Placeholder Image

字幕列表 影片播放

自動翻譯
  • >> Stephen: THERE ARE TIMES I LOVE TO DO THIS SHOW.

    >> 史蒂芬:有些時候我喜歡做這個節目。

  • I GET TO TALK TO RINGO STARR TONIGHT.

    我今晚要跟林檎星說話了。

  • THAT ONE.

    那一個。

  • PEACE AND LOVE, RINGO!

    和平與愛,林檎!

  • SOMETIMES CALLED THE FIFTH BEETLE.

    有時被稱為第五隻甲蟲。

  • WELCOME TO A "LATE SHOW."

    歡迎來到 "晚間秀"。

  • I'M YOUR SHOWS STEPHEN COLBERT AND I AM FEELING PRETTY DARN

    我是你的節目斯蒂芬-科爾伯特,我感覺非常糟糕。

  • GOOD.

    好的。

  • NOT JUST THE RINGO THING BUT IT'S BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME

    不僅僅是裡高的事情,但它的原因是第一次。

  • IN THE LAST YEAR I FEEL LIKE THE GLASS IS HALF FULL.

    在過去的一年裡,我覺得玻璃杯是半滿的。

  • IT'S PRETTY SURE THAT'S WATER, DOESN'T SMELL LIKE BLEACH.

    很確定那是水,聞起來不像是水蛭。

  • BECAUSE AFTER A YEAR OF RELENTLESS DARK NEWS ABOUT THE

    因為經過一年來關於美國的無情的黑暗新聞之後。

  • PANDEMIC, THERE MAY FINALLY BE SOME LIGHT AT THE END OF THE

    PANDEMIC,最後可能會有一些光 在結束的地方

  • TUNNEL.

    隧道:

  • I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN MY NEWLY-UPDATED SEGMENT: "CATCH

    我會在我的最新章節中告訴你所有的事情。"捕捉

  • -- I'LL INFECT YOU, MY PRETTY AND YOUR LITTLE DOGS!

    -- 我會傳染給你,我的寶貝和你的小狗!

  • T-- AHHH! I'M MELTING.

    T -- AHHH!我正在融化。

  • >> Stephen: HEY, DON'T COMPLAIN TO ME!

    >> Stephen: HEY, Don't COMPLAIN TO ME!

  • COMPLAIN TO THE PROP DEPARTMENT.

    向專業部門投訴。

  • THEY KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH THIS WHEN THEY GIVE IT TO

    他們知道我打算怎麼做,當他們給它

  • ME.

    我。

  • WHAT DO YOU THINK?

    你覺得呢?

  • I'M NOT THE ONE YOU NEED TO TALK TO.

    我不是你要找的那個人。

  • QUICK MESSAGE TO PROPS.

    快速留言給道具。

  • >> STEPHEN: THIS WEEKEND, WE REACHED A VERY EXCITING

    >> 這個週末,我們達到了一個非常激動人心的目標,那就是在這個週末,我們將有更多的時間去做一些事情。

  • MILESTONE: THE UNITED STATES HAS NOW ADMINISTERED OVER

    里程碑:美國現在已經管理著超過100個國家。

  • 100 MILLION DOSES OF COVID-19 VACCINE, MEANING, ALMOST 20% OF

    1億劑量的COVID-19疫苗,這意味著有近20%的人在使用。

  • THE TOTAL POPULATION HAVE GOTTEN AT LEAST ONE DOSE.

    總人口至少增加了一劑。

  • OKAY, 20%, THAT'S ONE FIFTH.

    好吧,20%,這是一個五分之一。

  • SO, NEXT TIME YOU'RE IN A GROUP OF FIVE PEOPLE, LOOK AROUND AND

    所以,下一次你在五人小組中,環顧四周,然後。

  • SAY TO YOURSELF, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN A GROUP OF FIVE

    對自己說:"我到底在五人小組中做什麼?

  • PEOPLE?

    人?

  • I HAVEN'T GOTTEN MY SHOT YET!" ONE PERSON WHO GOT THE VACCINE

    "我還沒打過針呢!"一個人誰得到了疫苗。

  • THIS WEEKEND WAS 18-TIME GRAMMY-WINNING CELLIST YO-YO-MA,

    這個週末,18次獲得格萊美獎的大提琴家YO-YO-MA。

  • WHO DIDN'T JUST GET HIS SHOT, HE BROUGHT HIS CELLO WITH HIM, AND

    誰不只是得到他的鏡頭, 他把他的CELLO與他,和。

  • THEN, DURING THE 15-MINUTE OBSERVATION PERIOD, PLAYED A

    然後,在15分鐘的觀察時間內,播放了一個

  • SURPRISE CONCERT.

