WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

I'M YOUR HHOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

BUT, FOLKS, THIS ISN'T JUST ANY OLD "A LATE SHOW."

但是，夥計們，這不是普通的 "晚間秀"。

TODAY, MARCH 12, MARKS THE ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE

今天，3月12日，是 "中國夢 "的一週年紀念日。

LAST SHOW WE DID IN THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER BEFORE WE

我們在艾德-蘇利文劇院的最後一場演出，然後我們就去了。

STARTED BROADCASTING OUT OF A DISCARDED ALTOID TIN.

從一個廢棄的鋁箔罐裡開始廣播。

AT LEAST IT WOULD MARK THE ANNIVERSARY IF I STILL FOLLOWED

如果我還能跟上的話，至少也是週年紀念了。

THE CALENDAR OF THE BEFORE TIMES.

紀元前的日曆。

WE ALL NOW LIVE IN THE PERPETUAL MONTH OF "SWEATS-TEMBER."

我們現在都生活在 "汗水 -TEMBER "的惡性月份。

TONIGHT, WE'LL TAKE A LOOK AT THIS YEAR THAT WE, TOGETHER,

今晚，我們將採取在這一年，我們，一起。

SPENT APART.

支出：

BECAUSE THIS IS "A LATE SHOW'S QUARANNIVERSARY SPECIAL:

因為這是 "晚間秀的四週年特別節目"。

THE YEAR THAT TOOK 100 YEARS BUT WAS ALSO SOMEHOW ONE LONG DAY."

"花了100年的時間，卻也是漫長的一天。"

>> Stephen: SO MUCH HAS CHANGED IN THE PAST YEAR.

>> Stephen: 過去一年發生了很多變化。

THINK ABOUT HOW WE COMMUNICATE NOW!

思考一下我們現在如何溝通!

LAST FEBRUARY, IF SOMEONE SAID "ZOOM ME," YOU WOULD HAVE SAID,

去年2月，如果有人說 "ZOOM我"，你一定會說：

"WHAT?

"什麼？

YOU HAVE TO TALK LOUDER.

你必須大聲說話。

I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE WE'RE IN A VERY CROWDED BAR!

我聽不到你的聲音，因為我們在一個非常擁擠的酒吧！

HAY, CAN I HAVE A SIP OUT OF YOUR BEER USING MY BARE FACE?"

"嘿，我可以用我的白臉喝一口你的啤酒嗎？"

THIS TIME LAST YEAR, WE SUDDENLY ALL FOUND OURSELVES IN LOCKDOWN,

去年這個時候，我們突然發現自己被鎖住了。

WHICH ALLOWED US TO SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH OUR FAMILIES--

這讓我們能夠與我們的家人共度美好時光 --

ALSO, QUANTITY TIME.

還有，數量時間。

BECAUSE SHORTLY AFTER THIS TIME LAST YEAR, SCHOOLS CLOSED ACROSS

因為去年這個時候後不久，各地的學校就關閉了。

THE COUNTRY.

國家：

IT STARTED AS KIND OF A "SNOW DAY," THEN BECAME A "SNOW

一開始是 "雪天"，後來變成了 "雪地"。

MONTH," AND FINALLY A "SNO WAY I'M GOING TO MAKE IT UNLESS

一個月"，最後 "我不可能做到，除非

MY KIDS GO BACK TO SCHOOL."

我的孩子們回學校去了。"

AS WE LEARNED MORE ABOUT THE DISEASE, IT GOT A LITTLE

隨著我們對這種疾病的瞭解越來越多，它也變得越來越多。

SCARIER.

更可怕的。

FOR EXAMPLE, WE FOUND OUT "YOU CAN BE INFECTED WITH THE VIRUS,

例如，我們發現 "你可以感染病毒。

HAVE NO SYMPTOMS, AND STILL BE CONTAGIOUS."

沒有任何症狀，還能讓人覺得不舒服。"

THAT'S RIGHT: JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEE IT, DOESN'T MEAN COVID

這是正確的。只是因為你沒有看到它，並不意味著COVID。

ISN'T THERE.

不在那裡。

IT'S LIKE TERMITE DAMAGE, OR THE LAST FIVE NICOLAS CAGE MOVIES.

這就像TERMITE DAMAGE，或最後五部NICOLAS CAGE電影。

SO IN APRIL, THE C.D.C. BEGAN RECOMMENDING THAT "PEOPLE WEAR

所以在4月，中紀委開始建議 "人們穿上"。

CLOTH OR FABRIC FACE COVERINGS WHEN ENTERING PUBLIC SPACES,"

進入公共場所時的布面或織物面罩，"

WHICH REPLACED THE WHITE HOUSE'S RECOMMENDATIONS FOR FENDING OFF

其中取代了白宮關於抵禦氣候變化的建議。

COVID: MASSIVE DOSES OF PRESCRIPTION-STRENGTH BEAN.

