So, I'm... I'm gonna do it.

所以我... 我會去做。

I'm gonna go to the party for ten minutes, just ten minutes, and then I'll make my escape once I've reminded everyone that I exist.

我會去參加派對，就待個十分鐘，然後一旦大家記起我還存在之後就會逃走。

What's the worst that could happen?

難不成還會有什麼糟糕的事發生？

Oh, hey, you're the first one here!

噢，你是第一個到的耶！

This is the worst thing that could've happened.

這就是最糟的情境。

- We've got a lot to catch up on!　- Yeah...

- 我們要好好敘敘舊了！　- 是啊...

Well, I'd love to come to your nephew's tee ball game, but the thing is, I have a tee ball game that afternoon, too.

嗯，我很希望去你外甥的樂樂棒球賽，但是這樣的，我那個下午自己也有一場樂樂棒球賽。

Oh, you know what?

喔，你猜怎麼著？

That day, I'm supposed to be, uh, rescuing baby ducks from an oil spill.

我那天得... 呃... 拯救油漏事件中受困的幼鴨。

But, you know, I guess I could cancel to go to your get-together.

但我想我可以取消做這件事去參加你的聚會啦。

You know, the ducks, they can just... expire.

那些鴨子... 就放任牠們死掉吧。

Hello? No, this is me.

喂？不，是我。

No, it's n—it's not him.

不，我不是他。

No, I am, I am from Norway. Please do not call again.

不，我... 我來自挪威。請不要再打來了。

I have no reason to leave the house ever again.

我再也沒有離開家的理由了。

Everything can just get dropped right to my doorstep — groceries, shoes, Starbucks.

不管是雜貨、鞋子還是星巴克，任何東西都可以直接被送到我家門口。

Though, I will say, the Starbucks, not as hot when you get it delivered, but I'll take the hit.

不過我必須要說，星巴克送到時的溫度就沒那麼高了，不過我願意承擔這個打擊。

Who is it?

是誰？

I've got a package delivery.

我這邊有快遞包裹。

I need a signature.

我需要有人簽收。

Crap! Why is this happening?

該死的！為什麼會發生這種事？

Hello?

有人嗎？

Could I just get it delivered, like, with one of those drones instead?

我可以改成由那種無人機來送快遞嗎？

- No.　- Argh! Human interaction!

- 不行。　- 啊！又要人際互動！

Why would I need someone else to talk to when I've got several different persons within me, all vying for attention?

既然我腦中已經有這麼多不同的人格爭著要得到我的注意了，我怎麼可能還需要有其他人進行交談呢？

I've got more understanding now than I ever have before.

我擁有比以前任何時刻都更多的理解。

I just get it now.

我現在就是頓悟了。

It is all a game, and we are it.

它的一切都是一場遊戲，而我們就是它。

What if my life is just a low-budget YouTube program and my house is just a green screen stock photo?

如果我的人生不過是低預算的 YouTube 節目、房子不過是套用在綠幕上的圖庫照片怎麼辦？

How many years has it been since I've had a conversation with someone?

我距離上一次和人對話隔了幾年？

I, I don't remember.

我... 不記得了。

Time has no meaning for me.

時間對我來說沒有任何意義。

My friends stopped inviting me out, which was nice of them, I guess.

我朋友們已經不再約我出門了，我想他們這樣是很好心的。

You know, saves me the trouble of declining every time, which, as many times as I did it, was still emotionally exhausting.

這樣省得我每次都還要婉拒，因為不管拒絕多少次，就情緒上來說還是很累的。

I don't wear pants anymore.

我已經不再穿褲子了。

If I hear a phone ring, it knocks me out for a few days.

如果我聽到電話響，那會讓我不省人事好幾天。

Very stressful—I'm just not used to it anymore.

讓人壓力很大，我已經不再習慣了。

And most days, I do fake interviews where I answer questions as though someone is talking to me, even though I'm here all alone...

多數日子，我會進行假的訪談，假裝有人在跟我聊天地回答問題，雖然我是自己一個人在這兒...

Like right now.

就像現在這樣。