    驚喜音樂會:

  • THAT'S LOVELY, BUT HOW MUCH OF A SURPRISE IS IT WHEN YO-YO MA

    這很好,但有多大的驚喜是,當你,你的馬

  • PLAYS THE CELLO?

    扮演塞洛?

  • "OH, MY GOSH, YO-YO, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE IN THAT GIANT

    "哦,我的天啊,喲,喲,那巨大的裡面會有什麼呢?

  • CELLO-SHAPED CASE?

    塞洛形狀的外殼?

  • I'M GOING TO SAY A VERY VOLUPTUOUS CLARINET?

    我想說一個很有魄力的CLARINET?

  • OH, IT'S A CELLO?

    哦,這是一個CELLO?

  • YES, WE WERE SURPRISED!" HERE'S A TASTE OF THE CONCERT:

    是的,我們很驚訝!"這裡是音樂會的味道。

  • ("AVE MARIA") ♪ ♪ ♪

    ("AVE MARIA")?

  • >> Stephen: UNBELIEVABLE.

    >> 史蒂芬:不可置信。

  • PERFECTION.

    完美。

  • TRANSPORTING.

    交通運輸:

  • THANK YOU, YO-YO.

    謝謝你,YO -YO。

  • WHAT A LOVELY GIFT FOR EVERYONE WAITING FOR THEIR SHOT TO TAKE

    多麼可愛的禮物,送給等待機會的人。

  • EFFECT.

    效果:

  • I WANT TO POINT OUT, "AVE MARIA" IS

    我想指出,"AVE MARIA "是。

  • PLAYED AT A LOT OF FUNERALS.

    在很多葬禮上演奏過。

  • IT'S A PANDEMIC, LET'S KEEP IT LIGHT.

    這是一個PANDEMIC,讓我們保持它的光。

  • IS THERE A CELLO VERSION OF "UPTOWN FUNK?"

    是否有一個CELLO版本的 "上城FUNK"?

  • BUT DESPITE ALL THE GOOD NEWS, THERE MAY BE TROUBLE ON THE

    但是,儘管有這麼多的好消息,但可能會有麻煩。

  • HORIZON, BECAUSE NEARLY 30% OF AMERICANS-- AND HALF

    因為有近30%的美國人... ...還有一半的人...

  • OF ALL REPUBLICAN MEN-- SAY THEY DO NOT INTEND TO GET ONE OF THE

    在所有的共和黨人中,有一部分人說他們不打算得到一個

  • VACCINES.

    疫苗:

  • FIRST OF ALL, I CALL DIBS ON THEIRS.

    首先,我叫他們的名字。

  • SECOND OF ALL, WHY?

    第二,為什麼?

  • WHY, REPUBLICAN MEN?

    為什麼,共和黨人?

  • WHY?

    為什麼?

  • YOUR GUY'S TAKING CREDIT FOR THE VACCINE.

    你的傢伙的採取信貸 疫苗。

  • YOU'RE INSULTING HIM BY NOT GETTING JABBED.

    你不被打,就是在侮辱他。

  • YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK HIS "WHATEVER'S-WHERE-HIS-HEART-SHOU

    你要打破他的 "他的心在哪裡就在哪裡"。

  • LD-BE."

    LD-BE。"

  • YESTERDAY, DR. ANTHONY FAUCI WAS ON THE FOX NEWS AND, IN AN

    昨天,博士,安託尼-福西在福克斯新聞,安東尼・福西是在福克斯新聞和,在一個。

  • ATTEMPT TO GET THE FORMER PRESIDENT TO ENCOURAGE HIS

    試圖讓前總統鼓勵他的兒子和女兒們

  • FOLLOWERS TO GET VACCINATED, HE TRIED FLAT-OUT FLATTERY:

    跟隨者得到的VACCINATED,他嘗試了FLAT-OUT FLATTERY。

  • >> HE'S A VERY WIDELY POPULAR PERSON AMONG REPUBLICANS.

