months ago I met up with an acquaintance of mine that I had met online and even

though this was the first time we ever spoke to each other in person we ended

up talking about relationships he told me about his dating life and his

relationship with his fiancee and within just 10 minutes he had already disclosed

to me how he was having second guesses regarding his recent engagement he was

having doubts about getting married and he literally said to me man I haven't

told anyone this not my friends not my co-workers definitely not my fiancee not

anyone I don't know why but I felt like I wanted to tell you stuff like this

happens to me all of the time people tell me things that they don't usually

share with others secrets radical opinions past traumas things like that

and because I'm able to get people to open up to me like this these

relationships thrive and we usually become good friends four years down the

line today I'm gonna show you exactly how you can get people to open up to you

so that you can create deeper and more fulfilling relationships in your own

life and there's really only two things you have to do first you have to learn

to reduce your filter if you think about it the reason why we are scared to say

certain things or to act in certain ways is because we are afraid of how others

will react we're scared of being made fun of of looking like a fool of being

branded as an outcast so we tend to keep a lot of our thoughts ideas and feelings

bottled up inside instead of talking about things that we really want to talk

about we put on a filter and we spend most of our time conversing in small

talk we talk about things like the weather our classes last night's sports

game because these are all safe topics but secretly

deep down inside we're all looking for that special someone someone who we can

share our strange thoughts and ideas with now if you come along and you fill

them from the start that you don't really care about being a perfect

snowflake then you don't really filter yourself and that you are willing to

talk about things that are deemed as socially unacceptable or strange then

people will want to open up to you they'll think wow this guy doesn't

really care too much about what society thinks so it should be safe for me to

talk to him about things that I've been bottling up inside you want to be that

guy you want to show them that you don't really have a filter and it's pretty

easy to do this all you have to do is share

something that is considered to be sort of weird something that is slightly out

of the norm for example I will sometimes tell people about how I don't sit on

toilets fun fact I squat on top of them when I do my business why well it's

because when I was a kid I just didn't like the cold feeling of my butt

touching the seat but it turns out that we humans are meant to use the toilet in

the squatting position there are a ton of benefits but let's not get into that

too much here you can look into that on your own time the point I'm trying to

make is that when you share something that's sort of strange like this people

will instinctively react by thinking huh that's weird but deep down inside

they're also thinking huh this guy doesn't really care too much about what

others think so it should be okay if I talk about some of the stuff I've been

bottling up inside as well I can relax and filter less my words and thoughts

now it's very important to note that there is a fine line between being seen

as someone who has a reduced filter and being seen as someone who is just plain

old crazy and it all depends on your perceived value which is a concept we

talked about in a previous video there's a difference between that unemployed guy

who lives next door coming up to you and talking about seeing aliens as compared

to someone like Bob Lazar who's a well-known scientist coming up to you

and talking about seeing an alien spaceship if your value is too low

people will just think that you're crazy you're gonna try their best to get away

from you so you should only reduce your filter and say weird things if your

value is high enough which means having proper hygiene having a decent amount of

social proof meaning that people know you have friends dressing decently well

being in decent shape being able to hold eye contact etc the higher your value is

the easier it is to get away with saying weird and strange things now before we

dive into the second thing you have to do in order to get people to open up to

you I want to quickly tell you about a new program of ours the habit builder

challenge because as we all know the only way you'll actually see any

progress in your life whether it's your health wealth overall happiness or even

your relationships is if you build the right habits you won't suddenly become a

social butterfly just by watching the befriend course I wish it was that easy

right because you actually have to go out there and build a habit of talking

to people so if you're interested in receiving news about this habit building

program of mine all you have to do is sign up for our email list by clicking

on the link in the description box below all right let's get back to the topic at

hand now after you've shown someone that you don't really have a filter by saying

something out of the norm it's still up to you to guide the conversation in a

way that will eventually get them to open up see most of the time people just

won't talk about things that they've been bottling up for months or even

years unless you prompt them to which is why the second thing you have to do is

ask the right questions and not just any question there is a special type of

question that I personally like to use a lot in conversations they're what I like

to call assumption questions all it is is when you make an assumption about

someone based on an observation and see if it's true or not going back to the

example from the beginning of the video when I was having the conversation with

my acquaintances I noticed that he had a very monotone expression on when talking

about his recent engagement so I said I'm just gonna be honest with you man

you don't really sound that excited about the engagement is there something

bothering you assumption questions like this - two things first it shows that

you are really really listening because the only way you can make an assumption

like this is if you are paying 100% close attention to what they were saying

how they were saying it and their body language the very fact that you're

paying this much attention shows that you genuinely care about what's being

said and that's something that people really really like it makes them feel

good the second thing this does is it causes

them to react if your assumption is wrong they will instinctively want to

correct you you might say something like oh no it's it's not that I'm not excited

I'm just tired for my long fight here yada yada in this case you can simply

take that information and branch off into another topic you can talk about

how you recover from jet lag - it's up to you but what I found is that if

you're really paying attention you'll actually be able to make a correct

assumption most of the time and when that happens when your assumption is

correct they will almost always start opening up because this is the cue for

them to open up that bottle to let out all those emotions and thoughts they've

been holding in for who knows how long right we all know that talking about our

problem helps relieve the stress that comes along with it and by making a

correct assumption you've essentially told them hey I'm the perfect person to

talk to about this subject I don't really have a filter so I probably won't

judge you and to top it off I care about you in this conversation so I am the

perfect candidate for you to talk to and that's how you get someone's open

by reducing your filter and asking assumption questions now the information

you learned in this video is helpful and it will work but at the end of the day

it doesn't mean anything unless you take action and you turn it into a habit

you've got to build a habit of talking to people if you ever want to get people

to open up to you right so if you want to learn more about the habit builder

challenge and also other future programs and services we'll be releasing

make sure you click on the link in the description box below to sign up for our

mailing list besides that guys stay tuned