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  • - Mom, looks like my diarrhea medicine's arrived.

    - 媽媽,看來我的止瀉藥到了。

  • - It's not funny if it's not true.

    - 如果不是真的,那就不好笑了。

  • I don't know what to believe with you.

    我不知道該相信你什麼。

  • - I'm not lying.

    - 我沒有說謊

  • Like so many people at the beginning of the pandemic

    就像很多人在疫情初期一樣。

  • I found myself moving in with my parents

    我發現我搬到了我父母那裡

  • once my New York City lease ended.

    一旦我的紐約市租約結束,

  • Yeah, it was embarrassing.

    是的,這是尷尬的。

  • But I know I was lucky that I even had that as an option.

    但我知道我很幸運,我甚至有這個選項。

  • But as an adult, living with your parents is different,

    但是成年後,和父母一起生活就不一樣了。

  • especially when some have lost jobs,

    特別是當一些人失去工作的時候。

  • and some are working from home all the time.

    而有些人則是一直在家工作。

  • It's just like a lot of everyone being on top of each other.

    這就像很多人都在彼此之上。

  • I'm living with my parents,

    我和我父母住在一起

  • and just when I think things can't get more complicated,

    就在我認為事情不能再複雜的時候,

  • this happened.

    這發生。

  • Okay, so my period has not come.

    好吧,所以我的月經還沒來。

  • So I just went out and bought like five pregnancy tests.

    所以我就出去買了5個驗孕棒。

  • I don't think you really need to take that many.

    我覺得你真的不需要吃那麼多。

  • Let's do this.

    讓我們做這個。

  • You see that (beeps), two lines.

    你看,(嘟嘟),兩行。

  • It just appears that I am indeed pregnant.

    只是看來,我確實是懷孕了。

  • I'm pregnant, I live with my parents.

    我懷孕了,我和父母住在一起。

  • That's gonna be funny to tell the baby one day, right?

    有一天告訴寶寶一定會很有趣,對吧?

  • Yes, that's right.

    是的,是這樣的

  • I found out I was pregnant and I had to hide it

    我發現自己懷孕了,我必須要隱瞞下去

  • from my roommates, who happened to be my parents.

    從我的室友,誰碰巧是我的父母。

  • (jazzy music)

    (爵士樂)

  • Before we go into that, let me backtrack a little.

    在我們討論這個問題之前,讓我先回溯一下。

  • Because, as anyone knows, to get pregnant

    因為,誰都知道,要想懷孕

  • in the traditional sense it takes two to tango.

    一唱一和

  • And yes, my tango partner was my husband, Mike.

    是的,我的探戈舞伴是我的丈夫,邁克。

  • He also moved out when our lease ended

    我們的租約到期後,他也搬走了

  • and in with his in-laws.

    並與他的親家一起進。

  • The pregnancy, was it planned?

    懷孕,是計劃中的嗎?

  • Well, that's like debatable because yeah,

    嗯,這就像辯論,因為是的。

  • I eventually wanted to get pregnant,

    我最終還是想懷孕了。

  • like in two years or something.

    像在兩年或東西。

  • You know, post pandemic, post living with parents.

    你知道,流行病後,與父母同住後。

  • That was the plan.

    這就是計劃。

  • So let me just say that if you thought

    所以我只想說,如果你認為

  • there was a grace period, after you switch off

    有一個寬限期,在你關閉後,你關閉

  • contraceptive pills to another method, you're wrong.

    避孕藥到另一種方法,你錯了。

  • Take it from me and my belly.

    從我和我的肚子裡拿。

  • There is no grace period.

    沒有寬限期。

  • Anyway, so my husband and I find out I'm pregnant

    總之,我和老公發現我懷孕了。

  • and we freak out.

    然後我們就嚇壞了。

  • So we decide to wait to see if the pregnancy is viable.

    所以我們決定等著看是否能懷孕。

  • Now with any pregnancy, most people decide to wait

    現在任何懷孕,大多數人都決定等待。

  • to tell anybody till the end of the first trimester.

    在懷孕前三個月內不告訴任何人。

  • And that's because up to a quarter

    而這是因為多達四分之一的

  • of pregnancies end in miscarriage.

