Name: 不愛自己的父母如何產生自我憎惡的孩子？ (How Unloving Parents Generate Self-Hating Children)
Uploaded: 2021-03-24T19:45:29.000Z
Duration: 5 min 33 s

基礎被動語態

(1) A central fact about early childhood  is that babies are born into the world  

(1)關於幼兒期的一個核心事實是，嬰兒出生後就來到了這個世界上。

程度副詞

entirely at the mercy of others. They have  no native strength, intelligence or utility,  

完全受他人擺佈。他們沒有本領、智慧和效用。

they cannot fight or complain,  walk away or argue their case,  

他們不能爭吵、不能抱怨、不能走開、不能辯解。

their survival depends solely on their  capacity to look up from their cots with vast,  

他們的生存完全取決於他們的能力，從他們的小床上抬起頭來，與廣大。

innocent, beautiful eyes and charm their  parents into caring for them. It's their  

天真美麗的眼睛，吸引著父母對他們的關愛。這是他們

power to attract love that ensures they will  be fed and clothed, protected and kept alive.w

吸引愛的力量，確保他們有飯吃、有衣穿、有保護、有生命。

(2) In exchange for this nurture, young children  readily offer their parents or caregivers  

(2)為了換取這種培養，幼兒很樂意向父母或看護人提供

unconditional admiration. They naturally adore  and are boundlessly impressed by those who pick  

無條件的崇拜。他們自然而然地對那些挑剔的人產生了崇拜和無限的好感。

them up and bathe them, warm their milk and  change their sheets. They are in awe at these  

給他們洗澡，給他們熱牛奶，給他們換床單。他們對這些

giant people who know how to turn on a washing  machine and kick a ball over a tree. There  

巨人知道如何打開洗衣機和踢球過樹。還有...

is - at this stage - no innate desire whatever  to question or doubt figures of authority.

在這一階段，沒有任何質疑或懷疑權威人物的內在願望；

(3) Given what is at stake, it follows  that small children are instinctively,  

(3)鑑於事關重大，由此可見，小孩子是本能的。

hugely sensitive to how well they are doing at  getting their admired protectors on their side.  

對他們如何讓自己崇拜的保護者站在自己這邊非常敏感。  

If they feel they are loved, they can relax  into themselves and get on with the many other  

如果他們感覺到自己被愛，他們就可以放鬆自己，繼續處理許多其他的事情。

pressing priorities of early childhood: working  out how to eat solids, figuring out what a plug  

幼兒期的當務之急：學習如何吃固體食物，弄清什麼是插頭。

socket is, how a button functions, what  words are and how soap bubbles form.

插座是什麼，按鈕的功能，什麼是文字，肥皂泡是怎麼形成的。

(4) But if love is in more restricted supply,  the picture grows a whole lot more complicated.  

(4)但如果愛情的供應比較受限制，情況就會變得複雜很多。  

There are childhoods in which, for a variety of  reasons, parents fail to be charmed as they might  

有的童年，由於種種原因，父母未能如願以償地被迷住。

be. They leave the baby to scream, they shout at  one another, there might be violence and hysteria,  

是。他們讓嬰兒尖叫，他們互相喊叫，可能會有暴力和歇斯底里。

lethargic despair and terror. The young child  knows instinctively it is in grave danger,  

昏昏欲睡的絕望和恐懼。年幼的孩子本能地知道它正處於嚴重的危險之中。

if the situation is not somehow corrected, in  extremis, it may be left on a hillside to die.

如果不加以一定的糾正，在極端情況下，可能會被留在山坡上死去。

(5) At this point, our biology initiates a  desperate yet darkly logical process. The  

(5)此時，我們的生物學啟動了一個絕望而又黑暗的邏輯過程。這時，我們的生物學啟動了一個絕望而又黑暗的邏輯過程。

young child starts to try a lot harder. It  redoubles its efforts to charm, to be good,  

年幼的孩子開始更加努力。它加倍努力去吸引人，去做好人。

to do what could be expected of it,  to smile and to ingratiate itself.  

做它能做的事，微笑著討好它。  

It wonders what may be wrong with itself to  explain the parental disapproval and harm - and  

它想知道自己可能出了什麼問題，以解釋父母的不認可和傷害--以及。

doesn't feel any alternative but to search in  its own character and behaviour for answers.