COVID：大劑量的PRESCRIPTION-STRENGTH BEAN。

BECAUSE IT'S AMERICA, IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE MASK WEARING

因為這裡是美國，戴面具的時間並不長。

DEVOLVED INTO A POLITICAL ISSUE.

演變成了一個政治問題。

APPARENTLY, SPREADING AEROSOLIZED VIRUS IS A CHERISHED

顯然，傳播空氣溶化病毒是一個令人欣喜的。

FREEDOM.

自由。

WHO CAN FORGET PATRICK HENRY'S FAMOUS CRY, "GIVE ME LIBERTY OR

誰能忘記帕特里克-亨利的那句著名的吶喊："給我自由，否則我就不幹了"？

GIVE ME DEATH!

給我死！

OR SLIP ME SOME TONGUE AND GIVE ME BOTH!"

或者給我來點湯藥，然後給我兩樣！"

AND THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE YEAR, WE COULD ALWAYS LOOK TO ONE

在這一年裡，我們可以一直看著一個人。

MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL AS A BEACON OF SCIENCE AND SANITY: OUR GUEST

醫務人員是科學和理性的使者：我們的嘉賓。

TONIGHT, EPIDEMIOLOGIST AND MAN EXPLAINING HOW BACK RUBS CAN

今晚，傳染病學家和男子將解釋脊柱後凸的原因。

BOOST THE IMMUNE SYSTEM, DR. ANTHONY FAUCI.

激發免疫系統，博士。ANTHONY FAUCI.

FAUCI WAS SO POPULAR THAT, BACK IN APRIL, HE BECAME A WRITE-IN

FAUCI是如此受歡迎，以至於4月時，他成為了一個寫進的人。

NOMINEE FOR PEOPLE'S "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE."

被提名為《人民》雜誌 "最性感的男人"

THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT A MAN BEGGING YOU TO STAY SIX FEET

一個男人求你停留在六英尺以外的地方，是有道理的。

AWAY THAT JUST MAKES YOU WANT HIM MORE.

遠遠的，只是讓你更想他。

SHOCKINGLY, THE WINNER TURNED OUT TO BE MICHAEL B. JORDAN,

令人震驚的是，獲勝者竟然是邁克爾-B-喬丹。

WHO, WHILE NOT AN EPIDEMIOLOGIST, HAS BEEN

誰，雖然不是流行病學家，但卻一直在做

PUBLISHED IN THE "NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF MAMA LIKE!"

刊載於 "新英格蘭媽媽喜歡的期刊！"

I'M EXCITED TO TALK TO DR. FAUCI.

我很高興能和FAUCI博士談談。FAUCI。

WE TRIED TO GET HIM ON THE SHOW ALL LAST YEAR, BUT HE WASN'T

我們去年一直想讓他上節目，但他不上。

AVAILABLE.

可用。

THEN AROUND JANUARY 20 HIS SCHEDULE STARTED FREEING UP FOR

大約在1月20日，他的日程表開始自由起來，為的是

SOME REASON.

一些原因。

BUT BEFORE WE GET TO THE GOOD DOCTOR, I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU

但在我們談及這位好醫生之前，我想告訴你

A LITTLE ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE DURING THIS QUARANTINE.

談談我在這段時間的經歷。

YOU SEE, FOR ME, AND PERHAPS FOR SOME OF YOU, THE PAST 12 MONTHS

你看，對我來說，也許對你們中的一些人來說，過去12個月裡

HAVE BEEN BOTH TERRIBLE AND WONDERFUL.

一直都是可怕的和奇妙的。

IT WAS, AS DICKENS WROTE, THE BEST OF TIMES AND THE WORST OF

正如狄更斯所寫，這是最好的時代，也是最壞的時代。

TIMES.

時代。

INCIDENTALLY, I'VE BEEN IN QUARANTINE FOR A YEAR, AND

碰巧的是，我已經在昆明呆了一年了，而且...

THAT'S AS MUCH OF THE BOOK THAT I'VE READ.

這是我讀過的最多的書。

A LITTLE TROUBLE FOCUSING.