    懷孕的人以流產告終;

  • And most miscarriages occur during the first trimester.

    而大多數的流產都發生在前三個月。

  • But also, we needed some privacy,

    但是,我們也需要一些隱私。

  • which was a lot easier said than done.

    這說起來容易做起來難。

  • Alcohol, it's a dead giveaway.

    酒精,這是一個致命的漏洞。

  • Once you reach a certain age as a woman

    當你到了一定的年齡,作為一個女人

  • and you refuse a drink, everyone around you is gonna ask,

    如果你拒絕喝酒,你周圍的人都會問。

  • oh what, are you pregnant?

    哦,什麼,你是懷孕了嗎?

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • So I did not wanna get that question.

    所以我不想問這個問題。

  • My big problem was my parents are a big fan of nightcaps.

    我最大的問題是我的父母很喜歡吃夜宵。

  • Like every night and also afternoon.

    比如每天晚上,還有下午。

  • My family likes to drink.

    我家喜歡喝酒。

  • So avoiding alcohol was a real challenge.

    所以避免喝酒是一個真正的挑戰。

  • We go to kind of an outdoor,

    我們去的是一種戶外。

  • socially distanced dinner at my cousin's.

    在我表哥家吃了一頓社會疏遠的晚餐。

  • And my one cousin's making margaritas.

    而我的一個表妹在做瑪格麗特酒。

  • And I'm being given a margarita.

    而且我還得到了一杯瑪格麗特酒。

  • So what do we do?

    那麼我們該怎麼辦呢?

  • I pretend to sip the drink throughout the night.

    我假裝喝了一整夜的酒。

  • And my husband strategically switches his drink,

    而我的丈夫戰略性地換了他的飲料。

  • which is nearly empty, with mine.

    這幾乎是空的,與我的。

  • End of night my husband is drunk, not blackout but gray.

    晚上我老公喝醉了,不是黑夜,而是灰色。

  • So we realized that wasn't a method

    所以我們意識到這不是一個方法

  • we could really continue with.

    我們真的可以繼續與。

  • So we developed a second method

    所以我們開發了第二種方法

  • of strategically only drinking canned beverages,

    的戰略只喝罐裝飲料。

  • beers, hard kombucha, ciders.

    啤酒、硬昆布、蘋果酒。

  • So when my mom would offer me a drink, I take the cider.

    所以當我媽給我喝的時候,我就會拿蘋果酒。

  • I'd soon after go to the bathroom, dump it out,

    我很快就會去廁所,把它倒掉。

  • put a funnel in there,

    把一個漏斗在那裡。

  • and replace it with something that looks similar.

    並用類似的東西代替它。

  • So like with a cider, I would pour in some apple juice

    所以像喝蘋果酒一樣,我會倒入一些蘋果汁。

  • that I had hidden underneath the sink.

    我把它藏在水槽下面。

  • And then I would drink that the rest of the night.

    然後我就會喝上一整晚。

  • Although my mom was getting me my favorite cider,

    雖然我媽在給我買我最喜歡的蘋果酒。

  • and so I felt particularly bad dumping it down,

    所以我覺得特別不好甩下去。

  • feeding it to whatever sewer people live deep down there.

    把它餵給那些住在下水道深處的人。

  • But the ruse was a success.

    但這個計策很成功。

  • There was a second telltale sign

    還有第二個跡象

  • of pregnancy I had to cover up.

    的懷孕,我不得不掩飾。

  • And that was weight gain.

    那就是增重。

  • Now not everyone gets that in the first trimester,

    現在不是每個人都能在懷孕前三個月得到。

  • but I did.

    但我做到了。

  • Fortunately that one was a little easier

    幸好那個比較容易

  • to just blame on the situation.

    以只是責備的情況。

  • It's the pandemic.

    是大流行病。

  • Yeah, I ordered a bunch of jeans in a new size.

    是啊,我訂了一堆新尺寸的牛仔褲。

  • And then that kind of ended the conversation

    然後就這樣結束了對話

  • 'cause no one's gonna inquire further, because that's rude.

