

比如說，在兩歲的時候，就更應該高興了。

by the strange and wondrous existence of one's own bottom.

由自己的底層奇異而奇妙的存在。

Sexual desire is one of the most personal and vulnerable things that we are ever called

性慾是我們最私密、最脆弱的東西之一，我們被稱為

upon to express - and it exposes one to potentially momentous degrees of ridicule. As bullies

它使一個人面臨著潛在的重大嘲笑。作為欺凌者

of all kinds have always known, if you want to destroy someone fast, shame them about

各行各業的人都知道，如果你想快速消滅一個人，就羞辱他

their sexuality; they'll never have the self-confidence to challenge you again.

他們的性慾；他們將永遠沒有自信再挑戰你。

There are few things more deeply 'us' than our longing for sexual connection and

沒有什麼東西比我們對性愛的渴望更深的 "我們"。

therefore any feelings of unworthiness - any worries about how nice we are, how deserving

是以，任何不值得的感覺--任何關於我們有多好、多值得的擔心。

we may be or how legitimate it is that we exist - have a sure habit of cropping up in

我們可能是，或者我們的存在是多麼的合法--有一個肯定的習慣，出現在我們的生活中。

the bedroom and of destroying our ability to be straightforward and unconflicted sexual

臥室和破壞我們的能力是直截了當的和不折不扣的性愛。

beings. To generalise crudely, if there is any danger of us feeling bad about ourselves,

眾生。粗略地概括一下，如果有什麼危險，我們會覺得自己很糟糕。

we're going - by a psychological inevitability - to feel bad about ourselves and sex. What

我們會因為心理上的必然性而對自己和性感到不滿。什麼？

get called sexual problems - impotence, vaginismus, lack of desire, harmful addictions or a general

被稱為性問題--陽痿、陰道炎、缺乏慾望、有害的癖好或一般的問題。

fear of intimacy - are, first and foremost, always problems of self-hatred. As a rule

對親密關係的恐懼--首先，總是自我憎恨的問題。一般來說

one can't both hate oneself and be having a terrific time in bed.

一個人不可能既恨自己又在床上玩得很開心。

Beginning to repair the problem of sexual shame relies on a basic acceptance that the

開始修復性羞恥問題，有賴於基本接受以下事實：

problem exists and that it has probably been playing havoc with our lives. We need to learn

問題的存在，而且它可能一直在破壞我們的生活。我們需要學習

to name and track the matter, to say to ourselves and then a few loved ones: I feel debilitating

來命名和追蹤這件事，對自己說，然後對幾個親人說。我覺得自己很虛弱

shame around sex and that's OK. A commitment to change is what counts; despite all the

圍繞性的羞恥感，這是好的。承諾改變才是最重要的；儘管有所有的

cheery suggestions to the contrary, a lot of us, women and men, are right now (as in

我們中的很多人，無論男女，現在都在（因為我們的工作是為了讓我們的生活更美好）。

the heyday of the Spanish Inquisition) walking the earth intensely ashamed of ourselves sexually

在西班牙宗教裁判所的鼎盛時期）行走在地球上，對自己的性行為感到非常羞恥。

- not because what we want sexually is in any objective way 'bad' (that is, willingly

- 並不是因為我們想要的性愛在客觀上有什麼 "不好 "的地方（就是心甘情願地

hurtful to someone else) but because our histories have predisposed us to feel so negatively

傷害他人），但因為我們的歷史已經使我們傾向於如此消極的感覺。

A central effect of sexual shame is to silence us. We are so embarrassed that we cannot even

性羞恥感的一個核心作用是讓我們沉默。我們是如此的尷尬，以至於我們甚至不能

speak of our embarrassment. It is of huge importance therefore to dare to put our feelings

談到我們的尷尬。是以，敢於把我們的感情放在心上，是非常重要的。

into words and to seek out warm-hearted, broad-minded people with whom we can, in safety, finally

語，並尋找熱心腸、心胸寬廣的人，我們可以在安全的情況下，最終與他們一起

admit to our inhibitions - and learn to see ourselves through more unbiased, non-judgemental

承認我們的禁忌--並學會通過更公正的、非評判性的方式來看待自己。

and caring eyes. Through their love, we can hope to find a way to express what we desire

和關愛的眼神。通過他們的愛，我們可以希望找到一種方式來表達我們的願望。

and who we are with a little less terror.

和我們的身份，少了些許恐怖。

It's even a massive advance to stop imagining that sex can be uncomplicated for us - and

這甚至是一個巨大的進步，停止想象性愛對我們來說可以是不復雜的--和。

simply to own up to the huge difficulties we have with it. Acknowledging that we can't

只是要自己承認我們對它的巨大困難。承認我們不能

feel about sex what we're mean to feel is the beginning of progress and liberation.

我們對性的感覺 我們對性的感覺是進步和解放的開始。

To take a measure of how much shame we are carrying within us, we might along the way

為了衡量我們內心的羞恥感有多大，我們可以順便看看

ask ourselves a few poignant questions to which we might not have pleasant answers:

問自己幾個尖銳的問題，我們可能沒有愉快的答案。

How do you feel about your own body? How sorry do you have to feel for a person

你對自己的身體有什麼感覺？你要為一個人感到多麼的遺憾？

having sex with you? Could someone know you sexually, properly

與你發生性關係？會不會有人對你進行性瞭解，正確的

We - the ashamed ones - deserve to rediscover sex not as a zone of guilt and fear but as

我們--那些羞愧的人--應該重新發現性，而不是作為一個內疚和恐懼的區域，而是作為...

an intensely fulfilling, innocent and in the profound sense 'fun' pastime, something

一種強烈的滿足感，天真無邪，在深刻的意義上是 "有趣 "的消遣，有些東西。

we truly deserve to enjoy in the same way that, despite early intimations to the contrary,

我們真正應該以同樣的方式來享受，儘管早期有相反的暗示。