有點麻煩的焦點。

YOU SEE, IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES BECAUSE WE SAW THE TOLL

你看，這是最糟糕的時代，因為我們看到了收費標準。

THAT THIS PANDEMIC HAD ALL ACROSS AMERICA, WITH PEOPLE

這場大恐慌在全美範圍內發生，與人們一起。

LOSING THEIR LOVED ONES AND THEIR JOBS, AND HAVING TO ADAPT

失去親人和工作，不得不適應。

TO A STARK NEW REALITY.

到了斯塔克新的現實。

AND, OF COURSE, THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION REALLY SHANKED

當然，上屆政府還真把我給打了。

THEIR RESPONSE.

他們的答覆：

IT'S IRONIC THAT THEY DISCOURAGED MASKS, BECAUSE THEY

諷刺的是，他們不鼓勵戴面具，因為他們... ...

SHOULD BE ASHAMED TO SHOW THEIR FACES IN PUBLIC.

應該羞於在公共場合展示自己的臉。

BUT THE PAST YEAR WAS ALSO THE BEST OF TIMES, BECAUSE WHERE OUR

但過去的一年也是最美好的時光，因為我們在哪裡？

LEADERS FAILED, WE SAW AMERICANS STEPPING UP, HELPING EACH OTHER

領導人失敗了，我們看到美國人站出來，互相幫助。

OUT, WORKING TO GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.

出，工作得到通過這在一起。

AND EVEN THOUGH THIS VIRUS GROUND A LOT OF THINGS TO A

即使這種病毒地基的很多東西，以一個

SCREECHING HALT, IT WAS INSPIRING TO SEE AMERICANS FIGHT

尖叫聲中，看到美國人的戰鬥是令人鼓舞的。

TO MAKE SURE WE STILL MADE PROGRESS, WHETHER IT BE TAKING

確保我們仍然取得了進展，無論它是採取了

TO THE STREETS TO DEMAND AN END TO SYSTEMIC RACISM OR TAKING TO

要求結束系統性的種族主義，或訴諸街頭。

THE VOTING BOOTH TO BRING NEW LEADERS.

投票站將產生新的領導人。

AND LIKE A LOT OF YOU, I HAD BIG PLANS WHEN THE QUARANTINE

和你們很多人一樣，我也有很大的計劃，當崑崙山的時候。

STARTED.

開始：

I TOLD MYSELF I WAS GOING TO GET IN SHAPE.

我告訴自己，我要去得到的形狀。

AND ONE YEAR LATER, I AM IN A SHAPE.

一年後，我的狀態。

SO MISSION ATTEMPTED.

所以任務完成了。

BUT THERE WERE POSITIVE THINGS, TOO, LIKE A FEW MONTHS INTO THE

但也有一些積極的事情，也有，比如幾個月的時間。

QUARANTINE WHEN I FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO MAKE

QUARANTINE當我終於弄清楚如何製作

SOURDOUGH BREAD.

SOURDOUGH BREAD.

I HAD BEEN TRYING FOR MONTHS, BUT I COULDN'T MAKE IT WORK.

我已經試了幾個月了，但我不能讓它工作。

AND THEN, AND THIS IS TRUE, A STRANGER SENT ME A 150-YEAR-OLD

然後，這是真的，一個陌生人給我發了一個150歲的。

SOURDOUGH STARTER.

SOURDOUGH STARTER。

IT ARRIVED IN THE MAIL, FROM SOMEBODY I DID NOT KNOW, AND

它是我不認識的人寄來的。

LOOKED LIKE PAINT CHIPS, BUT I SAID, SURE, I'LL PLAY "FOOD FROM

看起來像油漆片，但我說，肯定，我會玩 "食物從"。

A STRANGER ROULETTE!" AND IT TURNED OUT GREAT!

一個更奇怪的麵包！"它的結果是偉大的！

IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES BECAUSE, BEFORE THIS ALL

這是最糟糕的時代，因為，在這一切之前。

STARTED, I USED TO HAVE AN AUDIENCE.

開始，我曾經有一個聽眾。

WOW!

哇！

THAT MAKES ME SO NOSTALGIC-- AND CREEPED OUT.

這讓我很噁心... ... 和嚇壞了。

WHY WAS I TOUCHING STRANGERS' HANDS?

我為什麼要碰陌生人的手？

AND WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME?

你為什麼不阻止我？

WAS I A VECTOR?

我是VECTOR嗎？

BACK IN THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER WITH THE BAND AND THE AUDIENCE,

回到ED SULLIVAN劇院，與樂隊和觀眾見面。

WE CALLED WHAT WE DID "THE LATE SHOW."