    因為沒有人會進一步詢問, 因為那是不禮貌的。

  • Vomiting is the third telltale sign, aka morning sickness.

    嘔吐是第三個明顯的信號,也就是晨吐。

  • Although I don't know why it's named that

    雖然我不知道為什麼叫這個名字。

  • unless you also consider the night and the afternoon

    除非你也考慮到晚上和下午

  • the morning, because morning sickness occurs all the time.

    晨,因為晨吐的情況時有發生。

  • After a few weeks, I find myself vomiting.

    幾周後,我發現自己在嘔吐。

  • So I have to hide my frequent bathroom trips.

    所以,我不得不掩飾自己經常上廁所的行為。

  • I dramatically order a bunch of diarrhea medication,

    我戲劇性地點了一堆拉肚子的藥。

  • which I open in front of my mom.

    我在我媽媽面前打開。

  • Mom, looks like my diarrhea medicine's arrived.

    媽媽,看來我的止瀉藥到了。

  • And make a big deal of.

    並大肆宣揚。

  • Thank god my diarrhea medicine is finally here, huh.

    謝天謝地,我的拉肚子藥終於來了,呵呵。

  • So that she knows there's a reason

    讓她知道這是有原因的

  • why I'm always in the bathroom.

    為什麼我總是在浴室裡。

  • And then when I'm in the bathroom

    然後當我在浴室裡

  • I'm either playing a podcast,

    我要麼在玩播客。

  • or I've put some water on to kind of hide the retching.

    或者我放了些水來掩蓋我的嘔吐。

  • It was horrible, but it worked.

    雖然很可怕,但很有效。

  • After all of that, I'm pretty confident

    經過這一切,我很有信心

  • I'm gonna be able to make it the full 13 weeks

    我一定能熬過13周的時間

  • with this ruse, lying, keeping the secret.

    用這種詭計,撒謊,保守祕密。

  • I feel really great about it,

    我感覺真的很不錯。

  • until I make this one really dumb, really huge mistake.

    直到我犯了這個非常愚蠢,非常巨大的錯誤。

  • So one day in particular, I'm feeling very tired and lazy,

    所以有一天,我特別覺得很累,很懶。

  • which is another pregnancy sign that I blame on medication.

    這是我歸咎於藥物的另一個懷孕信號。

  • I text my husband, can you bring me that pregnancy book?

    我給老公發短信,你能不能把那本懷孕書給我拿來?

  • Only, I didn't just text my husband Mike.

    只是,我不只是給我丈夫邁克發短信。

  • I texted a chain with Mike and my mom.

    我和邁克還有我媽發了一條簡訊。

  • So he replies to me, uh, did you mean to do that?

    所以他回答我,呃,你是故意的嗎?

  • I am horrified.

    我嚇壞了。

  • I want to cry.

    我想哭。

  • I have put so much time and work into this,

    我花了這麼多時間和精力在這上面。

  • and I ruined it all with like a really dumb text.

    我毀了這一切 像一個非常愚蠢的文字。

  • I didn't even spell pregnancy correctly.

    我連懷孕都沒拼對。

  • I didn't spell pregnancy correctly.

    我沒有拼對懷孕。

  • Maybe I can cover it up.

    也許我可以掩蓋它。

  • So I text, haha, just kidding.

    於是我發短信,哈哈,開個玩笑。

  • I meant producer book, because I am a producer.

    我的意思是製作人書,因為我是製作人。

  • So you know, maybe, I don't know.

    所以你知道,也許,我不知道。

  • I don't know what a producer book would be.

    我不知道製作人書會是什麼。

  • But I texted that and (beeps)

    但我發了簡訊,然後(嗶嗶聲)。

  • I didn't feel like that covered it.

    我不覺得這樣就可以了。

  • So I'm like, you know, okay Sarah,

    所以我想,你知道,好吧,莎拉。

  • you have to face what you've done.

    你必須面對你所做的一切。

  • You gotta go talk to your mother.

    你得去和你媽媽談談

  • So I slink towards the kitchen to just come clean to my mom.

    於是,我向廚房溜達,只想向媽媽坦白。

  • And I see that she's standing there,

    我看到她站在那裡。

  • with her back to me, washing the dishes.