    >> 他在共和黨人中是個很受歡迎的人。

  • IF HE CAME OUT AND SAID, "GO AND GET VACCINATED, IT'S REALLY

    如果他出來說:"去打疫苗吧,這真的是......"。

  • IMPORTANT FOR YOUR HEALTH, THE HEALTH OF YOUR FAMILY, AND THE

    對您的健康、您家人的健康、以及您的家人的健康都很重要。

  • HEALTH OF THE COUNTRY," IT SEEMS ABSOLUTELY INEVITABLE THAT THE

    國家的健康",似乎完全不可避免的是。

  • VAST MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WHO ARE HIS CLOSE FOLLOWERS WOULD LISTEN

    絕大多數人是他的親密追隨者,他們會聽從他的意見。

  • TO HIM.

    給他。

  • HE'S SUCH A STRONGLY POPULAR PERSON.

    他是個很受歡迎的人。

  • >> STEPHEN: (AS FAUCI) "HE'S SO STRONGLY POPULAR, AND

    >> "他非常受歡迎,而且...

  • MIGHT I ADD, VERY ATTRACTIVE.

    我想說的是,非常吸引人。

  • AS AN IMMUNOLOGIST, I'D SAY HE'S CONTAGIOUSLY SEXY, AND I

    作為一個免疫學家,我會說他很性感,而且我...

  • DIAGNOSE HIM WITH ONE FINE ANTI-BODY.

    用一個細小的防身術來診斷他。

  • JUST LOOKING AT HIM, I RUN A FEVER OF 100-AND-DAMN!

    光是看著他,我就有100度的恐懼,該死的!

  • IS IT WORKING?

    它在工作嗎?

  • IS HE ACTING RESPONSIBLE YET?

    他的行為負責任了嗎?

  • HUBBA HUBBA."

    HUBBA HUBBA。"

  • "TEAR ME OFF A PIECE OF THAT BUT NOT HIS HAIR BECAUSE THAT HAIR

    "把我的頭髮撕下來,但不要撕他的頭髮,因為他的頭髮...

  • IS REAL."

    是真實的。"

  • BUT TO GET EVERYONE THEIR SHOTS, WE NEED LEADERSHIP IN EVERY PART

    但為了讓每個人都有機會,我們需要每個環節的領導力。

  • OF THE COMMUNITY.

    社區的發展:

  • WHICH IS WHY THOUSANDS OF CLERGY MEMBERS FROM A CROSS SECTION OF

    這就是為什麼成千上萬的教士成員從一個十字部分的原因。

  • FAITHS-- IMAMS, RABBIS, PRIESTS, AND SWAMIS-- ARE TRYING TO COAX

    教派--伊瑪目,拉比,牧師,和瓦米斯--都在試圖哄騙... ...

  • THE HESITANT TO GET VACCINATED AGAINST COVID-19.

    對COVID-19不願意接種疫苗。

  • REMINDS ME OF THAT JOKE: A PRIEST, A RABBI, AN IMAM AND A

    讓我想起了那個笑話:一個牧師,一個拉比,一個伊瑪目和一個...

  • SWAMI WALK INTO A BAR-- AND IT'S OKAY 'CAUSE THEY ALL GOT

    SWAMI走進一家酒吧 -- 這沒關係,因為他們都得到了。

  • VACCINATED!

    接種了!

  • AT ONE EVANGELICAL CHURCH IN FLORIDA, THE REVEREND ENCOURAGES

    在佛羅里達州的一個福音教會,牧師鼓勵人們

  • HIS CONGREGATION BY REMINDING THEM THAT OUR TRADITION IS RICH

    提醒他們,我們的傳統是豐富的。

  • WITH CHRIST THE HEALER.

    與醫者基督同在。

  • YES, AND REMEMBER, CHRIST IS SCHEDULED TO COME BACK FOR A

    是的,請記住,基督已被安排好再來一次。

  • SECOND DOSE ON A CLOUD OF GLORY.

    第二劑在榮耀的雲層上。

  • FOR CATHOLICS, POPE FRANCIS DECLARED THAT CORONAVIRUS SHOTS

    對天主教徒來說,弗朗西斯教皇宣佈,冠狀病毒疫苗。

  • ARE "MORALLY ACCEPTABLE."

    是 "道德上可以接受的"。

  • AND WHEN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH DESCRIBES SOMETHING AS MORALLY

    當天主教教會將某件事情描述為道德上的

  • ACCEPTABLE, THERE'S A CHANCE THAT IT IS.