除了在自己的性格和行為中尋找答案外，不覺得有什麼其他的選擇。

(6) At the same time, the child resists what  might - from an adult perspective - seem like  

(6)同時，孩子抵制那些在成人看來可能是

the obvious move: to get annoyed with and  blame the adults in the vicinity who are  

顯而易見的舉動是：惹惱並責怪附近的成年人，他們是誰？

not looking after it as they should. But  such a bold thought does not belong to the  

沒有得到應有的照顧。但這種大膽的想法並不屬於他們。

defencelessness of the early years. We are in no  position to mount a challenge to our protectors  

早年的無防備狀態。我們沒有資格向我們的保護者發起挑戰。

when we can hardly reach the door handle,  let alone turn on a tap; we need to have  

當我們幾乎夠不著門把手，更不用說打開水龍頭了；我們需要有。

our own front door key and bank account before  cynicism is a realistic option. It is far more  

我們自己的前門鑰匙和銀行賬戶，才是嫉惡如仇的現實選擇。它遠比

intuitive to wonder why we are horrid than to  complain of being unfairly and unkindly treated.

直觀地想知道我們為什麼可怕，而不是抱怨受到不公平、不友好的對待。

(7) Small children therefore naturally turn  injury done to them into dislike of themselves.  

(7)是以，小孩子很自然地把對他們的傷害變成對自己的不喜歡。  

They ask not so much 'Why does my parent fail to  care for me?' as 'How might I have failed this  

他們問的不是 "為什麼我的父母沒有照顧我？"而是 "我怎麼會沒有照顧好我？

admirable person?' They hate themselves rather  than doubt those who should be protecting them,  

令人敬佩的人'？他們恨自己，而不是懷疑那些應該保護他們的人。

shame replaces anger. It feels,  on balance, like the safer option.

羞愧代替了憤怒總的來說，這感覺是比較安全的選擇。

(8) A vicious spiral of self- hatred then  sets in. The unloved growing child wonders  

(8)於是，自怨自艾的惡性循環開始了。不被愛的成長中的孩子不知道

constantly about their faults. Their  parent may be alcoholic, narcissistic,  

不斷地談論他們的過錯。他們的父母可能有酗酒，自戀。

sadistic or depressed; they  may never cook a proper meal  

虐待狂或抑鬱症，他們可能從來沒有做過一頓像樣的飯。

or shout intemperately from their bedroom,  but none of that matters in the slightest.  

或在臥室裡放肆地大喊大叫，但這些都不重要。  

The parent cannot be envisaged as anything other  than substantially impressive. To explain the  

除了實質性的印象之外，不能把父母想象成其他的東西。為了解釋這一點。

lack of love from the paragons of parenthood,  it must be that the child is an awful person,  

缺少父母的典範愛，那一定是孩子是個可怕的人。

they must be stupid and mean, selfish and slow,  physically repulsive and irritating and shallow.

他們一定是愚蠢而卑鄙，自私而遲鈍，身體上令人厭惡，惱人而膚淺。

(9) As childhood gets left behind,  much of this dynamic is forgotten.  

(9)隨著童年被遺忘，這種動態的很多東西都被遺忘了。  

The adolescent and young adult overlooks exactly  what went on, they cannot necessarily think  

少年和青年無意中發現到底發生了什麼事，他們不一定能想到

clearly of the early years - and parental  figures may be keen that they never do so.  

清楚的早年 -- -- 而父母的身影可能熱衷於從不這樣做。  

The former child can't tell any more that their  feeling of shame has specific origins, it can feel  

以前的孩子再怎麼說，他們的羞恥感也是有具體的由來的，會感覺到

like something they might have been born with, a  natural phenomenon, like bad weather or the flu.

就像他們可能與生俱來的東西，一種自然現象，就像壞天氣或流感。

(10) Liberation awaits us when we dare to  take on board a highly implausible idea:  

(10)當我們敢於接受一個非常不合理的想法時，解放就在等待著我們。

that our self-hatred, far from being inevitable,  is an internalisation of early deprivation  

我們的自怨自艾，遠遠不是必然的，而是早年被剝奪的內在化。

and that far from needing to revere  and admire those who denied us love,  

而這遠不需要去敬畏和崇拜那些拒絕我們愛的人。

we are in a position to understand, to  question, to be annoyed and to mourn what we  

我們能夠理解、質疑、惱怒和哀悼我們的東西。

did not receive. We are not so despicable after  all, we've just - till now - lacked any better  

沒有收到。我們畢竟沒有那麼卑鄙，我們只是--到現在為止--缺乏更好的。

ideas to explain why we didn't manage to charm  those who should have loved us from the start.

解釋為什麼我們沒能迷住那些一開始就應該愛我們的人。