    她背對著我,在洗碗。

  • Her phone is behind her sitting on the table.

    她的手機就在身後坐在桌子上。

  • It appears to be untouched.

    它似乎沒有被動過。

  • My adrenaline's pumping.

    我的腎上腺素的泵。

  • I grab the phone.

    我抓起手機。

  • I run to the bathroom.

    我跑到衛生間。

  • I find the text message chain, delete, delete.

    我找到了簡訊鏈,刪除,刪除。

  • And then I come back out quietly,

    然後我就悄悄地回來了。

  • and I put the phone back exactly where it was.

    我把手機放回原處。

  • She doesn't notice.

    她沒有注意到。

  • I breathe a sigh of relief.

    我鬆了一口氣。

  • I had so, oh (beeps), her computer.

    我有這麼,哦(嗶嗶聲),她的電腦。

  • Her computer gets all the iMessages from her phone.

    她的電腦從手機上獲取所有的iMessages。

  • So it's gonna be there.

    所以它會在那裡。

  • She's gonna open her computer, see it, and figure it out.

    她會打開她的電腦,看到它,並找出它。

  • So I find her computer in her room.

    所以我在她的房間裡找到了她的電腦。

  • Take it out.

    把它拿出來

  • I again, go to the bathroom, probably to engage in what,

    我又是上廁所,可能是要搞什麼。

  • she must assume, is another bout of diarrhea.

    她一定認為,是又一次的腹瀉。

  • And I attempt to delete the messages.

    而我試圖刪除這些資訊。

  • Only, I don't have the password to her laptop.

    只是,我沒有她筆記本的密碼。

  • And I know I only have a certain number of tries.

    而且我知道我只有一定的嘗試次數。

  • So I try password birthday, capital P password anniversary.

    所以我嘗試密碼生日,大寫的P密碼週年紀念。

  • You know, it's not working.

    你知道的,它不工作。

  • My sister's name plus the year exclamation point.

    我妹妹的名字加上年份的感嘆號。

  • It works, which also I'm like,

    它的工作,這也我喜歡。

  • my sister's name, not my name?

    我妹妹的名字,不是我的名字?

  • But whatever, it doesn't matter.

    但不管怎樣,這都無所謂。

  • I'm in the computer, I find the messages.

    我在電腦裡,找到了這些資訊。

  • I can't figure out how to delete them individually.

    我不知道如何單獨刪除它們。

  • So I just delete everything.

    所以我就把所有的東西都刪除了。

  • I just hope she thinks it's

    我只是希望她認為這是

  • like an update that wiped everything out.

    就像一次更新,把一切都消滅了。

  • I get off the computer, flush the toilet to cover my tracks,

    我從電腦上下來,衝馬桶掩飾自己的行蹤。

  • and then I put it back where it was.

    然後我把它放回原處。

  • And then I'm like, Sarah, you just got (beeps).

    然後我就說,莎拉,你剛剛得到(嗶嗶聲)。

  • She has an Apple watch.

    她有一塊蘋果手錶。

  • The texts would've gone there and she's wearing the watch.

    簡訊會去那裡,她戴著手錶。

  • So I wait a little bit, and I walk over to her.

    所以我等了一會兒,就走到她身邊。

  • I don't know if she did see the text,

    我不知道她是否真的看到了簡訊。

  • I don't know if she'd come right out and say it.

    我不知道她會不會直接說出來。

  • So I start off by saying, mom,

    所以我先說,媽媽。

  • I've gotta come clean about something.

    我得坦白一些事情

  • And then I stop, and I look at her.

    然後我停下來,看著她。

  • Like giving her time to fill it in.

    比如給她時間去填。

  • If she saw the text

    如果她看到這段文字

  • maybe she would just say, you're pregnant.

    也許她會說,你懷孕了。

  • Or maybe more likely she'd say something like,

    或者她更有可能會說這樣的話:

  • oh what, pregnancy brain?

    哦,什麼,懷孕的大腦?

  • You forgot to do something.

    你忘了做什麼

  • But no, silence.

    但是沒有,沉默。

  • She just looks at me, completely clueless.