    可以接受,有一個機會,它是。

  • THE POINT IS, IF EVERYONE GETS VACCINATED, WE CAN MAKE IT

    重點是,如果大家都被打了疫苗,我們就能做到。

  • THROUGH THIS PANDEMIC IN JUST A FEW MONTHS, AS LONG AS AMERICANS

    在短短几個月的時間裡,只要美國人能夠度過這段恐慌期

  • DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID-- AND WE'RE DOOMED, 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT

    不要做任何愚蠢的事情 -- 我們就完蛋了,因為我們已經得到了... ...

  • TO PASS WHAT'S KNOWN AS "THE MARSHMALLOW TEST."

    要通過什麼是所謂的 "馬什馬洛測試"。

  • BACK IN THE EARLY '70S, A STANFORD RESEARCHER RAN A TEST

    早在70年代初,斯坦福的一位研究人員就進行了一項測試。

  • WITH A GROUP OF 600 PRESCHOOLERS.

    與600名學生一起。

  • HE WOULD GIVE EACH CHILD A MARSHMALLOW AND GIVE THEM THE

    他要給每個孩子一個棉花糖,並給他們。

  • OPTION OF EATING IT IMMEDIATELY IF THEY CHOSE.

    選擇立即吃它,如果他們選擇。

  • BUT IF THEY COULD WAIT 15 MINUTES, THEY WOULD GET A SECOND

    但是,如果他們能等待15分鐘,他們會得到第二個

  • MARSHMALLOW AS A REWARD.

    MARSHMALLOW作為獎勵。

  • THAT STORY MAKES ME SO HUNGRY.

    這個故事讓我好餓。

  • ANYWAY -- ANYWAY -- ABOUT A THIRD -- STOP WHAT?

    無論如何... ... 無論如何... ... 第三次...

  • IT'S A MARSHMALLOW, YOU BABY.

    這是一個棉花糖,你的寶貝。

  • WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN HERE.

    這裡會發生什麼。

  • >> Stephen: OH, DON'T DO ANYTHING SILLY.

    >> 史蒂芬:哦,不要做任何事情SILLY。

  • IT'S A COMEDY SHOW!

    這是一個喜劇表演!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ANYWAY --

    (笑)反正 -

  • ANYWAY, ABOUT A THIRD OF THE KIDS WAITED TO GET THE SECOND

    總之,大約有三分之一的孩子等著去拿第二份報告。

  • MARSHMALLOW, AND THE RESEARCHER FOUND THAT, YEARS LATER, THEY

    MARSHMALLOW和研究者發現,多年後,他們的。

  • HAD BETTER OUTCOMES IN LIFE, THANKS TO THEIR ABILITY TO DELAY

    由於他們有能力拖延,他們在生活中取得了更好的結果。

  • GRATIFICATION.

    感謝。

  • SIMILARLY, IF WE CAN DELAY THE GRATIFICATION OF GOING OUT FOR

    同樣地,如果我們能夠延遲外出的謝意,我們也會有更多的選擇。

  • JUST A FEW MORE WEEKS WHILE EVERYONE GETS VACCINATED, WE

    再過幾個星期,當大家都在打疫苗的時候,我們

  • CAN-- >> SPRING BREAKERS TOUCHING DOWN

    CAN-->>彈簧斷路器觸地。

  • IN THE SUNSHINE STATE.

    在陽光燦爛的州。

  • FROM FORT LAUDERDALE TO MIAMI BEACH, SOUTH FLORIDA BARS

    從佛羅里達州福特戴爾到邁阿密海灘,佛羅里達州南部的酒吧。

  • AND RESTAURANTS PACKED WITH PEOPLE.

    以及人山人海的餐廳。

  • >> STEPHEN: FLORIDA!

    >> 佛羅里達州!

  • I KNOW WHAT IT'S GOING TO SAY ON OUR NATION'S TOMBSTONE:

    我知道我們國家的墓碑上會寫些什麼

  • "AMERICA 1776-2021.

    "美國1776-2021年。

  • DESTROYED BY OUR BIGGEST DICK."

    被我們最大的雞巴給毀了。"

  • ONE SPRING BREAKER EXPLAINED "GRANNY SHOULDN'T BE OUT HERE

    一個春天的突破者解釋說:"奶奶不應該在這裡。

  • ANYWAYS.