我們稱我們所做的事為 "晚間秀"。

BUT YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT FOR THE PAST YEAR, WE'VE BEEN

但你可能已經注意到，在過去的一年裡，我們已經

CALLING IT "A LATE SHOW," BECAUSE IT'S NOT EXACTLY THE

稱它為 "晚間秀"，因為它不完全是一個。

SHOW WE USED TO DO.

我們曾經做過的節目。

IT'S A VERSION OF IT.

這是一個版本的它。

AND, I PROMISE, WE'LL GET BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW" JUST AS

而且，我保證，我們會回到 "晚間秀"，因為

SOON WE WE CAN DO IT IN A WAY THAT'S THE SAFE WAY FOR MY

很快我們就可以用一種對我來說是安全的方式來做。

STAFF, CREW, AND AUDIENCE.

工作人員、工作人員和聽眾。

BUT IT'S ALSO THE BEST OF TIMES BECAUSE, OCCASIONALLY, I DO HAVE

但這也是最好的時間，因為，偶爾，我確實有。

AN AUDIENCE OF ONE: MY WIFE, EVIE.

一個聽眾，我的妻子，EVIE：

WHEN I WAS FIRST STARTING OUT IN COMEDY, I REMEMBER THINKING, "IF

當我剛開始演喜劇的時候，我記得我在想："如果......如果......如果......"。

I CAN MAKE STRANGERS LAUGH THE WAY I MAKE EVIE LAUGH, I'LL BE

我可以讓陌生人笑 就像我讓EVIE笑一樣，我會是

DOING OKAY."

做的還可以。"

AND NOW I LITERALLY CAN'T MAKE STRANGERS LAUGH, BUT I DO GET

現在，我真的不能讓陌生人笑，但我得到了。

TO HEAR EV FROM TIME TO TIME.

聽聽EV從時間到時間。

AND I ALSO FOUND OUT THAT I REALLY LOVE INTERVIEWING PEOPLE

我還發現，我真的很喜歡採訪的人

VIA ZOOM.

VIA ZOOM。

WE'VE HAD SOME AMAZING GUESTS, AND I'VE HAD SOME REALLY

我們接待過一些很棒的客人，我也接待過一些很好的客人。

FASCINATING CONVERSATIONS WITH THEM IN THIS NEW ZOOM FORMAT.

在這種新的ZOOM格式中，與他們進行快速的對話。

I THINK THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HAVING NO AUDIENCE, IT

我覺得沒有聽眾是有原因的，它

BEING JUST ME AND THE GUEST, LOOKING IN EACH OTHERS EYES,

只有我和客人，看著對方的眼睛。

THAT'S JUST MORE INTIMATE SOMEHOW.

這只是更親密的一些。

ALTHOUGH, I PROMISE, AUDIENCE, WHEN I WAS INTERVIEWING

雖然，我保證，觀眾，當我採訪

CLOONEY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU THE WHOLE TIME.

克勞尼，我一直都在想你。

IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES BECAUSE WE HAD TO FIND A NEW WAY

這是最糟糕的時代，因為我們必須找到一個新的方法。

TO MAKE THIS SHOW, ON THE FLY, AS WE WERE DOING IT.

製作這個節目，在飛行中，因為我們正在做它。

IT'S LIKE REBUILDING A TRANSMISSION WHILE YOU'RE DOING

這就像在你做的時候重建一個變速箱。

60 DOWN A FREEWAY.

60號公路上

AND IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES BECAUSE MY STAFF AND CREW DID

這是最好的時代，因為我的員工和工作人員做了。

IT.

IT：

THEY MADE IT ALL HAPPEN.

他們讓這一切發生。

AND, INCIDENTALLY, THAT INCLUDES EVIE AND OUR THREE KIDS, WHO

而且，碰巧的是，這包括EVIE和我們的三個孩子。

WERE ALL ROPED IN TO BE CAMERA PEOPLE, ELECTRICIANS, AND

他們都被綁起來做攝影師，電工，還有。

PRODUCERS WHEN WE TAPED THE SHOW FROM HOME.

生產者當我們在家裡錄節目的時候。

AND I LOVED THOSE MOMENTS WITH MY FAMILY.

我喜歡和家人在一起的那些時刻。

IT WAS A CHANCE TO SAY TO THEM, "LET'S PUT DOWN ALL OF THE

這是對他們說 "讓我們把所有的東西都放下 "的機會。

SCREENS AND DEVICES AND SPEND A LITTLE TIME TOGETHER MAKING SURE

屏風和設備，花一點時間在一起，以確保

DAD'S SHOW IS ON OTHER PEOPLE'S SCREENS AND DEVICES, BECAUSE DAD

爸爸的節目是在別人的螢幕和設備上，因為爸爸。

DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO WORK ANY OF THESE SCREENS AND DEVICES."