    她只是看著我,完全不懂。

  • So I'm just like, I spilled soda on your duvet.

    所以,我只是喜歡,我灑了蘇打水在你的羽絨被。

  • I'll get you a new one if it doesn't come out.

    如果它不出來,我就給你買個新的。

  • But she's like, okay, and she goes back to washing.

    但她就像,好吧,她回去洗。

  • And I'm like, I can't believe it.

    我很喜歡,我不能相信它。

  • I can't believe I just got away with all that.

    我真不敢相信我居然能逃過這一切。

  • But I have to be smarter and I have to be more careful.

    但我必須更聰明,我必須更小心。

  • And so I am.

    我也是如此。

  • So fast forward a few weeks.

    所以快進幾個星期。

  • All right, we're about to go find out

    好了,我們要去找找看了

  • if what's inside me is a baby.

    如果我肚子裡的是一個嬰兒,

  • My first trimester is about over.

    我的頭三個月就要結束了。

  • Baby still looks healthy.

    寶寶看起來還是很健康的。

  • Baby exists.

    寶貝的存在。

  • I decide to tell my parents.

    我決定告訴我的父母。

  • I wait till they go to visit my sister in another state.

    我等著他們去另一個州看望我妹妹。

  • You know, my sister, my mom's password.

    你知道,我的妹妹,我媽媽的密碼。

  • So we're doing a Zoom call,

    所以我們要做一個Zoom電話。

  • and I surprise her, and I tell her.

    我給她一個驚喜,我告訴她。

  • - Nuh uh!

    - Nuh uh!

  • Nuh uh!

    Nuh uh!

  • - Really, really? - Really.

    - 真的,真的嗎?- 真的,真的嗎?

  • - [Mom] You're not kidding, right?

    - [媽媽]你不是在開玩笑吧?

  • - No, it's real. - No I'm not.

    - 不,它是真實的。- 不,我不是。

  • - It's real.

    - 這是真實的。

  • - And I accidentally texted Mike

    - 我不小心給邁克發了簡訊

  • and you on a text message chain.

    和你在簡訊鏈上。

  • - Even if you had not deleted that pregnancy thing,

    - 即使你沒有刪除那個懷孕的事情。

  • I would never, I would not have thought anything of it.

    我絕不會,我不會有任何想法的。

  • - Were you not suspicious at all from that?

    - 難道你一點都不懷疑嗎?

  • - No.

    - 不知道

  • - I mean she has no idea.

    - 我的意思是她不知道。

  • My secret was safe.

    我的祕密是安全的。

  • It didn't come out.

    它沒有出來。

  • Because she thinks I'm a total lightweight with drinking

    因為她覺得我是個喝酒的輕量級人物。

  • she wouldn't have thought twice if I had refused alcohol.

    如果我拒絕喝酒,她也不會多想。

  • Also, she said, she just thinks I go to the bathroom a lot.

    還有,她說,她只是覺得我經常上廁所。

  • So I didn't even need to make up a diarrhea excuse.

    所以我連拉肚子的藉口都不用編了。

  • Yeah, in retrospect I wish I hadn't come up with that lie.

    是啊,現在回想起來,我真希望自己沒有想到這個謊言。

  • Anyway, few months later,

    總之,幾個月後。

  • Mike and I move into our own place again.

    邁克和我又搬到了自己的地方。

  • We have our own privacy.

    我們有自己的隱私。

  • And we tell the news to a wider friend circle,

    而我們把這個消息告訴了更廣泛的朋友圈。

  • so we're not keeping any secrets from anyone anymore.

    所以我們不再對任何人保密了。

  • Literally not anyone because you know now.

    從字面上看不是任何人,因為你現在知道了。

  • Like you and everyone else on the internet knows.

    就像你和網上所有人都知道的那樣。

  • So yeah, I'm pregnant.

    所以,是的,我懷孕了。

  • So that's it.

    所以就這樣了。

  • Now it's out there.

    現在它在那裡。

  • No more lies, no more deception.

    不再有謊言,不再有欺騙。

  • No more lies about the deceptions and I can just be excited.

    沒有了謊言的欺騙,我可以只顧著興奮了。

  • And that feels really good. (laughs