    無論如何。

  • IT'S TOO MANY PEOPLE."

    太多人了。"

  • NO, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULDN'T BE OUT THERE.

    不,你才是那個不應該出現在那裡的人。

  • GRANNY'S VACCINATED.

    GRANNY's VACCINATED。

  • THOSE BARS OUGHT TO BE DOING OPPOSITE CARDING.

    這些酒吧應該是在做相反的卡丁。

  • "YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU'RE 75.

    "你看起來不像是75歲的人。

  • START HUMMING YOUR FAVORITE PERRY COMO SONG OR I'M CALLING

    開始哼唱你最喜歡的佩裡-科莫的歌曲或我打電話

  • THE COPS."

    警察。"

  • CATCH A FALLING STAR AND PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET

    抓住一顆墜落的星星,把它放在你的口袋裡。

  • SO, CLEARLY, WHEN IT COMES TO COVID, AMERICA IS FAILING THE

    所以,很明顯,當涉及到COVID,美國是失敗的。

  • MARSHMALLOW TEST.

    MARSHMALLOW TEST.

  • AND THAT'S EMBARRASSING, ESPECIALLY GIVEN THE FACT THAT

    這是令人尷尬的,特別是考慮到以下事實:

  • THIS MONTH, SCIENTISTS ANNOUNCED THAT CUTTLEFISH-- SQUID-- CAN

    這個月,科學家們宣佈,烏賊魚... ... SQUID...

  • PASS THE MARSHMALLOW TEST.

    通過 MARSHMALLOW測試。

  • CUTTLEFISH ARE SHOWING MORE RESTRAINT THAN HUMANS.

    醜魚比人類表現出更多的剋制。

  • AT THIS POINT, WE SHOULD JUST BATTER AND FRY OURSELVES.

    在這一點上,我們應該只是毆打和油炸我們自己。

  • WELL, CHARLTON HESTON TRIED TO WARN US.

    查爾頓-赫斯頓曾試圖警告我們。

  • >> YOU MANIACS!

    >> 你們這些瘋子!

  • YOU ATE ALL THE MARSHMALLOWS!

    你把所有的棉花糖都吃了!

  • DAMN YOU, FLORIDA!

    該死的,佛羅里達州!

  • GOSH DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

    天哪,你們都下地獄去吧!

  • >> Stephen: I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT JOKE AT ALL.

    >> 史蒂芬:我完全不明白這個笑話。

  • I LOVE IT.

    我愛它。

  • I LOVE IT.

    我愛它。

  • I LOVE HESTON.

    我愛海斯頓。

  • I LOVE THE CUTTLEFISH.

    我喜歡這條醜魚。

  • IT'S STUPID.

    這是愚蠢的。

  • I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THE CUTTLEFISH IS LADY LIBERTY IN

    我不明白為什麼CUTTLEFISH在LADY LIBERTY裡是LADY LIBERTY?

  • THIS ONE.

    這一個。

  • CAN EITHER OF YOU EXPLAIN IT?

    你們兩個都能解釋一下嗎?

  • >> IT'S A METAPHOR.

    >> 這只是個比喻。

  • >> Stephen: FOR WHAT?

    >> 斯蒂芬。為了什麼?

  • AMERICA.

    美國:

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: THERE'S ANOTHER

    有另一個

  • THING PUTTING A SPRING IN MY STEP, AND THAT'S MUSIC!

    事情把一個春天在我的步伐, 而這是音樂!

  • LAST NIGHT WAS THE 63RD ANNUAL GRAMMY AWARDS, HOSTED BY MY

    昨晚是第63屆格萊美獎頒獎典禮,由我的朋友主持

  • FRIEND AND PARAMOUNT+ COLLEAGUE, TREVOR NOAH!

    FRIEND AND PARAMOUNT+ COLLEAGUE, TREVOR NOAH!

  • TREVOR KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE ARENA --

    特雷弗把它打出了競技場 --

  • IN THAT HE WAS OUT OF THE ARENA, BECAUSE IT WAS THE FIRST TIME

    他離開了競技場,因為這是第一次。

  • THE GRAMMYS TOOK PLACE OUTDOORS.

    格萊美在戶外取得了位置。

  • WHICH WORKED OUT GREAT EXCEPT FOR WHEN BRUNO MARS WAS CARRIED

    其中工作了偉大的,除了當布魯諾-馬爾斯被攜帶

  • OFF BY A HAWK.