不知道如何工作這些螢幕和設備。"

WE DID "A LATE SHOW" FROM SO MANY DIFFERENT PLACES: A TUB, A

我們做了 "晚間秀 "從這麼多不同的地方。一個浴缸，一個...

FIRE PIT, A PORCH, A SPARE BEDROOM IN SOUTH CAROLINA FOR

火坑，一個門廊，在南卡羅來納州的一間空閒的臥室。

FIVE MONTHS, AND NOW HERE WE ARE IN WHAT USED TO BE A

五個月了，現在我們在這裡曾經是一個。

SUPPLY CLOSET IN THE ED SULLIVAN OFFICE BUILDING.

在ED SULLIVAN辦公大樓的儲藏室。

IT'S BEEN A TOUR TO REMEMBER, SO WE'VE DECIDED TO REMEMBER IT

這是一次值得紀念的旅行，所以我們決定紀念它。

WITH THIS ACTUAL "LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT" CONCERT

與這個實際的 "晚間秀與STEPHEN COLBERT "音樂會。

T-SHIRT.

T-SHIRT。

IT'S GOT A ROCKIN' LOGO ON THE FRONT, AND ALL OF THE TOUR DATES

前面有一個搖滾的LOGO，還有所有的巡演日期。

ON THE BACK.

在背面。

EVEN THAT ONE SHOW WE DID DOWN IN DELAWARE FEATURING SPECIAL

甚至是我們在德拉瓦州做的那場演出，也有特別之處

GUESTS JOE AND DR. JILL BIDEN.

客人喬和博士。JILL BIDEN.

I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE TWO CRAZY KIDS?

我想知道那兩個瘋狂的孩子發生了什麼？

WE ALSO HAVE A MASK WITH THE SAME LOGO AND A MUG, AND A MUG

我們也有一個相同的LOGO的面具和一個杯子，和一個杯子。

RIGHT THERE.

就在那裡。

AND WHAT QUARANTINE MERCH WOULD BE COMPLETE WITHOUT SWEATPANTS

如果沒有運動褲，什麼商品會是完整的呢？

WHICH SAY "NO SWEAT, ALL PANTS."

其中說："沒有汗水，所有的褲子。"

AND ALL OF THIS IS AVAILABLE colbertlateshow.com/covidtour,

所有這些都是可用的colbertlateshow.com/covidtour。

OR YOU CAN JUST SCAN THIS Q.R.

或者你也可以直接掃描這個Q.R.。

CODE WITH YOUR PHONE.

用你的手機編碼。

AND WHILE WE AT "THE LATE SHOW" HAVE BEEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE

當我們在 "晚間秀 "上有幸成為

ABLE TO KEEP OUR BUSINESS GOING DURING THIS PANDEMIC, A LOT OF

能夠讓我們的業務在這段時期內持續下去，很多人都是這樣做的。

SMALL BUSINESSES HAVE NOT BEEN SO LUCKY.

小企業就沒有這麼幸運了。

SO, WE ARE DONATING 100% OF "A LATE SHOW'S" PROCEEDS TO ACCION

所以，我們將把 "晚間秀 "的收入100%捐給ACCION。

OPPORTUNITY FUND'S SMALL BUSINESS RELIEF FUND.

機會基金的小企業救濟基金。

A CHARITY SO NICE THEY FUNDED IT TWICE.

一個慈善機構這麼好，他們資助了兩次。

IT SUPPORTS SMALL BUSINESSES IMPACTED BY THE COVID-19 CRISIS.

它支持受COVID-19危機影響的小企業。

SO HEAD TO colbertlateshow.com/covidtour,

所以，請前往colbertlateshow.com/covidtour。

OR SCAN THE Q.R. CODE RIGHT HERE, AND PICK UP YOUR OWN "LATE

或掃描這裡的Q.R.代碼，領取屬於自己的 "遲到"。

SHOW" SWAG. IT'S STYLISH AND COMFORTABLE,

展示 "SWAG。它的時尚和舒適。

COMFORTABLE, AND PERFECT FOR RELAXING ON THE COUCH AFTER A

舒適，非常適合在教練席上放鬆。

HARD DAY OF WORKING ON THE COUCH.

艱難的一天在教練席上工作。

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SUPERSTAR SEXY SCIENCE MAN,

我們馬上回來，超級明星科學先生。

DR. ANTHONY FAUCI.

Dr. ANTHONY FAUCI.ANTHONY FAUCI博士：

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♪ ♪ ♪