    被一隻鷹關了。

  • THOUGHT IT WAS A RABBITT.

    以為是一隻兔子。

  • EAGLE THOUGHT IT WAS A RABBITT.

    老鷹以為是一隻兔子。

  • HE'S A TINY MAN.

    他是一個瘦小的人。

  • THIS YEAR, FEMALE ARTISTS WON BIG.

    今年,女性藝術家大獲全勝。

  • ESPECIALLY BEYONCE, WHO WENT IN WITH NINE NOMINATIONS-- THE MOST

    特別是Beyonce,他獲得了最多的提名。

  • OF THE NIGHT-- AND BY THE END OF THE EVENING, BROKE THE RECORD

    在晚上的時候... ... 並在晚上結束的時候,打破了記錄。

  • FOR THE MOST GRAMMYS WON BY A WOMAN, AND ANY SINGER, MALE OR

    對於女性和任何歌手,無論是男性還是女性,獲得的最多格萊美獎。

  • FEMALE, WITH 28.

    女性,有28歲。

  • HOPEFULLY, SHE FINALLY GOT ONE WHERE THE LITTLE RECORD PLAYER

    希望她終於找到了一個小唱片演奏家的地方。

  • ACTUALLY WORKS.

    實際工作。

  • I WON THIS A COUPLE YEARS BACK, AND THE SOUND QUALITY IS

    我在幾年前贏得了這個,和聲音品質是。

  • TERRIBLE.

    糟糕的。

  • I CAN'T GET IT TO PAIR WITH MY EAR BUDS.

    我不能讓它與我的耳塞配對。

  • WHAT'S THAT?

    那是什麼?

  • OKAY.

    好的。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU'RE ONLY SUPPOSED TO SHOW ONE

    你只需要展示一個。

  • WAY.

    辦法。

  • IT'S TRUE.

    這是真的。

  • I'M GOING TO GET A LETTER.

    我要去得到一個字母。

  • I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE LETTER FROM THE ACADEMY FOR

    我期待著學院的來信,以備不時之需。

  • DOING THIS.

    做這個。

  • WHAT?

    什麼?

  • HIDEOUS.

    隱蔽的。

  • BEAUTIFUL.

    美妙的。

  • HIDEOUS.

    隱蔽的。

  • BEAUTIFUL.

    美妙的。

  • COME AT ME.

    來吧,我。

  • IT WAS ALSO A BIG NIGHT FOR TAYLOR SWIFT, OR T-SWIZZLE AS I

    這也是泰勒-斯威夫特,或者我說的T-斯威茲爾的一個重要夜晚。

  • CALL HER, DESPITE THE COURT ORDER, WHO BECAME THE FIRST

    叫她,儘管法院有命令,但誰成為第一個。

  • WOMAN TO WIN ALBUM OF THE YEAR THREE TIMES.

    女歌手三次獲得年度最佳專輯。

  • NOT ONLY THAT, HER LIVE PERFORMANCE WON THE AWARD FOR

    不僅如此,她的現場表演還獲得了 "最佳表演獎"。

  • MOST MOSS.

    MOST MOSS:

  • HONESTLY, AFTER A YEAR OF NOT MOVING AT ALL, I CAN RELATE.

    老實說,經過一年的不動, 我可以相關。

  • MY DEAR FRIEND MEGHAN THEE STALLION ALSO HAD A LOT TO

    我親愛的朋友梅根... ... .......

  • CELEBRATE.

    慶祝:

  • SHE BECAME THE FIRST FEMALE RAPPER TO BE NAMED BEST NEW

    她成為第一個被評為最佳新人的女性說唱歌手。

  • ARTIST SINCE 1999, AND PUT ON A SCORCHING PERFORMANCE OF "WAP"

    1999年至今,在《WAP》中進行了一場驚心動魄的表演。

  • WITH CARDI B.

    與CARDI B.

  • IT WAS SO HOT, MEGHAN HAD TO TELL US HOW TO PUT OUT THE FIRE.

    太熱了,MEGHAN不得不告訴我們如何滅火。

  • >> ♪ NOW MAKE IT RAIN IF YOU WANNA SEE SOME WET-WET-WET

    >> 現在讓它下雨,如果你想看到一些溼 -溼 -溼的

  • >> STEPHEN: OF COURSE, SINCE IT WAS CBS, LAST NIGHT, "WAP"

    >> 當然,因為昨晚是CBS,"WAP"。

  • STOOD FOR "WATCH 'ABISHOLA' AND 'PICARD.'"

    堅持 "看《阿比索拉》和《皮卡德》"

  • HEY, SPEAKING OF RISQUE, HARRY STYLES MADE HIS OWN FASHION

    嘿,說到RISQUE,HARRY STYLES創造了他自己的時尚。

  • STATEMENT WITH A COUPLE OF FEATHER BOAS AND THIS $450 GUCCI

    聲明與一組ATHER BOAS和這450美元的GUCCI。

  • BANANA PENIS NECKLACE, THAT -- SLIGHTLY BLURRED HERE -- THAT

    香蕉陰莖項鍊,那 - 稍微模糊這裡 - 那。

  • IMMEDIATELY SOLD OUT ONLINE.

    即時在線售罄。

  • SO, IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO BUY A PHALLIC BANANA, I'M AFRAID

    所以,如果你想買PHALLIC香蕉,我很害怕。

  • YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SETTLE FOR A BANANA.

    你要去必須解決一個香蕉。

  • NOW, I LOVE HARRY STYLES-- WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON, ONE

    現在,我愛哈里-斯蒂爾,我們有很多共同點,一個是:

  • IMAGINES-- BUT I HAVE TO WONDER, WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE WAS HE

    想象一下... ... 但我要問的是,他在傳遞什麼資訊?

  • TRYING TO SEND WITH THAT CHOICE OF PENILE FRUIT JEWELRY?

    試圖用那個選擇的五角果首飾發送?

  • WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET FROM IT?

    我們要從中得到什麼?

  • THAT HIS MEMBER IS PERFECTLY RIPE WHEN IT DEVELOPS LIGHT

    他的成員是完美的撕裂,當它發展的光

  • BROWN SPOTS?

    褐色斑點?

  • THAT HIS PENIS IS A SURPRISING SOURCE OF POTASSIUM AND HE

    他的陰莖是一個令人驚訝的來源的鉀,而他

  • RECOMMENDS SERVING HIS PENIS SLICED UP ON RICE KRISPIES?

    建議把他的陰莖切成片放在米飯餅上?

  • THAT I CAN MAKE BREAD WITH HARRY STYLES' PENIS?

    我可以做麵包 與哈里-斯蒂爾斯的陰莖?

  • ALSO, DOES ONE HAVE TO PEEL HIS PENIS?

    另外,一個人必須要剝掉他的陰莖嗎?

  • BEFORE YOU ENJOY IT?

    在你享受它之前?

  • WE MAY NEVER KNOW.

    我們可能永遠不會知道。

  • BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY TO GET YOUR HANDS ON HARRY STYLES'

    因為沒有辦法拿到哈瑞-斯蒂爾斯的手。

  • BANANA PENIS-- NECKLACE.

    香蕉陰莖 -- 項鍊。

  • IT'S SOLD OUT.

    它的售罄。

  • THIS LEAVES A SPRAWLING GAP IN THE MARKET FOR OTHER

    這給其他產品的市場留下了一個巨大的缺口。

  • ANATOMICALLY CORRECT FOOD ACCESSORIES-- WHICH "A LATE

    異常正確的食品配件--哪些 "遲到的"?

  • SHOW" IS PROUD TO EXCLUSIVELY OFFER TONIGHT.

    節目 "很榮幸地在今晚獨家提供。

  • LIKE THIS STUNNING STERLING SILVER PEAR SCROTUM.

    就像這個迷人的銀色梨子SCROTUM。

  • OR BEDECK YOUR EARS WITH THESE GORGEOUS PINEAPPLE

    或者用這些華麗的松樹花來裝飾你的耳朵。

  • VAGINAS.

    陰道:

  • OR A BEAUTIFUL STATEMENT RING.

    或一個美麗的聲明戒指。

  • THE STATEMENT: THIS TURNIP LOOKS LIKE A BUTT.

    聲明:這個翻轉看起來像一個屁股。

  • IT PAIRS BEAUTIFULLY WITH OUR ONE-OF-A-KIND EMERALD AVOCADO

    它與我們獨一無二的祖母綠鱷梨非常相配。

  • TAINT.

    TAINT: